Author Topic: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it  (Read 3336 times)

changemylife

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #75 on: December 30, 2018, 02:54:14 PM »
Quote
People with long streaks motivate me to get there too. I admire both of you so I will say this too: Don't you fucking relapse cause I want to get there too and be in the same boat.
Yea bro get in the boat,we have to stay afloat n at the same trying not to get soaked.

That's right!
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #76 on: January 01, 2019, 02:15:03 PM »
Day 192

Feeling horrible today. Yesterday my girl came, we tried sex few times. First she started giving me a blow job and i came in 10 seconds. Later I fingered her she was touching my penis, I got erection, but when i put condom and tried to penetrate her, my erection faded. I opened up to her and she was glad I am honest and said that she's by my side and later we cuddled, she was so sweet and lovely. We tried sex 2 more times, but I lost my erection when I put condom both times. Later she jerked me down there and started giving me BJ once again and I came in 20-30 seconds once again. I felt embarrased, even If she knew I didnt fap in 6 months.
I spent great day with her, I took her home few hours ago, but now I am depressed.

I also MO-ed now to test my erection and I've noticed that my semen is ORANGE?! I fapped once again and it was kinda orange once again with one little red dot in it. I am terrified now. I know friend of mine kicked me in my pelvic floor accidentaly few weeks ago and i hope that's from it.
« Last Edit: January 03, 2019, 05:06:11 AM by K-Dot »

Stiffy

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #77 on: January 01, 2019, 10:25:06 PM »
If your semen is orange with red dots you should probably go see a doctor my man.

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #78 on: January 02, 2019, 08:44:05 AM »
Day 194

I hate and want to fucking kill myself
« Last Edit: January 03, 2019, 05:30:29 AM by K-Dot »

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #79 on: January 03, 2019, 05:05:46 AM »
Day 195

Back into the deep flatline. Feeling like I don't have a dick, but it doesn't matter, I can't penetrate a women anyway. I feel like a total wimp, who bust a nut in 10 seconds when she gives me blow job, but can't keep it up to penetrate her. She knows my secret now, I told her I was porn/fap free for 6 months and that it'll take some more time and that I'm not fucked up about it. But if she knew how much it bothers me, she wouldn't belive how weak her man is mentally. It's hard not to act like you're hating yourself, when in reality you want to blow your brain's off. I even can't belive I'm the person who's complaining here all the time, but I rarely do it in real life, nobody knows about my problem except one friend from different country and my girlfriend (I opened up to her 2 days ago). Thoughts of losing a women of my dreams have put me in a huge scarcity state. I think she's the reason I want to recover, I didn't give a fuck about my dick not working before she came into my life

I live for the day when I'll be normal again, I even don't know how it is to have a vaginal sex and feel it (I didn't have it much anyway). The last time was in 2013. when i was 17 and now I'm 23. Fuck
« Last Edit: January 03, 2019, 05:30:57 AM by K-Dot »

Jones

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #80 on: January 03, 2019, 06:41:46 PM »
Don't give in to this shit bro. I'm now experiencing massive mood swings like really terrible. I think the fact that I can't get an erection is tearing me up inside, I don't know when I'll be fine. I just want this flatline to start come on and off cuz I really feel like I'm dying

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #81 on: January 04, 2019, 02:41:22 PM »
Day 196

Flatlining as hell. Opened to friend of mine about my PIED  and sexual problems. I was so depressed last 2 days that I didnt contacted my girl, she called me yesterday and was mad cuz I forgot to call her. Anxiety is hard

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #82 on: January 05, 2019, 05:17:26 AM »
Day 197

Still flatlining.
Anxiety is hard, not so much about my dick not working, but about fucking up my relationship. I shouldn't be obssesed with this all the time, but I can't help it.
My new song with a video is coming out in a few weeks. I need to start working on a new songs and I need to start studying finally, I forgot about my university at all.

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #83 on: January 05, 2019, 07:37:03 AM »
"I tried suicide once and I'll try it again, that's why I write songs where I die at the end"
"Pinching nurse's asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens
And I'm jerking, but this whole bag of Viiagra isn't working"

Just to say, I love Eminem, my idol, i've listened to him a lot during these hard times

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiT_PIdtXSg
« Last Edit: January 05, 2019, 07:42:55 AM by K-Dot »

changemylife

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #84 on: January 05, 2019, 07:53:16 AM »
"I tried suicide once and I'll try it again, that's why I write songs where I die at the end"
"Pinching nurse's asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens
And I'm jerking, but this whole bag of Viiagra isn't working"

Just to say, I love Eminem, my idol, i've listened to him a lot during these hard times

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiT_PIdtXSg

He made a joke once in a interview (or talking seriously, I don't know) that he was a chronic masturbator at one point :))))
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #85 on: January 05, 2019, 08:49:11 AM »
"I tried suicide once and I'll try it again, that's why I write songs where I die at the end"
"Pinching nurse's asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens
And I'm jerking, but this whole bag of Viiagra isn't working"

Just to say, I love Eminem, my idol, i've listened to him a lot during these hard times

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiT_PIdtXSg

He made a joke once in a interview (or talking seriously, I don't know) that he was a chronic masturbator at one point :))))

Kim Mathers once said he needs viagra to function in bed, but you can't know is it true, cuz it's from her mouth. But knowing he was on anti depressants, I wouldn't be surprised.

