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Messages - TheNorman

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1
Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: April 15, 2021, 08:54:46 AM »
Glad to see some light at the end of the covid tunnel and for sure, and your experiences at the gym highlight the flip side of the isolation coin: women at the gym when you've been locked away must feel somewhat jarring.
I also hear where you're at with the friend who has been in therapy and wants to share some of that insight. Don't take it as anything other than someone finding clarity and wanting that same thing for you (says the guy who is in therapy and wants everyone on this forum to experience the same kind of help!)

I'm proud of you WIP. You're keeping your head on straight, making sure to watch out for things that could trip you up. Keep going strong (and feel free to post about your deadlift gains too bud!)

2
Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: March 25, 2021, 01:26:39 PM »
Glad to hear you won that battle, not so glad to hear the word "burpees" though ;)
Go get 'em bud!

3
Ages 40 and up / Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« on: March 25, 2021, 01:25:11 PM »
I have to agree with WIP, everyday away from P makes it seem that much more of an alien concept. I look at people differently, media differently...I just think differently. P is tapping into a part of your brain that produces a chemical response and the more you starve it of that empty shot of dopamine the more it calibrates to look for alternatives. For some that's not always a good thing unless you have a good source to replace it with, but in my case books, exercise, learning to cook etc. have been a much better use of my time and brainspace than P and the residual stuff that goes along with it. Feeling a pull towards P after a long time away probably means you're not replacing it with anything or fixing what made it such an issue.

4
Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: March 17, 2021, 02:42:57 PM »
The saying "misery loves company" is very true sadly. I know exactly how you feel WIP. I still get comments about how I need to "let loose more" or how "I used to be more fun" because I would get wasted and do stupid shit. When you're on top of things those same "friends" that loved to watch you act the fool suddenly aren't interested in having you around and sober while they get shit-faced. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt when you know friends are getting together and not including you though...

5
Ages 40 and up / Re: Started Friday July 3rd
« on: February 11, 2021, 02:19:55 PM »
I agree wholeheartedly Leonidas, and for me P went hand-in-hand with video games, mindless scrolling and video streaming on my phone...all things that were geared for distraction because living in the present and with intention is hard work! Being attentive, being vulnerable, communicating, expressing how you feel: They're all extra-scared and hard to do when you're caught in a shame-spiral of P. These days I am still working hard on all of those positive things but am by no means an expert at any of them. I am however still without P since the day I posted here, thanks to a supportive partner, thanks to therapy, thanks to books, thanks to a solid plan and incredible thanks to the guys on here who shared their own struggles and successes.

Get away from the empty promises of porn, find the things that make you happy and start by knowing you deserve to be happy.

6
Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: February 02, 2021, 03:11:07 PM »
Man what a slap that must have felt like when you found it. Glad you were able to flush that! I am sure there's some kind of DVD or flash drive or something laying around but I am not looking for it and will follow your example if I find it and send it into the ether.

7
Ages 40 and up / Re: Started Friday July 3rd
« on: January 25, 2021, 10:21:33 AM »
Just dropping a line to say that I'm still going strong. Family is healthy and mostly doing well (lockdowns and Covid being the biggest issues). No P since I first appeared on this forum and no M since August. I don't know where others are at. PMO is a different answer to a lot of different problems, except it's not really an answer to anything. It just presents itself that way. I don't miss it at all. When I say that, I mean there are no physical or psychological effects. I mention that because that wasn't the case at the beginning. There were real physical issues at the start. Moodiness, lethargy, flatlining etc. They pass. It will all get better if you give your brain the time and space to get itself better. There are a lot of journals on here that helped get me to this point and maybe mine can be one to help you too. The amount of time and brainspace you waste on P is astonishing once you get away from it! Hope you're all well and working hard at getting to a better place.

8
Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: January 20, 2021, 12:16:12 PM »
That's a great analogy WIP! It's so true that as long as we keep that centre full of worthwhile things it just doesn't leave room for the garbage. Covid, as stressful as it is, can also allow us the space to focus more on filling that centre.
Cheers!

9
Ages 40 and up / Re: nofap journal
« on: January 14, 2021, 01:49:16 PM »
The rather ugly side of P is indeed amongst many of the good reasons to avoid it. Humanity in a very dehumanizing medium. Good for you for pushing through.

10
Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: January 14, 2021, 01:47:05 PM »
Glad to hear you're doing well and keeping an eye out for future issues!

