Author Topic: Boo's Journal  (Read 27331 times)

gummianka

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #175 on: June 27, 2016, 11:54:04 AM »
Oh, and a very good move to leave when your mission is accomplished. I salute that, hanging around a place you're already done with is usually not a good idea.
No PMO for 50 days, and counter stopped now as I am off the net for God knows how long.

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #176 on: June 27, 2016, 01:41:10 PM »
I have enjoyed reading your journal, Boo. Perhaps I could ask a few questions before you disappear :)

This place has a tendency to become about quite spiritual and mental things. I read and post about fighting urges, altering mindset and things like that. however, i would like to be very practical now. So, how did you do this, days wise?

I am talking PMO, MO, o with wife etc? How was the timelinewith absitnance )and from what?) and rewiring, and how?

Well, as I've said from the beginning, it started for me with having a strong "Why". My reason for quitting finally was strong enough. I was fed up with living in cognitive dissonance because my behaviors were not in line with my values. Sometimes it's appropriate to say "enough is enough" and then commit to acting on that new attitude. That's what I did. (no navel gazing, thank you!)

First 30 days: avoiding porn/porn subs like I would a plague. I had a few MO sessions (all explained earlier in this journal)

I entered week 7 experimenting with ERP. That went mostly well because I didn't act out. I risked trying it because of the ever present nature of triggers in our lives. I saw that I could view the most triggering porn possible for me and not act out. It made sexy ads, R-rated movies, Victoria Secret catalogs seem like child's play.

Entering week 8,  I experienced some chaser effect from the ERP sessions but got through that okay.

I entered June with the NOMO challenge and that has proved to be mostly easy, but not without some urge surfing and commitment to stay the course. Stopping MO is important to me.

Through this reboot, sex with my wife has been a bit inconsistent but still on the upswing from where it had been for almost 2 yrs. No ED, PE, or problems of that nature. Very satisfying sex for both of us. At our age, it's more about quality than quantity anyway. The quality is great because we love each other and have a great, but not perfect, marriage. We're a team, but I'm the head coach.

From a practical standpoint, I'm a busy body. I stay busy. I have a business to run, I'm an avid gardener, I have hobbies, etc. You asked, "how did I do this?" while sort of discounting fighting urges and altering the mindset. Guess what? I've gotten this far by altering my mindset and learning to surf urges. There is no secret sauce. Most of the rest of how I conduct my daily life has been the same. I just have more time to be productive because I don't surf porn for an hour a day. My physical relationship with my wife has improved because I don't surf porn and masturbate everyday.

If the heart and mind doesn't change, every other thing we "do" to recover from PMO addiction is just window dressing. Meditating, exercising, socializing, reading, working, surfing Reboot Nation and anything else we try to sub for PMOing are all exercises in futility without a change of heart and a renewing of our mindset. How that's done, cannot be explained away as do this, do that, think this, or think that.....it has to be explored in a personal way, by yourself, within the confines of your own heart and psyche. The answer resides within, not from without. The only way out is in.

« Last Edit: June 27, 2016, 01:48:33 PM by Boo »

gummianka

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #177 on: June 27, 2016, 01:48:25 PM »
Thank you
No PMO for 50 days, and counter stopped now as I am off the net for God knows how long.

Chip

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #178 on: June 27, 2016, 02:00:57 PM »
...If the heart and mind doesn't change, every other thing we "do" to recover from PMO addiction is just window dressing. Meditating, exercising, socializing, reading, working, surfing Reboot Nation and anything else we try to sub for PMOing are all exercises in futility without a change of heart and a renewing of our mindset...
Truer words have never been spoken, the very words I live by.

Leon

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #179 on: June 27, 2016, 04:00:02 PM »
Well said, Boo.

Thanks for the outline of victory.


Leon.

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #180 on: June 28, 2016, 07:31:33 AM »
I've said since I started this reboot that my commitment is very real. Nothing has changed. Here are a few thoughts about my recovery, and yours. My journey started initially back in 2013 by joining YBR. From there I found YBOP. I'm a prolific reader. I read most of what was on YBOP. I  have read numerous journals, completely, on YBR and RN.

