Trying to become porn free

Hi everyone,
I?ve been lurking on reboot nation for some time; this is my first post.  My name is Steve. I am 60 years old, bisexual. I?ve been married to a wonderful woman for 37 years. She has known about my sexuality since before we married. She has told me that it does not bother her at all, and I believe that. I have other addictions, and I have 21 years of sobriety from alcohol under my belt.  My porn use became an addiction about 10 years ago, but there were times earlier in life when I used it obsessively. My actions have hurt my wife terribly, and I am feeling raw right now. I was up to 36 days with no PMO, but she confronted me because she found that I was looking at pix of shirtless men.  I feel stupid that I let myself think that those images were not pornography. I didn?t M over them, but I have to be honest with myself and admit that my motivation for looking was arousal.  The journey begins anew today.

I can definitely relate to your story. I was checking people out on the street yesterday and realized i was doing that to get a dopamine rush. I had to pull myself back from my thoughts.

Porn is not just pics and videos but also our thoughts. We have to keep them under control.

Thanks AKPal2 for responding.  Day 2 without porn day 37 without wanking. My family situation is not good, but my wife and I are talking.  For the first time I her life,  she went to a therapist. After we talked about her session, I began to feel better.  I attended my first PAA meeting tonight.  I have experience with 12 step programs, but it has been a long time since I attended one.  There were more people present than I thought.  The sharing sounded familiar and comfortable. 
Between NoFap, Reboot Nation and PAA, i am covering my bases.  I need as much help as I can get. 
Have a good night.
Steve

Good to hear you are making progress Steve. I am ending day 9 on a good note (except for the super shrunk shriveled dick in flatline). I am making progress too it seems.

Thanks for the encouragement gents!
Day 3 no P, day 38 no M.  I?m struggling with the fallout of my addiction. My wife looked at one of my posts on NoFap where I wrote that I have using porn for 10 years.  I am in the doghouse. I understand her anger of course. She called me out for being duplicitous. She said that she wants to get to the other side of this with me, so that is comforting. Still, the guilt and shame are overwhelming!

Wow, you allowed her to read your posts?

Great to hear she's an understanding woman

Hi Oncemore-I can relate to what you said in your first post about being honest with oneself when viewing stuff that is on the borderline but is in fact being used for the dopamine.  Self-deception is a big thing for me; the problem is, once I am in the borderline area it is hard to stop the escalation to the next level.  Anyway, best wishes forward and stay in touch! 

Hello and Happy New Year!  3 days no P 38 days no M
Things are much better at home. My wife forgave me. I?m not off the hook by any means, because I have to stop the insanity that results from looking at porn.  I?m in bed early to sleep through the last bits of 2020.  More tomorrow.  Stay safe everyone

Hey Oncemore  I too relate to your 1st post as I believe a lot off guys to  My life has really changed since giving it all up  I feel better about myself all around  and I m now in the stages of reworking my life in general including the possible reasons behind me becoming a porn addict in the 1st place  good luck  read lots and  start to work in the tools that seem to work

    Post often it helps me it helps you

Congratulations on getting started on your first few days! Hope it was another good one.

Hey Oncemore.

Welcome to the forum. This is a really difficult addiction to kick, but you already know that. It's not clear if you're suffering from PIED or you just want to quit porn to improve the quality of your life. Both a sound reasons to stop.

I think one of the problems to quitting is recognising habitual patterns which lead to porn use. I was using porn throughout the day, but just before going to bed was the classic moment to open a few pages of porn. Understanding the habits which lead to porn use really helps. I'm not sure I agree with akpal about checking people out on the street. These are realpeople and fantasy is a natural part of our sexuality. If it doesn't lead to a relapse then I don't think it causes any harm. However, any arousal which is pixel bases is right out. You've already acknowledged that checking out bare chested guys was a way to get a little dopamine hit. This is a very positive step. You just need to try to control those urges.

In my experience, checking out full clothed women always escalated to semi-naked, naked, and finally porn. So, be very careful. I think the longer we can avoid porn then perhaps 'soft' porn images might not trigger us to a relapse. That's my hope anyway, because there is so much sexualised imagery all around us: music videos, films, clothing advertisements, adverts for makeup, etc. and we need to be able to be exposed to thesis things without being triggered to release.

Keep going! I find that posting here quite often really helps me. I wish you luck!

Hey mousemat.
My real name is Steve.  Thank you for your response.  I need to recognize triggers and avoid them. I?ve been successful for 7 days now and 41 days without masturbating. My relationship with my wife is great right now.  I started attending porn addicts anonymous virtual meetings. AA helped me get sober 22 years ago, so I will give it a try. I went back to work today after a long break.  Having a routine outside of the house is good motivation to stay away from porn. 

I really appreciate the wisdom you all provide!

Hi everyone, I think it has been too long since I posted here. Between NoFap, and PAA, I?m taking this chl,edge seriously.  It has been 14 days since I looked t porn and 46 days since I masturbated.  I don?t mean to sound sarcastic, but I surely hope that my brain is rewiring by now.  This is difficult!

You shoud be peserverant  Oncemore, do not give up! I also am 60 but I am only heterosexual, and I have had some short P-only session since I started the reboot, about 6 weeks ago. It is not difficult for me to give away with MO, but I as tempted by P-only. I think it takes a long time to rewire: be prepared to see no results for quite few months.

Hi everyone, Steve here. Thank you all for your encouragement and guidance. It has been a little while since I?ve posted here.  Last night and this morning my wife and I turned a corner in our relationship.  I?m still on the journey toward freedom from porn and I have a long way to go. What are your thoughts on sex during reboot?

Hey Steve.

When you say that you 'turned a corner' with your wife, I guess you mean you had sex. If so, congratulations!

Obviously, everyone reboots differently, but I think generally having sex during a reboot is seen as a positive thing. You are, in effect, rewiring to the real thing, which the whole aim of rebooting. I've read a lot of posts where some guys say that having sex too early in the reboot process has caused them to go back into the flatline, but only you can know if having sex has sped up the reboot process or set you back a little. Just be aware that both are possible.

The other thing with rebooting is that it's non-linear. Sometimes it seems like we're making great progress only to suffer some side effects of the reboot process. You might find that having sex with your wife speeds things up and then suddenly go into a flat line months later. I think it takes a long, long time to completely heal, so a few ups and downs are to be expected. Just don't get disheartened if you start having some erectile problems after a few months. The reality is that you are well on the way to the destination. If you keep your focus and direction, you will heal completely.

Good luck!!!