Author Topic: Buckled in!  (Read 2603 times)

Proffesor_NOMOREX

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Buckled in!
« on: June 10, 2016, 12:44:55 AM »
Hello, I am 16 years old. I have been watching porn since I was around the ages of 9-10. Masturbation has always been in my life, even at a very young age.

For about a year now I have struggled with a porn addiction, while I never really realized it was an addiction or even attempted at stopping until 1 year prior to now.
There's been a shift in me this time around. I think I have finally realized the source to my porn addiction. Now as I have used porn since I was 9-10, I didn't watch it compulsively until I met a girl... I know it sounds ironic, but this girl and I developed a relationship when I was around 13-14 years old. I was madly in love with her, a huge crush! But she always insulted me, made me feel inadequate, inferior, and added insecurities to the pile of ones I already had. While I am not going to go into full detail on our relationship, these feelings she caused me during our relationship resulted in me turning to porn to feel better about myself. She often would even compliment other guys instead of me.. her boyfriend. (she also cheated on me)

I loved her, and I know I was even younger than I am now, but at the time I was very madly in love. We ultimately broke up, with her trying to get back with me, I said no. But the damage had already been done. This caused my two relationships after not to work out. Due to myself being emotionally and even in my opinion fucked up.

I developed PIED, this I discovered with my second relationship, and while it wasn't the cause of THAT breakup it did make me realize I needed to make a change.

SO here I am 1 year later. Having reduced my porn use tremendously, I have went through MANY relapses.
But each time I learned something new, something that has helped me go a little further in each one. My longest streak was around 30+ days.

It has gotten so much easier to go on longer streaks. This time it's different though, I realized my ex gf made me feel those feelings of inadequacy, and inferiority, but when on the outside I am none of those things.

This time it's going to be different, this is the time I will quit for good and nothing will stop me.
With the knowledge i've gained and the Lord Jesus Christ by my side, I will accomplish my goal.
90+ and even if my PIED isn't cured by then, I will be free!

Every journey begins with a single step.

Proffesor_NOMOREX

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Re: Buckled in!
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2016, 12:36:25 PM »
Day 8 Update! At this point I have entered a flatline. I have little to no labido during the day, but I still get morning wood.
Now here's some things I think have helped me so far. I started off my summer staying at a cabin with my friends at this cabin resort type area. It was great for many reasons.

1) Helped me really get my mind off everything else, was very relaxing, and helped me experience a good time with my friends.
2) I slept with a girl, and by sleep I do mean simply sleep. I do have a HUGE crush on her, but she once dated one of my best friends and I don't know how that would go, plus she isn't over him. We didn't cuddle or anything, but did spend a lot of time together, and the fact I did get morning wood waking up beside her, made me feel great just because I was hard and a real girl was present.

Now, since then I went to a party, and was flirting with some girls there too, then I went to spend the night at my lady friends house, the one I slept with in the cabin.
It wasn't just us it was a group of friends made up of 6. The other guys left in the morning for football practice so I went up to sleep at the foot of the girls bed, and lol this may sound weird, but my "lady friend" who I have a crush had leggings on and nothing underneath and I being at the foot of the bed basically had some ass in my face while sleeping.

All while again getting hard! But here's some things I've noticed.

I did occasionally get hard while in bed and mostly in the morning, I was extremely attracted to the girl, but when we would go swimming I didn't get hard at all looking at her in her bathing suit, or she would be basically naked with only a robe on and I still couldn't get hard.

This tells me I am in a flatline, and even though I wish I could've gotten hard right then and there, I know that my mind is rebooting and at least it's working!

On day 14-15 I'll post a new update! Stay strong and God bless!

Proffesor_NOMOREX

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Re: Buckled in!
« Reply #2 on: June 18, 2016, 08:55:25 PM »
Day 11!

Almost relapsed today! Thank God I didn't!
It started out like any other time I relapse! By first looking at twerk or JOI vids on youtube, then by going on tumblr and kik looking for girls to talk to. Thankfully this time was different and before I touched myself at all! I closed out all the apps, I logged out of them all and put down my phone. I still got had to the porn, and situation and felt my brain getting aroused, but I did not give in! I believe this is great improvement for me, and progress of my discipline.

LoneWolf

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Re: Buckled in!
« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2016, 03:22:35 AM »
Good luck, stay strong.
Objective streak: Get through today without PMOing

Proffesor_NOMOREX

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Re: Buckled in!
« Reply #4 on: June 21, 2016, 05:45:00 AM »
Thank you appreciate it! and you too!

Proffesor_NOMOREX

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Re: Buckled in!
« Reply #5 on: June 22, 2016, 10:28:42 PM »
Day 15 Update!

