Thankyou so much, Boo. I've been quite concerned whether I'm still welcome on the forum. I have been worried maybe the religious guys are washing their hands of me after my comments. Even though I tried to point out that several of my friends here on the forum who are religious (Boo, Chip, RJ and others) post in a way that I enjoy and find interesting and inclusive, it seems I have incurred the ire of some of these friends. Maybe I need to take a step back. This place needs to be a supportive brotherhood. If I'm the only one who perceives exclusion from certain posts, or if I'm disturbing the brotherhood maybe I'm the one who has to go (well at the very least, I need to keep silent when I feel the way I did about those posts). I want to say though that I have tried very hard to help people here on the forum in my short time here. I don't want to have to go because this place has been a lifeline for me in getting off P and feeling some understanding from my friends here. If anybody here is uncomfortable with my presence here on the forum, feel free to post here or PM me and I'll do my best to explain my position since not many people seem to understand it - particularly the religious guys. My goal was never to offend others' beliefs. Regarding my progress: yes it's very encouraging. I don't want to claim to be cured at this stage. I'm conscious that I could be experiencing a false dawn - and that future challenges could come my way that test or weaken my resolve. I must remain vigilant. Your "no MO in June" challenge was a great idea that I instantly knew I wanted to challenge myself with. I consider what's happened so far to be a very promising start and a small window into the rewards that await me if I can give up P for good. I'm embracing pain and withdrawal as the price of recovery. Regards,M.
Quote from: malando on June 05, 2016, 08:40:10 AMThankyou so much, Boo. I've been quite concerned whether I'm still welcome on the forum. I have been worried maybe the religious guys are washing their hands of me after my comments. Even though I tried to point out that several of my friends here on the forum who are religious (Boo, Chip, RJ and others) post in a way that I enjoy and find interesting and inclusive, it seems I have incurred the ire of some of these friends. Maybe I need to take a step back. This place needs to be a supportive brotherhood. If I'm the only one who perceives exclusion from certain posts, or if I'm disturbing the brotherhood maybe I'm the one who has to go (well at the very least, I need to keep silent when I feel the way I did about those posts). I want to say though that I have tried very hard to help people here on the forum in my short time here. I don't want to have to go because this place has been a lifeline for me in getting off P and feeling some understanding from my friends here. If anybody here is uncomfortable with my presence here on the forum, feel free to post here or PM me and I'll do my best to explain my position since not many people seem to understand it - particularly the religious guys. My goal was never to offend others' beliefs. Regarding my progress: yes it's very encouraging. I don't want to claim to be cured at this stage. I'm conscious that I could be experiencing a false dawn - and that future challenges could come my way that test or weaken my resolve. I must remain vigilant. Your "no MO in June" challenge was a great idea that I instantly knew I wanted to challenge myself with. I consider what's happened so far to be a very promising start and a small window into the rewards that await me if I can give up P for good. I'm embracing pain and withdrawal as the price of recovery. Regards,M.Malando, my brotherWe are cool. I wrestled with whether to respond at all or just let things die down on their own. My hope was, that if I cleared the air that the distraction would stop with me. I apologize if my attempt inadvertently fanned the flames. Now I've said my peace on that and its over.Now as to you staying, going or being welcome? You are most assuredly welcome and I for one do NOT want you to leave or take time off or let the stress and distraction of the last few days interfere with why we are here. We are here to get free of porn and to encourage and lift each other up the best way we can. I love message boards like these, but they have limitations, all we can do is read text, no body language, no facial expressions, so sometimes things get misinterpreted. I tell you what, I would like to invite everyone back over to my journal and we all agree to go back and "remove" everything we posted going back to where things ran off the rails... We get a literal clean slate and move forward, together.
So how are you doing? I see you ticked off 25 days, having any problems? I myself had some random brain fog this weekend, but I'm better this morning.
Hey M,Just want to give you a pat on the back and some encouragement as you close in on 30 days. You can can do it. I keep up with your journal and it strengthens me! Thank You!
Hang in there brother. Let it be a lesson. It's easy to not look at P when your not looking at P. Stay strong and let it be a lesson that the addiction lurks always looking for a week moment to swallow us up again. I' been sober from alcohol for many years and on two separate occasions I've mistakenly taken a drink one of spiked coffee(my brothers) and one was a Coors light which I took out of a fridge thinking it was a diet Pepsi (same colour cans). Both occasions really rattled me although I did not get drunk or continue to drink. Scary shit though, in my own experience I kind of know how troubling this is, especially being new to recovery from P. I was sober over 15 years on both occasions and I obsessed about it for days. Do t be shy to reach out of talk to someone if you can. It does help to settle things.Head up shoulders back and carry on, there is nothing real or good waiting for you on the other side of that screen. Rebember that we all need you hear, thanks for sharing that experiance brother.
