Author Topic: Not interested in real women and social alienation (No Porn 2020)  (Read 3026 times)


Z

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Re: Not interested in real women and social alienation (No Porn 2020)
« Reply #76 on: April 20, 2020, 04:59:42 PM »
Day 8

Similar day to yesterday. This streak seams to be easier than the previous ones. The key was my mindshift to recognize my sense of purpose as porn, not natural. I'm able to use the internet without switching to porn which was almost impossible previously. Still, I haven't kicked porn out of my sense of purpose totally yet. There are several moments where a relapse feels not to far away, it only takes a few seconds. I really don't want to fuck it up this time.

A good thing about edging is that I'm actually fantasizing mostly about having sex with real women. But if it becomes a habit it's just a new way of linking my sexuality to a specific dopamine stimulation.

Z

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Re: Not interested in real women and social alienation (No Porn 2020)
« Reply #77 on: April 22, 2020, 08:30:39 AM »
Day 9

On Day 8 I did what I needed the internet cable for and as there was an online lecture the next morning, I thought I could keep the internet acces for that lecture. And I watched that lecture, but after that I kept surfing online. I googled how to control ejaculation during sex, then clicked through images of hookers in my area (again) and then watched porn videos for about 20 minutes. I was edging to it but did not ejaculate. After 20 minutes I closed it, went outside and put my nternet cable back to the common room. Watching porn used to be an obsessive search for a new scene for me, this wasn't the case here. I just clicked through a few scenes from my memory and it wasn't such a strong dopamine release as in the past. It doesn't even feel like a relapse.

My sex drive is very high right now, but I don't care that much about watching porn and masturbating, I want to have real sex. It I could make a magic trick by which I could skip all the conversation stuff so that only the sexual part takes place, I would be very interested in real women. If I fantasize about sex, it doesn't make much difference if it's about pornstars, instagram models, normal women or hookers, that's a big change that occured recently. When I wrote that hookers aren't that interesting, I was wrong. I found out that there actually are very good-looking and at the same time very affordable hookers that I'd love to have sex with. This makes me think that it might really be the social alienation and not porn that draws me away from real women. On the other side I feel like being sexual confident would make it way easier to flirt with real women and treat my alienation playfully. Thats why hookers might be a good idea.

If there was no lockdown, the only thing that would keep me away from going to hookers would be performance anxiety. I fear that I might have PIED and also that I might ejaculate already after a few seconds. For the latter there are exercises that can't be combined with no masturbation though. I'm not sure about the PIED test. There are moments where I don't get an erection no matter if I fantasize about porn or normal women and then I sometimes wake up at night and get easily aroused very quickly. However PIED is no yes/no thing, it's a spectrum where I want to be in the 100% healthy state. If I think about all the porn-edging sessions I had over the last 3 years it is safe to assume that I am not there and this is the reason why I have to keep this no masturbation rule. I'll keep doing no PMO until the 15th June.

Although my sleep quality is terrible I'm feeling very good at the moment. When I speak to others I feel very masculine and confident. I see many women outside that I'd love to have sex with if I could skip the social stuff. I want to always feel like that. I wonder if I'm in this state just because I haven't fapped for a while but there's no sense in trying it out.

Z

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Re: Not interested in real women and social alienation (No Porn 2020)
« Reply #78 on: April 23, 2020, 09:50:09 AM »
Day 10 / Day 1

I spent some hours at the campus where many women passed my view. It was crazy how many women I considered to be attractive. Especially their body shape attracts me way more than it used to, even a "normal" body shape is attractive now. Later at home I did some edging while fantasizing about having sex with "normal" women and I took it too far and ejaculated against my will. Now it will be interesting to see whether my attraction for normal women was only because of 9 days of no ejaculation or also because my brain is less on porn. I'm writing this on the next day and I'm still very turned on by normal women! Although I slept only for 2-3 hours tonight. Only my fantasies could be more intense, I'm just not used to it and don't have any experiences that I could remember. I can get an erection by that if I really want to, but it takes time and physical stimulation. I think I'm on a good way.

Z

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Re: Not interested in real women and social alienation (No Porn 2020)
« Reply #79 on: April 23, 2020, 03:28:21 PM »
Again I was at the campus and again I felt strong physical attraction for many women I saw. This is very good news for me, it always used to be 2-4 days of no sexuality after ejaculating which was one of my major concerns. Later at home the same as yesterday happened: I edged to a point where I couldn't control ejaculation, although I could keep it at low intensity. This masturbation while thinking about real women feels healthy to me, like a reprogramming of my sexuality. I learned something new today which will enable me to have longer sex but my PC muscle is still not strong enough if the critical point is reached. That's why I want to exercise it more intense for 14 days and in the meantime abstain from edging and masturbation. I'm curious how much more progress is possible.

In general I don't have to be as strict as other rebooters though. Looking at and fantasizing about real natural women seems to be healthy for me. Even masturbation probably is but I'm not fully sure yet. I don't have any porn cravings and it seems like my addiction wasn't as bad as for many others here. But I want to do 14 days of no PMO now and tomorrow is day 1.
« Last Edit: April 23, 2020, 03:29:56 PM by Z »

TheSpaniard

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Re: Not interested in real women and social alienation (No Porn 2020)
« Reply #80 on: April 23, 2020, 03:50:19 PM »
Hi Z,

Looks like your are learning a lot about your sexuality. Congratulations.

I would like to encourage you to accomplish these 14 days of no PMO that you say (and I would add no edging, not fantasizing because they make it difficult not to MO,but that's up to you). There is nothing wrong about being 14 days without MOing. It's like a self-control exercise. Once you have accomplish your 14 days of no PMO, you can conciously decide what to do next: keep without MOing or do it your way.