Well, around days 12 and 13 I had urges and almost did relapse, didn't look at any porn, but began to masturbate for only a few seconds until telling myself no and pulling myself out.

I will say though, there was one time I just downloaded tumblr and began to search for porn when I decided not to.
Some may say this is a set back, but not for me! Because every other time I've relapsed it was due to that exactly, downloading tumblr only telling myself that I'll just look a little, and eventually end up relapsing.

BUT NOT THIS TIME! HA! Not in a braggish way, but I have to say I am proud of myself for coming this far and not making the same mistake I've made so many times in the past. I feel that I have finally found the discipline within myself necessary to be cured and end my addiction.

Lately, I have not had much morning would, a few days like this morning I had a bit of MW, but lol it wasn't anything special.
I will say that after almost giving in and downloading tumblr, the night after I had insomnia and COULD NOT fall asleep! I seriously went all night without sleeping.

I did however have a girl over, and while we cuddled, I did for a VERY short period of time get a slight erection. That gives me hope! I know that if I simply trust the process and continue in hard mode, one day I will have cured my ED.

Please whomever may read this pray for me, as I will be for you! :)
God Bless, and good luck to all!

Proffesor_NOMOREX

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Re: Buckled in!
« Reply #6 on: June 25, 2016, 08:45:17 PM »
Relapse... on the 24th and today 25th...

Idk why, I just did.

Time to start over... again

DonReboot

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Re: Buckled in!
« Reply #7 on: June 26, 2016, 01:41:09 PM »
Hey man,

if have just seen that you have relapsed again, and guessing from your word use, you are not happy about it.
So here is my challenge:

Go 6 weeks, only six weeks without it.
To put it in relation: A person lives 80 years, makes 80*52 = 4160 weeks. Now, this might seem like much, but every time you relapse you waste an hour, day, week of a better life. And you set yourself back, you miss the chances of life, the ups and downs, the good music, those evenings during summer, sitting on the beach, no brain-fog, just LIFE.

Go man, and get your life, you deserve it.

Proffesor_NOMOREX

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Re: Buckled in!
« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2016, 06:24:50 AM »
Thanks man, i appreciate it. I relapsed recently again, but I am starting a fresh new! Thank you!

Proffesor_NOMOREX

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Re: Buckled in!
« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2016, 06:29:37 AM »
Today 7:26 Am! Yesterday was a very stressful day! Today I start anew! A brand NEW!

I will admit I went on a small binge, but I am finished now. I really am.
Each time I've went on a streak I have made progress, and I am damn sure to do it again this time!
SO today here's to the new me.


Proffesor_NOMOREX

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Re: Buckled in!
« Reply #10 on: June 28, 2016, 04:09:58 PM »
LET'S TRY AGAIN! DAY-1 Tomorrow I leave for my movie shoot! I will have no way to watch porn for at least 3 days! This is the jump start I need to get back on track

Proffesor_NOMOREX

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Re: Buckled in!
« Reply #11 on: July 06, 2016, 04:04:52 PM »
Relapsed today... Time to really restart.

DAY-0

I was very depressed and I still masturbated,but it's time to quit cold turkey.
I'm fucking sick and tired of damn porn in my life.

Today July 6th 2016 is the last time I will ever view porn in my life.
I'm headed to Ohio this weekend for a Church trip. That'll give me a few days completely free.
I'm going to start writing in my journal again, I will overcome this within this year. By November I swear I will be free!

RuntoSpirit

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Re: Buckled in!
« Reply #12 on: July 19, 2016, 10:49:51 PM »
It is so hard to learn that porn is not your friend.  When we are depressed, lonely, tired porn says "PIck me, you know I am an easy fix."  (and it is, but porn never tells you the WHOLE truth.   It never tells you about the pit in your stomache, or the lost time, or the isoaltion, or the feelings of low worth after you broke your promise to yourself one more time.)

I am rooting for both (Professor NOMOREX and BUCKLED IN)  of you.  LEt's do this.
I am only a month in to a period of really seeing porn as an enemy.   Before I got on this reboot challenge I saw it as a deadly friend.  I just thought I had to do it cause that's the way it was and because my long use (50 years of mastrubation habit).   I realize it is the same for us all.... Stop doing it and the brain rewires.  SOme people take longer, some less, but the brain works the same in respnse to abstinance -- the nerual pathways lose their super firing capacity.  Sensitivity to normal sexuality is restored and you get increase in your feelings of self worth.  ONe thought,  if you go without PMO today you are free today.  In a year's time you will have the DeltaFosB dumpted out of your brain and you prob ably will be over any PIED if you have that, but you can be free today.
Cheers to you both.