Author Topic: I am the Young shinobi, this is my fight  (Read 1529 times)

young shinobi

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I am the Young shinobi, this is my fight
« on: March 25, 2016, 06:16:36 PM »
I’m the Young shinobi .
This was my true identity, I had two loved ones in my life, all I can remember is that all my fights were driven by my deep desire to save theme. My dear Mother and my beautiful little sister. Everything else was simple and pure.
Then a villain came along [PMO/ADDICTION], he was strong, powerful, and he never seamed to have a weakness point. The more I got weaker the greater his power became.
At that time it never crossed my mind that the villain and the young shinobi were one person, two  faces of the same coin.
I , the young shinobi , never had the enough power to escape from this trap, after hitting my 18 birthday , it was clear to me that I was trapped in a never ending vicious cycle, since my mind didn’t shift, the same events , experiences perpetuated theme  self, over and over again   for the last 4 years .
I used to train almost every day because I wanted to gain strength , I  was always inspired by math , physics and even literature because I needed to obtain more knowledge , wisdom and intelligence , “to my the right mind is in the right body “.
But after my encounter with the villain, my addiction, my repetitive acts of MASTURBATING/PORNOGRAPHY.  My warrior identity started to fade away , my drive to succeed ,and even my true love toward my mother and sister wasn’t enough to stand up and face the villain in the battle field and say :”NO, you are not me , and this is how you are going down”.

The transformation needs to happen now, I still want to achieve my first academic record, I want to study hard enough to earn a scholarship to Japan, I  also want to become a real strong/wise Man by the time I hit 25 year.
 I crave the desire to push my physical and mental abilities to the limits and see where I can get , the sky is the limit.
My mother is probably the only person how never gave up on me  , she was also the first person to know about my struggle with PMO, she was very comprehensive , and told my this phrase like every time she does:
“ you have greatness inside you , you just need to tape into it”
So to all of you guys up there, reboot nation  , how had enough of being average , over looked , under estimated because our addiction left us with no choice but to give up , today, tonight , we declare war upon this abomination .
Every single day passing by during our reboot process will testify that we never quieted, never surrounded, and all the tools we will use against this enemy will make use stronger, faster and smarter.
Wake up early every single day , use your body and workout every single day , feed your mind with books and words of wisdom, and life lasting lessons instead of momentary instant of fake pleasure, live life and prosper.
Thanks to all ya.

young shinobi

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this is my story
« Reply #1 on: March 28, 2016, 01:26:00 PM »
Greeting to the entire reboot nation.
 I’m 22 years old young student from Morocco and this my speak up story.
I joined this community  as a first step in getting support and sharing my story with everyone , hoping to find the last pieces I need to get ride of this vice ones and for all.
After a none ending cycle of relapsing, I just passed my first day PMO free as my first step in the 100 foot journey.
At the age of 10:
I have been addicted to P for over 12 years, and it all started with the (-18) French movies where I have my first encounter with naked woman bodies and sex scenes ,  I easily got  hooked on it waiting for the next movie to run other scenes so I can feed my 10 years curiosity .this fact is new to me because For the first time I made a great effort remembering my first contact with P.
After that came the school rivalry to watch the first P images in public cyber –since I never had a computer- , and after that motion videos came along so I can get instantly hooked on P . 
At the age of 14 :
4 years later I made my first act of M , alone in the shower with no sex stimulate, I remember it was only an act of curiosity to discover my puberty , the first rush of dopamine was so good –addicting good-.
First I used to make fantasy stories in my head to M but when I discovered how much the process was easier and more rewarding with P , it’s then when the problems began .
Through primary and middle school I was a real good athlete, an A student how made ever lasting good impressions on every person I meet , I was kind , funny . Teachers, neighbors , family even regular friends saw me as a smart and talented young person with great future. Some people remember my name in time where don’t even recognized them.
At the age of 14-16:
High school came with my first years with this secret struggle , my mental and physical abilities started to fade away , my scores got lower and I always felt weak and trapped without making the connection to my addiction because at the time I didn’t see it that way , it was only a fun time to relief the stress and feel  momentarily good about my self .
At the age of  16 :
Due to my restricted access to internet ,  and at 2010 I joined a military school , the first year was awesome , I was top 5 in school , a promising runner . I fell  in love for the first time with a smart beautiful girl and I had great ambitions to go further , to graduate with high scores and win a scholarship to Japan to finish my university studies , but the fairytale was coming to and end.

