Author Topic: That's it, never again!  (Read 31749 times)

Kurall_Creator

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That's it, never again!
« on: March 26, 2016, 08:28:59 AM »
I feel off the bandwagon big time.

After going weeks without PMOing, I figured I didn't need RN.org or these forums anymore. I was wrong.

When I was doing my best, I had a new regular routine, and it was working very well, and there is something new that I'm going to do for now on, to make sure I stay focused. I found out that writing a letter from your future self helps with your will power.

So here goes day 1.

Thank you KC, for taking the few steps in recovery. Thank you for admitting to yourself, one other person, and God/The Universe you can't control your compulsion to watch porn and you need help to return back to sanity, and I'm willing to give my entire life over to God as I understand him.

These steps will help you help you take a huge step forward, and you will recover.

You know, you can't be a child anymore, and that your relationship with your fiancé is what is truly important. Getting the 'life you want' can wait. Focus on loving her and finding a new way to live is the most important thing to do right now.

You can do it! You will find faith and maturity again.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2016, 09:29:48 AM by Kurall_Creator »

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2016, 08:17:23 AM »
Day 2,

You did great KC. A whole day without porn. And meditating first thing in the morning. You choose well. Remember, this is not about being strong. If it were, you'd have 'kicked' this. It is about choices.

You choose to leave the pig pen of pornography, and go home, to your father. And you know your father loved seeing it so much, he saw the very first step you took, and ran to meet you!

Keep going!

Gabriel1960

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2016, 09:29:29 AM »
I grew up in a household where we would celebrate weight loss by having an ice cream sundae.   No joke.

Why not celebrate one month of freedom from PMO by engaging in PMO?  That's my sick mind for you.   I've actually been on hard mode this past week because my spouse has been in Florida this week visiting relatives.  It goes back to the old Airplane! movie joke: "I guess I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!"

I'll be OK today.  One day, one hour, sometimes one minute at a time. 

Gabriel

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #3 on: March 28, 2016, 05:56:49 AM »
Day,

Wow, three days clean now. It is such a great feeling. Everyday you stay away from P, the more human you start to feel! You know exactly what to do, discipline yourself, write a daily journal of your journey to stay focused on the life you want to live. Don't let anything get in the way. That is the way.

When you're focused, you will stop 'whoring yourself' to strange women on P sites, just to catch a small bit of dopamine, you stay true to God and to your fiancé!
« Last Edit: March 28, 2016, 06:03:17 AM by Kurall_Creator »

notgivinup

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2016, 09:42:33 AM »
Hey Kurall.....you are here, and you are continuing on. So glad you are here.

The progress made before the bump in the road is not lost.

I am encouraged by your posts and that you are here...moving forward.

NGU

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2016, 05:57:29 AM »
Day 4,

I am glad that you have stayed strong each morning. I am glad you are choosing the adult choices more than the childish choices, and it is helping you a great deal. You're aren't feeling as sick as you once were, and getting up early is working for you.

Remember even though this is a life long battle, it's only fought minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day - it is easy to imagine yourself doing something else and making that new thing happen than you realize.

Jailbird

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #6 on: March 29, 2016, 06:19:30 AM »
Hey!
Adult choices, routines, not whoring yourself out to pornographers ... Great attitude to have and I'm glad in dipped into your thread to get inspired.
Here's hoping you carry on like this. Is this your first nofap attempt?
I see that you also mention meditation. I must better understand this and try to add it to my strategems.
FF

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #7 on: March 30, 2016, 06:03:54 AM »
Day 5,

Well done. You're doing great. It's getting easier to get up early, and spend time with the Bible, prayer and focus on coming here and writing this journal. I know it is hard, but you're doing great. Stay strong and of good courage, you are not alone in this fight. You have all the encouragement from your Heavenly Father, and the men of this board.

Don't forget, the vast majority of men struggle with you, and they don't know the full consequences of the lives they live. The physical and mental health issues that rise through constant PMO. It is time to be a real beacon for change.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #8 on: March 31, 2016, 05:57:46 AM »
Day 6,

Thank you for fighting the good fight, and keeping the faith. You're doing great. Stay focused, and don't let the little foxes steal the grapes on the vine. It's so easy to get lost in this addiction, but living thoughtfully, and mindfully is one of the keys.

Remember, if this was easy to beat, every man in the world would have easily dropped this when they first wanted to quit.

Feetfirst

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #9 on: March 31, 2016, 10:49:09 AM »
Well said KC.
Keep up the fight. No matter how hard it will never be worse than the misery of active addiction. Keep it in the moment. Day at a time. FF

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #10 on: April 01, 2016, 06:08:53 AM »
Day 7,

Every morning, you see a poster, whose awesome, you're awesome. You are. You are the very image of a creative God, who brought you are into the world to be creative - to make something beautiful. The more you stay away from porn, the more loving you are.

Stay strong, stay separated from porn. While millions of men fall into that pit, stay focused and shine like a beacon. Show them how porn harms them, and how to fight back.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #11 on: April 02, 2016, 07:27:21 AM »
Day 8,

I want to stand against the pornographers, sitting in the petty castles, exploiting men for money and girls to exploit those men. They are leeches who suck the life out of our culture for pieces of paper that are painted by our government. They are nothing but maggots decomposing a dead carcass!