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #86 on: January 07, 2019, 01:39:55 PM »
Day 199

Went out with my girl yesterday, we hanged for about 6 hours. Today I'm a little bit horny, but I don't feel urges to PMO. Any advices on how to cure PE when I finally get and stay hard enough to penetrate into vagina? Blowjob makes me cum in 10-15 seconds right now.

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #87 on: January 08, 2019, 07:14:16 AM »
Day 200

It seems like I made 200+ days without PMO for the second time in my life. The first one lasted from June 2016. - January 2017.
After that I've had couple of 30+, 60+ days streaks, one 120 days streak and many binge relapses between each. I didn't manage to get successful vaginal sex,  only BJs and HJs. Curretly I'm 200 days porn free, still have PIED problems, but i feel my libido is getting better. I also have huge PE problem and anxiety issues over my relationship due to sexual dysfunctins and writer's block .

I'll continue to reboot and rewire, with hope of seeing that cliche light at the end of muthafucking tunnel (word tunnel makes me panic, cuz it reminds me of vaginal tunnel and vagina is something that i can not penetrate into, because my dick is limp, and my dick being limp spikes my anxiety and makes me feel like a pussy- word pussy- something i can not enter because I'm impotent like a grandpa who shit himself in the pants - fuck my "wired to pixels on a screen" brain)

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #88 on: January 09, 2019, 10:03:57 AM »
Day 201

Horny a lil bit. Produced few beats. Got some money for few of them. I was good until half an hour ago, when few dark thoughts about me being impotent popped up in my mind, which triggered anxiety attack.

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #89 on: January 09, 2019, 05:46:18 PM »
Anecdote
Day after I opened to my girlfriend about my porn issue and PIED, I told her that I lied and that my dick don't get hard to her because I'm actually gay and she laughed

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #90 on: January 10, 2019, 10:57:01 AM »
Day 202

I played Kool & the Gang album to chill out for a lil bit and the first line on the album wsa literally "I can't get it up".
God why are you making an ass of me?

changemylife

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #91 on: January 10, 2019, 11:08:06 AM »
Day 202

I played Kool & the Gang album to chill out for a lil bit and the first line on the album wsa literally "I can't get it up".
God why are you making an ass of me?

hahahahahahaha sorry for laughing but it's a funny situation.
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #92 on: January 11, 2019, 06:52:06 AM »
Day 202

I played Kool & the Gang album to chill out for a lil bit and the first line on the album wsa literally "I can't get it up".
God why are you making an ass of me?

hahahahahahaha sorry for laughing but it's a funny situation.

It's sad and funny as hell at the same time

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #93 on: January 11, 2019, 06:58:08 AM »
Day 203

I've realised I'm using alcohol to silent down anxiety in social situations. Sometimes it's hard for me to get comfortable around some people (usually ones who I find important) and I drink a few beers/shots to relax.

This morning thoughts of never being able to get it up without visual/physical stimulation spiked fear in me, but I've been listening to some hip hop and I feel better now

Douplefapastronaut

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #94 on: January 11, 2019, 07:06:43 AM »
Stop alcool.

Alcool = MO

changemylife

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #95 on: January 11, 2019, 08:00:29 AM »
Stop alcool.

Alcool = MO

I am an alcoholic and I can guarantee that alcohol doesn't help anything. The problem is still there. Anxiety is still there, depression is still there. Even worse, it raises my anxiety which pushes me to PMO even harder. Now I have 11 days without alcohol and I'm starting to notice some good things. Less anxiety, for starters, despise only have 2 days without PMO. I am not against drinking in moderation but I am against using alcohol as self-medication. As soon as you drink because you want to detach yourself from anxiety, stress etc. this is where the line is crossed. I've crossed the line 10 years ago and I drank my brains out. Now I'm trying to slow down.

Peace of mind, cause this is the most important.
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #96 on: January 12, 2019, 06:03:55 AM »
Day 204

Yesterday I went on instagram and naked picture appeared. I looked away immediately, later i unlocked my phone and it appeared again (I forgot to get out of instagram), I felt my hard pumping and I looked away in less than a second. And I'm back into the flatline because of this. Fuck

changemylife

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #97 on: January 12, 2019, 06:23:45 AM »
Day 204

Yesterday I went on instagram and naked picture appeared. I looked away immediately, later i unlocked my phone and it appeared again (I forgot to get out of instagram), I felt my hard pumping and I looked away in less than a second. And I'm back into the flatline because of this. Fuck

Man, stay away from that fucking Instagram.
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.

K-Dot

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #98 on: January 12, 2019, 06:46:50 AM »
Day 204

Yesterday I went on instagram and naked picture appeared. I looked away immediately, later i unlocked my phone and it appeared again (I forgot to get out of instagram), I felt my hard pumping and I looked away in less than a second. And I'm back into the flatline because of this. Fuck

Man, stay away from that fucking Instagram.

I dont feel urge to relapse, but i felt aroused. Fuck instagram

changemylife

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Re: Rebooting till my dick gets so hard that i could smash bricks with it
« Reply #99 on: January 12, 2019, 06:57:38 AM »
Day 204

Yesterday I went on instagram and naked picture appeared. I looked away immediately, later i unlocked my phone and it appeared again (I forgot to get out of instagram), I felt my hard pumping and I looked away in less than a second. And I'm back into the flatline because of this. Fuck

Man, stay away from that fucking Instagram.

I dont feel urge to relapse, but i felt aroused. Fuck instagram

Exactly, it arouses you and why arouse yourself to something artificial anyway?
Loneliness separates me, like a dimension on its own. I cannot leave it, I hit an invisible all. I walk invisible between you all.