Author Topic: A Slow Turning  (Read 10625 times)

aslowturning

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Re: A Slow Turning
« Reply #50 on: June 14, 2016, 12:15:03 PM »
Coming up on a half day no P. Any time with no P needs to be celebrated! Start small but dream big! I'm back at work after vacation. I like my work! It gives me a sense of purpose and keeps me tethered. I spent over 10 years out of the workforce as the primary caretaker of our children. I valued that time greatly but it was making me a little crazy toward the end. Honesty demands that I admit that it also was easy to slip away into P land undetected.

The thing is nothing ever goes really undetected. Even if my wife and kids had never found out about the P, they would know that there is something not right about dad. This is painful for me. I need to be careful to just put these words down to never forget that I could have been so much better as a father and spouse. No more/no less. That is because I can't do a damn thing about the past. I can only do right things in the present. I'm sooooo sorry for the things I did or more importantly did not do as a father. I did not do them because I was too wrapped up in this P mess. Again, nothing I can do about this. I can only give what I have to give going forward. They say that living in the past causes one to be depressed and living in the future causes one to be anxious, hence the present is where i strive to stay.

BlueSun

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Re: A Slow Turning
« Reply #51 on: June 15, 2016, 12:05:46 AM »
Anything you can do to put a few seconds delay between impulse and action gives you that much more of a chance to say no to the monster.  Maybe a list if reasons you're quitting. Or a huge list of symptoms, costs, and struggles its caused you. A calendar helped me, I kept writing numbers other than zero in the days. I realized one little give in to the temptation sometimes sent me on a week long fapfest. Then I ditched P and tried just M. Same thing. Quit both, not looking back. Accountability partners, friends who check in, porn blockers, set your color depth to really crappy, whatever it takes man. I'm rooting for you. Help others get free, you'd be surprised what happens when you take your own advice. Training wheels are acceptable.

It's worth it. You're worth it.

First it's one hour at a Time, then a half day at a time, then a day at a time.

The cravings suck, they make you think you're crazy, that you don't have a choice, that you deserve nothing better.  All lies. They pass. Keep busy, exercise, cold showers... You don't need to figure it out, there's no equation to solve, no mystery to unravel.  Just keep yourself occupied.  And wait. Staying busy while waiting is better.

You can do it.

You can do it.

You can do it.


aslowturning

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Re: A Slow Turning
« Reply #52 on: June 16, 2016, 07:03:26 AM »
Thanks for the encouragement Blue!

Well I've made it past a day! I have found that the first 24 hours are not the hardest as far as having to fight urges. It is difficult in that I have gone so long at times without not PMOing in a day that it is a casual unconscious habit. When I think about it and bring it into consciousness I can do 24 hours.

Then life happens of course,  job, family and the daily ups and down of living. Just like the smoker reaches for the cigarette and the alcoholic reaches for the drink I reach for the P. It takes me away. I just need to remember to think past the act to how I will feel afterwords. MY problems will be there but they will be worse. I get stronger each time I don't give in.

Here's to another 24!

Wishing everyone another day P free!

AST

aslowturning

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Re: A Slow Turning
« Reply #53 on: June 17, 2016, 06:37:34 AM »
Happy to be P free today.

Spent yesterday doing things for others. I think that is why I feel strong today. I told gummianka who is doing well but struggling that I'll make the next 24 hours if he does. I can't let a brother down!

AST
« Last Edit: June 17, 2016, 06:42:16 AM by aslowturning »

Anothertry

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Re: A Slow Turning
« Reply #54 on: June 17, 2016, 09:13:34 AM »
Good to read your journal, a slow turning, and keep going!  One question that comes to mind is whether you are as good at looking after yourself as you clearly are at looking after others?  I'll explain why I ask.

I work in a helping profession too, and know from both reading and personal experience that people who become helpers are often people  who have not been taught to deeply value and care for themselves.  We give others the care and attention that we need!

Of course, this may not apply to you - and feel free to ignore my question if it's not helpful.  I guess I ask it  because I know I am more likely to PMO if I am not caring for myself enough, and seeking experiences that bring pleasure and joy to myself.

If any of that resonates, maybe another good question is, if someone else was in the same situation as me, how would I try and help them?  And then do that for yourself.