11
Ages 40 and up / Re: Started Friday July 3rd
« on: January 04, 2021, 04:41:44 PM »
Happy new year all. The break was fantastic for me. Days without even looking at my computer, spending time reading, cleaning, organizing, decluttering. All good stuff. I'm still going strong. No PMO since my first post here and no MO since August. Still lots to work on from a mental-health perspective but in a much better space overall. I hope for all of you 2021 is the year that you remember as the year that you kicked P to the curb. It is not easy but it does get easier.

12
Ages 40 and up / Re: Bringing it around full circle
« on: January 04, 2021, 04:36:57 PM »
Hope you're hanging in and finding strength. Joel posted on his thread about labelling emotions as you have them and I am going to try that as well. Seems like a good way to keep things in the crosshairs of awareness.

13
Ages 40 and up / Re: nofap journal
« on: January 04, 2021, 04:34:24 PM »
Labelling thoughts is a great way to see them for what they are and stop them in their tracks. I will try this technique myself!

14
Ages 40 and up / Re: Resolved to conquer this
« on: December 21, 2020, 03:30:12 PM »
Glad to hear you're doing well Leo! A lot of good insight and keeping things in perspective. Never before has a new year held so much promise. (No pressure 2021, but seriously don't be a fuckup like 2020 was...).
I look forward to hearing from you then!

15
Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: December 17, 2020, 12:30:17 PM »
Looking forward to hearing about it days after-the-fact when P is a passing thought and you check in, healthy and on point.

16
Ages 40 and up / Re: Started Friday July 3rd
« on: December 15, 2020, 02:31:27 PM »
Thanks Jixu! I'm happy to be here to offer any help I can. July certainly doesn't seem that far off and at the same time almost impossibly far away.

Interesting developments over that past couple of days. As a man, vulnerability is a constant battle. It certainly feels like "weakness" and I avoid it by default. I've learned that avoidance of vulnerability is one of many habits that I would very much like to rid myself of. Communication with my partner and vulnerability go hand-in-hand so I continue to work on both. Covid has had some very negative effects on my family (isolation and fear being the big ones) but I am so grateful for this time, almost like a training camp for when the world goes back to "normal".

The other night my wife and I were watching a show together (which doesn't happen often because she likes to watch a lot of shows that involve Housewives swearing at each other). Seemingly out of nowhere there was nudity. I reacted like a child: I immediately went red and averted my eyes. A lot of things to unpack in all that. I'm very aware of how that would make my wife feel, seeing me looking at a nude woman, so that was part of it. I also actively avoid looking at provocative images because I feel like it's better to avoid than linger. I then realized that seeing the nudity actually really didn't bother me, my wife's feelings were what I was getting worked up about. We talked about it and I told her I was fine with watching it, it didn't really bother me, but I could see how it would bother her and if it made her uncomfortable then I would just pick up the story later on, to which she said would make her feel better about it.

It's funny, as I said it I knew that she wouldn't believe that after such a struggle with seeing nudity and it being a trigger for seeking other stuff that she could just take my word for it. I even looked within myself a few times to try to gauge WHY it wasn't more of an issue than it could or even should be. It turns out that "rebooting" is really about giving your brain space to get away from those old paths which I have been able to do since July.

I'll continue to post as things come up. I feel like it's a good place to be vulnerable and get my thoughts out instead of rattling around inside this oversized gourd of a cranium.

17
Ages 40 and up / Re: I guess every form of refuge has its price
« on: December 14, 2020, 01:47:39 PM »
Congrats on some advocating for yourself at work and on 30 days!

18
Ages 40 and up / Re: nofap journal
« on: December 10, 2020, 01:54:19 PM »
Good post Joel! LIGA is right: If only we could correspond on the forum via pony express or something more analog!

19
Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: December 10, 2020, 01:17:06 PM »
WIP nobody is 100% on all the time. It's just not sustainable. We wax and wane and you're absolutely right: The chimp knows when we're on a downslope and says "what if we just let up for a minute?" and then that's it. We're back down in it. Reading old entries about why you're here sounds like a great idea. Sometimes remembering the negative parts of things can be helpful, pain is a big part of how humans have learned and evolved – Remember setbacks and how much they suck.

