Author Topic: Question about fleshlights  (Read 6302 times)

MeepMan

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Question about fleshlights
« on: June 19, 2014, 10:43:28 PM »
Has anyone here used one after a reboot or much in general? I was thinking about it and they seem like they could possibly help guys like me who've had trouble feeling much when penetrating a girl as opposed to a death grip. So rather than masturbating after rebooting with your hand and getting back into old ways of the deathgrip, using a fleshlight in a way to train your body to respond to the feeling of intercourse. Any thoughts/experience?
« Last Edit: June 19, 2014, 10:47:54 PM by MeepMan »


Bibbity

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2014, 06:00:39 PM »
I'm not a guy and have never used a fleshlight but I wanted to let you know that nothing can simulate a vagina.  Why not abstain from masturbation altogether to regain sensitivity.  Only orgasm when with a woman.  Fleshlights and stuff like that do not 'train' you for real sex. JMO

What worked for my husband was complete abstinence from masturbation (for life) and abstinence from handjobs (a few months) and orgasms only through blowjobs and intercourse.
In order to rise from its own ashes, a Phoenix first must burn.”
― Octavia E. Butler

MeepMan

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2014, 07:18:18 PM »
I'm not a guy and have never used a fleshlight but I wanted to let you know that nothing can simulate a vagina.  Why not abstain from masturbation altogether to regain sensitivity.  Only orgasm when with a woman.  Fleshlights and stuff like that do not 'train' you for real sex. JMO

What worked for my husband was complete abstinence from masturbation (for life) and abstinence from handjobs (a few months) and orgasms only through blowjobs and intercourse.

I would like to quit completely and I think I could manage it if I had a girl in my life, but alas I do not :p I wasn't thinking of one for training, more just as a better alternative to using my hand, haha. Your husband sounds like a lucky guy.


Viper

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #3 on: June 21, 2014, 04:26:25 AM »
I understand your angle.
But then you'll get addicted to the fleshlight.


And here's another thing to keep in mind,
you can't simulate the anxiety and such that leads up to intercourse
with the fleshlight. Many people trying to recover including myself
had to deal with that too.
Trust me, at one point, I also thought of getting one even though I have a lovely assistant
to help me.

MeepMan

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #4 on: June 24, 2014, 07:03:20 PM »
I understand your angle.
But then you'll get addicted to the fleshlight.


And here's another thing to keep in mind,
you can't simulate the anxiety and such that leads up to intercourse
with the fleshlight. Many people trying to recover including myself
had to deal with that too.
Trust me, at one point, I also thought of getting one even though I have a lovely assistant
to help me.
Ahh dammit, I see what you mean. I need me a lady. It's just kind of hard when you're single with these issues. A guy with possible ED issues can't be particularly appealing :p


Bibbity

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #5 on: June 25, 2014, 12:18:55 PM »
MeepMan I can't say I know how you feel but wanted to say that you are doing GREAT!!  Those ED issues will soon be gone and you'll have more confidence to approach women.  Abstaining from touching yourself (as long as you can) will only improve your situation.
In order to rise from its own ashes, a Phoenix first must burn.”
― Octavia E. Butler

MeepMan

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #6 on: June 25, 2014, 08:13:43 PM »
MeepMan I can't say I know how you feel but wanted to say that you are doing GREAT!!  Those ED issues will soon be gone and you'll have more confidence to approach women.  Abstaining from touching yourself (as long as you can) will only improve your situation.

Thank you! Porn is gone for good from my life so it can only get better. I just hope I can find a girl who would be supportive and totally fine if things don't go to plan, as that is my biggest fear.


Bibbity

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #7 on: June 27, 2014, 02:04:01 PM »
MeepMan I can't say I know how you feel but wanted to say that you are doing GREAT!!  Those ED issues will soon be gone and you'll have more confidence to approach women.  Abstaining from touching yourself (as long as you can) will only improve your situation.

Thank you! Porn is gone for good from my life so it can only get better. I just hope I can find a girl who would be supportive and totally fine if things don't go to plan, as that is my biggest fear.

Learning to pleasure a woman without your penis is key here!  It really takes the pressure off and you know she's going to have a good time either way.  70% of women cannot orgasm through penetration alone so you will be a God if you can make her cum without your penis....trust me!! 
In order to rise from its own ashes, a Phoenix first must burn.”
― Octavia E. Butler

Viper

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2014, 04:58:06 PM »
I understand your angle.
But then you'll get addicted to the fleshlight.


And here's another thing to keep in mind,
you can't simulate the anxiety and such that leads up to intercourse
with the fleshlight. Many people trying to recover including myself
had to deal with that too.
Trust me, at one point, I also thought of getting one even though I have a lovely assistant
to help me.
Ahh dammit, I see what you mean. I need me a lady. It's just kind of hard when you're single with these issues. A guy with possible ED issues can't be particularly appealing :p

That is true unless you happen to meet a virgin.
I'm speaking from experience here, not many women will tolerate men your age with ED.
They will let you off as easy as they can and tell you it's something else that's keeping them
from dating you. This alone should be motivation enough for you to commit to your reboot until
you're recovered. Dating prospects will still be around, they are not going anywhere.
So this also means staying away from browsing facebook and dating sites.

