Author Topic: Boo's Journal  (Read 26899 times)

Chip

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #125 on: June 04, 2016, 01:30:34 PM »
There's lots of different strategies supported by different belief systems here at RN. All should be respected. The end goal is that we all want to stop using PMO as a way to add fulfillment to our lives. I think by now we mostly agree that all it really does is  take away. We were just long suffering in making the necessary commitment. This is hard stuff. Let us all prevail, in our own way. All respect to you guys who are "in it to win it".
Very well put.  See you in the trenches.

fyg

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #126 on: June 04, 2016, 02:34:48 PM »

Thanks for your supportive comments. I still feel I have a long way to go and the NOMO June challenge will be tough. I hope we can all continue to be supportive of each other as time allows.

There's lots of different strategies supported by different belief systems here at RN. All should be respected. The end goal is that we all want to stop using PMO as a way to add fulfillment to our lives. I think by now we mostly agree that all it really does is  take away. We were just long suffering in making the necessary commitment. This is hard stuff. Let us all prevail, in our own way. All respect to you guys who are "in it to win it".

Hear, hear, to all of that, buddy! The NoMO June Challenge will be tough. I think there is a lot to be said to the process of commitment too. And! We can do it! I'll post asap (hopefully in a couple/few hours) on my thoughts of NO MO.

Peeeeace
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

Feetfirst

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #127 on: June 06, 2016, 01:00:40 AM »
Day at a time Boo we do prevail. The less I do it the less I want to do it. Mind will clear and I realize with clarity on a deep level. I do not want this. Yes it does only take away.
So wishing you a joyful day Boo filled with all the good stuff that makes p and m not an option!
FF

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #128 on: June 07, 2016, 10:35:37 AM »
fyg-----Yes, the NOMO June is tough but I think it can be motivating, just like any other goal. I'm feeling more confident about it lately.

Feetfirst------The cable that holds us to this thing must be unwound one strand of wire at a time, daily, consistently.

I'm approaching 60 days in a couple of hours. I've got challenges/problems in general life just as many others here. Life is what it is. It's going to have challenges and an "ebb and flow" quality to it whether we try to comfort ourselves with PMO or not. Life is actually much easier than it was 100 or 200 yrs ago, when there wasn't much pornography around. How did people cope then?

I think porn has only made us much weaker men than our ancestors and for that I'm greatly ashamed. Well, the shame, at least for me, is slowly but surely eroding day by day. I'm starting to look in the mirror and be less ashamed of who's looking back at me. I've forgiven myself and now I am experiencing a greater level of integrity when I'm alone. I may still have a lapse or two in my future,. But a relapse? NO.  I see the value of the gains
made. My previous best was 53 days. That's in the rear view mirror now.

I read way more than I post here at RN. I'll probably be posting a bit less because I don't want to keep repeating myself or just throwing out trite remarks.  People either want to get serious or they don't. I'm hoping the ones who are really struggling do get serious.   
« Last Edit: June 07, 2016, 10:37:19 AM by Boo »

Chip

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #129 on: June 07, 2016, 10:58:25 AM »
fyg-----Yes, the NOMO June is tough but I think it can be motivating, just like any other goal. I'm feeling more confident about it lately.

Feetfirst------The cable that holds us to this thing must be unwound one strand of wire at a time, daily, consistently.

I'm approaching 60 days in a couple of hours. I've got challenges/problems in general life just as many others here. Life is what it is. It's going to have challenges and an "ebb and flow" quality to it whether we try to comfort ourselves with PMO or not. Life is actually much easier than it was 100 or 200 yrs ago, when there wasn't much pornography around. How did people cope then?

I think porn has only made us much weaker men than our ancestors and for that I'm greatly ashamed. Well, the shame, at least for me, is slowly but surely eroding day by day. I'm starting to look in the mirror and be less ashamed of who's looking back at me. I've forgiven myself and now I am experiencing a greater level of integrity when I'm alone. I may still have a lapse or two in my future,. But a relapse? NO.  I see the value of the gains
made. My previous best was 53 days. That's in the rear view mirror now.

I read way more than I post here at RN. I'll probably be posting a bit less because I don't want to keep repeating myself or just throwing out trite remarks.  People either want to get serious or they don't. I'm hoping the ones who are really struggling do get serious.
I'm nominating this for post of the year.  To the point and "Dead Nuts" accurate. 

Bravo, Boo.

RecoveryJunkie

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #130 on: June 07, 2016, 12:25:27 PM »
Congratulations on the milestone Boo. I appreciate your posts on RNand hope you don't forget about RN. I feel like you do in many respects. Self esteem is up, resolve to be P free forever never stronger. But, we are apt to congratulate ourselves to quickly sometimes and that can a eek up on us. I hope to continue reading your posts as we continue to fight this addiction and continue to grow from our recovery.