I had, as I can remember, about a half dozen resets, with the longest streak being 53 days. Then I left YBR. I came here when RN was new. I had about a 30 day streak but then got disgusted and left. During the time I was gone from RN, I fell into my old habits of acting out about 5 times a week. I would estimate that the total time involved varied from as little as 10 or 15 min. per session to about an hour. Sometimes the craving for dopamine would lead to viewing for as much as 2 hours. I never really "edged". I mostly just wanted to get it over and move on to something else, you know, regular living.

Fast forward to today. I came back here 81 days ago with a serious commitment. Serious Commitment.
Here is what I think about what we currently have available to us in the way external resources : Everything we need in order to recover has already been written, cataloged, reflected on, talked about, journaled about, teeth gnashed about, poured over, suffered about, published, peer reviewed, studied, preached, speeched, teached, presented, chatted about, etc.etc etc.etc. It has been made available from the left, right, above, below, sideways, over, under, eloquently, not-so-eloquently, partially, thoroughly, etc. etc. etc. etc. Am I painting a good picture for you here, or am I being too subtle?  8)

There's only one ingredient missing for those struggling, and it's internal, not external. Yes, you guessed it. I hinted at it above: A Serious Commitment. None of the resources available mean anything until someone is seriously committed. Once your committed, then it's a matter of picking your tools. Don't look for a comfortable way out. There is none. Whatever tools you use, they will make you uncomfortable. Why? Because using the tools takes commitment, and commitment is uncomfortable. Willpower? Forget about it. Willpower has been proven by science to be a finite resource upon which to draw. Filters? Really? Do you want to live a filtered life? Good luck with that. I don't believed you can filter out all the ugliness of life. Do we want our lives to be ruled by filters and counters? I don't. I won't.
Edit>That said, I don't look down on anyone who uses them. Hopefully, it is only needed during the early weeks or months of a season of recovery. I respect anyone putting forth true effort, regardless of the tools employed. (Thanks Chip, for motivating me to rethink and add my last remark)

I look around here at RN and over at YBR and I see some serious struggle. The extent to which some of the guys have debased themselves is confounding to me. My progression of porn use is explained in some of my earlier posts, BUT, some of the guys in these forums make me feel like an amateur. So, where does that bring us in my little missive here. At the heart of it all, we want to walk away from the PMO life. (Well, some of us truly do). Some are caught up in endless "recoveryism". If nothing else, continuous reboots and participation here at RN has become addictions in and of themselves. That's a proven fact; all you have to do is READ.

I'm just one voice here, who will go silent pretty soon. I know that this post will resonate with some. Others will start to read and then say "oh, it's a bit too long" and move on. Whatever. I just wanted to make one of my final posts here have a practical message and not be filled with a bunch of bullshit. I'm going to come back here incognito and visit from time to time and I guarantee I'm going to see some familiar profiles stuck in recoveryism. My wish for you who are reading this is to distinguish yourselves from the pack and commit to achieving victory over this stuff. Don't give it lip service. Don't try to sound eloquent when you're not truly committed. Don't bullshit yourself. Don't just be "involved' in recovery. Be 'committed" to recovery. I'll end with a little riddle which sums it up.

Question: In a bacon-and-egg breakfast, what's the difference between the Chicken and the Pig?
Answer: The Chicken is involved, but the Pig is committed.
« Last Edit: June 28, 2016, 01:54:31 PM by Boo »

notgivinup

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #181 on: June 28, 2016, 08:24:00 AM »
Hi Boo...thanks for coming back. I just read most of your thread.

I just came back...serious about this issue. I too just reached the point where the dissonance between my values and what I have been doing has grown too loud, and too course....I know I will die if I don't stop this.

I know it is a heart issue...and must be changed from the inside out. I could not agree more with you.

