Journals > Ages 30-39

Done with the shame

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King Leer:
Basically my whole life I have felt shame because of my porn viewing.  This only made it worse, made me search out worse porn simply to confirm my self held bias. Well after reading about the chemical effects porn has on the brain, I have realized that I am just a normal guy fallen prey to a disgusting perversion of something that is completely natural.  I am done with shame. Four days porn free.  Still very wary of my triggers, I now have this site along with my other defenses.  It's way too easy to fall into autopilot.  Last year I had a accountability app that would send everything I viewed on my phone to my wife's phone.  While this was a great way to start I know it is not a lasting solution. Porn is everywhere, I have to root it out of my heart.  So now I am free from the app, free to look at whatever I want, and it feels so great when you can succeed in private.  Self discipline, self esteem, self awareness. These will be  the building blocks of my future. KL

TheHeartacheKid:
Hi KL,

Welcome!  You already sound like you have a great grasp on this.  I loved this from your post - "normal guy fallen prey to a disgusting perversion of something that is completely natural."  Completely true, we're all normal and we're all human.  Good for you for recognizing the shame and not letting it control you...that is truly huge.  Sounds like you came out of the corner swinging at your addiction!  I look forward to more of your posts.  Thanks for sharing!

King Leer:
Thanks I have tried quitting over and over for years. But yeah I feel like I finally have the right mindset to make it stick(I am also an alcoholic so I have some experience with quitting addictions, though porn is worse). All that said I know it's a long road ahead of me and I will face some real challenges. Thanks for the encouragement. -KL

King Leer:
Day 5 no p or mo. I am assume mo stands for masturbation, I am new to this site, if someone could help me out with the abbreviations.  So far no mo has been easier than expected, considering I have been doing it 85 percent of my life. Just been staying busy.  It seems like maybe I was supposed to quit it all a while ago, having a wife I love and a great life. Sometimes I wonder at the things I do?

TheHeartacheKid:
Hey KL,

Below link should help you with the lingo.

Don't beat yourself up though, remember that quote you sent me that said something to the effect that anybody is capable of anything if the circumstances are right.  That's true for all of us. 

I have a friend who keeps reminding me that everything is so much more difficult in quarantine.  Not sure if you are in quarantine, but if so, this is not how humans are wired to live, so remember to give yourself a break in that regard.  Battling something like this is already insanely hard, throw in quarantine, and it becomes damn near impossible...but we can do it.

You're doing well though!

Link - https://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=21.0

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