Author Topic: Its a process...I guess.  (Read 44992 times)

aquarius25

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Re: Its a process...I guess.
« Reply #375 on: December 17, 2018, 11:59:28 AM »
Bob, I appreciate your support! Braved118 is allowed his opinion but  it doesn't make we wonder how long this individual has been married for to offer such words of advise. Before I had kids I had all kinds of ideas on how to raise them, now I have kids and I realize how little I know. This could be a similar example.

aquarius25

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Re: Its a process...I guess.
« Reply #376 on: December 24, 2018, 02:14:16 PM »
To anyone reading this Merry Christmas!

bob

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Re: Its a process...I guess.
« Reply #377 on: December 24, 2018, 08:11:31 PM »
A very Merry Christmas to you too.

Peace to all on earth.



aquarius25

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Re: Its a process...I guess.
« Reply #378 on: December 27, 2018, 07:53:56 PM »
Well Christmas was good. Learning how to do the holidays in a new town away from family always feels different. Last year we flew home for Christmas so this was the first Christmas in my entire life that I wasn't with my family. So weird. It was just my husband and kids and I. I thought it would feel lonely and sad but it didn't at all. It was quite and did feel a little different. We usually go to my moms and there ends up being about 30 people with all the cousins and grandparents and all, so 4 was very different. It was actually really nice. I didn't have to spend half the day cooking a meal for 30, then doing dishes, and then pulling out dessert, and then doing more dishes. My mom and I usually do all the cooking. Instead I got to spend the entire day with my husband and kids relaxing. I got to see them enjoy their presents and help them build things. We cooked a fancy candle lit dinner together and we all helps clean it up too. I think it was actually my favorite Christmas. We took a walk through the neighborhood with cups of hot chocolate and just spent time together. We facetimed the family back home to say hi, but seeing all the chaos in the background made me appreciate the gift of enjoying quiet time with just our immediate family. I am so thankful that we have managed to work through things and continue to do so. I am glad that my husband and I have been committed to making this marriage a priority and that we are still together enjoying our kids and this life together. Looking forward to another year full of life, lessons to learn, and laughs to share.

malando

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Re: Its a process...I guess.
« Reply #379 on: December 28, 2018, 08:44:16 AM »
Well Christmas was good. Learning how to do the holidays in a new town away from family always feels different. Last year we flew home for Christmas so this was the first Christmas in my entire life that I wasn't with my family. So weird. It was just my husband and kids and I. I thought it would feel lonely and sad but it didn't at all. It was quite and did feel a little different. We usually go to my moms and there ends up being about 30 people with all the cousins and grandparents and all, so 4 was very different. It was actually really nice. I didn't have to spend half the day cooking a meal for 30, then doing dishes, and then pulling out dessert, and then doing more dishes. My mom and I usually do all the cooking. Instead I got to spend the entire day with my husband and kids relaxing. I got to see them enjoy their presents and help them build things. We cooked a fancy candle lit dinner together and we all helps clean it up too. I think it was actually my favorite Christmas. We took a walk through the neighborhood with cups of hot chocolate and just spent time together. We facetimed the family back home to say hi, but seeing all the chaos in the background made me appreciate the gift of enjoying quiet time with just our immediate family. I am so thankful that we have managed to work through things and continue to do so. I am glad that my husband and I have been committed to making this marriage a priority and that we are still together enjoying our kids and this life together. Looking forward to another year full of life, lessons to learn, and laughs to share.
That's exactly how my family experienced Christmas this year! It was actually really nice - very cosy and intimate, just enjoying each other's company and joy. We cooked everything together and ate together. It was probably the nicest Christmas dinner I've ever had. We missed family to an extent, but we appreciated what we had so much more. Congrats to you and your family on a great accomplishment!

aquarius25

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Re: Its a process...I guess.
« Reply #380 on: December 31, 2018, 11:07:40 AM »
Well another year ends and a new one begins. I don't have big goals or anything for the new year just a continuation of the progress that I hope to continue. My prayer for 2019 is to learn to love more and grow my capacity of love for others. I just want to keep the momentum going. I am continually amazed by how much this journal and the people here have help and made a big impact on my life. I am so grateful for all of you. 5 years ago my perspective on porn addiction and addiction in general was a lot different. I can see how I was viewing though a much different lens. After seeing the changes in my husband and in myself I have so much more compassion for those who are hurting though this addiction. My heart breaks for the addict as well as his family. I have experienced first hand just how much this can ripple though a family in more way than I ever knew. I can see how my heart has grown to love a group of people I had never considered before and for that I am so grateful. I have gotten to know a deeper part of myself and wrestled with so many judgments and attitudes that I never knew I carried. Even those that I have disagreed with or those that have frankly flat out attacked me have helped me understand myself and how I respond in the situations and I feel like I am stronger for it. I welcome hearing different perspectives and have come to realize I have an increase desire to encourage people where they are at. They don't need to see it my way for me to still be encouraging to them. The more I learn through these tough conversations the more I realize I still have so much to learn. So I am ending this year in gratitude. Thank you to all the people here who I have met. Thank you for being apart of my process, my life wouldn't be the same without you.

aquarius25

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Re: Its a process...I guess.
« Reply #381 on: January 14, 2019, 03:13:02 PM »
Not a lot new going on. We got a bunch of snow and decided to make the weekend a family time weekend. My husband and I had planned to work but decided to just spend time sledding and throwing snowballs with the kids. In the evening we were planning on watching a family movie but the kids asked if we could just start a new book together instead. We started a new series and we all take turns reading a few pages. It is funny listening to each of us make different voices for the characters! We had a neighbor kids join in for most of the weekend. He is an only child and just wanted to be around friends while his dad is on the mend (recovering from shoulder surgery). He had so much fun and he kept says "my house isn't like this at all" or "My parents do really play with me they just take me to go play by myself". It never occurred to me that actually playing with my kids would be something unique. As I reflect on the years before my husbands reboot he would usually stay home and work (aka look at porn and do some work too, lol). Now he is so much more present and I am so glad we get to enjoy him being with us instead of looking for an escape from us. It feels good to be a family.

