60 days! Here's what's worked for me

Today is day 61 completely PMO free. I don't think I've ever had this long without P or M since I started by porn career at about age 13; I'm now 58. I don't even want to know if I was able to add up the hours how many complete days or weeks of my life have been spent indulging this addiction. I've also been trying to stop for almost as long as I've been doing it. There's was always another day off in the distance when I would conquer it, "when I'm 18, when I'm 21, 25, 30, 35, 50, when I get into college, when I get out of college, when I get married, when I get divorced, when I get remarried, when this project is over," yadda, yadda, yadda. You get the idea. Aside from the negative effects directly caused by the addiction, there was also the negative effects caused by constant relapse. I quit smoking when I was 24 and quit drinking when I was 39. It was in AA meeting rooms that I first heard about SA and sex addiction and I thought "finally, the way out of this!" It didn't work for me. When I first found yourbrainonporn I also thought "finally, the way our of this!" Although it didn't happen right away, the knowledge base that I got from YBOP about how this is really a dopamine addiction is the foundation for my success so far. I have also been reading all the posts on this website from Jon64 and William. The brain science on YBOP and William's insight into how to bring that knowledge to bear in the day-to-day struggle have really been transformational. In addition to having all of that ammunition, the one thing that has been keeping me PMO-free these last 60 days is I avoid like the plague not only porn (duh!) but also any porn substitutes. For me that includes racy TV or even TV shows that have attractive women on them, including some cable news channels. I don't look at pictures of girls in bikinis or underwear or even fully clothed. I also avoid allowing myself to look at the women around me. Obviously if I'm talking to someone that's different, but walking along the train platform or waiting on line in the deli, or sitting in a restaurant, if I see an attractive woman I just look away. That is the exact opposite of what I've been doing for the last 45 years, and it's working. It may seem unnatural, etc., etc., but I don't care. That is a price I am very willing to pay. I'm not consumed with lust, I'm not jerking off to porn, and I'm not that letch ogling every female that happens to pop up in my field of vision. No porn, no porn substitutes of any kind, including fantasy. That was a killer for me too in the past. Well, I feel like I'm babbling now. That's what's been working for me and that's what I'm going to keep doing. God bless to all of you guys and gals and have a great PMO-free day!

Thanks for sharing this post. I realise that I am also constantly postponing at some point my reboot and quitting, smoking or pmoing. It is good to know from other people that we don't want that and it keeps me motivated to understand how far it can go on the long run. It think the first time I thought about quitting pmo or smoking was 10 years ago. I am not yet doing as much as I thought and each I come back to it I do it the same or worse again. It takes a real understanding and integration in our life to really change this addiction.
Thanks and all the best to you!

Alamar, thanks for your post. It has inspired me to finally jump into my recovery. I found your experience to be similar to mind in many ways.  Guess I needed to see an experience that said to me,"this is where you can start to chnage".
I'm 69 now and still whacking away. I joined Reboot a month a go or so and finally am able to confront what to me means much more than  not addition, but worse, a life not maintaing significant dozens and dozens of relationships, which I always find a way to leave. Even two marriages. The one thing I read on this site is "from addition to connection". When I think about an intamate connection to other people, I will have to find a new framework. I have done a lot of work over the years, but seems like this is the place to find something real,that can change the direction of my life.
I liked what you said about not looking at women unless talking to them. That was a hook for me, a feeling of control and power.
I am one day free of porn.
Russ

Welcome aboard Russ. There's a lot of inspiration in the posts on this and other porn addiction recovery sites, but there are also lots of stories of guys, like me, who William refers to as "serial relapsers." We go a couple of days or maybe even a week or two and then slip, then binge, then wonder wtf is with me, why can't I get out from under this thing? Some people seem to be able to break the spell with very few, if any, relapsers, while others of us have to keep falling and getting back up again. One of the more senior guys like us for whom just the brain science was enough is one of the administrators on this site. He goes by the name LTE which stands for long term evolution. I have found his posts very illuminating in addition to William's. Today is day 68 for me and I can't tell you how grateful I am for that much time without PMO. Everything is not rainbows and unicorns, but it feels good not to be ashamed of myself spending hours whacking away when I have a life to live. I'm also gratified that I'm not supporting the porn industry anymore which, at its best, chews up young girls and spits them out on the side of the road and at its worst is actively involved in human trafficking and sexual slavery. I am the father of two boys and two girls, 27 and 17. I can't imagine them being abused the way I've seen other girls their ages get abused in porn while I jerked off. Very disturbing. I was hoping to post something that might be inspiring to you but I seem to have taken a dark turn. Anyway, at least it's honest. They used to tell me in AA "you can't get sober until you get honest." Actually, that's another positive aspect of having some recovery from PMO; no more lying about what I've been doing or why I wasn't able to finish some work or a chore around the house. No porn, no porn substitutes. Also, if you don't want to jerk off, don't touch your dick. It really is just that simple. Simple, but not always easy. Best of luck in your recovery Russ. Porn is not an option!

How many complete days or weeks ...?

I masturbated for about 40 years, almost every day, sometimes more than once, often for hours.

