Author Topic: That's it, never again!  (Read 31329 times)

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #150 on: December 12, 2016, 12:04:52 PM »
https://www.minds.com/blog/view/655072685113483269 - The great porn debate!

I wrote a blog on a debate between YouTubers on porn addiction, because neither was informative enough.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #151 on: December 21, 2016, 09:24:14 PM »
I've been weak again.

I allowed my weakness to overwhelm me. I didn't find the strength to say no. I wanted to say no, but I went on to do it anyways. And three times no less. I told myself that I would be strong. I said I wouldn't fall. And I feel three times. But I will not ever give up. I will emerge victorious! I will be strong.

I am not the person I once was. I can be strong. I can live better.

I know what I did before that worked. I did everything day to day. I did that for 60 days, and each day I looked forward to the next day in freedom. And then I said, I am cured, and I said, I have over 60 days, now I have 117 days. Well, I know now. I shall live like AA. One day at a time. Not 117 days at a time. One day at a time!

I will enjoy each day of freedom! And I will never turn back! Ever Again!

For the next time I watch porn, I will have to drink bleach, ala Chris Ray Gun! LAWLS!

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #152 on: January 01, 2017, 09:43:40 AM »
Happy New Year.

Something about my last relapse made me think about something. I've been doing so well lately with goal setting and reaching, with a webcomic I'm creating, that goal setting is very important.

So, in my last relapse, I decided to have a goal to not watch porn for a year.

Philgood63

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #153 on: January 01, 2017, 04:00:54 PM »
Congrats, man, that's great to set goals, and quite efficient, I totally agree with you. Some may say that setting goals is not enough to reach them, that's right, but if we never set them, that even worse ! To my opinion that's a way to commit to something and have a reflexion about the way we may reach the goal, so that's definitly positive.
Happy new year to you, take care and keep on fighting, bro.
Neither lover nor wanker !

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #154 on: January 26, 2017, 05:27:22 PM »
https://youtu.be/n_UUur0LR-U - I created a video about my mental health and talked about how much my life changed after I got my addiction under control.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #155 on: February 03, 2017, 05:06:09 PM »
Over a month, excellent!

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #156 on: February 07, 2017, 10:04:12 PM »
Man, I'm having a hard time right now! My computer and iPad are no longer functioning, which I used to do my work on, and for the past couple of days where I would have been preoccupied in creating YouTube commentary vids and creating stuff, I can only think of is porn. I'm actually desperate to watch porn right now!!!!

Go figure, the lack of technology is what actually fucks me up!!!

newmeditations

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #157 on: February 09, 2017, 10:45:11 PM »
Hope you got through it ok...guessing it was the stress of losing the technology and productivity, worries, etc. not the technology itself but I'm sure you know that. Hang in there man. Whatever it is you are better.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #158 on: February 26, 2017, 10:22:17 AM »
Thanks newmeditions.

I did mess up. But I'm actually happy about it. Since I messed up, I've been 50/50 on clean and not clean days. But I know I'm back on track again, with being clean for the past 4 days.

I needed to be patient with myself. Once I got all my tax stuff back, and I'm getting enough money back to pay some bills and get myself a new computer and a good microphone for broadcasting, and YouTube has monetized my channel, I've got some renewed hope for the future.

All I need to do is work really hard, keep producing good videos, and I should make a good living doing what I love to do best, commenting on our culture. I can't wait to see Hollywood fumble around Trump again tonight, I'm sure there will be virtue signallers galore!

I can't wait to make money poking fun at them!

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #159 on: March 18, 2017, 07:48:24 AM »
I relapsed again. I'm starting to realize why I do that. On my 123 day stretch, I always came here. Everyday, writing what was going on, and when I felt weak as well. And I succeeded! I stayed away for a 123 days!

If that is how I did it, by coming here every day, than I'll come here every single day for the rest of my life!

