Author Topic: NoFap Consciousness  (Read 37213 times)

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #325 on: February 28, 2018, 05:17:08 AM »
Hi Fly, there was a book I read, string theory, the seven dimensions, or is that eleven?, I play the sitar like if you know what I've changed, souk, bartering with money, integration, it's a choice, anyway, the revolutionary book I read featured a chameleon, which I later wrote a song about, are your conscious of the image that you are projecting, the story said the chameleon was on the wrong side, he was a lizard after all, but lizards are animals aren't they?

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #326 on: February 28, 2018, 05:45:45 AM »
The book was called Tales from... but I didn't come phew

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #327 on: March 03, 2018, 12:57:43 PM »
So I have a nephew! This is getting very difficult for me after 14 days of no MO. My nephew said it, he loves me I know, and I lost the connection. I need to know how to bring him up. I don't want him looking at porn like me. I have started looking for a woman again :( and I tried to greet a real one, I am very scared. I'm addicted to tobacco, and that is the problem. I can continue without MOing for a few more days at least, but I really need to be more disciplined with tobacco, it is not for money, I beg you, don't help me.

Loving_Mary

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #328 on: March 03, 2018, 04:38:44 PM »
So I have a nephew! This is getting very difficult for me after 14 days of no MO. My nephew said it, he loves me I know, and I lost the connection. I need to know how to bring him up. I don't want him looking at porn like me. I have started looking for a woman again :( and I tried to greet a real one, I am very scared. I'm addicted to tobacco, and that is the problem. I can continue without MOing for a few more days at least, but I really need to be more disciplined with tobacco, it is not for money, I beg you, don't help me.

Hi Georgos you can just inform tour nephew about drugs and addictions. And that there's addiction to the internet and porn, just that at least he's got the information while he's clean.

But I beleive the best way of helping him is quitting yourself.

Cause that way while recovered you'll connect much better to the others, icluding your nephew, and also you'll have a lifestile which he can learn about.

Cause we all have to make changes in our lifes in order to recover. It's our lifestile and approach which has strenghten the addcition

Cheers
Peace :)

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #329 on: March 08, 2018, 03:05:27 PM »
So today I MO'd. I think it was about 18 days this time, which is better than last. Got to keep increasing the distance between MOing without putting too much strain on my reboot. A bit disappointed, but still progressing. Thank you.

Loving_Mary

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #330 on: March 08, 2018, 06:12:29 PM »
So today I MO'd. I think it was about 18 days this time, which is better than last. Got to keep increasing the distance between MOing without putting too much strain on my reboot. A bit disappointed, but still progressing. Thank you.

You did well man, 18 days is a long time

As long as you stay away from P everything is good.

Cannot advise you against M cause I don't know how to do it.

But man, sounds that you're doing good.
Peace :)

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #331 on: March 12, 2018, 11:38:16 AM »
So I had to look back to see when I last MO'd even though it was only four days ago, because I'd lost track of counting. I realised that it is important at this stage to keep track of the days between MO because I started to lose focus on soft mode and started thinking about how long it had been since I looked at P. Obviously the aim is to go as long as possible without MO, but if I really need to MO to release the pressure, I will. Having said that, five days abstinence is still the absolute minimum I'm prepared to consider without fear of tumbling into a downward spiral. The first five days, ten days, etc are the hardest. I'm aiming at 21 days this time, a slight increase on last time, and I believe I can do it. Have just come out of two weeks pretty intense altered states of psychosis, and I know at such a time I am vulnerable. I need to ground myself in some activities that will keep me sane, still not sure what those might be. At the moment just trying to coast through the days, but I'm still feeding the remnants of my psychosis through my use of the internet. I'm not against the internet, but other than this site, I'm not really using it in a helpful way at the moment. As I said, I need to ground myself. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #332 on: March 12, 2018, 12:54:22 PM »
Going to write some more today. Have been feeling thoughts of looking at P. I'm not worried about today as I'm just about to go out for the evening with no access to the internet. However it is important that tomorrow I stay clean. Tomorrow will be the fifth day. I really don't want to MO so soon. I've got a date in the evening tomorrow, so perhaps that is what has been triggering relapsing thoughts. Looking at P would completely ruin my date, turning me into a gibbering wreck, so it is out of the question. The thoughts have been typical relapse thoughts, memories of how I used to feel with the promise of something new. If they continue I will allow myself to MO before the 21 days are up, however for now I'll try to keep on going. This is soft mode after all, so MO is always possible if not actually desirable. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #333 on: March 13, 2018, 12:55:30 PM »
So thoughts of P have been entering my head. This is partly because I can think of nothing productive to do, and I sort of crave the reset that usually spurs me into applying myself to bettering myself. In a strange way, in the past PMO has acted to ground me by focusing my full attention on stopping doing it. Of course the reality is that this neurotic cycle of PMOing then desperately trying to stop is one of the key factors in me developing paranoid schizophrenia which lead to this complete rut that I am in now. I need to be able to ground myself naturally, and also spur myself into bettering myself and my situation naturally as well. I could MO. Today is the fifth day without MO so it is not completely out of the question. However I still want to go 21 days. I've got social engagements today, tomorrow and the day after, so remembering that, should be enough to keep me clean, as I know that I am awful in social situations if I relapse. Hopefully by then I will have a clear head. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #334 on: March 14, 2018, 11:06:07 AM »
Another day completely clean. My mind has been tormented by thoughts of searching for P. I do not give in though. I need to get to the stage where it is thoughts of MO that tempt me, not PMO. Novelty is the big factor in PMO searching. The act of searching and being surprised by something new is the hit that I have craved. Today is the sixth day. As I said, I have social engagements today and tomorrow, and then one more on Saturday. Still suffering from lack of concentration to occupy myself with things. Thank you.