Once again... Woohoo! 60 DAYS !!!
RJ

fyg

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #131 on: June 07, 2016, 03:21:10 PM »
I totally agree the goal [of NoMO June] can be and is motivating. I'm feeling more confident about it too, brother :)

Congratulations on 60 days, Boo. Brilliant!
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

Leon

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #132 on: June 07, 2016, 08:08:28 PM »
I'm approaching 60 days in a couple of hours. I've got challenges/problems in general life just as many others here. Life is what it is. It's going to have challenges and an "ebb and flow" quality to it whether we try to comfort ourselves with PMO or not. Life is actually much easier than it was 100 or 200 yrs ago, when there wasn't much pornography around. How did people cope then?

I think porn has only made us much weaker men than our ancestors and for that I'm greatly ashamed. Well, the shame, at least for me, is slowly but surely eroding day by day. I'm starting to look in the mirror and be less ashamed of who's looking back at me. I've forgiven myself and now I am experiencing a greater level of integrity when I'm alone. I may still have a lapse or two in my future,. But a relapse? NO.  I see the value of the gains
made. My previous best was 53 days. That's in the rear view mirror now.

I read way more than I post here at RN. I'll probably be posting a bit less because I don't want to keep repeating myself or just throwing out trite remarks.  People either want to get serious or they don't. I'm hoping the ones who are really struggling do get serious.

Congratulations, Boo, on reaching 60 Days! That's fantastic! Not only so, but you're about 1/4 through your NO MO June challenge.

An important thing you said here is that life still goes on, porn or no-porn. The ebb and flow of life, including it's challenges, goes on. Many think that quitting their addiction is a magic pill to resolve all of life's problems, all of one's personal problems. In fact, initially, the opposite is often true. We're taking away our security blanket (pornography/fantasy), and our thumb-sucking (masturbation)- think of the opposite as Linus from Peanuts! But when we do so, we begin to feel life, we begin to come in contact with our emotions, often for the first time- and that can be very scary and challenging. Many run back to the security blanket or the thumb sucking. Yet when we learn that we can experience life, with all it has to offer (the good, the bad and the ugly), without resorting to bad habits, we begin to grow and mature as men, as human beings. In fact, we begin to discover that the mind itself naturally quiets down from the tumultuous waves and the stormy clouds, to a nice placid calm.   Heck, discovering this now, helps in our recovery.

What we've been in discussion about lately, Boo, is a kind of training for seeing thoughts, urges, triggers, anxieties and stresses as temporary, and that all these agitations (that used to drive us to PMO) all quiet down of themselves, without us trying to either directly engage them in struggle, or without us trying to ignore them either. We simply and non-judgmentally observe them until they, like the clouds, pass by.

How did people cope then, 100 years ago? Booze, drugs, and other self-pleasuring activities. Despite our technological age, not much has changed in human nature- in terms of people running to the quick fix, rather than learning that these unpleasantries pass of themselves, as the mind settles into it's natural state of equanimity.

Other healthy things that you say follow, that you've forgiven yourself (a big one!), your increased sense of integrity when you're alone (this was big for me, too), and that you acknowledge that this is a process, which almost invariably includes lapses. Seeing those correctly, as you know, goes a long way toward our recovering or healing from this insidious addiction.

Like yourself, 56 days was my furthest amount before RN, but included many times of edging and white-knuckling. How it feels to surpass our own personal best is inexpressible for what it means to our personal recovery.

Blessings, man- you're an inspiration.
« Last Edit: June 07, 2016, 08:10:51 PM by Leon »

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #133 on: June 07, 2016, 09:40:09 PM »
Chip ---Thanks for the upvote. You're the man! Stay strong Bro.   ;D

Recovery Junkie---   I appreciate your words. Thanks for checking in.

FYG------Stay confident Bro. You can do this!

Leon-----What can I say...When the student's ready, the teacher will appear......Thanks for the encouraging support and a thoughtful post that brings even more depth and clarity to my short missive. I'm learning to surf the urges better with every passing day. Your right....they come, BUT, they go of their own accord. The key is to have the patience to wait it out and move on to some productive pursuit.

Life is all that, good,bad,and ugly. I've experienced it all. It is a wonderful thing to realize that we truly can bring ourselves to a place of peace merely by being patient. I'm realizing more each day how impatience is really just immaturity. Getting locked into a lifestyle of porn addiction is really just being immature and not growing up to the realities of life. It's just pure escapism.....like daydreaming in school when we should be paying attention. When our dirty deed is done, life still presents itself, warts and all. BUT, if we start paying attention, we can see past the warts and find goodness....and hope.

