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Whammy raised to the power whammy - The beginning of the Journey

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akpal2:
I recently came across yourbrainonporn and boy I think I may have hit the nail on the head in terms of diagnosing my problem. However its early in the journey but I am hopeful. I am starting this journal here because I am having severe attacks of anxiety. I am not very hard at the moment but I just want to look at some porn or nude images or anything in order to edge/JO or just reduce the anxiety a little bit. Today is 17th November and I haven't jacked off to porn since 4th October. The reason I feel I need to be here is that I saw my erections getting better and getting morning wood and all that jazz back and then again it started going downhill since I was cheating. Cheating in the sense that I began looking at pictures of naked guys/girls about 2 weeks ago and then doing sexting and horny phone calls. I had thought this might not hurt that much but boy is it hurting my progress.

So from yesterday morning I have started completely being off fantasizing, off ANY images of men/women that exude sexuality, off any porn, am even going to avoid looking around on the streets. I think this will definitely help.

A little bit of background to the title

I am actually in a relationship with this wonderful amazing woman that I really truly love but our sex lives suck. That is primarily because of my inability to maintain erections when I am with her. I notice that when I watch porn I get so hard but when I am with her it just doesn't get anywhere near as hard as it should or when it does when I am watching porn.

I have been a porn user for a long time. I was born in mid to early 80s. Starting at the age of 14 when I would get cds from the market in India (where I come from) and then look to get off. However the real game started when high speed internet came in and access to video porn just exploded from 2007 onwards.

To make matters worse I used to always Jack off in the prone position for as long as I can remember.  So I have been a victim of TMS (i.e. traumatic masturbation syndrome) as well which I found out about 2 years ago. Even though I quit the masturbation in the prone position about a year ago but I couldn't quit edging in the prone position. Hence the name of the thread (whammy raised to the power whammy as opposed to a double whammy), assuming of course that the value of whammy is greater than 2 :p

Anyhow the reason I came here is that having quit porn and jacking off and fantasizing in the prone position for a month, I could see the difference. I even feel that my penis has become slightly thicker in the last one month. However what got me really depressed is that fact that my gains just leveled off since I started looking at the pictures. And guys, trust me when a I say that it is so easy to fall back into fantasy or porn so its just better off not to look at ANYTHING that you might have a chance to associate with sexually. Even if you are just going through people's profiles on facebook, if it starts moving you towards even remotely sexual then its off the table. I am talking about facebook here, let alone sites like youtube.

I recently read on here about a guy who took almost 20 months to get cured because he was peeking. And I completely agree with him that it will set you back.

Perhaps I am a little incoherent here (that is because of a lack of time). Its great to write here because I have been able to kill time productively without having to resort to watching any nude images. My girl is going away for a month so it gives me a good time to recover hopefully and not fall into the trap again.

Any questions and clarifications are welcome. I look forward to sharing my progress with you guys.

akpal2:
Yesterday was freaking tough but i got through keeping busy

Woke up with a very strong morning wood. Taking this as a good sign

Edit: This is just the 2nd)3rd?) day without ZERO images, fantasy or any other erotica.

And boy, its tough. I feel anxious all the time

akpal2:
4th day of absolutely no peeking whatsoever, no fantasy no nothing.

In terms of quality the hardness of morning wood seems to be getting better, and getting much better hardons.

Bears reminding that I have not looked at porn and jacked off since October 4th. So on that front its close 45 days and counting, but the peeking hadn't really stopped completely. So essentially its the 4th day today where I am not peeking. The girl that I really like is going away for a month so that should help (in case people are wondering we don't have sex too often, thanks to my insecurities, which is why I want to get this done).

Keeping busy really helps. The busier I am the less my mind wanders. Although anxiety attacks do come by quite severely.

This is not easy but coming here and writing about it helps me keep the goal in mind.

Thank God for having this helpful community around.

akpal2:
ugh, **** **** ****

peeked today, had a damned peek at nude pics. There was no need......waahhhhhhh

feel so annoyed with myself, so so annoyted

pinkerton:
Hey i know the feeling. Sucks. Try not to get too down about it. Keep posting here. Good luck to you.

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