Thank you for what you wrote, and thank you for your courage and determination to make real changes. Your posts have been direct.
Thanks.
NGU

Chip

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #182 on: June 28, 2016, 08:33:46 AM »
Bravo Boo.  Bravo.  I agree 100% with everything you said about, "Serious Commitment" and it being the core, the root, the cornerstone of success over porn/PMO/MO.  I use filters, not because I want a filtered life, but because I know better than to trust me, because for whatever reason I would lose focus and down I'd go.  At some point I will take my training wheels off, but while I'm still learning to pedal and navigate simultaneously I'm fine to have a little assistance.  I wish I had the intestinal fortitude that you possess to gut it out and power thru on determination and commitment alone, but I know from my past experiences, that I don't have that.  For me I finally made the decision that it was worth more to me to escape porn, to be done with it and I didn't care how.  I admire you, you are direct and honest and provide a different perspective on a mutual problem and I believe all those qualities have contributed to my own success.  I'm not into philosophy and so I lag behind sometimes when the conversations turn that way, but I listen.

I watched American Sniper for the first time last night, I won't say I enjoyed it, that doesn't feel appropriate.  I will say I admire our servicemen for being able to do what they do in the most impossible situations.  My father taught me some about hunting when I was little, but I never fully enjoyed it.  I love firearms and I love shooting, even tracking, but I never enjoyed the kill, make of that what you will.  Maybe if I'd gone thru the Marines I'd have the ability to power thru, but I don't.  So being really honest with myself here on RN I decided my victory was more important than I how I earned it and crafted a strategy that I knew would work so I wouldn't be stuck in recoveryism, like so many other poor souls.  I agree with you 1000% that a year from now when we have a class reunion an comeback to see how things are going on RN, that a lot of the same dudes will still be here, still limping along perpetually starting over.  "Ooops, I did it again, reset.  Cycle repeats".  That was me for a long time, stuck in a cycle of hell, but enjoying it just enough not to let it go.

I hope you know I consider you a friend and though we approach the same problem from different perspectives, I only ever want the best for you.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

The Value of a Friend

9  Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
10  For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.
11  Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;
But how can one be warm alone?
12  Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

carlson

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #183 on: June 28, 2016, 12:53:13 PM »
Boo,

What a wonderful post.  Thank you.

fyg

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #184 on: June 28, 2016, 01:43:48 PM »
Great post Boo. Thank you Brother. There must be something in the air (I literally got serious not half an hour ago!). I hadn't even read your post, but maybe I 'heard' it, somehow. Anyways... Who cares. Great post, Bro!!! ;)
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #185 on: June 29, 2016, 12:17:39 PM »
I appreciate the kind remarks since my last post.

Today I'm posting a summation of Jim Rohn's "The Seasons of Life". I read his book by the same title years ago and found it to be an excellent metaphorical use of the four seasons being like life and the lessons therein can apply to many things, even mastering a PMO habit as we learn to master ourselves. I hope some of you will have a few minutes to read it. Here it is :

Handle the winters

Every year, winter comes. It always comes. We deal with it by preparing for it. Whether it’s changing our clothing or changing our way of life, we always get ready for winter, because we know it’s coming. The same applies to your life. Rough times WILL come. No life goes smoothly without a problem from beginning to end. Thus, you have to be ready for it, for when it does come, you are not stuck in the cold without a coat. Be ready to handle the winters in your own life.

Take advantage of the spring

Every year, after a long winter, comes the spring. This is a time where opportunities arise. Flowers blossom and creatures come out of their hibernation. The same thing applies within your life. After a challenging time, you will be faced with a great opportunity. It is your duty to take full advantage of the springs when they pop up. This is your moment to plant the seeds of greatness to come. You never see all the beauty that is life and nature on this planet decide not to awaken one year in the spring! It does because it is meant to do so. Hold your own existence to that same standard. Make your springs the springboard to getting where you want to go.

Protect your summer

After having planted your seeds in the spring, soon the summer will come. This is a time where you can reap the benefits of your crops. As well as being a time of joy and comfort, it is also a time to be careful. As Jim Rohn points out, “all good will be attacked”. If you are not careful, your crops will be either stolen, destroyed, or spoiled. Therefore you must do whatever it takes to protect your crops. Once you have achieved something in your life, you must defend it. You must stand up for it, and protect its value. Otherwise you may find yourself losing it.