Blessings to all you guys!

malando

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #134 on: June 07, 2016, 09:47:18 PM »

Life is all that, good,bad,and ugly. I've experienced it all. It is a wonderful thing to realize that we truly can bring ourselves to a place of peace merely by being patient. I'm realizing more each day how impatience is really just immaturity. Getting locked into a lifestyle of porn addiction is really just being immature and not growing up to the realities of life. It's just pure escapism.....like daydreaming in school when we should be paying attention. When our dirty deed is done, life still presents itself, warts and all. BUT, if we start paying attention, we can see past the warts and find goodness....and hope.


Very true, Boo. I was getting impatient to know if I had conquered my P problem last night. I had a 3 second peek at an image and got a very rude shock. The reaction was overwhelming and frightening. I shut it down as soon as I could. I should have known better - it takes time. I thought maybe I had neutralised my desire or reaction to P just because I've done so much thinking about it and haven't felt tempted to watch it for 4 weeks. It was pure impatience to call myself "cured". I'm not cured, I'll probably always be susceptible to P. What I've done is make a promising start to kicking the habit. That's all.

Congrats on your progress, btw. :)

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #135 on: June 08, 2016, 07:01:23 AM »
Thanks Malando. Yes, the power of porn can remain strong in it's effect on dopamine (DeltaFosB).

As I've stated, the only viewing one may want to attempt is in conjunction with a strict ERP protocol. I did 5 sessions a while back. You have to really know and understand how to do it, and it can still catch you a bit off guard, but not to the point of acting out. That's the key: exposure without acting out. It's "urge surf" training. Not for anyone who is still vulnerable.

Anyway, it's good for you that you understand where you're still vulnerable. The learning never stops on this path.
Be well. And no peeking!  ;)

Chip

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #136 on: June 08, 2016, 09:05:13 AM »
Congrats on Turning 60!  ;D  Old Man.

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #137 on: June 08, 2016, 09:20:54 AM »
Congrats on Turning 60!  ;D  Old Man.

Haha. Thanks. I'll actually be there in a little over 4 yrs. I'm told often that I could easily pass for 40, so I guess it's all good. I used to hate getting older, but what's the point ? It's going to happen anyway.  :D

fyg

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #138 on: June 08, 2016, 09:25:46 AM »
Chip ---Thanks for the upvote. You're the man! Stay strong Bro.   ;D

Recovery Junkie---   I appreciate your words. Thanks for checking in.

FYG------Stay confident Bro. You can do this!

Leon-----What can I say...When the student's ready, the teacher will appear......Thanks for the encouraging support and a thoughtful post that brings even more depth and clarity to my short missive. I'm learning to surf the urges better with every passing day. Your right....they come, BUT, they go of their own accord. The key is to have the patience to wait it out and move on to some productive pursuit.

Life is all that, good,bad,and ugly. I've experienced it all. It is a wonderful thing to realize that we truly can bring ourselves to a place of peace merely by being patient. I'm realizing more each day how impatience is really just immaturity. Getting locked into a lifestyle of porn addiction is really just being immature and not growing up to the realities of life. It's just pure escapism.....like daydreaming in school when we should be paying attention. When our dirty deed is done, life still presents itself, warts and all. BUT, if we start paying attention, we can see past the warts and find goodness....and hope.

Blessings to all you guys!

Well said on escapism and immaturity. I agree. And thanks man! Had a wobble today, that needs to be addressed, but nonetheless. Still thanks!
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

Branch

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #139 on: June 08, 2016, 03:02:50 PM »
61 days, Boo. 

Bravo!

malando

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #140 on: June 08, 2016, 03:06:50 PM »
61 days, Boo. 

Bravo!

Yep, seems a long way off for me now...

Congrats, Boo. You're kickin' its ass!

fyg

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #141 on: June 08, 2016, 05:06:52 PM »
"I came here to chew bubble gum, and kick ass... an' I'm ALL outta bubblegum!" Rowdy Roddy Piper - They Live!
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

Leon

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #142 on: June 10, 2016, 10:00:14 AM »
Leon-----What can I say...When the student's ready, the teacher will appear......Thanks for the encouraging support and a thoughtful post that brings even more depth and clarity to my short missive. I'm learning to surf the urges better with every passing day. Your right....they come, BUT, they go of their own accord. The key is to have the patience to wait it out and move on to some productive pursuit.

Life is all that, good,bad,and ugly. I've experienced it all. It is a wonderful thing to realize that we truly can bring ourselves to a place of peace merely by being patient. I'm realizing more each day how impatience is really just immaturity. Getting locked into a lifestyle of porn addiction is really just being immature and not growing up to the realities of life. It's just pure escapism.....like daydreaming in school when we should be paying attention. When our dirty deed is done, life still presents itself, warts and all. BUT, if we start paying attention, we can see past the warts and find goodness....and hope.

Blessings to all you guys!

