Malando, Thank you for such a great heart and attitude! I think its is inspiring to hear from PA's of varying degrees with good attitudes. That is very encouraging. Something I am hearing as a trend from some of the women and men is that lack of focus on relationships. I do agree I see a lot of talk on PIED and things like that. Weather or not they have morning wood yet and so forth. When I read success stories they all have one thing in common they are not longer seeing women as objects but rather as people. I read that men want to do that but they are focusing on their objects(their dicks, lol)
Confession, when I was 16 I auditioned and was in a porn. I experienced the behind the scenes. My husband at the time was my best friend, we weren't even dating. I had no idea at the time but he was addicted even then to P. He was the friend that told me not to go down that road. When I discovered his PA I asked him about what he was watching. He admitted that when he was M'ing he wasn't thinking of these people as people. He is pretty grossed out by P now and it makes him sad. He has no desire to watch it ever again and he mentioned one of the reasons why was because I had pointed out that the ladies he was watching could have been me. Those images are people. They are daughter and sons. They are wives and mothers. They are scared confused 16 yr old girls who just wanted some cash and have made some terrible choices. Some of them are sex trafficking victims. They could be your sister, mother or even daughter some day. Seeing it from that angle changes everything about it.
My question is this. Do you think discussing this aspect of P on the other forums and allowing guys to see P from that angle would be helpful? I don't see anyone talking about that in the other forums. I am wondering if it would be good for them to understand that or if it would just make them feel terrible and shame them? I really have no idea I just know that seeing people as people is so important.
Malando, That is exactly what I hope men can see. These people are people. I am ok now, counseling helps...a lot! I will say I was a wild teenager (obviously). I had good parents and came from a good home. We had our issues but nothing out of the norm. I was just very rebellious and made a few friends with the wrong crown at 13. By 16 I had moved out was living on my own and had rent, utilities and a party habit that included lots of drugs. P was something that I had always thought was no big deal. I enjoyed having sex so why not get paid to do it? The experience was completely not what I had expected. I will also say that when I told them I was 16 they provided me a fake ID and said not to talk about it. They assured me that is was no big deal and very common. I think you would be surprised how many ( I feel like we are calling them women but lets be honest they are girls) are underage. I was not the youngest "18 yr old" there. I did my audition wich included a blowjob because you have to prove that you can preform. I felt sick the entire time. I was trying to mentally talk myself into being ok with it. I had tears in my eyes and they took pictures of it because that is "good stuff". Men who like to watch women being degraded will like that. I am telling this so that people can see that I am a person, I am real, I am just like those women. Its ironic that I married a PA unknowingly but I am sure somewhere in my subconscious I probably know maybe. Do you think posting something like this story on a the other forums would make a difference or just make everyone uncomfortable. I am not about shaming these men who are working so hard to improve. This is not something I tell everyone but i am not ashamed of it. Its part of me, my past and my history. It has had an effect on my life. When people as questions I have not problem being honest. It was a while ago (I am 33 now). I was just wondering if maybe allowing them to meet on a forum, ask questions and realize the other side. Do you think it could help? If in anyway it is going to be upsetting and cause a negative effect I wouldn't do it. But if it can help even one person I am more than willing to do anything I can to help someone suffering this. I am so proud of the progress my husband has made and I want to be able to help and encourage others as well.
I've also noticed that some guys just want to "cure" their PIED by the magical 90 day abstinence period and then they'll miraculously become some super virile stud. It's like when they expect that women are somehow going to find them irresistably attractive just because they've quit porn. Those are still selfish outcomes, so those guys are probably not going to be interested in ethical issues about the porn industry.
It would be interesting to see the reaction (or absence of) if this topic was posted in the men's forum. I'd like to think that there are men of principle who do care about the exploitation of girls and young women in the porn industry. Boys and young men are also exploited.