Loving_Mary

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #335 on: March 15, 2018, 05:56:29 PM »
Another day completely clean. My mind has been tormented by thoughts of searching for P. I do not give in though. I need to get to the stage where it is thoughts of MO that tempt me, not PMO. Novelty is the big factor in PMO searching. The act of searching and being surprised by something new is the hit that I have craved. Today is the sixth day. As I said, I have social engagements today and tomorrow, and then one more on Saturday. Still suffering from lack of concentration to occupy myself with things. Thank you.

Hi. I've been thinkkng about doing it, lately. Nothing seriuous.

But I think those mini concessions are not good.

I know how it feels to be tormented by thoughts.

Ir you can, just stop with those thoughts, the're dangerous.

I think it's better to think about what are you're goals and what makes you happy.

If you don't have them, maybe it would be good to try many new things so that you can see if you like them, menawhile your mind is busy with clean things.

Peace man, there's peace after the storm.
Peace :)

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #336 on: April 01, 2018, 04:23:31 AM »
Everything is political said Stokely Carmichael. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. This is the true nature of politics. One of the greatest realisations of the Panthers was that revolution has to take place within the law. So what is the law on pornography? Law is very different from ritual. Ritual is something that you do over and over again, law is deciding when to stop. It may surprise you to know that even mathematics can be pornographic. However in general it is true that the more abstract an art, the less harmful it is. This is why I always preferred drawings. I stopped drawing my drawings, which were essentially abstract representations of myself, not too dissimilar from anime, though with different aesthetics, when I came across U.S. American interracial drawings. The giant dick is essentially an abstraction, but the politics is very crude, abstractly rapacious, but rapacious non the less. I do not know who draws them, I suspect they are "White", but more likely mixed-"race". I too am mixed-"race", middle-eastern and northern celtic, and know full well the politics of father and mother. Science is based on theories, and theories must be put to the test. The theory of genetic dominance is well discredited, though the scientific community seem to be hesitant to refute it out right. This is in fact a reflection of their incorrect racist corruption. Genes do no dominate one another. An article explaining this can be found here:
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Genes-Really-Work:-There-Is-No-Such-Thing-As-A-Dominant-Gene&id=7248058
Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #337 on: April 02, 2018, 04:24:14 AM »
Hi everyone, am not crazy, just got verbal diarroahe, worried about my responsibilities to the community :(

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #338 on: May 04, 2018, 04:43:55 AM »
I am whiteish

So let us leave the four-colour theorem for a minute and look at the evidence,

I myself always willingly paid more tax than I was asked to, not because I was white with fear but because I wished to help, charity is both Christian and Muslim which are my roots.

When I had my breakdown I realised who was charging the tax, I became a "Charlie" to use a Cypriot racial slur, but I also joined EOKA B as a communist, such a position is of course schizophrenic, originally I was diagnosed with CyCoSIS, then I was rebranded paranoid whilst I maintained I was schizophrenic, finally I was described as schizo-affective, personally I believe I am Love-Shy a term coined by the Psychiatrist Dr. Gilmartin.

