Hi all,
Have been very active on this forum for the past 2 months during my reboot.
At this point I just experienced my first full blown relapse during my reboot on day 67 of no pmo. This happened 2 days ago after visiting some dating sites for about a week to find a new girl to connect with. Stupid, but it happened. I haven't felt very guilty although I was angry with myself. But most of all I am scared to find out if it have set my ED healing back. I haven't had any sexual encounters yet since my relapse, so we need to wait to find out for sure. I do experience morning wood and don't feel very different than before, so let's hope it didn't cost me too much.
I created this new thread because I see this moment as the start of a new fase in becoming a better human being. During the first two months of my reboot I was quite successful. It wasn't to difficult to stay away from porn and PMO was just out of the question. Flatline took just a couple of weeks and in week 3 of my reboot I was able to have fragile intercourse again, which became better and better. This until I reached a point of "being normal" where things felt a little bit boring. At that point I started to look for other girls and what place is easier to do that than the internet... From there I went back to my fav camgirl and we all know what happened next. I didn't binge though. It was 30 minutes chat and I didn't even O in her presence. But still.. it's not the way it should be and it's a bad relapse. It set me back for sure. The question is: how much?
On the other hand, my reboot the last 2 months have given me so much more than just retaining my erectile health. I quite smoking 5 weeks ago, I haven't had a drink for over 2 months, eating extremely healthy, regular exercise and trying to live a more structured life. Most importantly I am starting to 'feel' again. I am extremely focused on my feelings and where they come from. I did approach a psychologist and will have some therapy for things happened in my teenage years, although I am not sure if there is anything problematic. I just will do a big cleanup now I am working on it anyway. So even if the set back after this relapse is really really bad (which we still have to find out during sex): this part of changing my life will not be taken away from me.
In the first months I did what it took to accept things needed to be workout and solved, starting fragile and with low confidence. Now I gain confidence, understanding the issues better and know what to do, I see this as a new phase in my reboot and all other changes I am going through I thought it might be a good idea to start with a fresh amount of blank pages. I hope you guys will, unless my relapse, keep supporting me in becoming the strong "me" I am supposed to be.
The most important goals for me in this phase (next three months) will be:
You can find my old journal over here.
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=5015.0
Have been very active on this forum for the past 2 months during my reboot.
At this point I just experienced my first full blown relapse during my reboot on day 67 of no pmo. This happened 2 days ago after visiting some dating sites for about a week to find a new girl to connect with. Stupid, but it happened. I haven't felt very guilty although I was angry with myself. But most of all I am scared to find out if it have set my ED healing back. I haven't had any sexual encounters yet since my relapse, so we need to wait to find out for sure. I do experience morning wood and don't feel very different than before, so let's hope it didn't cost me too much.
I created this new thread because I see this moment as the start of a new fase in becoming a better human being. During the first two months of my reboot I was quite successful. It wasn't to difficult to stay away from porn and PMO was just out of the question. Flatline took just a couple of weeks and in week 3 of my reboot I was able to have fragile intercourse again, which became better and better. This until I reached a point of "being normal" where things felt a little bit boring. At that point I started to look for other girls and what place is easier to do that than the internet... From there I went back to my fav camgirl and we all know what happened next. I didn't binge though. It was 30 minutes chat and I didn't even O in her presence. But still.. it's not the way it should be and it's a bad relapse. It set me back for sure. The question is: how much?
On the other hand, my reboot the last 2 months have given me so much more than just retaining my erectile health. I quite smoking 5 weeks ago, I haven't had a drink for over 2 months, eating extremely healthy, regular exercise and trying to live a more structured life. Most importantly I am starting to 'feel' again. I am extremely focused on my feelings and where they come from. I did approach a psychologist and will have some therapy for things happened in my teenage years, although I am not sure if there is anything problematic. I just will do a big cleanup now I am working on it anyway. So even if the set back after this relapse is really really bad (which we still have to find out during sex): this part of changing my life will not be taken away from me.
In the first months I did what it took to accept things needed to be workout and solved, starting fragile and with low confidence. Now I gain confidence, understanding the issues better and know what to do, I see this as a new phase in my reboot and all other changes I am going through I thought it might be a good idea to start with a fresh amount of blank pages. I hope you guys will, unless my relapse, keep supporting me in becoming the strong "me" I am supposed to be.
The most important goals for me in this phase (next three months) will be:
- Maintain No smoking
- Maintain No alcohol
- No PMO
- Clean up potential PTSS issues
- Get rid of anxiety and chronicle fatigue
- Structurally decrease stress levels
- Regain full confidence in erectile health
You can find my old journal over here.
http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=5015.0