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #160 on: March 19, 2017, 10:08:57 AM »
Hey guys, good day yesterday.

I'm having some little cravings, but nothing I can't handle.

Even a slight craving can defeat you, if you don't acknowledge them!

Punk Monk

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #161 on: March 19, 2017, 03:59:37 PM »
Hey Kurall,

Glad to see you're back. You may not know this, but I drew a lot of inspiration from your posts. So keep at it. It's a smart idea to keep coming back here whenever you get those urges. Sure beats going to those other sites (knowwhatimean?!?!)

I also notice you're handling staying clean in small chunks. Wise idea. As they say "The thousand mile journey begins with a single step" (Hey...I gotta live up to my user name!)

Hang in there.

Stay strong.

P. Monk

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #162 on: March 20, 2017, 06:54:41 AM »
Thanks for the encouragement Punk Monk,

Yesterday I was successful. Even after I hear of stupid internet culture and hacking shit, I didn't look for what my brain craved.

I'm still kinda craving it, but I will not stop this time. Today Is the second day of the rest of my life!

workinprogressUK

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #163 on: March 20, 2017, 08:23:20 AM »
Where I identify with your journal, Kurall, is that it's when living clean stops being the biggest priority, that former compulsions come and bite us on the ass. Certainly my experience. Glad that you're back on track though.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #164 on: March 21, 2017, 07:48:54 AM »
Things are going great today!

I felt great yesterday, no cravings!

Keep fighting guys!

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #165 on: March 23, 2017, 07:30:01 AM »
The cravings can be very strong, but we can be stronger. I don't need the strength to fight, only the will to stand! We can do anything if we make up our minds! These feelings can beat me into the ground, but they will not break me!

Every time I say no, I win!

I can make it through this craving! It's only a craving! I am not destined to watch porn again! I will overcome!

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #166 on: March 24, 2017, 09:21:10 AM »
I managed the last craving! I didn't cave in and watch pork! It wasn't an inevitability! I had a great day writing, spending time with my fiancé and playing some video games!

Everything is going great!

Abc

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #167 on: March 24, 2017, 10:06:19 AM »
Good to hear your having a good day, I am gathering inspiration to get my day going. I worked out and am getting ready to have what I hope is a busy day. I find it much easier when I stay busy. This is day 12 for me.
 Do you know how to put on the day counter on your page ? Cant find anything about it or how to do it ?

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #168 on: March 24, 2017, 10:31:20 AM »
Just click on my counter, and that will take you to the right place. You need a gmail account.

Abc

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #169 on: March 24, 2017, 10:59:52 AM »
Thank you.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #170 on: March 27, 2017, 02:05:03 PM »
I'm having a huge porn craving right now, but I can make it through this! Cravings don't mean you are going to do that, it just means you're really desiring it right now!!!

I can make it through this bullshit. I'm not going to accept watching p anymore! I can make it!

Abc

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #171 on: March 27, 2017, 07:08:19 PM »
Stay strong Bro ! You got this !  Go do something anything but that. You can do this.

40New30

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #172 on: March 29, 2017, 02:10:11 PM »
Breaking the cycle is the first step, and the hardest.  Be sure to take care of yourself and your health, good food, good sleep, keep a lid on stress.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #173 on: June 04, 2017, 10:01:06 AM »
Here I am again. I think this is my second year of rebooting. This time, it'll be different. I know I can do it. I find myself enhancing in porn when my stress levels go way up, and then I binge watch for a few days, and then I stop until the next stressful crisis happens. Time to find a better way to deal with these crises.

Thanks for all the help guys, and have a great day!

Punk Monk

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Re: That's it, never again!
« Reply #174 on: June 04, 2017, 10:53:38 PM »
Hang in there, KC.

I had to go through the Reboot Cycle a couple of times. Wouldn't say I'm necessarily cured, yet. But each trip around brings us closer to the goal.

If I can do it, so can you.

Be strong, brother.

P. Monk