Author Topic: Malando - getting started.  (Read 35785 times)

malando

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #125 on: July 20, 2016, 06:06:28 AM »
The important part is that we have the chance to see it now.
Ive known some of these things all along
And chosen not to see them
Chosen for it to not matter.
But now it does.  More than ever.
Which means my values have changed
And when that happens, great things follow

Yeah, we are becoming wiser and better people on this forum. One day, we'll be able to look at ourselves and think, "not too shabby!" :) But until then, we must do the best we can. I'm very inspired to see how many people are growing on the forum.

Chip

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #126 on: July 20, 2016, 07:22:37 AM »

Yeah, we are becoming wiser and better people on this forum. One day, we'll be able to look at ourselves and think, "not too shabby!" :) But until then, we must do the best we can. I'm very inspired to see how many people are growing on the forum.
I'm inspired by the changes I see in you, the clouds are lifting, your momentum is returning as well.  Keep it up, it only gets better from here.  Stay vigilant, our enemy still walks about seeking whom he may devour, if they drop their guard for an instant.

Chip

malando

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #127 on: July 20, 2016, 04:52:28 PM »

Yeah, we are becoming wiser and better people on this forum. One day, we'll be able to look at ourselves and think, "not too shabby!" :) But until then, we must do the best we can. I'm very inspired to see how many people are growing on the forum.
I'm inspired by the changes I see in you, the clouds are lifting, your momentum is returning as well.  Keep it up, it only gets better from here.  Stay vigilant, our enemy still walks about seeking whom he may devour, if they drop their guard for an instant.

Chip

Thanks Chip. I've never felt so resolute about getting rid of P from my life. It feels different this time. I despise P now. Before it was my temptress - now it's my sworn enemy. Why would I spend time with my enemy? But your warning is well founded - sometimes enemies can charm you back into their lives. I'll be watchful of that.

Cheers,
M
« Last Edit: July 20, 2016, 09:49:24 PM by malando »

fyg

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #128 on: July 20, 2016, 05:39:24 PM »
I honestly don't know how I managed to overlook the truth of the industry all these years. I guess I swallowed the delusion they were selling - or I didn't want to see it. It's probably not the case that every single production company treats every single actor/actress like this, but how would we ever know? In any given scene, we might be watching a person in the worst moment of their life. I can't get excited about P anymore - just knowing there's that chance...

Late response to this! But, that's great (bad word choice), but if your realisations have got you towards that point. That's real good. Just wanted to post that.

Cheers!
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

RecoveryJunkie

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #129 on: July 20, 2016, 09:53:25 PM »
Hey M, I agree with Fyg. Your resolve is much stronger than before. I can see and feel that it's over for you. Keep that up, it's a good place to be. I read some of the book passages you posted as well. I have a friend who lost a cousin (georgous woman, 44 years old) to an apparent overdose just two days ago. She was apparently caught up in the sex industry. Very sad, I bet the the life expectancy of these actresses isn't very good. Many likely die from suicide or drug overdoses. I for one want no part of that anymore. It's really amazing how bling we were in our addiction, how completely selfish we were. I find it a blessing to haven eyes opened to that now. Stay strong my friend, I'm in your corner brother. Thanks again, I'm really glad you're back with us!
RJ

Chip

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #130 on: July 22, 2016, 04:48:02 PM »
Hey M, I agree with Fyg. Your resolve is much stronger than before. I can see and feel that it's over for you. Keep that up, it's a good place to be. I read some of the book passages you posted as well. I have a friend who lost a cousin (georgous woman, 44 years old) to an apparent overdose just two days ago. She was apparently caught up in the sex industry. Very sad, I bet the the life expectancy of these actresses isn't very good. Many likely die from suicide or drug overdoses. I for one want no part of that anymore. It's really amazing how bling we were in our addiction, how completely selfish we were. I find it a blessing to haven eyes opened to that now. Stay strong my friend, I'm in your corner brother. Thanks again, I'm really glad you're back with us!
37.5 years is the average life span of a porn actor/actress.

malando

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #131 on: July 23, 2016, 02:36:56 AM »
Hey M, I agree with Fyg. Your resolve is much stronger than before. I can see and feel that it's over for you. Keep that up, it's a good place to be. I read some of the book passages you posted as well. I have a friend who lost a cousin (georgous woman, 44 years old) to an apparent overdose just two days ago. She was apparently caught up in the sex industry. Very sad, I bet the the life expectancy of these actresses isn't very good. Many likely die from suicide or drug overdoses. I for one want no part of that anymore. It's really amazing how bling we were in our addiction, how completely selfish we were. I find it a blessing to haven eyes opened to that now. Stay strong my friend, I'm in your corner brother. Thanks again, I'm really glad you're back with us!
37.5 years is the average life span of a porn actor/actress.

