Author Topic: NoFap Consciousness  (Read 49462 times)

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #575 on: June 15, 2019, 09:32:20 AM »
So in six days I will have done the best year I have ever done with regards to PMO. It is already the best year in fact. But I am looking at this all the wrong way. I have a tendency to sabotage targets just before I meet them as if to prove to myself that they are not really important in the scheme of things. But after all these years I shouldn't be thinking in terms of targets, I should simply choose to never repeat the old habits again. I talked myself into making this choice before and managed nine straight months without PMO. At the time I wasn't thinking about targets, I had simply chose to stop. I have to make that choice again. One thing that occurs to me is that we are hardwired to play games of negotiating sexual pleasure. Life would be impossible if we experienced sexual pleasure twenty-four seven, and relationships involve holding back and testing loyalty. I think there is a danger of falling into the trap of such a relationship with P which leads to the endless cycles of abstaining and returning that characterize chronic relapsers like myself. We set targets, negotiate with ourselves, hold back, then give in, all as part of some warped sexual relationship between us and the computer. It is as if we are testing loyalty somehow, even as we know the relationship causes us harm. We have to break the relationship once and for all, and never go back. Testing how long we can abstain plays into the hardwiring of how we deal with relationships, real or otherwise. We need to choose to break the relationship, to cast it aside, and never look back. It is not a question of how many days, months or even years that we can go without, but of simply choosing to no longer be in a relationship sexually between ourselves and the computer. At the beginning, proving to oneself that one can make targets of abstention that one sets, helps to establish that one can live without the relationship, but at the end of the day, once that is done, one has to cut free of the relationship altogether, by making the choice. Everyone who has done even a month or maybe less, knows that we can live without P. Yet we still come back to it. We still desire the relationship on some level. We have to make the choice to break with the relationship once and for all. In some twisted sense, writing here can also become part of the relationship, reinforcing our relationship with the computer, though it is a much better substitute for P. But if we continue to use P and write here all the time, we are just building the bond. How many times have we said we will stop, only to return and then write here analysing our mistakes. I'm not saying this site doesn't help, it does, I personally have done much better at abstaining since joining, much better, but there has to come a point where we say it is over. I have chosen not to actively search for P, not for some period of time, but ever again, and that is final. Thank you.

Pete McVries

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #576 on: July 18, 2019, 04:31:34 PM »
Georgos, how are you doing?
My Journal

Seven months clean and counting...

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #577 on: August 18, 2019, 12:22:49 PM »
So it's been fourteen months now with only four PMOs in that time. But I have kept returning to searching for P even though I managed six and a half months without it at the beginning of the year. I can't seem to shake the urge to search the moment search terms enter my mind. Thinking about this, I want to try something, separating the search terms from the images. I want to try just doing searches for text results and not clicking on any of the links. I'm going to try this for two months and then try and stop completely again. I'm not MOing. I don't want to be searching for P when I'm forty. I don't want to be looking at pornographic images, however mindful I am and even without MO. I want to be free of P for ever. I have to learn to be mindful with words as well as images, so that words don't lead to images, just as images don't lead to MO. Thank you.