I have been paying tax in several bands at different times, perhaps I was white, perhaps I will be again, I never said I was black, though my lungs are getting that way, but I did say I was Afro-Asian, in line with the historical ties of my ancestors,

Why did I have my breakdown, because the four-colour theorem was applied and there was no room for M.E.,

How can I say I am white? I can say I am European, a Greek word, but it is not strictly true, if you research what the word means,

I can say I have formed an alliance with the European Union, even being admitted, but I have not severed my other ties,

With regards to police brutality, of which I am prone, everyone knows there are degrees of difference between policing and taxing, different genders, and different orientations,

My flatmate says he wishes to be white, I wish to be free,

It is inpossible :p

p.s. what is porn if not a tax?

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #339 on: May 05, 2018, 10:39:47 AM »
Getting really paranoid, Turkish soldiers in my local café, I fear for the staff's life, the waiter is slightly less stupid, he just wants them gone, what is wrong with me; this is dangerous, I can't stay away, I saw them talking to some don, help

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #340 on: May 06, 2018, 05:20:47 AM »
So I had a dream last night that I was going to be shot by one of the Turkish thugs (mafiosa) who the army and deep state had employed to take me out, hopefully that means reality has been disposed of in another dimension. Of course they are still there, but they tend to keep to themselves, and I have to stop stirring things between my friend the waiter, who comes from the same region of Turkey as my ancestors, and the actual army who are there for God knows what reason. Does that sound mad? Let it be as Paul McCartney sang. Anyway I'm learning more about love and sex, my new girlfriend keeps trying to guide me into union, but it always ends up as truth or dare, I basically just want her to ask me directly, in a straight forward manner, language is a problem, as I've said in previous posts I kind of want a relationship where the woman talks as straight forwardly as possible, in a hot way, with love, I suppose I need to learn to stop playing melodic duets which are rock, thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #341 on: May 08, 2018, 06:15:49 AM »
So reality is becoming ever more apparent, which is fine, but it's not really the purpose of why I came here, being no longer a slave to sedatives of a visual kind, I want to teach others, to create, life, and share with my family, perhaps I don't belong here anymore, my journey is just beginning, some people say I should get into business, others that I should remain a student, but what does the Qwran say, on a journey, I do not ask, in what language, I understand, the meaning is an ocean, the sound a command, how many times must I tell you, with the left hand, thank you.

So Allah, the Exalted, sent down the Qur'anic verse: [Sura 4:24) "And all married women (are forbidden) unto you save those (captives) whom your right hands possess." That is to say, they are lawful for them when they complete their waiting period. (1479)" Abu Dawud vol.2:2150 p.577. Sex with Captives. The fact that [IT has made it possible to render porn without the use of living things does not take away from the essentially exploitative nature of experimenting on a brain]
« Last Edit: May 08, 2018, 06:19:07 AM by Georgos »

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #342 on: May 08, 2018, 11:22:55 AM »
Ok, so I was drinking coffee and a pretty girl in a red dress came over to me and asked me for a light, I asked her if she'd asked me before, she said she didn't think so, anyway, she went and sat down and her friend came over, the only problem was I had sensitive ears after years of medication which had opened up my inner ear, so I could hear that she was interested in me and even that she wanted me to come over, everything felt forced, I was too conscious of the decisions being made, in the end, after trying to walk away, I returned and told her that it was lovely to meet her and if she ever asked me for a light again I would give her one. Now this is not a story, this is a real event that happened in my local café this morning. I have my own theories of the statistical chance of two events coinciding, but that doesn't make what I just said any less real.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #343 on: May 09, 2018, 03:56:01 AM »
I am getting paranoid that there are people using this forum for purpose other than it be created. If actresses didn't die at 36 then they would start using female Gods. It is not my intention to get them to use Earth?

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #344 on: May 10, 2018, 07:06:25 AM »
Not doing much today. Want to be productive in some way but getting caught up on following the news on the internet. Things are quite peaceful where I am but I know there are wars elsewhere. Have to have my blood tested to make sure the medication I'm on isn't damaging me. If I were more independent and spiritually minded I wouldn't bother as in some sense it's just a means of prolonging the course of medication. However, the medication is affective and there are no side effects except a little memory drainage. Hopefully I can be of more use soon. Thank you.

FlyPhoenix

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #345 on: May 11, 2018, 02:58:30 AM »
Hey Georgos, just popping in to say hello, hope you are well today.

