Author Topic: First post / first day  (Read 1553 times)

jaw1994

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First post / first day
« on: July 13, 2016, 11:18:26 PM »
Hey i'm Jake. Pretty stoked to be on this forum with everyone struggling with the same problem i've been dealing with for the past like 8 years. Not really sure how to start but just typing this post right now feels great. I've been struggling with porn addiction since I was in 8th grade, i'm currently 21. I first opened my mouth about this and sought out a recovery program back in March. Since then, it's been an everyday gamble. Like a lot of forums i've read on here, I would relapse about every two weeks. I think the longest I've gone since starting the recovery program is like 20 days. Like a lot of you I'm sure can relate to, it's been a fucking nightmare. Since I can remember every time I would get done jerking it to porn, I felt miserable and wondered when the day would come that I wouldn't have to deal with this. I think a lot of people know this same feeling. Back in march, I knew enough was enough and told my dad about my problem. Since then he has been the best accountability partner I could ever ask for. He is the person who gets me back on my feet after every time I have a setback.

 On top of my porn addiction, I have struggled my whole life with extremely severe anxiety. About the same time I opened my mouth up about my porn addiction, I took up meditation for my anxiety. I was very doubtful and skeptic about it at first, especially since I was put on meds my whole life and that really just made things worse. I didn't think there was any way of helping me. Hot damn I was wrong. Not gonna rant about it too much but meditation has really helped me in this whole process. Im in no way a religious person but finding some sort of spirituality has helped me out tremendously, regardless of the amount of times I've fallen back into porn. Oh and I started running again and that has been fucking rad, it also helps :)

 So it's been a full day since I last watched porn. I have a feeling this site is also really going to help me. I've been reading forums on here all day and it's been beautiful. The amount of support is such a blessing. Really hope to hear from others dealing with this. Here's to falling down and always getting back up. Cheers :)



CaptBadger

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Re: First post / first day
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2016, 11:36:55 PM »
It's great that you have enough trust in your dad to have him as an accountability partner! I have also been picking up meditation because I believe a big part of my ED is due to anxiety (not performance, as it also kicks in during masturbation), but meditation has helped me; namely being able to keep a watch over my thoughts instead of just allowing my negative ones to fully drain me as they did this past 7 months that I've had psychological ED. Obviously not watching porn and limiting my MO has also helped a lot. I'm a newbie to meditation, as this is my first week, what would you recommend to someone who is just picking up on it for a problem as the one we have? I can't even do it on the floor because my back hurts so I might have the technique wrong, been doing it seating on a chair.

jaw1994

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Re: First post / first day
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2016, 11:55:16 PM »
Yes that rules you picked it up! Meditation to me is just feeling my present emotions and just being aware of how I'm feeling. I don't rush into anything else. I don't make an effort to reach a certain feeling of relaxation or anything, I just let it come. When thoughts come into my head, negative or positive, I say hi, watch them pass and say bye. Having said that, I do meditate on certain things, the main one being my addiction. When I meditate on this, I do nothing more but know it is there and ask for help from my higher power that I meditate to, whatever that is. I turn everything over to that, and ask everyday for strength. I take it one day at a time. As far as the back problem I feel you ha. My back straight killed me at first, still does some times. I sit with my spine straight but still having the natural curve in my spine at the same time. Sitting in a chair is greta too! Honestly anyway that you feel comfortable, do that. There are different ways to meditate rather than just sitting down. Walking meditation is also great.  Research that one :) Thanks for the reply!!

jaw1994

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Re: First post / first day
« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2016, 11:07:16 PM »
Today was my second full day without P. I will update again tomorrow. Good luck to everyone else, cheers.

jaw1994

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Re: First post / first day
« Reply #4 on: July 16, 2016, 11:49:51 PM »
Just blew it after 4 days, picking myself back up is never easy. Back at it tomorrow. Good luck to everyone

ajake

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Re: First post / first day
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2016, 01:10:38 PM »
If you want to visually track your days, you can make a counter. It shows your progress to your goal and it's a good reminder that you are indeed making progress.

I think you can just click on mine and it'll take you to the appropriate page to make your own.  :)

jaw1994

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Re: First post / first day
« Reply #6 on: July 18, 2016, 11:30:13 AM »
Thank you!!!

RusOhio

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Re: First post / first day
« Reply #7 on: July 18, 2016, 06:42:11 PM »
Hey man. I registered today on this forum and after reading your post I can relate to your problems brother. I am 23 and I am trying running to help me as well. I tried meditation couple of times, but then I always felt lazy meditating. ...
« Last Edit: July 18, 2016, 06:45:25 PM by RusOhio »

jaw1994

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Re: First post / first day
« Reply #8 on: July 19, 2016, 11:21:05 PM »
Hey dude, stoked we're on the same boat. But yeah man, it's not an easy thing to to "accomplish" at first. It's really just about becoming aware of the present moment and just taking in your current emotions, feelings, etc. It comes with time and practice just like anything else. Keep practicing and give yourself the time to practice. It's worth it. Keep me updated on your recovery and i'll do the same!

jaw1994

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Re: First post / first day
« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2016, 11:04:43 AM »
It's been 4 days, concentrating on getting thru the day today. Wish me luck. Good luck to everyone

jaw1994

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Re: First post / first day
« Reply #10 on: July 23, 2016, 12:33:59 PM »
I've gone 6 days without PMO. Praying for help everyday. Hope everyone is doing well. Keep on kicking!!!

jaw1994

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Re: First post / first day
« Reply #11 on: August 05, 2016, 12:16:04 PM »
Over the past week i've gotten some of the strongest urges i've ever had. Somehow I managed to not give in and was able to call my accountability partner instead, which I usually do after I PMO. The past couple of days I have seriously felt like the biggest space case ever. My anxiety is outrageously outrageous to the point where I feel like I can't even talk at points. Having said that I woke up today feeling so happy and joyful, like over the top joyful. (I'm not complaining, it was awesome.) Anyways has anyone else experienced these emotions and anxieties after not PMOing?

RuntoSpirit

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Re: First post / first day
« Reply #12 on: August 06, 2016, 09:54:53 PM »
Sounds like you are making some deep headway.
I read today the book "Wack: Addicted to Internet Porn" by Noah Church.
in it he has a report by a guy who has gone something like 200 days.  He sang the praises of the blesings, but then he mentioned that in his reboot he relapsed 80-100 times.  FOr me that was encouraging.  My history has a lot of failure, but since I have been on the forum I have been super encouraged by everyone's pitching in to share with one another.
Rooting for your recovery.

jaw1994

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Re: First post / first day
« Reply #13 on: August 07, 2016, 11:03:43 AM »
Thanks man, i'm also reading the same book, it's definitely been very reassuring. Keep it up man!!!