Had a very tough night. I think I was getting ahead of myself thinking about how well I'm doing with getting off P. I was convinced that I was now unreactive to P - having rationalised how bad the industry is, how it breaks lives and how unnatural it is. So I decided I would test myself by just taking a quick peek at a bit of P. My god, was I wrong! I had a massive dopamine jolt, and a physical reaction to match. I only saw it for about 3 seconds before shutting it off. It was honestly quite frightening how strong the reaction was. In staying away from P for a month, I have regained my sensitivity to normal sex with my partner, but I have also regained my sensitivity to P. I consider P to be just as dangerous today as I did a month ago. And the image I saw made such an impact, it's burned into my mind now, I've been having flashbacks since I saw it. I have to work hard to push it away. I can see that I need to be very strict with P images and just stay away from them completely. I didn't reset my counter because it was so brief, more of a wakeup call - and I didn't MO. This journey has only just begun. I post this mainly as a warning to everybody: don't get complacent! The beast still lurks and we must always be wary of it. Don't be tempted to take a peek at P. I already regret it. It's put me off balance today. I feel nervy and hyper sexual. It's taken me out of my rhythm, temporarily I hope. Take care, gents.M.
Quote from: malando on June 07, 2016, 07:49:59 PMHad a very tough night. I think I was getting ahead of myself thinking about how well I'm doing with getting off P. I was convinced that I was now unreactive to P - having rationalised how bad the industry is, how it breaks lives and how unnatural it is. So I decided I would test myself by just taking a quick peek at a bit of P. My god, was I wrong! I had a massive dopamine jolt, and a physical reaction to match. I only saw it for about 3 seconds before shutting it off. It was honestly quite frightening how strong the reaction was. In staying away from P for a month, I have regained my sensitivity to normal sex with my partner, but I have also regained my sensitivity to P. I consider P to be just as dangerous today as I did a month ago. And the image I saw made such an impact, it's burned into my mind now, I've been having flashbacks since I saw it. I have to work hard to push it away. I can see that I need to be very strict with P images and just stay away from them completely. I didn't reset my counter because it was so brief, more of a wakeup call - and I didn't MO. This journey has only just begun. I post this mainly as a warning to everybody: don't get complacent! The beast still lurks and we must always be wary of it. Don't be tempted to take a peek at P. I already regret it. It's put me off balance today. I feel nervy and hyper sexual. It's taken me out of my rhythm, temporarily I hope. Take care, gents.M.That's a good reminder how it is still "early days" for anyone with less than 90 days in. Also a good reminder about how cunning and deceptive porn can be. I do think it is important to learn from experiences like that so you don't do it again or completely relapse in the future. Ask yourself what you were really thinking and what your motivation was for wanting a quick peek. I think once we are truely in the clear there won't be any desire to have "one quick peek". That's just your dopamine soaked brain trying to plead and rationalize with you to get the fix it has become so used to getting. Be confident, but not complacent.
You're good. Just start over. Lots to build on. I just PM'd you. You'll make it. I know it hurts. Been there more times than I care to say. Nobody is giving up on you as long as you don't give up on yourself. Be well, Bro.
Had a very tough night. I think I was getting ahead of myself thinking about how well I'm doing with getting off P. I was convinced that I was now unreactive to P - having rationalised how bad the industry is, how it breaks lives and how unnatural it is. So I decided I would test myself by just taking a quick peek at a bit of P. and a physical reaction to match. I only saw it for about 3 seconds before shutting it off. It was honestly quite frightening how strong the reaction was. In staying away from P for a month, I have regained my sensitivity to normal sex with my partner, but I have also regained my sensitivity to P. I consider P to be just as dangerous today as I did a month ago. And the image I saw made such an impact, it's burned into my mind now, I've been having flashbacks since I saw it. I have to work hard to push it away. I can see that I need to be very strict with P images and just stay away from them completely. I didn't reset my counter because it was so brief, more of a wakeup call - and I didn't MO. This journey has only just begun. I post this mainly as a warning to everybody: don't get complacent! The beast still lurks and we must always be wary of it. Don't be tempted to take a peek at P. I already regret it. It's put me off balance today. I feel nervy and hyper sexual. It's taken me out of my rhythm, temporarily I hope. Take care, gents.M.