Author Topic: Boo's Journal  (Read 30445 times)

fogfreebrain

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #100 on: May 30, 2016, 12:30:22 PM »
Hi Boo

Thanks for the note on YBR. Decided to try out here too based on your recommendation.

Had a slip today.

So back on the 0.

Good to see you doing well.


Feetfirst

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #101 on: May 30, 2016, 11:49:25 PM »
Hi Boo, just dropping by to say a big thank you for your support over this challenging period. Things have picked up and I begin to level out a bit. Day at a time. Great to see you doing so well. Keep up the good work.
Well done. FF

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #102 on: May 31, 2016, 09:47:25 AM »
Thanks for the remarks ! 
fogfree
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A slip doesn't have to be a relapse. We control everything.


Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #103 on: May 31, 2016, 12:18:48 PM »
I fully realize that there's not a prize for posting. There's no "best thread" designation, or the like. But I got a tremendous amount of info and insight out of the first three pages of posts here, from both the original poster and others. (Got gummed down by the term ERP on page four; so many new phrases and sub-threads to follow up on, yikes.) For me, there was a very real wealth of "aha" and "yes, me, too" moments in this thread and reading it gave me the 20-minute timeout from thought that I needed for heading into the "real" world. Anyway, I appreciate your posts and the solid round-robin following up on them.

Also, why am I using so many "quotation marks?"

Keep killin' it fellas,
Fj6

Hey there Fj6,

There's lots of help available around RN. I'm glad you found some helpful stuff in my journal. We're all here for basically the same reason. There are different methods, strategies, tips and tricks to employ as you move forward in your quest to help yourself.

If you have faith and believe that God is on your side, that should prove to be soothing and encouraging for you. If you're more secular or somewhere in between, it really doesn't matter in terms of getting better. You can get better if you have a strongly defined reason for doing so. It has to have meaning for you, personally.

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #104 on: May 31, 2016, 03:28:13 PM »
I'm going to try to strictly adhere to a "NO MO" June. I've MO'd 6 times in 53 days to just physical sensation with or without fantasy. I truly want to master this part of myself. It troubles me that I have the emotional connection with this form of auto eroticism even when I have a willing spouse.

I had sex with my wife yesterday but succumbed to the chaser effect today and MO'd. I don't want this. I'm being honest in saying that since I started this no PMO reset I've struggled with the chaser effect following sex with my wife. It's always been within a day or two post coitus. So,  I'm starting "NO MO" June tomorrow. I am going to be diligent in controlling my thought life, even as it concerns fantasizing about my wife.

I am sure we will have sex since it's getting to be like the old days for us. I want to have intimacy with her while controlling my fantasy life. This will be a challenge. I'm obviously going to suspend my experimentation with ERP, but only FOR NOW. Right now my goal is "NO MO" for June. I'm not sure if this makes sense to some of you. I know what I want from myself as a sexual being. It's just hard to articulate.

Part of what fuels my fantasy life is that I've had quite a lot of sexual experiences with women. In high school it was a couple of girlfriends.  In the military it was Japanese, Korean, and Filipino chicks plus a few WM's (Women Marines ) In my 20's it was 3 different LTR's with very sexual women (one flight attendant). Then I met my wife in 1989.  Anyway, this is not bragging in any way. I wish my wife was the only one. Between my own experiences and porn, I feel as though I've constantly objectified women my whole life. I objectify my own wife.

So, that's where I'm at. I'm trying to settle my mind and live more peacefully, more lovingly. I want to be able to have a truer intimacy with my wife while not feeling like I'm controlled by my sexual instincts to act out alone. I hope this all makes sense. 

TK-421

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #105 on: May 31, 2016, 04:14:07 PM »
I'm going to try to strictly adhere to a "NO MO" June. I've MO'd 6 times in 53 days to just physical sensation with or without fantasy. I truly want to master this part of myself. It troubles me that I have the emotional connection with this form of auto eroticism even when I have a willing spouse.

I had sex with my wife yesterday but succumbed to the chaser effect today and MO'd. I don't want this. I'm being honest in saying that since I started this no PMO reset I've struggled with the chaser effect following sex with my wife. It's always been within a day or two post coitus. So,  I'm starting "NO MO" June tomorrow. I am going to be diligent in controlling my thought life, even as it concerns fantasizing about my wife.

I am sure we will have sex since it's getting to be like the old days for us. I want to have intimacy with her while controlling my fantasy life. This will be a challenge. I'm obviously going to suspend my experimentation with ERP, but only FOR NOW. Right now my goal is "NO MO" for June. I'm not sure if this makes sense to some of you. I know what I want from myself as a sexual being. It's just hard to articulate.