Take responsibility in the fall

As the autumn comes, the trees change color, lose their leaves, and the weather gets cooler. As you gear up for another winter, it is the best time to take full responsibility of what happened in the previous seasons, both good and bad. This is the time where you can open yourself to learning the lessons that the previous seasons taught you and put everything into perspective. They say that the fall is the time of the year where there are more depression than any other time. This is due to people not taking such responsibilities and learning from previous successes and/or mistakes. Only by doing so can you be ready once more to handle another winter that is coming and plan for the following spring & summer.

notgivinup

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #186 on: June 29, 2016, 01:58:12 PM »
Great words....thanks for sharing this.

NGU

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #187 on: June 30, 2016, 07:49:37 AM »
Here's some of my favorite quotes that have some relevance to our struggles here:

Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters- M. Scott Peck

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you. – Erich Fromm

When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.-Viktor Frankl

The dead drug leaves a ghost behind. At certain hours it haunts the house- Jean Cocteau

Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town- George Carlin


fyg

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #188 on: June 30, 2016, 09:46:51 AM »
Thank you for the quotes, bro. Really need those today. Espesh like the ghost one. Urge surfing today. Peace.
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

carlson

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #189 on: June 30, 2016, 11:56:47 AM »
Outstanding quotes - and very relevant to the struggles we all face.  Thank you, Boo.

Branch

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #190 on: June 30, 2016, 01:00:30 PM »
Here's some of my favorite quotes that have some relevance to our struggles here:

Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters- M. Scott Peck

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you. – Erich Fromm

When a person can’t find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.-Viktor Frankl

The dead drug leaves a ghost behind. At certain hours it haunts the house- Jean Cocteau

Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town- George Carlin

Look at those great names.  Somebody's done his reading.  I think the same guy who's accused me of being too intellectual.   ;)

Nonetheless, great quotes, Boo.  And perfect timing with the George Carlin quote.  LOL!


Chip

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #191 on: June 30, 2016, 01:24:36 PM »
Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town- George Carlin
On a lot of things I never agreed with GC, but I like this quote, it speaks to the importance of being ever vigilant.  Very wise, Very true.

Thanks for sharing, Boo.

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #192 on: July 01, 2016, 06:25:09 AM »
Well, my NO MO June Challenge is complete. LET THE MO'ing COMMENCE! (just kidding  ;) )

Actually, this past month showed me what's possible in the realm of self mastery and urge control. There were a few occasions when the urge to act out was strong but many more times when the urges were easily dismissed. Going forward, who knows? I know that I do not want to engage in auto-eroticism.

Even though Woody Allen famously said 'Don"t knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love", I know longer want to engage in it under any circumstances. As I say that I know that the likelihood of not ever doing it again is probably unrealistic.
That's okay. As I've said many times, when the heart and mind changes about something, the person is different. When you know that you know that you know what you want or don't want in your life, you can never have peace if you live as if you don't know. I want peace, the kind that I can cultivate on my own for my life simply by living in accordance with my values. So, going forward, I'm committed to living MO-free as much as possible. Any mental /emotional connections to it will be severed.

I know that this world will do plenty, without my help, to rob me of my peace. My faith and my values will keep me centered in that peace. Soooo, MOing is not part of my value system. Maybe it was for a long time or maybe I just never gave it enough thought. I know this, all the "resetting" in the world will not work and keep us from doing that which we don't want to do unless we figure out what we value in life and then commit to living accordingly.
« Last Edit: July 01, 2016, 07:43:14 AM by Boo »

balanced

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #193 on: July 01, 2016, 06:51:52 AM »
I agree, it necessary to be clear on what you want in your life and what you do not, and once you draw these lines you can focus effort on eliminating that which you do not want and building those things you do want. Clarity is essential for focus and focused efforts.

As far as never again MOing again, I too am committed to not MOing again, period. And the farther I go down this path of not MOing, now at 1,392,480 minutes since the day I committed to no more, the more I see that a life without it is entirely possible. The more time that passes, the more commitment I have "invested", the more I would have to lose in terms of accomplishment and self-respect if I ever went back. And I'm living in a better life with greater attachment to those I love, and that alone is a great reminder of the value of the change I've made.