Let's say:

40 (years) x 365 (days) = 14600 hours

14600 hours = 608 days

608 days = 1.66 years

I think it's enough for one life.

I am here for about two years, long streaks, a few relapses, feeling better and better.

And: Thank you for your Post!!

is it possible to calm you mind down,so that you can watch women in tv or in train-beautifull and sexy without raising sexual signal in your brain..i think this should be a good and healthy way rather then taking a radical steps by isolating yourself from day to day life..but i am absolutly sure that we should watch porn or sexy videos or song...is it possible...i am new and i just shared my view..you just keep your mind in calm state and if possible do some meditation..it surely will help

So... Turns out I'm a 'Serial Relapser'. That phrase alone hit me hard just now, and makes amazing sense. In July, I went 23 days PMO-free. I had one relapse, and then it's snowballed into more. My brain is constantly making excuses as to why I shouldn't be concerned. But that just proves even more that I need a reboot. A REAL reboot. Like you, with each relapse came the "I'll start over Monday","The first of the month I get serious", and the "No more past this age." I'm going to be 30 next year. I need this addiction out of my life. I have  negative feelings follow me around constantly, and each time I relapse I lose alittle more of the hope I have.
If I have another relapse I don't want to be so broken-hearted that I lose the motivation I worked so hard to build. And I know that viewing porn already messes with your dopamine triggers. "The more we engage in addictive behavior the more bored we become" causing lose of motivation. How do I get around that? How did you?
Also, I'm happy to see that you're able to make a change this drastic after so long. Don't give up, because your an amazing example I'd like to follow.

Haroun said:

So... Turns out I'm a 'Serial Relapser'. That phrase alone hit me hard just now, and makes amazing sense. In July, I went 23 days PMO-free. I had one relapse, and then it's snowballed into more. My brain is constantly making excuses as to why I shouldn't be concerned. But that just proves even more that I need a reboot. A REAL reboot. Like you, with each relapse came the "I'll start over Monday","The first of the month I get serious", and the "No more past this age." I'm going to be 30 next year. I need this addiction out of my life. I have  negative feelings follow me around constantly, and each time I relapse I lose alittle more of the hope I have.
If I have another relapse I don't want to be so broken-hearted that I lose the motivation I worked so hard to build. And I know that viewing porn already messes with your dopamine triggers. "The more we engage in addictive behavior the more bored we become" causing lose of motivation. How do I get around that? How did you?
Also, I'm happy to see that you're able to make a change this drastic after so long. Don't give up, because your an amazing example I'd like to follow.

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I know you will relapse with that attitude and do not have what it takes. Not to be negative, go on YourBrainRebalanced and study every post from Users OU812, Dominik and Reborn Again. Obviously Gabe and Reboot Nation as well. Get there mindset...and if you really wanna save yourself...buy the book Psychocybernectics by Maxwell Maltz and read it, the original, or THE NEW PSYCHOCYBERNECTICS on Audible, the self image is the key and that book / audible personally was recommended and really helped me.

Here is the little secret to blow your mind..........you have complete control over your body, your muscles, addiction is a disorder and clearly a condition of the brain....but one can quit there addiction to anything, especially porn in this case...by deciding they are never going to internationally look / use artificial sexual stimuli again. Nobody makes yo relapse. I hate that word because it is thrown around on these forums, it is a fucking joke. Nobody outside of your own mind controls your own voluntary limbs and makes you relapse. Lie on the floor now and then relapse. You cannot you have to choose to do so, choose to move your limbs and relapse or reboot forever is a choice.

"Darn I relapsed, and now I have to reset my counter"
"Oops, slipped on a banana peel and then just *happened* to *magically* go on my computer and click buttons / mouse / keyboards to find and end up on porn.
"Strange I just woke up and had my hand around my dick with a smartphone here drat another relapse"

GARBAGE.

It comes to realising what it means to be an addict. And when YOU like I and EVERYONE WHO IS SUCCESSFUL has admitted to themselves in order to heal. I AM A PORN ADDICT, I CANNOT CONTROL MY USE OF PORN / ARTIFICIAL SEXUAL STIMULI. MY ENTIRE LIFE WITH IT IN MY LIFE REVOLVES AROUND IT.....I WILL ABSTAIN AND QUIT ARTIFICIAL SEXUAL STIMULI...FOREVER...and DECIDING to use OR NOT is up to YOU. Only when you decide that you are taking another hit of heroin as the heroine addict or meth as the meth addict....you are going back to addiction so never forget that... YOU CANNOT CONTROL YOUR USE OF IT. Neither can I or any other true addict. Therefore one must quit it entirely to get it out of there life.

Hi there Drugfree,

I totally agree with you. It is only when you admit to yourself that you cannot control the drug, you will be free. Some people, however, want to control that drug. It is not possible.

DrugFree said:

GARBAGE.

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Probably the realest info I've ever been given. I'm totally copying that for myself. You're right. And I guess it's been an excuse all along. And I'm glad someone was real with me like you just were, because I've been doing a poor job. Honestly, thanks, DrugFree.