Part of what fuels my fantasy life is that I've had quite a lot of sexual experiences with women. In high school it was a couple of girlfriends.  In the military it was Japanese, Korean, and Filipino chicks plus a few WM's (Women Marines ) In my 20's it was 3 different LTR's with very sexual women (one flight attendant). Then I met my wife in 1989.  Anyway, this is not bragging in any way. I wish my wife was the only one. Between my own experiences and porn, I feel as though I've constantly objectified women my whole life. I objectify my own wife.

So, that's where I'm at. I'm trying to settle my mind and live more peacefully, more lovingly. I want to be able to have a truer intimacy with my wife while not feeling like I'm controlled by my sexual instincts to act out alone. I hope this all makes sense.

I think the no MO for a time is a good plan. It's often difficult to separate the fantasy element. Part of the difficulty (for me anyways) was that when I was growing up I was told that masturbation or "self-sex" was healthy. Previous generations had been told that it was a sin or that it would make you blind. My generation was "enlightened" and we knew that masturbation was ok and, in fact, healthy and encouraged. 

The problem is that it isn't so simple. I remember saying things like, "if MO is OK, then porn is ok. Guys don't think about flowers and warm breezes when they are jerking off. It's a sexual act so obviously you are thinking about or looking at sexual imagery". It was this type of thinking that really led me objectify my wife. Whether it was mental images of her or actual photos. This is still an area that I struggle with. Is it ok to MO to a memory of what your wife looked like? In many ways this seems like artificial stimulation and very much like porn. Another part of me thinks there is nothing wrong with spicing up your sex life if both partners are on board. Ultimately for me the litmus test is whether there is secrecy or lying involved. If there is, this is clearly not something I want. 

It's more difficult to say I don't want something in my life simply because it is it selfish - there are aspects to sex that are mutual, but there are also "individual" aspects.  For example, if my wife performs a striptease in front of me while I MO, is that mutual or is it me indulging in fantasy?  If we engage in fantasy role play and she is clearly into it, is that part of a healthy sex life?

I'm probably rambling now. Anyways, I do think it's a good idea to remove the MO for a while (as I have) because of the easiness that unhealthy fantasy and objectification can be part of it.
I never use porn or masturbate Now.  I am in charge of my life.

fyg

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #106 on: May 31, 2016, 05:28:59 PM »
Sounds like a plan, Boo.
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #107 on: June 01, 2016, 06:10:03 AM »
My "NO MO" June challenge begins today. This will be more difficult than not PMO'ing because of what I've discussed previously. I will set a new counter for this. I think the first few days will be okay. It seems like at least once a week I have very strong urges to MO, usually as a chaser effect after sex with my wife.

If I have an encounter with her this weekend, which is likely, then Monday and Tuesday will be the toughest. The chaser effect is something I must revisit in the available knowledge base to learn more about dealing with it. I don't think there is a magic bullet other than to let the urges come and go, as Leon always advises. THE URGE WILL COME.

I choose to experience it, but not to be oppressed by it.

gummianka

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #108 on: June 01, 2016, 06:35:27 AM »
So up until now, your reset has been including regular sex and M without porn?

But no P watching at all. Is that correct?
No PMO for 50 days, and counter stopped now as I am off the net for God knows how long.

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #109 on: June 01, 2016, 07:45:08 AM »
So up until now, your reset has been including regular sex and M without porn?

But no P watching at all. Is that correct?

Partly correct. I have viewed porn/porn subs by following Leon's ERP protocol as explained on pages 11-12 in his journal.  I did this for 5 days. That stopped about a week ago. I will revisit ERP after June. I believe I was handling the mental work of ERP partly correct. It's risky and not for everyone. This has been discussed by me already in several posts. You must have missed those since some of them were in other journals.

I would not use my reset as a model. As I've said before, this path is different for everyone. I've advised  against ERP in more than one post because I believe it could lead to a full blown relapse for some. Hope this clears up some confusion you may have about how I'm working through my own reset. Currently, for June, there will be NO porn(No ERP), no masturbation and a heightened awareness of trigger avoidance ( although I personally think we have very little power in avoiding them since they're everywhere)
« Last Edit: June 01, 2016, 07:50:28 AM by Boo »

malando

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #110 on: June 01, 2016, 07:51:34 AM »
I'm thinking about doing your June no MO challenge, Boo. It would be the only month ever since I was 11 years old where I could say that. It boggles the mind to realise that's true.