Hope some of that is helpful.

jishan

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Re: A Slow Turning
« Reply #55 on: June 17, 2016, 09:21:11 AM »
hey i dont know where to post !!! And How to post .. can any one please help me ..   :(

Anothertry

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Re: A Slow Turning
« Reply #56 on: June 17, 2016, 09:48:42 AM »
Hi Jishan - sent you a private message (look under my messages).

Jailbird

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Re: A Slow Turning
« Reply #57 on: June 21, 2016, 03:44:35 PM »
You wrote that each time you resist you grow stronger and I agree. One day without the gibbon suit is a day of growth and goodness.
You are a dad and, like me, have lost time with them due to wanting to rub one out to grot. I recently achieved 45 days of no PMO. Then about a week ago I started acting out and wallop, back to grinding myself over a shaky phone image. Pathetic! But in that month I was present with my kids and made beautiful love with my wife. In the last week I have shut myself away from them but no more. I'm taking life back, again.

Good for you for trying AST, you are fighting a noble cause.

aslowturning

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Re: A Slow Turning
« Reply #58 on: June 24, 2016, 07:34:47 AM »
Thanks for the encouragement JB!

I had to rest today after day 8.

I will take those 8 days! I was productive and engaged. My mind was off my lower region for the most part. There is also only a small slip between me and a 14 day run prior to this one!

I think what caught me up was fantasizing and objectifying. It kinda wears on me like slow, dripping water and I become vulnerable.

One of the things I've picked up is the radical idea that I do actually have control over my eyes. I can control where they look. True, I've developed a reflex action whereby I ogle and objectify. I have been working on accepting this as a thing I do and working on it. No self-critical thinking when I do it. I just accept it, correct it and move on. Shame and guilt drive this thing after all.

That is what I've learned from this slip.

The word slip is significant too. So far this is not a binge. Thankful for that!

Anothertry

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Re: A Slow Turning
« Reply #59 on: June 24, 2016, 12:15:50 PM »
Hi A Slow Turning,

I think what you say above is very perceptive.  Indulging in alot of objectifying and fantasizing tends to lead me to slip to.  In a 12 step fellowship I was in people practiced something called the '3 second rule'.  The idea is to turn your gaze away from someone you are ogling within 3 seconds (or as soon as you notice).

It is important to remember there is nothing wrong with seeing someone and well, getting a little excited.  We are human beings, and we are meant to be attracted to each other.  Otherwise, there wouldn't have been many generations of human beings in the first place!  But as p addicts we have really turned sex into a habit, something we binge on.  Keeping fantasizing and ogling to a minimum whilst we get some space from P can be very valuable - for most of us, the path from ogling and fantasizing to PMO is a short one; so let's just give ourselves some space to recover! Then we can think about what healthy sexuality, for is, truly is....

aslowturning

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Re: A Slow Turning
« Reply #60 on: June 25, 2016, 09:20:36 AM »
Thanks for your insights AT. One of the things that is so frustrating is attraction. Like you say we are meant to be attracted to each other. In terms of my attraction to females my brain is wired to check them out physically. Women do the same thing too. My consumption of P has really screwed that up and made the whole attraction process warped. Instead of just being attracted in a general way my mind jumps off the tracks and I start objectifying and fantasizing. Instead of being powered by my libido I'm a slave to it.

It is really rather arrogant and shitty to think I need/want and should have women on demand. But that is what porn is. It is really repulsive to me when I stand back and look at it this way.
« Last Edit: June 25, 2016, 09:26:57 AM by aslowturning »

fyg

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Re: A Slow Turning
« Reply #61 on: June 25, 2016, 09:33:24 AM »
Thanks for your insights AT. One of the things that is so frustrating is attraction. Like you say we are meant to be attracted to each other. In terms of my attraction to females my brain is wired to check them out physically. Women do the same thing too. My consumption of P has really screwed that up and made the whole attraction process warped. Instead of just being attracted in a general way my mind jumps off the tracks and I start objectifying and fantasizing. Instead of being powered by my libido I'm a slave to it.

It is really rather arrogant and shitty to think I need/want and should have women on demand. But that is what porn is. It is really repulsive to me when I stand back and look at it this way.

Great and honest post, AST. On the other side of this process is a much more balanced understanding of attraction. All success stories attest to this. I objectify and fantasise too. But... it's reducing. Let's keep going.

Onwards and upwards!!! :)
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

Anothertry

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Re: A Slow Turning
« Reply #62 on: July 06, 2016, 01:12:29 PM »
How you getting on, A slow Turning?