God, that's so sad!  :(

Chip

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #132 on: July 23, 2016, 08:44:41 AM »
Check out this report.
Below is link to report.
http://danielrjennings.org/TheAverageLifeExpectancyOfAPornStar.html

malando

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #133 on: July 25, 2016, 04:57:40 PM »
2 weeks, hardly tempted at all. Not bad! Every time I think of the video I linked above about the truth behind the P industry, I feel repulsed and sickened by P. I think it's the weapon I needed to fight this thing.

Chip

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #134 on: July 26, 2016, 08:30:26 AM »
Keep on Rocking in the free world!  Glad you found a weapon you could fight back with, "Truth".

malando

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #135 on: July 26, 2016, 01:57:14 PM »
Keep on Rocking in the free world!  Glad you found a weapon you could fight back with, "Truth".

Oh yeah man, the truth shall indeed set us free!

Branch

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #136 on: July 27, 2016, 03:02:50 PM »
You're doing great--keep it going!

BlueSun

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #137 on: July 29, 2016, 11:51:32 PM »
I got inspired and looked at the stats for male performers.  Average age for us male at death is 78. For porn video models, it's 25.  And I didn't care.  What had I become?!?

malando

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #138 on: July 30, 2016, 06:29:20 AM »
I got inspired and looked at the stats for male performers.  Average age for us male at death is 78. For porn video models, it's 25.  And I didn't care.  What had I become?!?
Holy crap - is that so? That's unbelievable - I had no idea it was that low. Makes you think, doesn't it? It's like an industry of death.

Chip

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #139 on: July 30, 2016, 06:42:57 AM »
...It's like an industry of death...
That is truly the heart of the matter, porn IS the industry of death.  For the performers it can mean a physical as well as a spiritual one as they feel empty and hopeless, turning to drugs and often suicide, if the HIV/AIDS doesn't get them first.  For the customer that picks up his bag of death in the all night drive thru, the internet, he gets multiple deaths too.  There is the same emotional and spiritual death, the death of a career, the death of a marriage and family, death of finances and on and on.  Death permeates and sticks to everything porn touches, there is NO good in it at all.   

RuntoSpirit

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #140 on: July 30, 2016, 08:58:01 AM »
I am on board with this discussion gentlemen.
Yes, porn is nothing more than death with a nice face mask on it.  I know that many men won't consider that, but the first step is in our getting free and living that freedom.  I am reading on these sites how many young men believe that women pick up on their confidence level as they leave PMO.  I belive that and I also believe that other men will pick up on the increased life vitality that men who walk free of PMO have.  It shows too that porn performers need our compassion. 
I may have recommended it before, but a great book on the porn industry is "Truth: behind the deception of porn" by Shelly Luben.
She is also on YOu tube.
It is funny that ROn Jeremy (porn star) has actually befriended people of XXX church (who minister to porn performers)
That is on You tube and is an encouraging story.
CHeers,

malando

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #141 on: August 01, 2016, 08:41:42 PM »
Chip and RtoS, I'm pleased that you guys are on board with this. To be honest, for the most part I've felt that raising this issue has been met with deafening silence. Only a few guys have actually responded to it. It makes me wonder whether there's still a lot of denial about P. These questions have occurred to me:

Do some people think that P is basically a good thing, but they just got in too deep?
Do they nurse a desire to return to it in the future in a moderated form?
Do they struggle with the idea that they are a consumer of this deadly product?
Is the shame and guilt too much to face?

I'd love it if everybody here would look into this and see how it changes their relationship with P. Rather than focussing on developing one's iron will to resist P, I think the key to quitting for good is to understand that it's rotten to the core. It takes away the lure. Then the willpower can be transferred to other areas of one's life.

malando

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #142 on: August 01, 2016, 08:44:48 PM »
BTW - I made it to 3 weeks today! Very happy about that. I haven't been perfect, but I don't watch P anymore. I'm still tempted to look at pictures of attractive women on mainstream media or people I see on the street, but it's getting easier. I'm not obsessed with getting an eyeful of every nice looking woman I see. I recognise they are attractive, but I tell myself I don't need them beyond that - they are somebody else's partner. And I don't use any woman's image as fantasy material. I only imagine my own partner.