Hope this to be helpful for you.
Love to meet people all around the globe! Thumbs up for cultural exchange!

Jeks

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Re: Not interested in real women and social alienation (No Porn 2020)
« Reply #81 on: April 24, 2020, 12:37:27 PM »
Hey z,

first of all congrats on fighting through the addiction as well as you do.
I watched this vid today by gabe deem today. In this one he also gives his opinion about fantasizing. Had to think of your situation and wanted to share it with you for some input.

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/porn-induced-sexual-dysfunctions/start-here-porn-induced-sexual-dysfunction/porn-induced-ed-reboot-advice/



Z

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Re: Not interested in real women and social alienation (No Porn 2020)
« Reply #82 on: April 24, 2020, 05:03:02 PM »
Day 1

Last night I slept longer but not better. My sexual desire was slightly lower than on the last two days but still I saw many women I found attractive. I had a slight headache and it actually annoyed me that so many women turned me on. It's a restless mindstate and just looking at women won't give me anything. Still, I'm not interested in verbal interactions. First I want to reach my goals for the upcoming months, then build a social circle with male friends and then I might think about it.

Z

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Re: Not interested in real women and social alienation (No Porn 2020)
« Reply #83 on: April 25, 2020, 06:15:22 AM »
What I didn't mention in my last post was that I looked up a few pictures from a particular girl yesterday that was one of my favourites before my reboot. No sexual pictures, just normal stuff from a normal girl who underwent plastic surgery which fascinates me somehow. Tonight I couldn't sleep and these pictures came up over and over again. Today I needed the internet cable for some work. I knew it would be very risky but I didn't really care. As soon as I touched it in the dorm room, a strong urge to watch porn videos came up. I remembered that one relapse where I took the cable at the middle of the night and it was just like it's written in the book YBOP. It felt like there is no other option than accepting my fate. I watched porn for about an hour and then fapped. Last time I wasn't really fascinated by porn, this time it was completely different. The worst thing is that this morning I was very inspired to do many things but now I'm feeling the lack of sleep. I didn't sleep properly for 2 weeks now and I don't really care about all this porn reboot stuff before I can sleep well again. The problem is that my room heats up too much during the day because of the sun. Today I bought a new fan which is supposed to be more quiet, this might help.

I disagree with what Gabe Deem says about fantasizing about real girls, at least applied to my personal situation. I think I have a pretty high level of testosterone at the moment (not for long if I don't fix my sleep problems) and this makes it simply impossible. There will always be that feeling in my balls, that sexual energy - not cravings, but real sexual energy - and if I judge fantasies about real women as bad as porn fantasies, this sexual energy will of course align itself towards porn. Also my main problem is not ED but not getting excited enough by real women because the combination of social isolation with instagram and porn raised my standards of attractive women too high. It would be beneficial for me if fantasies about real women become a new habit.

Jeks

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Re: Not interested in real women and social alienation (No Porn 2020)
« Reply #84 on: April 25, 2020, 07:17:48 AM »
Ok z, thats fine.

You have got to try and figure things out for yourself. Maybe that does actually help you. My own experience and a lot i have read go against it, but that doesnt mean, that this isnt the right way for you. Just note that you may not know the difference between "real sexual energy" and cravings. You did not have sex before and are using porn since you are young. Just keep being mindful, keep reading and learning and look how things go.

On your relapse: just recall why you are want to quit and get back as soon as you can.

Good luck man.
« Last Edit: April 25, 2020, 03:48:51 PM by Jeks »

Z

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Re: Not interested in real women and social alienation (No Porn 2020)
« Reply #85 on: April 26, 2020, 05:25:45 PM »
There's a simple rule for my reboot: Private internet access always leads to watching porn. I can really do everything via public hotspots besides online exams but it will take more than a month until they take place.

I took the internet cable on Saturday in the morning, mainly to do some work for university. Now it's Sunday night and I did nothing for university, using the internet mainly for porn. I had sessions over several hours on both days. Now I'll remove the cable again.

Z

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Re: Not interested in real women and social alienation (No Porn 2020)
« Reply #86 on: April 27, 2020, 05:50:01 PM »
Day 1

This was the most productive day in a long time. Throughout the whole day I worked on several of my projects with real success. My mind is fully back on porn and it's absolutely great. There seems to be no other source of passion as strong as the long-term goal of being able to attract extremely hot women. Everytime I thought about stopping my work I could easily continue by thinking of this goal. I am sure that I would have watched porn if I had internet access at home and this would have led to a completely different day. Thinking of real attractive women while not being able to see them seems to be an enormous source of energy. I should get rid of these thoughts though, when my libido comes back it will be a trigger that will be almost impossible to resist. But for now I just feel very good about the return of my energy and my accomplishments of the day.

Z

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Re: Not interested in real women and social alienation (No Porn 2020)
« Reply #87 on: April 28, 2020, 06:39:50 PM »
Day 2

My energy was not as high as yesterday but it still was a good day without procrastination. I took the time to assure myself of my reasons for quitting porn again and why I have to do it now. The time is running too fast. I have to stop porn, porn fantasies, masturbation and edging until the 15th of June. I am lucky that my porn addiction and PIED are in a comparably early stadium but I still have to do something to get rid of them. Today I couldn't get a rocksolid erection by pure touching and I'm sure in a few days I will be able to get it, so it's dependent on the time since ejaculation. Until June there is no reason to get back the internet cable, I can do everything from outside. This has to be a strong rule. There only is this one girl and I checked out her profile yesterday and just now. Just one second to see if there is a new picture, no sexual stuff, just normal selfies with big lips. It's as if I had a crush on her lmao, I really have to stop it.