Author Topic: Here I go to again;  (Read 6351 times)

Nobby

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Here I go to again;
« on: March 29, 2016, 09:56:01 AM »
Age, 66 and new to this his site but not at all new to porn addiction recovery. In the past I have achieved a period of 2 years of "sobriety / abstinence, then relapsed after what I still consider to be valid reasons. Not that it matters. Here I am again, having gotten into trouble with porn. My return to recovery is essential or certainly lose my relationship with my wife. It will simplydissolve. I know how it's done, I know that recovery is there for me, all I have to do is the work. I am fed up with porn and what it has done to me! I want out!!!
I believe that this is my 15th day of abstinence and I'll count from this day forward. Thank you all so much for being here!!

camus

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2016, 03:02:00 PM »
Welcome to the site Nobby. I hope you get the help you need here. And well done for not giving in and coming back after relapsing.

harry

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    gay man addicted to dopamine with pied/de
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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2016, 06:32:51 PM »
Hey Nobby,

Welcome to the forum. It's a great place for support and recovery.

I've got almost 7 years of sobriety (drugs and alcohol) in AA, and using the tools from that program has really helped me with this journey. It's funny, in the end, I just substituted one addiction for another. Life of an addict. Now, if I could only kick sugar...

Anyway, I see this forum as a virtual meeting with cross talk. I come here periodically throughout the day and post often.

Stay strong!


Nobby

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #3 on: March 31, 2016, 12:27:40 AM »
I have shortened up this journal after realizing that my posts were entirely too verbose. I'll try to keep them shorter in the future. I've tried to edit my "Tracker to more accurately display the number of days I've beenPMO free but without sun. This is actually day 17 for me. I'm happy to report that I to through this day without temptation. I see that as a win, (and very encouraging!
Onwards and upwards!

Robert2.0

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #4 on: March 31, 2016, 12:54:57 AM »
Nobby,

As a soon to be 66 year old addict let me welcome you to this site. I know you will find friendship and help here. I know you will find the members here always willing to share and offer guidance. Welcome.

We can do this!

Nobby

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #5 on: April 01, 2016, 08:45:52 AM »
Thanks Robert for the welcome!

I think this is day 19 for me. Yesterday was an especially good day. My wife and I got along better than we have been for at least 6 months. I find that very encouraging. I had one powerful urge but I don't know what triggered that. i found myself saying to myself, "Screw this!, why bother, it's just the same old crap!" A most unusual happening for me, and one that caused the urge to vaporize. Again, most encouraging. Onward and Upwards!

Polar

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #6 on: April 01, 2016, 09:18:14 AM »
Why is it that a little purposeful thought can kill the urge in some cases, but not others?
Porn free since 6/31/2014

Nobby

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #7 on: April 01, 2016, 10:22:04 AM »
Yes! Why is that, Polar? Doesn't seem fair to me! lol.

bob

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #8 on: April 01, 2016, 02:40:49 PM »
Hey No.

i just can't call you nobody. 8) Welcome to RN. Feels good to not be the only person here who is at the "upper limit" of this thing called life. So glad you are here.

Peace

Nobby

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #9 on: April 01, 2016, 02:45:58 PM »
Thanks, Bob. Actually it's Nobby, a nick I was awarded while in the service. All personnel with my last name were /are called "Nobby .

bob

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #10 on: April 01, 2016, 02:51:50 PM »
Duh, and me showing my dyslexia. I read and I don't even see.  I use to have a joke i would tell on myself...

What DAM stand for. The answer?

Mothers Against Dyslexia.

 

Polar

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #11 on: April 01, 2016, 03:07:59 PM »
Hey No.

i just can't call you nobody. 8) Welcome to RN. Feels good to not be the only person here who is at the "upper limit" of this thing called life. So glad you are here.

Peace

Maybe it's the mood we're in?  When life is good and we're strong, it's easier to dismiss the call for dope (dopamine).  When we're down, we don't really try that hard?
Porn free since 6/31/2014

Nobby

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #12 on: April 02, 2016, 10:38:50 AM »
It's tense times here at our house. On a daily basis I fear that my wife will tell me that she just "can't do this anymore." And leave me. This causes me significant stress and worry but I've just now remembered that most of the time, when I feel that the worst is going to happen, it almost never does. I don't find my fear triggering at all, for which I am grateful. I had some time alone yesterday, usually a triggering situation but when wife got home I realized that in her absence I hadn't felt triggered at all, which was (and is) a terrific sign of progress for me. Onward and Upward!

