Not a Catchy Title ...
- Thread starter Artemus
- Start date
ntg2978
Active Member
Hey Artemus,
I've been on this forum before; I think it's a common theme here. You know that P is not just P, it's an addiction, just like any other addiction. Unfortunately, we'll be fighting this shit for the rest of our lives probably - that's the bad news.
The good news is that it makes us stronger; gives us resolve we would not have otherwise. I think of Emerson's law of compensation when I think of people going through rough times....it's true we have more heartache and pain to deal with than those who are not addicted...yet we also have a view of life they can never have either....we appreciate the simpler things in life.
Others may never know just how amazing it is to find true love and experience that as opposed to the fake shit. Others may never truly know themselves inside as those of us who have examined ourselves and tried our best to root-out those things that are unhealthy.
There is a depth of character in us that is not present in the general population.
I love the story of Soichiro Honda, whom I learned of by listening to stuff by Tony Robbins; Mr Honda was the epitome of failing and getting back up each and every time. He was ridiculed, had to go back to school after failing in a business venture, had his factory bombed during the war, was told his invention was basically worthless after trying a different path, and finally found success.
https://gettinginspire.blogspot.com/2019/10/soichiro-honda-biography-success-story.html
Another thing I think of is Napoleon Hill's quote that within every adversity is the seed of an equivalent success...meaning that there is some distinction we can gain every time we "fail" that we would not have had before.
Have you tried using positive affirmations of ways you want to improve your life so that you take your focus off of P altogether?
Hang in there brother, it's usually when we want to give up that we finally start succeeding and making some real powerful changes. (Look up Napoleon Hill's other self).
I've been on this forum before; I think it's a common theme here. You know that P is not just P, it's an addiction, just like any other addiction. Unfortunately, we'll be fighting this shit for the rest of our lives probably - that's the bad news.
The good news is that it makes us stronger; gives us resolve we would not have otherwise. I think of Emerson's law of compensation when I think of people going through rough times....it's true we have more heartache and pain to deal with than those who are not addicted...yet we also have a view of life they can never have either....we appreciate the simpler things in life.
Others may never know just how amazing it is to find true love and experience that as opposed to the fake shit. Others may never truly know themselves inside as those of us who have examined ourselves and tried our best to root-out those things that are unhealthy.
There is a depth of character in us that is not present in the general population.
I love the story of Soichiro Honda, whom I learned of by listening to stuff by Tony Robbins; Mr Honda was the epitome of failing and getting back up each and every time. He was ridiculed, had to go back to school after failing in a business venture, had his factory bombed during the war, was told his invention was basically worthless after trying a different path, and finally found success.
https://gettinginspire.blogspot.com/2019/10/soichiro-honda-biography-success-story.html
Another thing I think of is Napoleon Hill's quote that within every adversity is the seed of an equivalent success...meaning that there is some distinction we can gain every time we "fail" that we would not have had before.
Have you tried using positive affirmations of ways you want to improve your life so that you take your focus off of P altogether?
Hang in there brother, it's usually when we want to give up that we finally start succeeding and making some real powerful changes. (Look up Napoleon Hill's other self).
mousemat1
Well-Known Member
Hey Artemus.
You say that you went 120 days without porn. That's a Herculean effort in itself. The longest run I've had was 275 days without porn. But you know what's coming next, I slipped up once and started using again. The problem is that when we've racked up 120 days, we kind of forget the fire we had in our bellies during the first 20 days. When the cravings start for me I just scream 'NO' to myself inside my head. There's a voice inside my head constantly telling me 'go on, just 5 minutes won't hurt', but 5 minutes turns into an hour, which becomes an hour every day, which becomes wasting my life watching porn. I have to be honest, I don't know if I can do this, but when I see what was possible for 275 days it give me hope. At 120 days you just needed to go another 24 hours. That's not an impossible task is it. If I told you to go 24 hours without porn. It's difficult, but it's not impossible. At 121 days you just had to tell yourself to go another 24 hours, and so on.