You're doing great KC! You can keep going and do something about all this bull crap! You're not weak, powerless or insignificant.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #12 on: April 04, 2016, 05:52:59 AM »
Day 10,

Keep going. You feel awesome today. No upset stomach, no weakness in your body. No weakness in your mind. You will do it. You will overcome. You are overcoming every day now. You will live in mindful freedom, and you will help others.

Everything in your life, the lord has given to be a testimony, not to exalt you, but to testify of himself, and his love.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #13 on: April 05, 2016, 05:47:15 AM »
Day 11,

I know you relapsed, but do not falter, do not be discouraged. This battle is a hard one, and sometimes it will get the best of you. You are getting better, and you will continue to grow and make a better life for yourself.

You are not back at day 1 again, taking your first step, you've come so far. Keep going and keep fighting this. If a righteous man falls 7 times, he gets up.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #14 on: April 06, 2016, 06:29:49 AM »
Day 12,

You may have fallen, but you will arise, you will overcome, you will live in freedom.

notgivinup

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #15 on: April 06, 2016, 02:46:23 PM »
Kurall.....get up and keep going.

You know about this....and you know that you just get up, and replace it with something else.

I have been in the tar pits of shame with all this crap before...and I know that even when you don't feel like it...you just GET UP and keep moving forward.

You can do this....you've already done so much. Glad you are here. Thanks for keeping your commitment to resetting your counter when needed. Speaking the truth is the first step toward moving on....clean.

Glad you are here.

NGU

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #16 on: April 07, 2016, 05:45:13 AM »
Day 13,

You may have fallen yesterday, but you still moved forward. You did your best, and that is all anybody can do. Be happy!

You will do better.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #17 on: April 15, 2016, 07:46:14 AM »
Day 21,

Do not be discouraged. You have fallen a great deal, but you can get up and try again. You can ask God to take away the defects of your character away and start again.

Do not be dismayed.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #18 on: April 19, 2016, 06:49:48 AM »
Day 25,

You are going to do it. I know the last time you looked at P was the last time you looked at P for the rest of your life. You can feel the difference in you, the general sense everything will be alright. By the grace of God, you will never watch it again!

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #19 on: April 20, 2016, 06:20:56 AM »
Day 26,

Keep going. Choose a different path. This disease is about seeking, not the doing. If you seek a new way, and look forward to new things, life will get better.  Breathe in for 3 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, and exhale for 7 seconds.

God will be there for you in that prayer.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #20 on: April 23, 2016, 08:23:59 AM »
I've come to realize something.

I've always tried to 'solve my problems' by figuring things out. Like figuring out porn was increasing my depression, and that is why my life isn't exactly the way I want. I've had expectations that were too unrealistic - doing all kinds of 'wonderful' things to prove myself - having my own company, working for myself, and other stuff.

Not anymore, I will accept I am just another human being who needs one thing, God.

Boo

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #21 on: April 26, 2016, 06:57:07 AM »
KC,

I've read through some of your archived posts dating back to last year. Obviously, your struggle is as real as anyone's here. BUT, you've had some great insights and advice that you should take yourself. Sometimes we lose sight of what we already know. You CAN do this. Let's put together a good streak. Incremental progress. One day at a time. Peace. (Gal 5:22-23)

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #22 on: May 01, 2016, 12:07:53 PM »
I lie to myself, I tell myself, if I don't feel as depressed, that's okay. I lie to myself, that if I tell my fiancé, it's okay. I lie to myself, I can handle it by myself, I don't need anybody's help or accountability, and that I am okay.

Porn addiction is not okay. I steals your life, it steals the love you have for others, it steals you away from others. It murders, it lies, it steals. It is meant to suck the life right out of you, to keep you from embracing life as it was truly meant to be.

I will stop. I will do whatever it takes to get rid of this disease.

I know what worked for me in the past. I will not watch porn today.
I will take time to meditate about God and his will in my life.
I will take time to take cold showers.
I will take time to exercise every day.
I will take time to learn about myself every day, and live a life that is meaningful to me.
I will make short-term, mid-term, and long term plans.
I will live each day at a time.
I will face the inevitable cravings with patience and courage.
I will remind myself of how awesome living a life without porn really is - the energy, confidence, love, and concentration.

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #23 on: May 05, 2016, 06:23:16 AM »
Man, it's nice to see myself reaching my goals this time around. The one day at a time mindset is good.

I'm going through shits loads of withdrawal, upset stomach, lack of energy, widely changing emotions. I hat the first week, it can be so difficult on our bodies and minds!

But I will not fail, I'll stick this out. Porn is not a fucking option. I am not going to watch. I'm going to overcome this because Jesus overcame the world. If he can do that, so can I, I can overcome these withdrawal symptoms!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kurall_Creator

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Re: Starting over
« Reply #24 on: May 06, 2016, 06:37:20 AM »
Omg,

The withdrawal symptoms and the cravings right now!!!!

My mind is going ape right now.

Just one breath at a time.

I can do this.

If Gabe went through this, any of us can.