I believe that we are capable of making the changes we want...really want. And you're proving it to yourself and to the rest of us.

Leon

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #194 on: July 01, 2016, 08:18:03 AM »
Congratulations, Boo- on successfully completing your June challenge! I was there with you, despite some challenges- I made it as well.

As far as never doing it again, don't worry about that. All you know is that right now, you have no intention of including it in your life. You deserve better, and you're always in control. It is quite conceivable that you never have to masturbate ever again. My own habits, despite the occasional struggle with edging, is quite different from what it used to be- at about 3 times a week or so...in its hay day.

Good going, and inspiring.

Feetfirst

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #195 on: July 01, 2016, 08:40:24 AM »
Hi Boo. Congratulations on your June NoMo victory. I know when I give way to mo that acting out isnt far behind as I have found to my recent cost. I hope you will return from time to time after your 90 days. Your immense imput will be missed greatly! FF

Hablablos

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #196 on: July 01, 2016, 10:53:05 AM »
Hello Boo,

Quote
I look around here at RN and over at YBR and I see some serious struggle. The extent to which some of the guys have debased themselves is confounding to me. My progression of porn use is explained in some of my earlier posts, BUT, some of the guys in these forums make me feel like an amateur. So, where does that bring us in my little missive here. At the heart of it all, we want to walk away from the PMO life. (Well, some of us truly do). Some are caught up in endless "recoveryism". If nothing else, continuous reboots and participation here at RN has become addictions in and of themselves. That's a proven fact; all you have to do is READ.

I absolutely agree with this, especially with the recoveryism (this might be my case) and reading. Because of that I spent about 5 months in total to put all I know about dealing with porn addiction into a readable form to make it easier for the others. When I post my first version I made a mistake and wrote it in my journal. The second version now stands alone, you can find it here if you are interested. http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=9675.0

Nevertheless I congratulate you on your progress and I wish you only the best.
"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"

Learn from mistakes of others, life is too short to do them all by yourself

Porn addiction is the best thing that has happened to me

fyg

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #197 on: July 01, 2016, 04:20:01 PM »
Congrats on No MO June, Boo. I was with you too; fell two or three times, but rode into town with you on the last 11 days.

Thanks for the exemplary resolve, bro ;)
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #198 on: July 06, 2016, 08:31:31 AM »
I love classic movies, especially morality tales that are well told. My profile name and avatar was inspired by what may be my favorite film, To Kill A mockingbird. The book it was based on won a Pulitzer.

Scout and Jem were rescued from peril at the end of the film by someone they had never met, but who was none the less their benefactor. This little Youtube clip from the final part is where Scout meets the person who saved them. He was a misunderstood recluse who lived 3 houses away. He secretly gave them gifts in a hollowed out tree trunk. He also gave them their lives. His name was Boo Radley. We're all here at RN, in a sense, to save our own lives. Boo was a hero for these children. We have to be our own hero to win here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRmIef02Ajk
« Last Edit: July 06, 2016, 08:59:11 AM by Boo »

Leon

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #199 on: July 06, 2016, 09:15:58 AM »
I love classic movies, especially morality tales that are well told. My profile name and avatar was inspired by what may be my favorite film, To Kill A mockingbird. The book it was based on won a Pulitzer.

Scout and Jem were rescued from peril at the end of the film by someone they had never met, but who was none the less their benefactor. This little Youtube clip from the final part is where Scout meets the person who saved them. He was a misunderstood recluse who lived 3 houses away. He secretly gave them gifts in a hollowed out tree trunk. He also gave them their lives. His name was Boo Radley. We're all here at RN, in a sense, to save our own lives. Boo was a hero for these children. We have to be our own hero to win here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iRmIef02Ajk

Well done, brother!

Boo Radley as a metaphor for saving ourselves, our (younger) future selves. This being done through gifts in a hollowed out tree trunk (the cross).

Being our own hero, saving our own lives, not settling for what has been- but more importantly, for what is yet to be- an endless sea of possibilities.

Thank you for all your efforts here, and for being so generous with your help toward others.


Blessings,

Leon.