I did something pretty drastic during my last reboot. There are a couple of problems I found with this 'solution', so think really carefully before attempting something like this. I bought a chastity device. At first it was uncomfortable, but after a couple of days it was barely noticeable. When I came home from work I locked myself up, went outside and put the key to the device in my car and went back to my apartment. This did two things. Firstly, it's there. You can't forget about it. It was a constant reminder that I mustn't watch porn. Secondly, masturbation was impossible. Even with the chastity device on, I sometimes found myself with porn on my computer screen. It doesn't stop you from watching porn, it doesn't eliminate the cravings, but in order to masturbate I had to pull my pants up from round my ankles, get my car keys, go outside (hopefully it was cold or raining), get the key to the chastity device, go back in, pull my pants down by my ankles, etc. All this gave me valuable thinking time; time to cool off. Anyway, this took care of masturbation, which is a big trigger for me. Obviously, I removed the device when I went to work or when I was out socialising. I only used it when I was home alone, with too much free time.
The problem I discovered with this was that I could feel I had something around my penis, which was 'erotic'. This is a big problem when you're trying to keep porn out of your thoughts. Sleeping in it wasn't so uncomfortable, but waking up with an erection was incredibly painful, but that kind of helped me to focus. It's not a long term solution and in fact when I decided I'd had enough control over my urge to masturbate I just put it in a draw and never wore it again. It's just too easy to reach down and start stroking myself when I get hard to some kind of erotic thought or image. Hence a relapse and why I'm back here again. I still have the device, but I haven't used it during this reboot yet. Hopefully, I won't have to. But of course, it doesn't deal with porn and the internet, it just means you don't get your 'prize' at the end of it. In hindsight, I'm not sure if this was a great idea by me, but it's a short term solution.
Have you tried hypnosis?
I'm coming up to the 30 days of this reboot. This one seems a little easier than the others. I think it's because I had several long runs of no porn, and even when I relapsed I wasn't watching porn every day, and more importantly for me, I told myself not to edge. Just watch some porn, get the job done, and get on with the rest of my day. Not great, but a big improvement on my past porn consumption habits, which involved hours and hours of edging. I think if we can get three or four long porn free runs, it weakens porn's grip on us. I feel that this is doable this time. I'm at home on the internet for hours on end due to the the Covid situation and it's been pretty easy to fight the porn urges so far.
It's shit! I know how shit it is when we keep going back to porn; sat at a computer with our pants round our ankles, penis in one hand. It's pathetic! People do quit though and so can we.
Take it one day at a time. Counting can be good, but it can also be a little depressing. Just wake up and ask yourself "what am I not going to do today?" If you get urges, stop them early and go and do something else. Go outside!
I really get a sense of pain in your post and it made me a little emotional. It breaks my heart to see someone suffering like this. it really does. I know how low we can get with this. So, I'm asking you, not for yourself, but for me, to beat this addiction. If I know you can do it then I know I can too.
You say that you went 120 days without porn. That's a Herculean effort in itself. The longest run I've had was 275 days without porn. But you know what's coming next, I slipped up once and started using again. The problem is that when we've racked up 120 days, we kind of forget the fire we had in our bellies during the first 20 days. When the cravings start for me I just scream 'NO' to myself inside my head. There's a voice inside my head constantly telling me 'go on, just 5 minutes won't hurt', but 5 minutes turns into an hour, which becomes an hour every day, which becomes wasting my life watching porn. I have to be honest, I don't know if I can do this, but when I see what was possible for 275 days it give me hope. At 120 days you just needed to go another 24 hours. That's not an impossible task is it. If I told you to go 24 hours without porn. It's difficult, but it's not impossible. At 121 days you just had to tell yourself to go another 24 hours, and so on.
I did something pretty drastic during my last reboot. There are a couple of problems I found with this 'solution', so think really carefully before attempting something like this. I bought a chastity device. At first it was uncomfortable, but after a couple of days it was barely noticeable. When I came home from work I locked myself up, went outside and put the key to the device in my car and went back to my apartment. This did two things. Firstly, it's there. You can't forget about it. It was a constant reminder that I mustn't watch porn. Secondly, masturbation was impossible. Even with the chastity device on, I sometimes found myself with porn on my computer screen. It doesn't stop you from watching porn, it doesn't eliminate the cravings, but in order to masturbate I had to pull my pants up from round my ankles, get my car keys, go outside (hopefully it was cold or raining), get the key to the chastity device, go back in, pull my pants down by my ankles, etc. All this gave me valuable thinking time; time to cool off. Anyway, this took care of masturbation, which is a big trigger for me. Obviously, I removed the device when I went to work or when I was out socialising. I only used it when I was home alone, with too much free time.