Delerium

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #143 on: August 01, 2016, 11:08:22 PM »
Check out this report.
Below is link to report.
http://danielrjennings.org/TheAverageLifeExpectancyOfAPornStar.html


Wow Chip, thanks for that link, truly an eye-opener.  I want no part in supporting an industry that is so toxic and destructive. 

Great job Malando!!


Chip

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #144 on: August 02, 2016, 08:12:14 AM »
Do some people think that P is basically a good thing, but they just got in too deep?
Do they nurse a desire to return to it in the future in a moderated form?
Do they struggle with the idea that they are a consumer of this deadly product?
Is the shame and guilt too much to face?

Yes to all of the above and more.  Many, many on here don't see anything wrong with porn or it having a place in their lives.  I run into guys on here who are simply looking for tricks & tweaks to enable them to continue with it hoping to control it.  Foolishness is what it is and I leave their journals as soon as its obvious what they are looking for.  I had one guy ask me, "Why he couldn't just look at porn like a normal person?".  How sad is that?  I have no time for and refuse to put any effort into these lost and dying souls.  I don't think they've hit bottom yet, they want the party to continue indefinitely and until they realize what porn is and what its doing & done to them, they are hopeless.

Congrats on 21!  Keep it up, I think you've got what you need to break free this time.
« Last Edit: August 02, 2016, 08:14:28 AM by Chip »

RuntoSpirit

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #145 on: August 02, 2016, 08:41:56 PM »
Chip and RtoS, I'm pleased that you guys are on board with this. To be honest, for the most part I've felt that raising this issue has been met with deafening silence. Only a few guys have actually responded to it. It makes me wonder whether there's still a lot of denial about P. These questions have occurred to me:

Do some people think that P is basically a good thing, but they just got in too deep?
Do they nurse a desire to return to it in the future in a moderated form?
Do they struggle with the idea that they are a consumer of this deadly product?
Is the shame and guilt too much to face?

I'd love it if everybody here would look into this and see how it changes their relationship with P. Rather than focussing on developing one's iron will to resist P, I think the key to quitting for good is to understand that it's rotten to the core. It takes away the lure. Then the willpower can be transferred to other areas of one's life.

I think you are on to sometihing.   If I know that the lemonade is laced with arsenic then I won't drink it no matter how good I know it tastes.  Porn is rotten to its core, but I think many people don't want to look like they are prudes or killjoys.  Fortunately more men are speaking up as to its problems and nature.  On the whole our culture needs to be willing to look beneath the surface for a lot of things - porn being a chief one.
Rooting for your continued recovery.

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #146 on: August 02, 2016, 08:51:10 PM »
What can I say other then I like this post.

malando

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #147 on: August 02, 2016, 11:34:31 PM »
What can I say other then I like this post.

Thanks, O1. :) I'm changing who I am in this journey because of the input of people like yourself. Or more to the point, I'm becoming who I should have been all along before I got polluted. I'll get there.

BlueSun

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #148 on: August 03, 2016, 12:08:56 AM »
What a cool way to phrase it!

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Re: Malando - getting started.
« Reply #149 on: August 03, 2016, 12:18:31 AM »
Interesting discussion. Perhaps I take a bit of a different view in that I try not to formulate a moral position on pornography. I don't doubt that there are some people that can use it without much if any negative consequences. I now know that I'm not one of those guys.  I know that for me, personally, I can't dabble in it or entertain the thought that maybe one day it could be something pleasurable for me. I know that I abused the reward system in my brain to the point that I've found myself here, trying to break out of the cycle of addiction. I think it is similar to alcohol in that some people can drink with no problems. Again, I'm not one of those people. That doesn't mean that I see it as a moral issue and try to stop everyone from drinking. That's not my business.

I also look to William's view on this that we are in reality dopamine addicts. Porn is just the button we pushed to get dopamine because it was easy. No real moral issue there.  Don't get me wrong, if seeing pornography as immoral helps in your personal journey, by all means add that to the toolbox.

I never use porn or masturbate Now.  I am in charge of my life.