Murgatroyd
Member
Do I have Delayed Ejaculation if I am perfectly happy, but someone else thinks I take too long?
Do I have DE?
- Thread starter Murgatroyd
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Conan
Member
"What is normal for a spider is a nightmare for the fly."
It's really difficult to answer that question as everyone has their own opinion on it and what duration is considered normal. But if your partner isn't happy with you in the bedroom, for whatever reason, then you do have a problem. It takes 2 for a good relationship and a good sex life.
Quitting porn will help with DE in case you do take way longer then your partner. It will help with a plethora of other things too, stay away from artificial and focus on the real thing, noting comes close to that.
It's really difficult to answer that question as everyone has their own opinion on it and what duration is considered normal. But if your partner isn't happy with you in the bedroom, for whatever reason, then you do have a problem. It takes 2 for a good relationship and a good sex life.
Quitting porn will help with DE in case you do take way longer then your partner. It will help with a plethora of other things too, stay away from artificial and focus on the real thing, noting comes close to that.
Murgatroyd
Member
Conan said:
Thanks. I'm trying to get wrapped around what's going on. I have been the same way for my whole life, so I am blindsided that all of a sudden there's a problem. I am thinking the goal for quitting porn is not "make it so you can have an orgasm as quickly as possible and get it over with, then you're healed" but this is the message I'm getting. Thanks for helping me put words to my frustration.
D
Deleted member 17609
Guest
I understand how you must feel at the moment, especially since you never taught you had a problem with DE. As far as I know, since you don?t have PIED, you could heal reasonably quick from it.
The problem with delayed ejaculation is that you often need a huge amount of stimulation to reach orgasm. It is a sexual dysfunction, because you usually have DE if you are not aroused sufficiently during sex. A man can usually last between 5 or 7 minutes of intense stimulation. The point is not to throw numbers just for fun, but to have a perspective on what a normal libido is.
I used to have pretty bad DE. I needed 45 minutes of blowjob to be able to come. Don?t get me wrong, it was fun, I still enjoyed blowjobs at that time. But I believe it?s not normal to need that long to reach orgasm, and that it means you are somewhat desensitized to real sex. The other problem with DE is that it creates a discrepancy between you and the girl you are sleeping with, as you are not really synchronized with her. Women can also come to dislike to give you oral or manual sex, because it takes a lot of ?work? for them to make you come.
Don?t feel overwhelmed by this issue. You can fix it, and that means you will probably have more fun in the bedroom. It?s not about getting rid of sex quickly, but just about having a healthy libido. Good luck.
The problem with delayed ejaculation is that you often need a huge amount of stimulation to reach orgasm. It is a sexual dysfunction, because you usually have DE if you are not aroused sufficiently during sex. A man can usually last between 5 or 7 minutes of intense stimulation. The point is not to throw numbers just for fun, but to have a perspective on what a normal libido is.
I used to have pretty bad DE. I needed 45 minutes of blowjob to be able to come. Don?t get me wrong, it was fun, I still enjoyed blowjobs at that time. But I believe it?s not normal to need that long to reach orgasm, and that it means you are somewhat desensitized to real sex. The other problem with DE is that it creates a discrepancy between you and the girl you are sleeping with, as you are not really synchronized with her. Women can also come to dislike to give you oral or manual sex, because it takes a lot of ?work? for them to make you come.
Don?t feel overwhelmed by this issue. You can fix it, and that means you will probably have more fun in the bedroom. It?s not about getting rid of sex quickly, but just about having a healthy libido. Good luck.
Murgatroyd
Member
Thanks Bilbo' for an interesting perspective. I'm pretty sure the root cause of my situation is, I took it at face value when I read "women like a man who can go for a long time" in the 1970s when I became a teenager. That was my goal, I accomplished it in 1975, and I have not looked back until now.
My wife says it is simply not true, "everyone I've ever talked to says sex for a long time is vastly overrated." Sort of like when women read "all guys like women with large breasts."
I do wonder about the elephant in the room - stating the obvious which nobody seems to want to incorporate into the discussion, that stimulation can be more stimulating or it can be less stimulating. Or to be blunt, not all blowjobs are created equal, so basing "I have a problem" on "I can't orgasm from oral sex" can be a slippery slope. It could just be oral sex that is not very good, for instance. It is not my goal to talk about the relative tightness of certain tight places, but they are not all created equal either, so the basic degree of stimulation in all these examples is most likely different. That doesn't lend itself to particularly good data beyond individual anecdotes. It is easy to maintain that we have not ruled out I may be an edge case (no pun intended).
I recognize, it is a rife opportunity for denial (on my part), as well. This is my struggle, trying to get a handle on it with so many unwieldy variables.
My wife says it is simply not true, "everyone I've ever talked to says sex for a long time is vastly overrated." Sort of like when women read "all guys like women with large breasts."
I do wonder about the elephant in the room - stating the obvious which nobody seems to want to incorporate into the discussion, that stimulation can be more stimulating or it can be less stimulating. Or to be blunt, not all blowjobs are created equal, so basing "I have a problem" on "I can't orgasm from oral sex" can be a slippery slope. It could just be oral sex that is not very good, for instance. It is not my goal to talk about the relative tightness of certain tight places, but they are not all created equal either, so the basic degree of stimulation in all these examples is most likely different. That doesn't lend itself to particularly good data beyond individual anecdotes. It is easy to maintain that we have not ruled out I may be an edge case (no pun intended).
I recognize, it is a rife opportunity for denial (on my part), as well. This is my struggle, trying to get a handle on it with so many unwieldy variables.