The problem I discovered with this was that I could feel I had something around my penis, which was 'erotic'. This is a big problem when you're trying to keep porn out of your thoughts. Sleeping in it wasn't so uncomfortable, but waking up with an erection was incredibly painful, but that kind of helped me to focus. It's not a long term solution and in fact when I decided I'd had enough control over my urge to masturbate I just put it in a draw and never wore it again. It's just too easy to reach down and start stroking myself when I get hard to some kind of erotic thought or image. Hence a relapse and why I'm back here again. I still have the device, but I haven't used it during this reboot yet. Hopefully, I won't have to. But of course, it doesn't deal with porn and the internet, it just means you don't get your 'prize' at the end of it. In hindsight, I'm not sure if this was a great idea by me, but it's a short term solution.
Have you tried hypnosis?
I'm coming up to the 30 days of this reboot. This one seems a little easier than the others. I think it's because I had several long runs of no porn, and even when I relapsed I wasn't watching porn every day, and more importantly for me, I told myself not to edge. Just watch some porn, get the job done, and get on with the rest of my day. Not great, but a big improvement on my past porn consumption habits, which involved hours and hours of edging. I think if we can get three or four long porn free runs, it weakens porn's grip on us. I feel that this is doable this time. I'm at home on the internet for hours on end due to the the Covid situation and it's been pretty easy to fight the porn urges so far.
It's shit! I know how shit it is when we keep going back to porn; sat at a computer with our pants round our ankles, penis in one hand. It's pathetic! People do quit though and so can we.
Take it one day at a time. Counting can be good, but it can also be a little depressing. Just wake up and ask yourself "what am I not going to do today?" If you get urges, stop them early and go and do something else. Go outside!
I really get a sense of pain in your post and it made me a little emotional. It breaks my heart to see someone suffering like this. it really does. I know how low we can get with this. So, I'm asking you, not for yourself, but for me, to beat this addiction. If I know you can do it then I know I can too.
LetItGoAlready
Active Member
Hi Artemus,
I can relate on so many levels to what you're feeling. The hopelessness, the exhaustion...Sometime it feels like we are at battle with an unseen enemy more cunning than COVID. But the good news is, the battle can be won, and everyone here is rooting for your victory.
It's quite alright if you don't want to call this an addiction. It doesn't have to define you. Just keep doing the things you're doing to fill your house with good habits. That seems like a good way to go.
Best of luck to you, friend.
I can relate on so many levels to what you're feeling. The hopelessness, the exhaustion...Sometime it feels like we are at battle with an unseen enemy more cunning than COVID. But the good news is, the battle can be won, and everyone here is rooting for your victory.
It's quite alright if you don't want to call this an addiction. It doesn't have to define you. Just keep doing the things you're doing to fill your house with good habits. That seems like a good way to go.
Best of luck to you, friend.
LetItGoAlready
Active Member
Hi Artemus,
Well done on dispatching those thoughts and turning your attention elsewhere. I'm not sure if you are a regular user of the Headspace app https://www.headspace.com/, but if not, I'd encourage you to give it a try. There's a series of meditations that the guide (whose name is Andy) refers to as the "craving pack." The actual name of the series is "Coping with Cravings." It includes a whole month's worth of meditations on the thoughts and feelings that tempt us. The idea of the meditations is not to chase or resist the thoughts and feelings but to sit with them and observe them with curiosity and detachment.
I know that sitting with one's thoughts and feelings doesn't sound very proactive, but I have personally found the meditations to be very useful in preparing myself for cravings, because they will come back. And sometimes the very act of resisting them makes them even harder to resist - if that makes any sense.