PE30

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Re: Its a process...I guess.
« Reply #382 on: January 15, 2019, 02:23:46 AM »
That's really lovely :) whilst I was using porn and chat rooms I'd use excuses to get out of going out with the family on a Sunday afternoon - a bit of a cold, or a headache, or just tiredness. I do often feel tired on a Sunday especially if the Saturday has been busy or I've been busy at church, but we have a better system: I might have a brief low-down on the sofa for 20-30 minutes and then I'll get up and go out with the girls. I'm in the main living area, everyone knows what I'm doing and the girls get plenty of time with me.

Glad to hear how well things are going for you and your family.
Porn free since 2 February 2018.

Fighting on.

aquarius25

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Re: Its a process...I guess.
« Reply #383 on: February 18, 2019, 12:42:48 PM »
Well I haven't posted on here in a bit so I thought I would just on and post real quite. February is always busy for us. It is when we try to squeeze in a work trip/ family getaway for a week or so and my daughter and I share a birthday as well! Turned 36 on the 9th and my daughter turned 9. It is fun to share a birthday with her because she gets so excited. I probably  wouldn't celebrate my birthday at all but she is so insistent on making sure I am honored as well as her. It is really sweet.

  Valentines day rolled around. I am not big on hallmark holidays so it isn't really a bit deal for us. I didn't get anything for my husband and he usually never gets me anything either but this year he surprised me....sorta, lol. He got me a new chainsaw and wood splitting axe. I feel like this present was for the both of us, lol. We tried them both out over the weekend and cut and split a few cords of wood. It was fun just hanging out and working together. We have been working together more lately as we have added a small contracting business to our other business and we have a few restoration projects (in addition to the house we are still finishing). It is fun to be side by side again. Our other business keeps me more at home running the office and helping homeschool and he ends up doing all the shop work. I have been taking 1-2 days a week and doing some construction and I love it. Feels good to get dirty, work hard, and come home exhausted. I feel accomplished oddly. Plus the added bonus of spending more time with my husband. One of the things he loves about me is the fact that I can work power tools and am not afraid of a big project and helping with it. I feel like we havne't worked side by side in a while so this has been almost like a second honeymoon of sorts for us.

Hope all is well with all of you!

aquarius25

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Re: Its a process...I guess.
« Reply #384 on: March 26, 2019, 12:20:04 PM »
Life keeps moving. Recently someone my husband had received a lot of encouragement from in his early days of recovery had reached out to him again. My husband didn't give me details but just said that if felt good to encourage someone who he received so much encouragement from. He also said that it was a good wake up call to never take things for granted and get too comfortable. Even years down the road he still tried to hold the perspective of one day at a time. We both have tried to appreciate each other and our family so much more than we used to. I look back over this journey and especially in the early days there were many times I felt so hurt and wanted to call it quits but he was doing everything he could. He never gave up and seeing that and know how much I love him, well, I could give up either. I am so glad we stuck it out. I know he still gets urges and every now and then he will notice something and tell me, I can see this becoming a P-sub and I need to not go there or do that. I know that even years later he still can fall into a relapse and it isn't over but I am glad he is mindful and I am trying to be as well. Whatever happens I know I trust him to be honest with me. That feels good.

aquarius25

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Re: Its a process...I guess.
« Reply #385 on: May 13, 2019, 01:19:21 PM »
Haven't posted in a while just busy with life. I did a power lifting competition and set a state record. I can honestly say I never thought I would be capable of anything like that. I love working out and lifting but I am not one of those fit looking ladies either. I am just a regular person. It was so empowering to try something, focus, train hard, and see what I am capable of. Knowing my kids are watching me, seeing me not give up and work hard, seeing me try something new even at 36! My husband was really encouraging and proud of me. It was nice to see the look in his eyes and realize that he has seen this capacity in me for years but I never saw it in myself. He has made comments from time to time just saying that he is sorry for his actions and how they have impacted me and my self confidence. It feels good to learn more of who I am and who God has designed me to be. Learning more about myself and having my husband walk along side me in this process.
Setting new goals and looking for the next adventure. Getting our passport and foreseeing some travel in our future. Overall life is good.

malando

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Re: Its a process...I guess.
« Reply #386 on: May 13, 2019, 07:19:43 PM »
Wow, state record! Congratulations! How much did you lift?

aquarius25

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Re: Its a process...I guess.
« Reply #387 on: May 14, 2019, 07:59:44 PM »
Bench was 80kg, Back Squat was 120kg, Deadlift was 171kg and that was what I get the state record in for my weight category. It was really cool! Even my hubby was shocked I could pick up that much weight, lol. I am hoping to have a 400lb (181kg's ish) by the end of this year. I'm so close!