Author Topic: First time  (Read 1238 times)

motai63

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First time
« on: March 20, 2016, 10:33:49 AM »
I am new to this and am trying to deal with my addiction to porn. It's been difficult since my wife is going through menopause. My drive is very healthy but she can not very often help me to satisfy my desire. We always had a very active sexual relationship and now it is mostly non existent. I used to get enraged when she was not up to the task, but since I've started watching porn on a nightly basis, I don't even try to get close to her. It's easier to accept that she is probably going to say no so I just wait til I go to my room, turn on my porn and masturbate. I have been doing this on a nightly basis for several years now and I finally told her about it because I have been ignoring her and even lashing out with insults and just outright meanness. I have sought out a counselor that I see once a week and have been successful so far at resisting the urge to watch porn and masturbation without porn. I did have a couple of relapses though, I have only looked at porn twice in the last three weeks. I have noticed that I haven't been looking at other women in a lustful nature as much, but I am fearful that if things don't change between my wife and I that I will attempt to seek sexual attention from someone else. Right at this moment I am thinking about looking at porn but I know it won't help. I need some suggestions as to what to do during these times of temptation and frustration. I know that if I go masturbate I won't feel any better about myself. Please help!!

E45

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Re: First time
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2016, 06:13:51 AM »
One single fact will help you make a decision to change: Looking at porn makes your dick stop working.

If you have a solid desire to give up porn, and help your dick recover, then you can consider how masturbation and sex with your wife will fit into this new plan.

I'm totally with you on this; my wife only wants sex about once a year. Whether that is down to how I have (unknowingly) interacted with her during the last ten years, or down to her, I don't fully know. But I do know that porn has to go, and I need to make a bigger effort to care for my wife.

Because I noticed my dick wasn't working, and got scared, I had the guts to stop porn and stop masturbating for two months. Once I have got through three months I will reassess my plans for masturbation in the future. I don't yet know how to handle it. But porn must be eradicated forever.

Gracie

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Re: First time
« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2016, 02:25:12 PM »
Yes women go through changes with menopause.  Unfortunately we do not keep all of our hormones coursing through our veins for our whole life.  Perhaps your wives need a medical check up.  There could be a physical reason for lack of libido or it could be a medication they take.  However it may be this:  (I will only post the first reason the others can be found in the link)

Quote
[1. Your wife’s so-called “frigidity” is not the catalyst for your habit. In fact, it might be the other way around.

Perhaps there are men today who don’t touch porn until after they are married, but I have never met one.

Most men start their porn habits long before they get married; so to blame a woman for the habit is clearly mistaken.

Furthermore, in nearly every case I’ve seen, what men interpret as a woman’s “frigidity” is actually a lack of initiative on the his part. A man might say, “But I ask my wife for sex all the time.” To which I reply, “When was the last time you really fostered an environment of romance in the home that would make your wife feel treasured and not just like a warm body?”

Unfortunately, porn trains this belief into us: sex should be on-demand—as quick to boot up as my web browser. Healthy intimacy, however, takes time, attention, and devotion to maintain.
/quote]

Here is the link to the rest:  https://www.lifesitenews.com/blogs/5-reasons-it-isnt-your-wifes-fault-that-you-use-porn

Gracie

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Re: First time
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2016, 02:28:45 PM »
My husband and I did not have sex often when he was addicted.  It was because he was staying up and not in bed.  His harem called his name.  I could not compete.  That changed once he stopped porn.  He was having sex with his hand 6 or 7 times a week.  I was lucky if it was one.  And even then, it was not intimate it was just sex.  Not fun!

Steam rolled

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Re: First time
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2016, 03:06:38 PM »
Gracie said it all.
E45 nailed it to.


I have Menapause and it is not fun at all.
Have you asked her to rub her back,legs cause i can tell you with menapause those areas ache like hell.
Be gental start slow and just maybe it will go somewhere.
Its a very uncomfotable feeling menapause.
but to just give up and go to porn is not the answer.

It may not be the " easy" way but look where the easy way = PMO has got men these days?
No where im reality.

My SO Was stolen from ME by porn, not the menopause.
PMO is gone and now a new life has emerged.


Honestly i wish you luck
LOVE IS NOT LONELY!!!

motai63

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Re: First time
« Reply #5 on: April 03, 2016, 06:14:47 PM »
Thanks for all your support, I have tried to be supportive and help my wife through her struggles, she does see her OB/GYN on regular intervals. As I stated in my original post, I blamed her for my Porn Addiction and I am seeing a counselor for my addiction. I know that it isn't her fault and things have gotten better since I started my recovery. If it weren't for her I wouldn't be back on the right path she is so wonderful and I realize once again that there is no substitute for intimacy with the one you love. I am struggling to stop watching porn though. I have only watched it 3 times in the last month which is way less than before but I want to completely rid my life of it. Do any of you know of an app that I can get on my android smartphone that is similar to K-9? I really need something to keep me from being able to view this shit on my phone. PLEASE HELP!!!