21 daysI don't know how, but I made it through another difficult day - that's all that counts for now.
0 daysWhile lately I didn't have any major relapses I now fell back into the porn trap at an almost daily basis for over a week. Went through all categories again, feel like shit, feel the desperate need to change things and at the same time reflect on WHAT to do to finally break free.I started this journal three years ago and really advanced in many ways, but it's really frustrating to put lots of effort into this struggle, make it 20, 30 or 50 days without porn and then return to the starting point again.My first goal is to make it without porn until tomorrow. No big goals in the beginning, just step by step out of the abyss again. Then I need to develop long term strategies, maybe even consider professional help although it's a very big step for me to come out with this struggle in real life.Time to take this serious again, to look ahead, to regain belief in being able to overcome this addiction! I know I can make it!
Hey well done. Laying off the drink has definitely helpful to me! It's a trigger when I am drunk. Glad your social anxiety has improved.
Hey Achilles, I followed your journal up in the past and I see that you're still so motivated. Respect!I have a question for you. Do you see the difference between you as a person now and before starting the fight with PMO? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your success
Quote from: dusty on June 12, 2019, 02:41:03 AMHey Achilles, I followed your journal up in the past and I see that you're still so motivated. Respect!I have a question for you. Do you see the difference between you as a person now and before starting the fight with PMO? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your success Thank you, dusty! Yes, there is a big difference. First of all I have answers to questions about where my life went wrong and that I actually suffer from something that thousands if not millions of other people can relate to.I'm not a weird pervert for ending up in weird porn categories, but there is a scientific explanation to why I needed a bigger high and that I actually am addicted. It's easier to stop self-hatred and blaming myself after understanding what happened to my brain. I still feel regret on not discovering this problem earlier and about the hundreds of relapses throughout the journey - with all my knowledge I should be what I consider "free" by now, but I have to be patient and keep working on recovery.I already advanced a lot in terms of streaks and had a glimpse at real freedom when experiencing how much better a real sex life feels after 2-3 months of abstinence from porn and how I opened up as a person step by step.It does make a big difference living more days porn free than using. A single relapse is not as much of a setback as many days of porn binge in a row. I do notice the difference in my voice, my appearance, my self esteem, how comfortable I feel around people and in how attracted AND attractive I am to real women.This journey with all its troubles and setbacks is definitely worth it and I feel like I never put as much effort in as this time, which is why I will succeed.