Author Topic: Free At Last  (Read 75715 times)

achilles heel

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 740
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #650 on: December 11, 2019, 04:47:01 PM »
Day 3

I'm feeling good and productive, yesterday finished the book and today already start with the next one. Keeping my cell phone out of my home doens't just help me avoiding porn, but also helps me being incredibly productive and still have enough time to sit down and read or listen to music.

Thanks once again for your help, Blue, you don't say weird things at all! I know about the vanishing "superpowers", but my real problem is my addicted brain telling me that a recovery-relapse cycle is actually better for me because I have the high of porn and afterwards experience the high of reboot again. Every artificial high is followed by a heavy low and those lows make me want to quit. But after a while without ups and downs the pain of the low isn't present anymore, but the temptation of the high returns. I already know that getting past the first month makes me feel a lot more balanced and want to reach that point again, but this first month is full of heavy obstacles and my addicted brain playing all kinds of tricks on me.

And as I said on your journal: Your insight on the daily success theory is really, really helpful to gain a better perspective. I do understand the concept, but it's not easy to internalize it and stop grieving for my "lost" big streak I had this year.

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1540
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #651 on: December 11, 2019, 05:50:12 PM »
Way to go on another day!

The first month definitely is full of hard obstacles. You already know, though, that the highs and lows level out over time. That might be helpful to think about, but, honestly, it's hard for me to maintain that perspective when the urges are strong. It's hard to think about how you're going to feel in three weeks when your addicted brain/body is screaming for something right now.

It has been helpful for me to try to separate the sensation of the urge from all the thoughts that go with it. Usually, those feelings come with strong thoughts/visualizations of PMO, but I have sometimes had success just trying to describe what I feel in my body and where I feel it. The attention to the sensations pulls my attention away from the thoughts, and actually makes the whole thing pass by more quickly and harmlessly.

Other times, I just have to say to my brain, "Thank you very much for the suggestion. I know porn is fun and all, but we're not going to do that right now." Sometimes, I just literally have to respond to the urge and say no thanks.

These are both small things that don't really sound like they would help, but they have gotten me out of tight spots before. Just sharing some ideas. In the end, cravings are just thoughts, and they can't hurt us unless we decide to act on them. Recognize the thoughts and let them flow through you like all the other random thoughts you have in a day (it takes practice, for sure).

Also, don't feel bad about bunkering down for a little and just focusing on getting through the urges. If other things have to slip a little, that's okay. Staying clean should be the priority, and you can catch up on the rest later.

Walking this road with you! Go have another good day!

achilles heel

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 740
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #652 on: December 12, 2019, 04:09:13 PM »
Day 4

Another productive day, no trouble yet.

Thanks once again, Blue, separate thoughts and sensation when urges arise requires lots of focus - and I lose focus when in the middle of the storm of strong cravings. I best deal with them making it impossible for me to access porn or at least make it as difficult as possible. Not having my phone at home and avoiding social media on my computer is the key.

My next goal: Another 24 hours without porn and prepare for the weekend with more free time and more trouble to come.

quitforeverthenwin2

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 509
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #653 on: December 12, 2019, 09:09:13 PM »
Keep it up man!

Good insights about the high of relapse followed by the high of expectation of change.

One day at a time! I think focusing one day at a time AND thinking a bit about long term girls can be a good combination . Just put in the work today, don't think about tomorrow but also think of what good can come a year or two from now.

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1540
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #654 on: December 12, 2019, 10:38:17 PM »
That's awesome, another day is money in the bank!

Quit's right about needing a long-term goal too. Having a sense of direction/motivation is important, even if our main focus is on just making it happen one day at a time.

And you're right to be a little more cautious of the weekend. There is definitely potential for more trouble when there is more free time, but just because you don't have as many obligations on the weekend, that doesn't mean that you have to have unstructured time. Making a plan/schedule for my days has been a huge help for me, especially on days where I don't have school or work. Even without those things demanding a big chunk of the day, we can still schedule out a productive and relaxing day that doesn't leave room for porn.

