28 days pmo free - first time in 15 years

Inspite of having all the knowledge i feel so stupid and dump after i relapse. And this relapse was so intense that 5 times it occurred. God i want to kill my self. It's so addicted and the neural connections of previous binge fired up so quickly and the dopamine that my body was craving as it was so easy totally took control of me.
I the past 8 years this was the longest and i was so proud of it but one post on instagram to binge on pornsites destroyed all.

Please requesting for counselling and why i don't feel like stopping it's surprising it's like the body and the mind only wants this and nothing else.

I started listening to gary wilson, noah church and reboot nation then i decided to stop. I thought it was going to be easy but miserably failed. I am 26 and nothing turns me on other that women on screen. For sure even though i have not experienced sex i am a victim of ED and that to PIED. So my first streak of not faping was start of January 1 2020 thought of it as new year resolution blocked all access to porn by changing my dns of router and installed private dns on phone through which even blocked porn on LTE. But when urges was high and this fucking instagram fired up previous fetishes and then after 16 days i relapsed and reversing the dns setting was at a click of a button.

So before there was continuously watching porn but from 2020 it became monthly or weekly which i guess is not at all improvement. Then finally i realised that instagram was the issue and blocked all porn sites and porn stars. Then on intermittent i used to surf instagram then twitter then pornsites.

Now the scene is that if after a break from it completely like 16 days,7 days and my max 23 days recently the dopamine level is so much that i end up relapsing at a time 5-6 times destroying my peace and body.

Guys requesting for help or else in my marriage or life I'll for sure have ED and then only hope for this will be porn so this is the best time to stop and i need some help.

Thank you i am on the verge to killing my self but the mind's like lets just see one post and then relapse.

Hi KC, Reading the last paragraph above is sad, and reiterates why any addiction is so menacing.

It seems like you have getting good information, and have been doing the right things, so just keep taking one day at a time.

There aren't many "success stories" that are based on the "cold turkey" method of abruptly stopping an addiction.
Most "success stories" involve relapses.

The process is hard, and there will be good and bad times.  Recording your journey in a journal can help.

Good luck. Stay strong.

I'm yet to know someone who quit porn on his first try. All of us here have relapsed a tone of times. As much as I hate to relapse, it is part of the process because relapses are an invitation to analyze my porn behavior. I think about what made me relapse and I take notes. It could help you writing here in your journal or writing in a private diary how you relapsed and keep track. You probably won't succeed until you learn your porn behavior: All the habits, routines, things you do that lead to relapse.

I'll try to give you some advice:
1) Accept that you have to suffer to quit porn. Porn is an addiction and as every addiction, withdrawal starts when you try to quit. Urges can be suffocating. They are suffering and suffering sucks. But it is inevitable. Nobody quits porn without the suffering of withdrawal. I used to rebel against this suffering. I said: "Fuck no! I don't want to suffer! I don't want urges! I didn't choose to be addicted to porn! I am a victim!" But no matter how much I screamed, the past couldn't be change and the fact still remained: I had to go through the suffering of withdrawal in order to quit this addiction. I had to accept that one day. When I started watching porn (and maybe yourself as well), there was no information about the harm effects of porn in my world. So of course I played the victim part and I didn't want to accept the suffering but life moves forward, not backwards. I can't go back in time and stop myself from becoming an addict, but I can move forward and quit porn.

2) Another withdrawal symptom is what I like to call "Porn in my head". All the flashbacks and images with porn scenes and pictures, probably porn induced fantasies, that come to your head whether you want it or not. You could be doing something, not thinking about porn at all and all of a sudden BAM! A porn flashback pops up in your mind. This is very annoying. Those flashbacks, images, fantasies create urges and craving and can push you to searching for porn if you engage with them. That's why you have to avoid them like the plague. Don't spend time watching that porn in your head, think about something else, look at something around you and concentrate on that object, think about how that object was made, what material is made of, if it's made of wood, think about trees, forest etc. I think you got the idea. Do something to distract yourself from giving attention to that porn stored in your brain. I've relapsed many times because I didn't listen to this. But now I have 2 weeks away from porn and I've been following this diligently.