Recovery is just like deadlifts. It's hard work. It takes constant, repeated effort. It's ok to stay at 380 for a bit if you're hurting, but if you don't pull weight for a couple of weeks and try to come back, 380 might as well be 1000 lbs because you'll have fallen that much further back. If you have to stay at 380 to keep 400 on the horizon, then do that, but don't give into the lazy chimp because he's not there to recover or pull numbers, he's there for a few seconds of entertainment. Once he's got his, you're way back from where you want to be. In your recovery and your lifts, I know you have the strength to put up big numbers!

20
Ages 40 and up / Re: Started Friday July 3rd
« on: December 04, 2020, 07:22:21 PM »
UKGuy: So happy to hear you're doing well. You have been a huge part of my success, from wanting to emulate yours, to seeing how bad it stings when things aren't going as well. You've been a huge part of my success and between you and WIP I've even taken in a few football matches. That's some serious influence right there!

Joel: Thanks bud. It does make me so happy to know that people can look at where I am at and get some hope from it. That's what this is all about: Hope. It can feel so hopeless, even pointless, when you have tried and fall down. I struggled early on but all the void left by P has been filled with so much more useful things. It's so important to grasp onto those good things with a gorilla-like grip...like our boy WIP.

WIP: What can I say. You have been with me from day one. Your wisdom and advice is always helpful and your strength goes further than your freakish deadlifting ability.

Phin: Seeing posts like yours, where you talk about being here years ago serves as such an important reminder that this isn't something that you get past a few weeks or months and then set it on autopilot. In fact I think a lot of us on this forum, and humans in general can attest to: Autopilot is fine when you know it's wide open sky, unfortunately we all tend to turn it on when we're very close to the mountains. My therapist has a great gesture/demonstration that she does where she holds her hands up and looks at them. The left being addiction, the right being recovery, and both clearly in view. It's when one moves directly in front that the other sneaks up behind and bites you in the ass. Blessings right back at you my friend!

I'm grateful for all of you, I'm grateful that vaccines and hope are on the horizon, I'm grateful for the Christmas break coming up so I can spend time with my family and hopefully find a nice outdoor sheet of ice to skate on. Here's to a great weekend!

21
Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: December 04, 2020, 10:28:57 AM »
I tried to calculate the amount of plates that are required to get to 385 and just doing the math gave me a hernia...so needless to say, those are more than big boy numbers to me! I even have a few pounds on you and I can't imagine pulling that kind of weight. Thanks for sharing your accomplishments and keep us all posted! I'm going to go do some pushups or something now (Hurray for positive peer pressure!)

22
Ages 40 and up / Re: nofap journal
« on: December 04, 2020, 10:25:54 AM »
Agree with Phin and LIGA, excellent self-awareness. Something to keep in mind though: The comment sections of places like YouTube are shining examples of the worst of humanity. Keyboard warriors would be a joke if they weren't so sad. I used to be on Reddit for hours on end and it's similar. I don't miss it at all. Keep digging deep and seeing through the bs!

23
Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: December 03, 2020, 07:36:23 AM »
Even the most chaotic job will settle into somewhat of a recognizable pattern over a long enough timeline. Hopefully as time goes you will settle in more. As far as the PB goes...let's get some details! If you can't brag on here then where can you!?

24
Ages 40 and up / Re: Started Friday July 3rd
« on: December 01, 2020, 01:53:45 PM »
As I scrolled around on some posts here I realized that this forum often disappoints: If people are posting it's generally because they're struggling. Rarely do people come on here and post to say "Hey, fuckin' killin' it boys!" and let's be honest that would be a bit off, like rubbing it in others faces. It pains me to see others struggle and I am feel like I have good advice but it has not been nearly the same struggle for me and that has made me hesitant to visit or post. I don't want to seem like a know-it-all.

I just wanted to pop in and say thank you again to all those that have read and replied to my posts. WIP, UK, Joel, LIGA, Leo, Rookie, Jixu, Nick. The list goes on and on but all of you have listened to my rants, offered advice, and I know if things do go sideways you'll do your best to help me turn it back around. I haven't been counting the days but July 3 to now is a few! I have struggled at times but I have the tools to make sure that those struggles are dealt with in a better way. I will be checking in more frequently, just to say "hi" or to offer advice on other guys posts. I hope you're all finding things that help you. I'm here if you need to vent/have questions/want to brag.

25
Ages 40 and up / Re: See them grow up
« on: December 01, 2020, 01:38:20 PM »
Entitlement creates disappointment in things that should be greeted with gratitude. We all struggle to varying degrees. Everyone gets into a funk from time to time too. Hopefully you can find some positives and really soak them up. Here's to a great week!

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