Author Topic: Free my soul  (Read 7418 times)

treetop

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Re: Free my soul
« Reply #25 on: February 03, 2016, 07:52:06 AM »
All the best to you betterlife !! being 36 myself I understand this addiction and im still struggling with it.

I know theirs greener and cleaner pastures on the other side but im just not there yet ...

I can relate to your day at the gym you must of been very focused on your goals and I know what its like to have had days like that where your mind just shrugs off any temptation almost instantly.

im prepared to go out in the world today and do exactly that  ;)

hope your holiday is a good 1.


 

BetterLife

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Re: Free my soul
« Reply #26 on: February 04, 2016, 03:55:53 AM »
All the best to you betterlife !! being 36 myself I understand this addiction and im still struggling with it.

I know theirs greener and cleaner pastures on the other side but im just not there yet ...

I can relate to your day at the gym you must of been very focused on your goals and I know what its like to have had days like that where your mind just shrugs off any temptation almost instantly.

im prepared to go out in the world today and do exactly that  ;)

hope your holiday is a good 1.

Thank you treetop! I just wish those days where my determination is strong could last longer. I wish you strength in your journey - you can do it! We are all in this together:)

Thanks for the good wishes...I am looking forward to the holiday!

BetterLife

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Re: Free my soul
« Reply #27 on: February 04, 2016, 04:01:56 AM »
So I relapsed last night. Work has been really stressful and this could possibly be a reason.

I noticed something, however, while I was looking at P. I noticed that its effect on me is reduced somewhat. Almost like I am becoming desensitized to it? I could spend hours looking and and chasing the next best video. But now it feels a bit different...just needed 10mins and I felt almost not excited by what I was seeing. Maybe this is my brain slowly rewiring? It would be interesting to hear from those who have been successful if their reaction to visual stimulation has changed.

My biggest challenge is still fantasy.

My biggest trigger is stress and sometimes loneliness.

Time to start over...

arahant

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Re: Free my soul
« Reply #28 on: February 04, 2016, 04:28:18 AM »
Hello BetterLife,
I have read your journal and I can feel your pain.
I just started my first reboot process yesterday, and I am with you.
We're all on the same boat.
Cheers!

treetop

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Re: Free my soul
« Reply #29 on: February 04, 2016, 07:00:46 AM »
Don't worry m8.... my only advice is just keep going forward and don't let anything get you down m8.

here's a link to video that might help if u need it....            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSFKKpwcGc0



Loving_Mary

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Re: Free my soul
« Reply #30 on: February 04, 2016, 03:27:16 PM »
great video ;)
Peace :)

BetterLife

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Re: Free my soul
« Reply #31 on: March 15, 2016, 08:02:49 AM »
Day 37:

So I was out of the country on holiday for about a month. I haven't MO'd for about 37 days now. There were times when I was depressed but I pushed through.

My health hasn't been too great either, but I am committed to this.

Will check in now and then and update here...

BetterLife

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Re: Free my soul
« Reply #32 on: April 26, 2016, 08:56:11 AM »
So I relapsed after a 43 day streak :(

To be honest I felt in control of my life. I felt like I had risen above this. Maybe I relaxed, and that's why I relapsed. Stress is still a big trigger for me. Work hasn't been too good....could be some downsizing happening!

So ever since the end of March I have been in limbo. My longest streaks have been less than a week. I know that I have it in me to go longer....to survive the depression and cravings. I want to try again to reach that point of purity. Where I feel clean, confident and in tune with the world. I want to be at that point again.

I am currently on Day 3...right at the beginning. Will try to post more often on my progress to help get through the tough days, which I have no doubt will be plentiful.

Wish me luck!

virtueorvice

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Re: Free my soul
« Reply #33 on: April 26, 2016, 10:52:34 AM »
If you are determined, your setbacks will eventually make you stronger. So, don't overthink what has slipped out of you hand and think about your clean days and what you've achieved so far.

After day three, you will actually feel better. Kill your triggers in your mind, your brain will do whatever in its power to make you open that website and enjoy the climax again.

Loving_Mary

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Re: Free my soul
« Reply #34 on: May 01, 2016, 03:02:28 PM »
Keep up dude. You managed to get to your 40 days before, so you know what to do, man ;)
Peace :)

BetterLife

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Re: Free my soul
« Reply #35 on: May 03, 2016, 02:30:28 AM »
Thanks guys for your words of support. It's really great to be on here with people who understand the pain.

You are correct virtueorvice - my mind is my greatest enemy. I need to be stronger and kill those triggers.

I have started again on 1 May 2016. So I am back on Day 3. I am going to try harder now. I already find myself in a stressful situation but I am going to stay committed.

I am meditating more often now and hopefully that will give me strength.

I see this as trying to climb a mountain - it has to be slow and steady. If I get tired or challenged I must stop and catch my breath. I must try not to fall down the slippery slope.


virtueorvice

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Re: Free my soul
« Reply #36 on: May 03, 2016, 07:52:02 AM »
Have you tried cold showers? They are working great with me!

Each time I go for cleaning, I end it with cold showers and it makes me stronger; physically and mentally!

BetterLife

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Re: Free my soul
« Reply #37 on: May 05, 2016, 07:55:54 AM »
I haven't tried cold showers....seems like punishment?

Day 5:

I have been feeling sick. Not sure if its from my decision to pursue a vegetarian diet....energy is really low and feel nauseous. I was hoping to get back to gym this week but it didn't happen. Its also been quite stressful marriage wise, but things are ok now.

Like I've said before stress is my biggest challenge. Dopa-mine has been my savior when times are tough. During my 43 day streak I did feel depressed and tired, but somehow also powerful. Things also weren't so bad relationship/family wise. Maybe I felt cleaner and more in tune with the universe.

It's only Day 5....seems so slow. The time went by much faster when I was on holiday and travelling.

My meditation is going well, and I found that is helping me.

To be honest the pleasure derived from PMO is very short and there is no longer a feeling of well-being. Its more like a release than anything else. I need to find another way to release when I am feeling stressed. Or I can just wait it out...

This is a battle I have with my mind.