3) Use your computer and cell phone only when you really need them. Don't spend time mindlessly surfing the Internet because sooner or later you will find something stimulating that will throw you off balance. When you need the computer, turn it on, do what you have to do, turn it off and walk away. Use your cellphone to call people, send messages and that's it. Use the Internet on your cell phone only when necessary. This is how you minimize the chance of encountering digital triggers. But there are other triggers as well. It could be girls on the street, advertisements around the city or feeling sad, disappointed, humiliated. Remember that porn doesn't heal anything. It doesn't make you get those girls from the streets, it doesn't get rid of the advertisements, it doesn't heal sadness, disappointment, humiliation etc. Porn doesn't help you in any way. Actually, porn is another problem, not a solution. Don't run home and PMO because of discomfort or triggers you encounter when you are out. 

4) Find things to do during the day. Being bored has led me to relapse many times. It would be like: "Fuck, I have nothing to do I'm bored as fuck! Let me try to do something on my computer," and porn is one click away when you browse the Internet without a purpose.

5) Stay away from social media and I will repeat this: Stay away from social media! Quit Instagram, Facebook, Twitter everything because those places are full of triggers.

I don't know what else to say for now. Anyway, don't lose your motivation. A winner is a loser who just tried one more time. You don't have a chance to quit this addiction unless you keep trying.

Thank you guys this meant a lot. I understood now that all success starts is failures with one more try. Yes I am quitting Instagram, YouTube and other social media and the rest of time I'll try to spend time wisely.

What I've learnt from this relapse is that surfing YouTube emulates the feeling of porn in the sense that the tab change the craving for new video is similar but with less dopamine so mind craves more and hence urges become strong sometimes I just spend hours on YouTube surfing unnecessary stuff so what the brain wanted that trigger it's very clear now.

Thanks for telling to note down the relapse mistakes and also one more important thing I learnt is that after a long break if I decide to relapse I am just not satisfied with one time but I end up doing the whole day like 6-7 times continuously like a delusional man. So the brain is in a state where it knows that this is last so let's go all out. After this anyways I'll not do for many days this was a strange feeling first time discovered but great learning.

Lastly you are right about the memory that keeps looping in our brain of past porn and sometimes during reboot the brain starts to creat new images and new themes with the same subjects in order to escalate the dopamine level which makes the urges even more strong. This relapse occurred during night hence was not able to distract my self and I regeat that but I wouldn't have learnt this much if I hadn't relapsed. The worst feeling is that the erections are so weak even after the mind creates these images so in other to feel a good erection I took the phone surprising in spite of seeing those images which I mentioned I start with Twitter updates on pornstars I was still not getting erections this shows that the mind had unlearnt the process and then like a stupid dumb fuck I started seeing videos of porn which gave me 200% dopamine and I was shivering and it was so intense but ironically no strong erection. This is so terrifying. Anyways this was also a step in progress which I countermanded but am completely aware of this trick by mind.

Thank you for the motivation and knowledge that keeps me going and yes in the first place if I knew it was so addictive I wouldn't have started but past is dead we must learn from it and move on very important lesson.

I'll for sure keep this updated mentioning my progress and will

Many porn addicts binge. This is how this addiction works. Alcoholics drink until they can't stand. Why don't they stop after the first couple of glasses? Why don't we stop after one PMO? The answer is that this is how addiction works. The first PMO creates the chaser effect where you want more dopamine. It's dangerous to binge but very hard to resist the urge to binge, I know from experience. The days when I resisted the craving to binge I had to really fight hard.

From the success stories so far many who have recovered from pied they have or had been in a relationship and when they find out that Ed is real then they get immense motivation to stop watching porn and to recover. But what about those for example me who has never been in any relationship we have been doubtful whether we actually have pied or we don't get enough motivation to carry on the recovery hence relapse here and there.

Can you please advice on what to do about us singles who's got addicted to porn at very early age and sought not to indulge in relationship as we were satisfied with porn and how to get or recovery from this addiction of porn as it's becoming an uphill task.

kc@needhelp said:

From the success stories so far many who have recovered from pied they have or had been in a relationship and when they find out that Ed is real then they get immense motivation to stop watching porn and to recover. But what about those for example me who has never been in any relationship we have been doubtful whether we actually have pied or we don't get enough motivation to carry on the recovery hence relapse here and there.

Can you please advice on what to do about us singles who's got addicted to porn at very early age and sought not to indulge in relationship as we were satisfied with porn and how to get or recovery from this addiction of porn as it's becoming an uphill task.

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You still need to quit porn. It's not only about quitting porn for relationships. Porn does more to us than PIED. It affects the brain and causes a lot of things.