Thank you, Boo.

Indeed. It was interesting, yesterday had some former thoughts arise along with certain curious behaviors (nothing near P, M or O)- and I refused to really engage them. I refused to make too much of them. I told myself that all these are just thoughts that don't mean anything (unless we infuse them with meaning). I told myself that all these things will again dissipate, and all will return to a state of normalcy, a state of equanimity. They weren't really urges, perse, but were a negative train of thought that have typically led to urges and acting out in the past. It's so true, but as I was watching a certain show, my cat jumped into my lap and was loving me unconditionally, unaware of the negative thoughts that were in my mind. And there it was- it came as an insight that, all was well with the universe, I was underneath the temporary cloudiness, okay and healthy. In the past, I would have continued to judge whatever thoughts or actions that had been present, and on it goes until the final deed. But, No, this is what we must do- wait out the urges (or negative thoughts, or cloudy emotions)- knowing that beneath all that neurological junk, is a state of peace, love and acceptance. God looks through all that, and simply loves us, and sees us as perfect in Christ.

Exactly, Boo. Whether we cease PMO, or we engage in escapist behaviors- life is life, it goes on with all that it has to offer. Understanding this is so important. Not only so, but that there's an underlying state of peace, joy, love and acceptance. He really did accomplish something 2000 years ago, and it remains for any to discover it- but we've so craftily condemned ourselves, flawed ourselves, diagnosed ourselves as hopelessly (and helplessly) diseased and addicted. One thus makes it very difficult to notice the underlying blueness and clarity of the sky, settling rather for the darkness of the passing clouds.

Screw that! We are not an addiction.

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #143 on: June 10, 2016, 10:59:10 AM »
Thanks Leon. Yes, there is freedom in grace and the message of the cross has taken me some considerable time to come full circle to. My pastor doesn't believe in self help at all. He's all about total reliance on prayer. I, on the other hand, feel that God empowers me to help myself and that may include some otherwise worldly type of methodologies and a type of self-empowered thinking behind it all. In other words, I believe in my ability to help myself.

At the end of it all, I want to honor God as I honor myself by living in accord with some clearly defined values of what I hold to be right and true, at least for me. I'm not about moral relativism, I believe there are standards that believers need to uphold. Living in such an increasingly secular world does pose challenges to our mindset. I used to be very secular myself. It's not as enlightening as one would think. That said, there's value in everyone and I believe in something I heard a long time ago, which is "love means look for good". (courtesy of Dr. Denis Waitley)

fyg

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #144 on: June 10, 2016, 04:27:39 PM »
Screw that! We are not an addiction.

Yes, Gents!

Sounds like the cat waited out the urges with you too, Leon  :D


Peace
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

Chip

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #145 on: June 14, 2016, 02:56:50 PM »
How goes it?

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #146 on: June 14, 2016, 04:11:37 PM »
How goes it?

Doing well Chip. I had an extremely heavy urge today to act out. I'm not sure why except to say that I started letting my imagination run wild for a few minutes. My own thoughts were a strong trigger but I just gathered myself mentally and the urge died out on it's own. I got busy with a task and am fine now. That was the strongest urge I've had in about 3 weeks.

I know the urges can come unexpectedly and that's why they really don't alarm me. Even having a lapse is not something I fear any more like I use to. My whole approach to kicking this is much more stable now than in the past. I know what works, at least for me. NOMO June has been a bit of a challenge but I'm almost halfway there. Looking forward to hitting 70 days of no PMO this weekend. Be well Bro.

fyg

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #147 on: June 14, 2016, 04:30:06 PM »
How goes it?

Doing well Chip. I had an extremely heavy urge today to act out. I'm not sure why except to say that I started letting my imagination run wild for a few minutes. My own thoughts were a strong trigger but I just gathered myself mentally and the urge died out on it's own. I got busy with a task and am fine now. That was the strongest urge I've had in about 3 weeks.

I know the urges can come unexpectedly and that's why they really don't alarm me. Even having a lapse is not something I fear any more like I use to. My whole approach to kicking this is much more stable now than in the past. I know what works, at least for me. NOMO June has been a bit of a challenge but I'm almost halfway there. Looking forward to hitting 70 days of no PMO this weekend. Be well Bro.

I had a similar experience today Boo. My imagination ran wild too, just for a few minutes... And YES! on NOMO June... You're doing great man. Hope you don't mind me saying that... 70 days sounds like a solid number too; as does 67.

Let's keep going Bro. Respect!
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

fyg

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #148 on: June 14, 2016, 04:33:15 PM »
As ever, goldfish brain. Thanks for your supportive words today dude. Twas a real boost. Cheers!!
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

Branch

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #149 on: June 14, 2016, 05:00:09 PM »
Way to hang in there, Boo!  Keep it going!