I can relate to getting caught up in news on the Internet, as well as social media and youtube.. not easy, but it's worth giving it our best shot, come up with strategies and reach out for support.
Last PMO - 04 Nov 2018 (23h45)

FlyPhoenix Journal

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #346 on: May 14, 2018, 10:22:19 AM »
Day 0. I've no idea how many days I went this time, I'm guessing over a month, but it could be more like three weeks, I just don't know. It was so great not to count days for the first time in maybe thirty years. And I really thought this time I'd made it. I don't know why I went back. I'm paranoid that someone who has been messaging me has been trying to manipulate me into starting again. If this is true, then he succeeded. Life had been so much more interesting yet manageable, perhaps as a result of the mood stabilizer the doctors added to my medication, so though I was perhaps acting out on my crazy thoughts, it was not uncomfortable for me, at least. I do apologize if anyone else found it uncomfortable though. However, things had run out of steam the last few days, and I'd started to feel urges. This was also in part because I had been coming close to having sex for the first time with someone I knew. I have been feeling pretty devastated all day since PMOing. I cannot go back. That life has nothing to offer me but misery and paranoia. It was hard writing "day 0" here. I know I was happy without PMO. I want that again. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #347 on: May 15, 2018, 05:42:05 AM »
Many years ago I remember reading that there were people who thought solitary meditation raised the vibrations of the world taking the world closer to heaven. As a socialist I remember thinking that that was rubbish. I have been thinking about both these points of view recently. Both are true but incomplete, both are required. I'll start again and clarify. What is meant by meditation. If it is the solitary focusing of the mind, then I should have had lots of sex by now, the amount of time I've spent focusing on sexual images. In reality, such focusing simply led to more focused masturbation, isolation, and hell. What was missing was interrelational meditation, the process of raising vibrations through relationships, a socialist ideal. Of course different people mean different things by socialism, some focus on the material aspects, like intercourse, others the spiritual like energy, and indeed both are forms of energy according to Einstein, so really this is a red herring. I have always been good at relativity, however moving into sexual relationships has always eluded me. This is because one doesn't have sexual relations with one's relatives. If we are all related, then we cannot reproduce, according to Einstein, only move or shuffle around in space time. There is of course an escape predicted by his theory, black holes. I don't want to get caught up in linguistics, black holes have no colour, no label, no description, like women, they are untameable by mathematics, and that is how it should be. "I will never understand women", the good men of London used to say, and more power to them. What then is the purpose of mathematics or science or even engineering? Playing games can work, just as a magician can be entertaining, the philosophy of the so called pick-up artists, and as far as entertaining women goes, I have no objection, however honesty is more likely to lead to an empathic relationship, which is also desirable, a combination of the two is the nature of real relationships. Are we ever truly honest? Are we ever truly playing a game? That is the magicians philosophy. I don't want to be a magician, nor do I want to be a robot or a automaton, I don't want to be a puppet with a long nose, I think the problem is I am always engaged in the battle of the sexes, rather than the game of life and I am always trying to discover the rules. Being entertaining as opposed to informing is the struggle that I face. Wish me luck. Thank you.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #348 on: May 16, 2018, 04:45:05 AM »
So I have had the opportunity to have sex practically every day for the last week and each time I have turned it down. Worse than that I relapsed on one day. WTF is the problem with me, if you will excuse me being crude.

Georgos

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Re: NoFap Consciousness
« Reply #349 on: May 16, 2018, 10:58:50 AM »
Relapsed again, that's twice in three days :( It is the same old pattern, around a month's abstinence then back to PMOing every few days. My problems are made worse by PMO, indeed it is one of the roots of all my problems. So why did I return to it? Fear of change and inability to adapt. I got heavily involved with the internet again, and then, when that had reached its natural fullness, I couldn't adapt to a life without it. It is not as if I haven't lived without the internet before. I have done language lessons, maths study, writing my book, meditation and t'ai ji, and more recently taken an interest in alternative medicine. All of these things I could have pursued, had I been able to adapt. However instead, I tried to maintain the momentum when it was clearly gone and was left feeling empty. I now have the opportunity of forming a sexual relationship. I have fear about this. Fear of leaving my Platonic relationships with my friends to form an exclusive relationship with a woman, something which I know would only be temporary, not the relationship itself, but the all-consuming nature of initial romance. I also fear the sexual act itself. I am sure at some point soon I will abstain for at least a month again. I know I can abstain for several times longer. However, unless I can develop my ability to live life, I will never be able to abandon PMO for good. Thank you.