Anyway, I'm glad to see that you're taking the time to prepare yourself for the inevitable. That seems like a wise approach.
Keep planning, preparing for, and most importantly, living the life you want to live!
Well done on dispatching those thoughts and turning your attention elsewhere. I'm not sure if you are a regular user of the Headspace app https://www.headspace.com/, but if not, I'd encourage you to give it a try. There's a series of meditations that the guide (whose name is Andy) refers to as the "craving pack." The actual name of the series is "Coping with Cravings." It includes a whole month's worth of meditations on the thoughts and feelings that tempt us. The idea of the meditations is not to chase or resist the thoughts and feelings but to sit with them and observe them with curiosity and detachment.
I know that sitting with one's thoughts and feelings doesn't sound very proactive, but I have personally found the meditations to be very useful in preparing myself for cravings, because they will come back. And sometimes the very act of resisting them makes them even harder to resist - if that makes any sense.
Anyway, I'm glad to see that you're taking the time to prepare yourself for the inevitable. That seems like a wise approach.
Keep planning, preparing for, and most importantly, living the life you want to live!
J
J01
Guest
That's the spirit-keep going, you are further ahead than last week! You are running the race with perseverance-best wishes and good job with the desire to improve your life!
LetItGoAlready
Active Member
Hi Artemus - Good to have you back, friend. I took a bit of an unscheduled holiday myself, so I also have some ground to make up on this forum.
This sounds like a pretty big sacrifice for you to make given how much you seem to love music, so I give you props for even trying it. Best wishes to you on continuing this streak and on having more good days ahead with your wife.
This sounds like a pretty big sacrifice for you to make given how much you seem to love music, so I give you props for even trying it. Best wishes to you on continuing this streak and on having more good days ahead with your wife.
MosesY
Active Member
I went through this struggle for years, many long years, 25 years. The New Testament talks about being born again, having the Holy Spirit come into your heart. When the Holy Spirit first came into the congregation there were flames of fire on the Christian's head. I was finally divorced, porn had cracked the foundation of my marriage and the house just fell around it. I was totally free for the first time in my life to do whatever I wanted. I went crazy. I went through phases of interacting with women online and ended up with cam girls. I spent thousands of dollars. It wasn't long before I was wasted, totally empty, no meaning in life. I was suicidal. I was watching some cam girls one night, spending money, and I just cried out to God to come into my heart. I was totally desperate at that point, had given all of my life to God to do with as He wished. It was a few days after that when I found Reboot Nation and somebody recommended the book "Your Brain on Porn." THat changed my life. I really believe God changed my heart, and He can do that.
I say all of this to say that I followed your journal and the one thing is you never give up. Just don't ever give up.
I say all of this to say that I followed your journal and the one thing is you never give up. Just don't ever give up.
LetItGoAlready
Active Member
I suspect loneliness is an issue for a lot of guys here. I don't get much alone time these days, but when I do, it helps to reach out to others just like you're doing. Getting out of your routine helps, too. It never hurts to step away from the computer and busy yourself with an activity that isn't fraught with potential triggers, like going for a walk, doing a chore, etc. It will at least take your mind off the urge to self-medicate momentarily, and sometimes the feeling will simply pass.
Stay strong, friend. And keep coming here to stay accountable. That helps, too!
LetItGoAlready
Active Member
Artemus - 10 days - nice! Great to hear you've been so busy that you forgot you even had a streak going. Purging your environment of suggestive entertainment and staying busy are two things that seem to be working well for you. Here's hoping you continue to stay in the sweet spot of busy and not triggered to keep this impressive run going!
J
J01
Guest
Nice and powerful post. Popular culture is big on omissions, especially as it pertains to the law of cause and effect, reaping and sowing, if you will. The law of cause and effect is huge in the porn industry, to both the user and the producers, as you so correctly noted.
Stay at it and stay around!
Stay at it and stay around!
LetItGoAlready
Active Member
Artemus - I am just as guilty as anyone else here of compartmentalizing the pleasure that I have derived from P and separating it from the pain and suffering inflicted by the industry. But to see that called out in your journal and called out so well was another wake up call and reminder to me about the many free passes I've granted myself to allow the behavior to continue.