Nobby

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #13 on: April 02, 2016, 12:32:53 PM »
I'm looking for a valid link to the ebook by Gary Wilson it having no success at all. Anyone have any suggestions?

bob

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #14 on: April 02, 2016, 12:35:46 PM »

Nobby

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #15 on: April 02, 2016, 12:57:57 PM »
Actually, no. I'm looking for an ebook called " Wack". The author is B E Church. On Reboot Nation I found an offer for a free copy of it, but ran into dead links along the way. In the meantime I'm about halfway through The Porn Trap.

Nobby

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #16 on: April 02, 2016, 01:03:04 PM »
Okay, I found it!  content/uploads/2016/03/Wack_-Addicted-to-Internet-Porn-Noah-B.E.-Church
 

Nobby

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #17 on: April 05, 2016, 07:02:11 AM »
Day 23 by my reckoning. It's been a few days since I last posted, for no particular reason. Th days haven't b n without temptation but none so bad as to bring me down. Relationship with my wife has been up and down. My Acquired Brain Injury is responsible for in a large portion / percentage of that, makes me pretty nuts on some days, resulting in unbearable frustration for her. Okay, the responsibility is mine, not the brain injury. But just the same, that issue does throw in a bunch of additional challenges and factors to be dealt with. Later today I'll behome alone for awhile and that situation is usually triggering for me. I'd get in touch with a friend to hang out with but I'd need a friend in order to make that happen   :)plodding th ough " Is he Porn Trap as I find it starting to drag (just as it did content/uploads/2016/03/Wack_-Addicted-to-Internet-Porn-Noah-B.E.-Church.pdf). Among other things, it contains:
 When I read it before. But I'll plough through it, regardless. Then I'll try this "Wank" book to see if I can learn anything new and useful. All I he education / information I can gather on recovery from porn addiction helps! All the tools I find to use make the battle slightly easier. For now, Onward and upward!

bob

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #18 on: April 05, 2016, 11:20:44 AM »
This is a good read as well.

Breaking the Cycle: Free Yourself from Sex Addiction, Porn Obsession and Shame.

Nobby

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #19 on: April 05, 2016, 01:14:44 PM »
Thanks, Bob! Got a link? Google was no help to me.

bob

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #20 on: April 05, 2016, 04:10:35 PM »

Robert2.0

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #21 on: April 05, 2016, 09:56:47 PM »
Nobby,
Congratulations on your progress, alone time has been the hardest trigger for me. I had to resort to writing a list of things to do if I get the urge while alone. They don't have to be big elaborate things, anything to divert the mind until the urge passes. Hope this might help as silly as it may sound.

We can do this!

Nobby

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #22 on: April 06, 2016, 07:58:41 AM »
"Nahhh." That's what I said to myself this morning when I found myself faced with an opportunity to act out. I tapped on Pinterest instead, to do a little surfing. I like going there to find images that I can use in my artistic endeavours. Speaking of Pinterest and images, there are several "boards" there featuring nudity and other triggering content, if one chooses to follow Them. I found it necessary to drop those boards, early on. No loss, tons of great stuff to see there!
The alone time I had been expecting yesterday didn't materialize due to weather. (We got bloody snow). Okay, the bloody snow had no blood, and didn't stick.
I'm anticipating a good and positive day today. Positivety is essential for success in this war (as far as I am concerned. Not always achieved, but worth focussing on if I hope to make it. Negativity begets negative consequences. Who needs that shit?
Onward and upwards!

Nobby

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #23 on: April 07, 2016, 09:43:54 AM »
Well, damn! Last night I was busted for " subscribing to a couple of boards on a social media site that contain what can at the very least be termed as "Inappropriate " lots, even "all" containing nudity. Not what I consider porn, per se, but this is not an opinion shared by my wife. In the end, I deleted my account at the site then deleted the app from my iPhone and iPad. I've tried to reset my tracker this morning without success, even though I never did PMO at this site. I now that it's up to me to make the call as to whether this is a relapse or not and if I go by the criteria set in the Tracker, it was not. But I will change my " days free" from 25 as I believe it was, to the 9 days as shown by this Tracker. I knew the images were wrong for me but I looked at them periodically just the same. As for today, I'm looking forward to another successful one. My urges remain "light" and I have no reason to believe that I will PMO today.
Anyway, Onward and Upwards!

Nobby

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Re: Here I go to again;
« Reply #24 on: April 08, 2016, 08:21:42 AM »
And into Day 10 with grat expectations of making it through PMO. Home life picked up again yesterday despite my fears for the worst. Picked up, such that we made love wildly and joyfully.
So today, I expect to cruise through, but I'm experienced enough to know that is dangerous thinking. I think that as long as I focus on the consequences of relapse, I'll have a fighting chance. Finally finished The Porn Trap ebook last night. Great stuff! Now I have a couple more to read but I need a break from that material for a bit, - (while the information is grat, it also tends to overwhelm me.i plan to read a book for "recreational" purposes in the interim , then return to recovery material afterwards.Here we go again!