Keep going strong, on to day 5!

achilles heel

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 740
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #655 on: December 13, 2019, 10:35:35 AM »
Day 5

Thank you very much, guys! Just a little update about staying on the right track, I will try to write every day, even if it's a short entry. I did exactly what you said, Blue, and have plans for the next 24 hours - there is no place for porn and I will keep it that way until tomorrow.  :)

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1540
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #656 on: December 13, 2019, 11:46:59 PM »
That's all great news! I hope your plans are fulfilling and fun!

And I think the plan to post at least something every day is a good one. Consistency is huge: any habit that pushes you away from porn is a habit worth developing.

Have a great weekend!

achilles heel

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 740
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #657 on: December 14, 2019, 04:53:23 PM »
Day 6

Thanks, Blue, I turned this into a productive day and another one without porn. My next goal is to complete the first week tomorrow! :)

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1540
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #658 on: December 14, 2019, 07:21:18 PM »
Yeah, man! That's awesome! I'm so excited to hear that. Go get another day in the bank tomorrow and complete a whole week!

One day at a time, seven days in a row. That's how you do it!

achilles heel

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 740
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #659 on: December 15, 2019, 03:30:11 AM »
Day 7

Thank you once again, Blue! :)

Today I woke up to a dream about sex and had to fight memories of porn appearing in my head. My decision is clear: No porn today! I will complete the first week.

I read through the hundreds of failures at my own journal and realize how important it is to just stick to my restrictions. No cell phone at home! Social media only for no longer than 10 minutes a week to check messages!

Apart from that I am building new habits like getting up and drinking fresh lemon juice in the morning, doing a home workout routine that I slightly increase every day, read at least 10 pages of a book every day, cook healthy and in advance for the next day to avoid fast food... it makes me feel good and I have the motivation to advance. There will be days when I have to force myself to go through the routines, but I hope that sooner or later they will become habits that show results.

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1540
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #660 on: December 15, 2019, 05:53:05 PM »
Apart from that I am building new habits like getting up and drinking fresh lemon juice in the morning, doing a home workout routine that I slightly increase every day, read at least 10 pages of a book every day, cook healthy and in advance for the next day to avoid fast food... it makes me feel good and I have the motivation to advance. There will be days when I have to force myself to go through the routines, but I hope that sooner or later they will become habits that show results.

Congrats on a whole week! That's a good accomplishment.

Even more than that, this process of building new habits a little bit at a time sounds awesome. They sound like good habits that all contribute to a healthier life all around, a strong foundation for a life without porn. I think that foundation for the rest of life is one of the things that really matters in recovery. If all we do is quit the addictive habit without building up the rest of our life around us, we're bound to fall again pretty quick.

So it looks like you're on track and headed in the right direction. Another clear decision: no porn tomorrow! Here's to a week plus a day!

achilles heel

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 740
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #661 on: December 16, 2019, 01:50:59 PM »
Day 8

Another clear decision: no porn tomorrow! Here's to a week plus a day!

That's it! Thanks, Blue! Everything is going very well so far and I am busy for the next days. :)

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1540
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #662 on: December 16, 2019, 06:23:13 PM »
That's good to hear! Stay busy in good ways, and there won't be any time left over for addiction.

Keep it going! I'm excited for your progress so far!

quitforeverthenwin2

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 509
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #663 on: December 16, 2019, 11:50:27 PM »
Nice man, keep up the good work! One day at a time.

achilles heel

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 740
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #664 on: December 17, 2019, 06:43:44 AM »
Thank you, guys!  :)

Day 9

Once again: No porn for today!

Hopefully I'll find more time for an update and check your journals on friday...

k-fff

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ***

  • 118
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #665 on: December 17, 2019, 07:50:57 AM »
Awesome stuff keep it up!

Do or die

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1226
  • Personal Text
    Be rebooted and help others to do it.
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #666 on: December 17, 2019, 08:13:25 PM »
Great. Keep going. You can do it.
Its not about stopping. Its about to accept that you are stopped it.