It's not that I haven't thought about it before. I have. In fact, I even watched a documentary once on new recruits to the P industry and how they fared in their "careers" (none of them fared well at all). Many of young actresses who were interviewed started in softcore P but quickly graduated to abuse P. It disgusted me to watch their lives unravel onscreen as they endured darker and more depraved forms of abuse and exploitation, all orchestrated by an industry that thrives on abusing and exploiting women. By the end of it, I felt ashamed for the pain I had caused to others merely by being complicit in the industry?s crimes.
Thank you for opening my eyes again, friend. Wishing every success in losing your taste for the treats forever!
It's not that I haven't thought about it before. I have. In fact, I even watched a documentary once on new recruits to the P industry and how they fared in their "careers" (none of them fared well at all). Many of young actresses who were interviewed started in softcore P but quickly graduated to abuse P. It disgusted me to watch their lives unravel onscreen as they endured darker and more depraved forms of abuse and exploitation, all orchestrated by an industry that thrives on abusing and exploiting women. By the end of it, I felt ashamed for the pain I had caused to others merely by being complicit in the industry?s crimes.
Thank you for opening my eyes again, friend. Wishing every success in losing your taste for the treats forever!
LetItGoAlready
Active Member
Great to hear, Artemus. I sense you have a new determination to leave these old habits behind. If that's what it takes to get you out of the endless cycle of desperation and shame and on your way to a better life, then more power to you, friend. Take care.
MosesY
Active Member
I have watched your struggle for some time now. I identify with it. I come from a similar background, similar feelings about sin and porn. I am divorced basically due to porn but I am also bipolar.
Since you share scriptures and are openly Christian I will go there. I do not believe I can quit porn without God's help. In John 3 Nicodemus asks Jesus "What must I do to go to heaven?" Jesus replies "You must be born again." The question is what does it mean to be born again? For years I asked myself why this was not mentioned in the Old Testament; those people seemed to go to heaven because they lived by the law. I was reading one day and saw the words "I will give them a new heart" in Ezekiel. This is what it means to be "born again", in spirit, being given a new heart. If you go to BibleGateway and do a search for "new heart" you will find a number of scriptures in the Old Testament that refer to this.
One day about a year ago I was setting in front of my Chromebook at the lowest of the low. I had just spent all my money once again on cam girls. I was broke and broken. I bowed my head and came to God honestly and for the first time really meaning it; I asked Him to come into me and give me a new heart. This was the start of a real change in my life; true change, really wanting to quit porn. This is the first time in my life I have really quit porn and I feel unless something happens I have quit porn for good.
I would not say I am perfect, far from it. A while back I looked at some very risque movies and I regret that now; it was a stupid thing to do. Sometimes I am tempted to look at videos of women dancing, but I would say in truth I have not looked at porn for a long time now; God freed me from that.
Since you share scriptures and are openly Christian I will go there. I do not believe I can quit porn without God's help. In John 3 Nicodemus asks Jesus "What must I do to go to heaven?" Jesus replies "You must be born again." The question is what does it mean to be born again? For years I asked myself why this was not mentioned in the Old Testament; those people seemed to go to heaven because they lived by the law. I was reading one day and saw the words "I will give them a new heart" in Ezekiel. This is what it means to be "born again", in spirit, being given a new heart. If you go to BibleGateway and do a search for "new heart" you will find a number of scriptures in the Old Testament that refer to this.
One day about a year ago I was setting in front of my Chromebook at the lowest of the low. I had just spent all my money once again on cam girls. I was broke and broken. I bowed my head and came to God honestly and for the first time really meaning it; I asked Him to come into me and give me a new heart. This was the start of a real change in my life; true change, really wanting to quit porn. This is the first time in my life I have really quit porn and I feel unless something happens I have quit porn for good.
I would not say I am perfect, far from it. A while back I looked at some very risque movies and I regret that now; it was a stupid thing to do. Sometimes I am tempted to look at videos of women dancing, but I would say in truth I have not looked at porn for a long time now; God freed me from that.