Edit: Ok done. This is going to be much tougher than the no PMO challenge, but I want to see if I can do it.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2016, 07:57:17 AM by malando »

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #111 on: June 01, 2016, 08:02:08 AM »
I'm thinking about doing your June no MO challenge, Boo. It would be the only month ever since I was 11 years old where I could say that. It boggles the mind to realise that's true.

Same here. It's hard to believe that it has been so ingrained in our "lifestyle". I was an insecure adolescent and latched on to MO as a security blanket to dull pain and anxiety. It stuck, even though I've had a lot of experiences with women. There's just something very private and soothing about auto eroticism. It makes it a difficult practice to give up.

I'm not sure if we can ever give it up, completely. I wish I could just rub one out periodically without feeling like I'm altering my sexuality in a damaging way. MO became a practice for me before I discovered porn. Porn just made the practice escalate. It throws the idea of "all things in moderation" out the window.

gummianka

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #112 on: June 01, 2016, 08:02:30 AM »
OK, thanks.

yeah, The main benefit with this site is to see all the various paths used here. It is easy to get the idea that it is a hard mode complete monk style reboot of 100+ days that is the only cure, and that the successful rebooters are some kind of Borg like robots that can simply switch off their minds until they suddenly become "healthy".

You seem to have your situation under control, and I am not copying your strategy, but I am learning from it :)

Good luck with June, Boo, I ma sure it will be your best month yet in this reboot journey. :)
No PMO for 50 days, and counter stopped now as I am off the net for God knows how long.

Leon

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #113 on: June 01, 2016, 08:06:12 AM »
Great challenge, Boo. I'm with you, and believe we can do this.

My own relation to M has changed over the years, it's almost non-existent except for the occasional struggle with edging (which could easily lead to a struggle with porn). But it used to be a major problem for me, MO'd about 3 times a week...

Viewing it all as a single unit p, m/o, has helped me generally.

Standing with you in your June challenge.

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #114 on: June 02, 2016, 07:28:14 AM »
Great challenge, Boo. I'm with you, and believe we can do this.

My own relation to M has changed over the years, it's almost non-existent except for the occasional struggle with edging (which could easily lead to a struggle with porn). But it used to be a major problem for me, MO'd about 3 times a week...

Viewing it all as a single unit p, m/o, has helped me generally.

Standing with you in your June challenge.

Great to hear Leon. It would be a big breakthrough for me to go "M-free" for a month. I honestly can't recall doing that since Marine Corps boot camp, many, many years ago.

Chip

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #115 on: June 02, 2016, 07:52:12 AM »
I'm going to try to strictly adhere to a "NO MO" June. I've MO'd 6 times in 53 days to just physical sensation with or without fantasy. I truly want to master this part of myself. It troubles me that I have the emotional connection with this form of auto eroticism even when I have a willing spouse.

I had sex with my wife yesterday but succumbed to the chaser effect today and MO'd. I don't want this. I'm being honest in saying that since I started this no PMO reset I've struggled with the chaser effect following sex with my wife. It's always been within a day or two post coitus. So,  I'm starting "NO MO" June tomorrow. I am going to be diligent in controlling my thought life, even as it concerns fantasizing about my wife.

I am sure we will have sex since it's getting to be like the old days for us. I want to have intimacy with her while controlling my fantasy life. This will be a challenge. I'm obviously going to suspend my experimentation with ERP, but only FOR NOW. Right now my goal is "NO MO" for June. I'm not sure if this makes sense to some of you. I know what I want from myself as a sexual being. It's just hard to articulate.

Part of what fuels my fantasy life is that I've had quite a lot of sexual experiences with women. In high school it was a couple of girlfriends.  In the military it was Japanese, Korean, and Filipino chicks plus a few WM's (Women Marines ) In my 20's it was 3 different LTR's with very sexual women (one flight attendant). Then I met my wife in 1989.  Anyway, this is not bragging in any way. I wish my wife was the only one. Between my own experiences and porn, I feel as though I've constantly objectified women my whole life. I objectify my own wife.

So, that's where I'm at. I'm trying to settle my mind and live more peacefully, more lovingly. I want to be able to have a truer intimacy with my wife while not feeling like I'm controlled by my sexual instincts to act out alone. I hope this all makes sense.
I hear what your saying.  We all got here by different roads, but we all, I hope, have the same end goal.  From my own experience in the Fantasy world, its best to leave it completely alone thru the reset period at least.  I don't think having, "fun" thoughts about an SO are wrong, but maybe during this period of change they may not be helpful...  Does that make sense? 

