Stumbled into 90 - Progress Report

PKCowned

Member
Hey Reboot Nation, back around January 20th I posted a rather long post about moving into the first couple weeks of my initial 90 day reboot, my PMO history and my motivations for quitting. I will link at the bottom of this post. Just wanted to give a quick update for my brothers who are beginning their reboot or who are currently struggling to move beyond the initial weeks of their own.

I am currently 99 days PMO free. However, I am currently on day 9 of my current streak, to my surprise I relapsed to MO with fantasy 3 times in 2 days at the end of March, resulting in two failed attempts to get hard the following nights as I had slipped back into a flatline feeling

I had sex with my girlfriend 3 times through the last week of a January and the beginning of February, around days 30,35 and 40. Both times with 60mg of sildenaphil. Sensations were unlike I had ever felt, and it was a wonderful bonding moment for us. Also, throughout the remainder of February and the beginning of March, I was able to get just barely hard enough for some hand and mouth play, and came each time, without the use of drugs. Each of those times I was unable to get hard enough for penetrative, and each time I lost it I felt my heart begin to race. So it?s obvious that my PIED developed a secondary case of Performance Anxiety also.

For those working towards 90, make sure that you are setting realistic goals for your reboot. If you have used PMO as an outlet, or in other words, it was an addiction - you are most likely going to need longer than 90 days, most likely at least 6 months like Gabe. I was hoping by 90 days I would see this complete improvement. This was not realistic. However, what I am experiencing now is random erections while I?m sitting and thinking about my girlfriend at work or in the car, which to the best of my memory has not happened frequently in several years. I get morning wood every morning, and I get solid erections when we are cuddling, but I still lose them when we begin to fool around. I also have no desire to use Porn, and my fetishes have somehow began to seem like a lot of effort to find arousing. It?s hard to explain, but I can actually feel my brain shifting, perhaps slowing tilting towards a more sexually healthy way of thinking and producing chemicals... but I know I still have a long way to go.

I also want to mention that before my relapses I explained to my girlfriend why I was having issues, and she supported me and helped me find a sex therapist I will begin seeing on Wednesday to help talk through these issues and work through them as a couple.

So for now, because of my relapses to fantasy, I?ve began a new 90 day journey. I will still try and use sildenaphil from time to time to have sex with my girlfriend, because despite her support I can tell that she feels unloved and neglected.

This is my progress report after 90 days. I feel better mentally, but physically I am still struggling, with ups and downs. I am confident the process is working, and I have come to terms I may need at the very least another 6 months.

Fellow rebooters, feel free to comment, and if your working towards 90 and want more info on how I managed cravings and use my free time, as well as have worked on communication with my partner, please ask!

TLDR - after 90 the mental addiction is subsiding, the cravings have stopped (for the most part), but my physical symptoms remain and I have PA.

Old link -  http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=19649.msg205044#msg205044

 

PKCowned

Member
Update - 120 days in

Currently I am going through what I can only describe as waves of mini flatlines. For about 2 or 3 days I will feel so much better, 100% MW that lasts for minutes after getting up, random erections to simple thoughts of my GF and a complete reduction in anxiety, followed by about 4/5 days of feeling completely submerged in a flatline. It?s concerning, and I have to keep reminding myself that this too shall pass.

I had sex with my GF around day 105, went several rounds, and reduced my ED drug dose from 60mg to 30mg. Obviously there is an improvement in my ability to get aroused, but like I said, after that I entered into a mini flatline period and faceplanted when I tried to have sex at day 107. I also O?D from mutual foreplaying several days ago, and once again, fell into a deep flatline which I am currently hoping to be out of soon.

I will say that during these flatlines I do not lose my MW, and feel less and less anxiety during each flatline, so perhaps my recovery pendulum is swinging less into the extremes and reaching a more balanced center.

I would love to hear stories from rebooters who had experience entering into additional phases of flatlines in their recovery. I definitely feel that another 2/3 months is going to be necessary before I feel long term noticeable improvements in my physical and mental well being in regards to recovery. Also, my relationship with my GF is still strong despite lack of sex, but of course, it could always be better with shared physical intimacy. Best wishes to everyone else in reboot land
 
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