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1540
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #667 on: December 18, 2019, 12:49:34 AM »
Thank you, guys!  :)

Day 9

Once again: No porn for today!

Hopefully I'll find more time for an update and check your journals on friday...

This is awesome! Really close to 10 days in a row, and it sounds like you'll be busy which should help.

Just one more day! You got this!

achilles heel

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 740
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #668 on: December 18, 2019, 01:06:55 PM »
Day 10

Thank you very much for your support, guys, it means a lot to me and really helps me to focus on recovery! :) As I said I will try to keep up with your journals this weekend!

Cravings are increasing a lot, I'm heading towards the worst stage of reboot. Today has been a very stressful day at work and I'm feeling lonely when returning home lately. The next days and weeks will be very tough in terms of depression, but I've already been through that many times - this will pass! I have to be patient!

Good news is my social anxiety is decreasing significantly (although there will setbacks sometimes as I learned during former reboots), I had no trouble to talk to a new girl at work holding eye contact all the time and making some jokes - I am usually nervous around people I don't know and even more if they're young females.

My next goal is to complete today and reach the two-digit-number of days clean, a huge success already... then there is another big goal: No porn tomorrow! I try to stick to the path of daily success as it works out fine so far.

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1540
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #669 on: December 18, 2019, 11:55:59 PM »
Daily success is the way to go! A good life is built out of good days.

It's too bad the cravings are setting in (because that's never fun), but it's also a great opportunity to practice experiencing them without giving in. They're just feelings, just thoughts. They can be uncomfortable or scary, but they can't actually hurt you. And, as we know but quickly forget when they set it, they pass. They don't last forever even when they feel like they will only get worse and worse until we give in.

It's on the really difficult days that focusing on one day at a time becomes really important for me. If the cravings are just getting worse and worse and I think I'm going to have to endure 50 days of it, I can't take the pressure and I cave. But if I can cut a deal with myself to go just one more day, I can pull that off. Then I can make it one more. Eventually, I discover that those cravings pass, and it's smoother sailing for a while.

All this to say that you've been here before and so have I. It might get hard for a little bit, but that's when sticking with it really matters. Like you said, it will all pass, especially if you let it by not getting too caught up in the thoughts and images associated with the cravings. Just thank your brain for the suggestion and let it know that you have other plans.

You've got this, and we're right there with you!

achilles heel

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 740
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #670 on: December 19, 2019, 05:22:37 PM »
Day 11

Thanks a lot, Blue! :)

Just my daily update: Another day complete, going for day 12 tomorrow - no porn once again! The weekend is coming and this journey will get tough...

quitforeverthenwin2

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 509
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #671 on: December 19, 2019, 07:35:40 PM »
Way to go man! Good reminder from you both that one day at a time is the way to go! As I aim to cut out more and more things thats how it has to be done, just focus in it for that one day. You've been soing one day at a time and now before you know it, it's 12 days! Positive brain changes are already occuring!
Cool you have the link in your bio to defend Alex, I donated myself, it's good to support the whole group and movement.

Keep up the good work!

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1540
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #672 on: December 19, 2019, 11:37:10 PM »
You're crushing it, man! Keep up the good work and finish the week strong!

achilles heel

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 740
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #673 on: December 20, 2019, 06:04:09 PM »
Day 12

Thank you very much for your support, guys!

Another day complete and now the weekend is coming: No porn, cravings will increase! Tomorrow I'll have free time and need to be careful, will write a bigger update and catch up with everyone's stories here...

BlueHeronFan

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *****

  • 1540
    • View Profile
Re: Free At Last
« Reply #674 on: December 20, 2019, 11:39:24 PM »
Good stuff! Go into the weekend with a plan and a schedule, and you'll be good to go. Those cravings might come, but they don't have to decide what you do for you. Thank them for the suggestion and choose something else!

Keep going strong!