With much respect,

Chip

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #116 on: June 02, 2016, 08:04:36 AM »
I hear what your saying.  We all got here by different roads, but we all, I hope, have the same end goal.  From my own experience in the Fantasy world, its best to leave it completely alone thru the reset period at least.  I don't think having, "fun" thoughts about an SO are wrong, but maybe during this period of change they may not be helpful...  Does that make sense? 

With much respect,

Chip

It does make sense. Fantasy is a big problem for me. I certainly want to desire my wife, but with an intention of loving her. I don't want to objectify her like a piece of meat. I want to quit objectifying and fantasizing about all women I see. This is sooooo hard. it goes back to what scripture says about "capturing every thought..."

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #117 on: June 02, 2016, 05:35:43 PM »
I've felt really depressed today. This is something that I've battled with over the years. It's periodic but can sometimes last for days. I haven't been sleeping enough this week. I get up at 4:30 a.m. no matter when I go to bed. It's habit.

Anyway, life is what it is these days for me. Sometimes I feel adrift in indecision on how to make changes in my business that really need attention. I suffer from paralysis by analysis and it really is stressful at times. I need to start taking action on newly formulated goals and reinvigorate my sense of purpose.

I plan on REALLY being more diligent with my personal development going forward. I know this will reinforce my rebooting efforts. My future posts may start reflecting more of a "personal development" message as opposed to a "battling porn" message. I just refuse to get bogged down in long term struggles with this. I'm going to successfully complete my NO MO June and will be very close to 90 days PMO-free by then.

At that point I may revisit ERP therapy to strengthen my ability to "surf urges". I'll figure it out when the time comes.

I learned something today about addictions. We're addicted because we can't handle the emptiness of existence. I understand this from an existential standpoint. It resonates.This idea was expounded upon by Leo Gura of Actualized.org (a great youtube channel and website, btw) Here is the video. It's about 35 min., but well worth the time.

http://actualized.org/articles/overcoming-addiction

I just realized that I've surpassed my previously longest streak of 53 days by 2. I guess that helps lift the depression a bit.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2016, 05:46:04 PM by Boo »

malando

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #118 on: June 02, 2016, 05:53:36 PM »
Cool man, 55 days is a big effort! I hope I can make it to that stage. Respect.

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #119 on: June 02, 2016, 06:22:04 PM »
Good on you Boo for sticking with it! I'm also in my mid-50s but single. I see you have a new goal. We're about the same amount of time in. I REALLY want to do it differently this time. All the best!



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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #120 on: June 02, 2016, 06:26:44 PM »
Congrats on the 55 days, Boo! Glad your days have help lift the depression, some. I'm joining you guys on No MO June! Let's do this!

Cheers  ;D
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

Feetfirst

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #121 on: June 03, 2016, 12:57:24 AM »
Hey Boo! Congratulations. 55 days is a great achievement. Sorry to hear you are suffering from the dark mind a bit at the moment. I identify very much with what you are saying. At times like these let go of the future and come into the day. If you can do 55 days you can do 56. Day at a time. Moment by moment. We are blessed.
Have a good day and thank you for all your support.

FF

Leon

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #122 on: June 03, 2016, 08:08:31 AM »
Hey, Boo- congrats on the 55. Well done.

If we think of depression in a spiritual sense, it'd be the "spirit of heaviness"- and how to combat that is through worship and praise. And just know that these dark clouds will pass as they always do, revealing the clear blue sky that's always there.

Peace.

Chip

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #123 on: June 03, 2016, 08:40:57 AM »
Hey, Boo- congrats on the 55. Well done.

If we think of depression in a spiritual sense, it'd be the "spirit of heaviness"- and how to combat that is through worship and praise. And just know that these dark clouds will pass as they always do, revealing the clear blue sky that's always there.

Peace.
What he said.

Boo

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Re: Boo's Journal
« Reply #124 on: June 04, 2016, 01:28:37 PM »
Malando
fyg
Feetfirst
PF56
Leon
Chip

Thanks for your supportive comments. I still feel I have a long way to go and the NOMO June challenge will be tough. I hope we can all continue to be supportive of each other as time allows.

There's lots of different strategies supported by different belief systems here at RN. All should be respected. The end goal is that we all want to stop using PMO as a way to add fulfillment to our lives. I think by now we mostly agree that all it really does is  take away. We were just long suffering in making the necessary commitment. This is hard stuff. Let us all prevail, in our own way. All respect to you guys who are "in it to win it".