stepbystep's journal

stepbystep

Active Member
Hi everyone, this is sbs. I?m 32, and I?ve been using P since I was 13. They were mostly pictures initially on the family computer but it quickly escalated to hardcore videos. By the time I was 16 I was addicted and even got caught once by my parents. I stopped briefly before I got back again to watching regularly. I used to even do really crazy things like burn videos on dvd and watch on a bigger screen since I didn?t have my own laptop at the time. Anyway I actually have been trying to stop since 17 when I knew I had a problem. But no matter how much I promised myself, I would always go back after a week or two. Before long, I was in college and still heavily hooked.

I tried a lot of different ways to stop through college like keeping my laptop locked up over the weekend or posting in support forums like this one. But, I always found a way around it like using the college computers to access. Finally after being stuck in this cycle for years, I decided I needed help at 25. I went to online SLAA meetings and got the courage to call to a real person. That was one of the best things I ever did because having an accountability partner means I had to embarrass myself to every time I use. This person became my sponsor and helped me through the 12 steps. I came from a religious family but never really was religious so I definitely felt uncomfortable with some of the 12 steps. But, I didn't need to religious -- I just needed to believe in a higher power and that I could not do this alone. I went through all of the steps and the program and was sober for several years, which was great.

Since then I got married to a woman of my dreams. But slowly I started to think that maybe I don't have a problem. That I could masturbate like everyone else and it was okay to watch a little P. I parted ways with my sponsor and things got worse for me. It wasnt as bad as it was before but I never felt happy. Add to all of that I started experiencing ED and couldn't perform like usual with my wife. I held on to the belief that it has nothing to do with P and MB for many months. Finally I'm back here and ready to give it another try.
 

CB

Active Member
Good thing you?ve decided to kick porn and get a healthy view on sex and living. How?s it going?
Hope you?re keeping in there, temptations are many, and I get them everyday, they?re stronger when we tend to feel bad about something or frustrated.
 

stepbystep

Active Member
Thanks for dropping by CB! Definitely, I have temptations every day. They are just thoughts. That does not mean I act on them! Today I had quite a few because I was stressed. Feeling a lot better now. Onwards and upwards.
 

stepbystep

Active Member
I had a setback today and last Wednesday. Last time (Wednesday), I convinced myself that there's nothing wrong with indulging, and I believed it! ;D It's pretty amazing how when I am not horny I can convince myself of anything. Anyway I'm resetting my porn-free date today. I'm still fine with masturbation at most twice a week, but porn has to go. That is what is good for me.
 

stepbystep

Active Member
Back to day 0. This is a bit frustrating. I just convince myself that porn is for me. But, then when I do it, it just doesn't feel right. It's so fake that it just can't be good for you.
 

Pdub

Member
Admitting your have a problem is the first step to recovery.  Talking about it to others also helps.  I've found that this site helps me a lot just to get it out there.

Don't beat yourself up for relapsing.  Quitting PMO is hard to do.  It takes a lot of self-reflection to find your triggers and develop a strategy to make sure you can avoid them or respond to them appropriately.

Keep at it brother.  You'll make it!
 
I think, you should focus on making small positive habits.

I would recommend you to read/ hear the book - Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.

Also, you can subscribe to JamesClear newsletter.

More power to you, mate!
 

stepbystep

Active Member
Nothing to report other than I am just living life. Yes, I've had tempting thoughts, but do I need to act on them? No!!
 

mattdes

Member
Keep going!!! Your username is definitely the key! Get rid of the porn but you need to fill up that free time with a new habit. I joined the gym today. I don't like the gym even though I enjoy exercise. It's social and it's out of the house. Less time to be idle . Maybe take a course. Plenty of online courses but maybe a course where you interact and socialise with new people. It's a great feeling. You are abstaining from something so indulge in something else. Remember the benefits that come with no pmo. People pick up on your good vibes. I've definitely felt that. Anyway keep going man. Relapse isn't failure it's just another hurdle.
 

stepbystep

Active Member
Today I got carried away by watching a sexualized TV series. I'm no longer watching any sexualized TV shows anymore! I'm going to come up with a list and know exactly what I can watch from here on.
 

stepbystep

Active Member
mattdes said:
Keep going!!! Your username is definitely the key! Get rid of the porn but you need to fill up that free time with a new habit. I joined the gym today. I don't like the gym even though I enjoy exercise. It's social and it's out of the house. Less time to be idle . Maybe take a course. Plenty of online courses but maybe a course where you interact and socialise with new people. It's a great feeling. You are abstaining from something so indulge in something else. Remember the benefits that come with no pmo. People pick up on your good vibes. I've definitely felt that. Anyway keep going man. Relapse isn't failure it's just another hurdle.

Thanks for the encouraging words!
 

Free-man2018

Active Member
TV series, movies, adverts, ?porn is everywhere, all is sexualized, Maybe we're living in the most sexualized times ever, we have to try to stay our triggers alert on.
 
L

Lero

Guest
Free-man said:
TV series, movies, adverts, ?porn is everywhere, all is sexualized, Maybe we're living in the most sexualized times ever, we have to try to stay our triggers alert on.

I agree with this. We would be crazy if we thought that we could avoid triggers completely. That's why we need a strategy to escape their grip. We can't remove all the porn and porn substitutes in this world but we have the choice to stay away from it. We can't dry the ocean but we can get out of the water. They only have control over you if you let them.
 

Free-man2018

Active Member
Yep, I'm agree.
I think time will help us to overcome our triggers and maybe it will allow all our senses work appropriately.
We have to try to change the behaviour when we know something could trigger to us.
 
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