MeepMan

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2014, 08:43:18 PM »
That is true unless you happen to meet a virgin.
I'm speaking from experience here, not many women will tolerate men your age with ED.
They will let you off as easy as they can and tell you it's something else that's keeping them
from dating you. This alone should be motivation enough for you to commit to your reboot until
you're recovered. Dating prospects will still be around, they are not going anywhere.
So this also means staying away from browsing facebook and dating sites.

Yeah, that's my biggest fear really and the main reason I want to successfully reboot and have a
normal sex life. My last girlfriend was a virgin and we never even got around to the subject of
sex because I was so worried about failing again. During that time I was watching porn and jacking off
almost every day. I'm just glad I'm on the right path now and know better. More awareness definitely
needs spreading over the dangers of porn especially for those my age.


Viper

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #10 on: June 29, 2014, 08:05:42 AM »
You're doing good, keep it up.
Glad you asked about the fleshlight. I am certain others on here thought
about that as well including me. We all need each other on this forum.

Another item you may have not intended to bring up is that anxiety you have.
That's also normal during this process because us men have this complex in
our brain that when we are about to engage in sex, that we have to 'hold it down'.
We have to take charge and really put on a sexual performance.
You don't need to have all that pressure on yourself.
Another thing I can relate to, unfortunately.

MeepMan

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #11 on: June 29, 2014, 12:50:35 PM »
Yes, this is definitely 100% true. The first time I tried to have sex, she expected me to pretty much do everything
which was really intimidating. It was almost like a trial or test rather than sex. The whole expected male dominance
stereotype seriously sucks. I'm just not a dominant guy to be honest.

How did you get around that anxiety?


Viper

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #12 on: June 30, 2014, 01:21:11 AM »
Yes, this is definitely 100% true. The first time I tried to have sex, she expected me to pretty much do everything
which was really intimidating. It was almost like a trial or test rather than sex. The whole expected male dominance
stereotype seriously sucks. I'm just not a dominant guy to be honest.

How did you get around that anxiety?


It was probably worse for me because I lost my virginity as a teen and the girl thought I was experienced.
Well, I didn't help by telling her I was experienced  8)
Long story short, I was really nervous and my performance was horrible.
But as far as getting past that, it's all about gaining experience and building your confidence in the process.
Went through the same thing when i kissed a girl for the first time when i was a younger teen.
In the act, I was just thinking about all the pointers I got leading up to it.
But I found my groove the more I did it and sex is the same way.
I think just like with anything, the more you do it, the more confident you become to
really take charge of your actions.

I also want to point out that if it's actual intercourse that triggers your anxiety, then
perhaps you can make up for it with very attentive foreplay and just make her feel
it's all about her. So you may have to put in some overtime with the carpet munching
and whatever else you have in your foreplay arsenal.  8)

Because your anxiety is based on what she thinks of you. That's what is stressing you
out. Using my advice gives her every belief that satisfying her is your top priority and
even if your stroke isn't where you want it to be, it's all good because she will appreciate
your attitude.

MeepMan

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #13 on: June 30, 2014, 02:23:43 AM »
Thanks for that man, those are some pretty good tips. I was definitely concious of wanting to be good for her, which is
kinda funny in that it contributed to performance anxiety and had the opposite effect. Hopefully next time it'll be with someone I'm really comfortable with and have strong feelings for. Hopefully I'll meet her once I'm finished rebooting :)


Bibbity

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #14 on: June 30, 2014, 11:37:53 AM »
I agree with Viper!  I also wanted to add that many women think sex is for the man and they can't be sexually agressive or at least get their needs met.  Only "whores" like sex right?!  A woman really opens up sexually the more she feels safe and secure with a guy.  Showing her you want to please her helps with this for sure.

Also going down on a girl is not just foreplay.  Think of it like a blowjob for girls.  Sometimes you can use it to get her off without your penis which really takes the anxiety of whether or not you are hard out of the equation.  Also focusing on touch and your feelings rather than the "performance" is key.  Even my husband would have performance anxiety because of his past failures and this helped him. 
In order to rise from its own ashes, a Phoenix first must burn.”
― Octavia E. Butler

MeepMan

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Re: Question about fleshlights
« Reply #15 on: June 30, 2014, 02:59:39 PM »
I hate that idea! A girl who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to show it is a definite turn on. Where's the fun in sex if only the guy seems to want it, that's just wrong and can just seem kind of unconsentual. I wouldn't want to have to always initiate it and feel like I'm forcing myself on them.

Sounds good, I'll have to give it a go when I get the chance :p