young shinobi

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this is my story 2 .(the end)
« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2016, 01:26:46 PM »
From my seventeen up until now:
I’m 22 year old for the current time. And I can  still remember  my graduation year like it was yesterday , precisely the 26 June 2012, when I saw my final score  , my hopes and dreams fall apart:
-   At that moment all I could recall where my times in front of the computer screens , wasting time in a vicious PMO cycle , at school , down-town cyberspace , even at the family place if they had any remote internet access  .
From that miserable date my life took a wrong turn to hell, my addiction became heavier and heavier as the years went by:
-   my social  life became= zero
-   my human contact became=zero,
-   My academic achieving = mediocre.
This last point was even more hurtful, I originated from a poor family, and my success meant saving them from the bottom. But after   enlisting my name in a close home university - like community college –  with no girlfriend, no friends , no hobbies and definitely no workout since my PMOing/over sleeping  took all of my time , I realized that the young 16 year athlete how loved math and physics was no longer inside , I was replaced by a lost soul , stocked in regret and memory land .
This where the most dangerous PMO consequence I felt each day passing by :
-   no motivation
-   no drive toward life
-   a chronic social anxiety
-   an out of shape physic
-   no emotion response
-   no sense of time
-   isolation from the outside world
-   brain fog and a close symptoms to ADD
my longest strike on PMO was 67 days last summer , I got a waiter job  ,and  I was occupied almost the hall day , at night when I would comeback , I would go straight to bed without even thinking about P or M , before that was a 46 day strike , in my third  year of college , I made a full schedule of studies/workout/leisure’s ,but couldn’t commit to it because thanks to my addiction , I never finish what I start  .
I hope my story wasn’t so long , or boring for that matter , but 12 years of struggle isn’t quit easy to be resumed in few words , so thanks to anyone how spend this last 5 minutes finishing it.
THANK YOU ALL

Al Taha Al Marylandi

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Re: I am the Young shinobi, this is my fight
« Reply #3 on: March 28, 2016, 01:50:01 PM »
common problem.
porn drains us.

we all need freedom from porn.

Keep fighting.

siphus

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Re: I am the Young shinobi, this is my fight
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2016, 02:07:24 AM »
I totally connect with what you say earlier about searching for good habits to add into your life. You mentioned thoughts about reading or exercising, and I actually like to sometimes mix both of those together. I take a book like a good novel (or a learning book, like "The 4 Agreements") to one of those stationary bikes and power out 30-40 minutes while reading. It takes a few days of consistency to really feel how much of a boost it adds, but it's great. One of the few healthy habits I've found lol.

Keep soldiering on. The numbness or fog is something that many of us experience, but it will pass, as you even mentioned a few posts down. Try to get some exercise or a really good diet for the next day or two. Get up and about and definitely make it to your classes. We appreciate your journal however you get it out here.

-siphus

punctual doer

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Re: I am the Young shinobi, this is my fight
« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2016, 12:48:19 PM »
Hey man, I don't want to pisses you off because you just relapsed. But I wanted to tell you that I support you very strong on this like everybody here. We can do this. I think one of the hardest and simple things to do is to keep a daily-tomorrow-plan-copybook for all the hours. And then puting what must be improved in red EVERYDAY. I gotta retake this.

Strength my friend.

young shinobi

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Re: I am the Young shinobi, this is my fight
« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2016, 06:14:17 PM »
thanks , it realy helps , you are right , time management is defenetly my worst enemies.
i should have a note book in wich i will have to see how my day is divided.

Greyfox88

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Re: I am the Young shinobi, this is my fight
« Reply #7 on: April 10, 2016, 02:24:35 AM »
Quote
I can’t do this anymore

Do not think about what you can do and what you can not, just do it. You are a Warrior, a warrior only loses his battle when he took his last breath by the sword of his enemy. When he stays down. But you don´t want to stay down or do you ??
P will not kill you. If you relapse the sour taste of defeat is one thing it will crush you down and stuff i have had it we had it we know how it feels.
It is normal to get tired during the fight!
Here are some things i learned in the past months that are very important especially if you feel like shit (tired/depressed/disappointed in someone)
If you feel the urge coming up i either:
- Turn on music which will raise my fighting spirit you know like anime fight themes or something. this is really killing it
- I bring my hands up to my head and go super saiyan (i bring up all the hate i feel towards myself when i go down to whatever i made wrong in the past f.e. relapsing is a great reminder) ;D i start screaming at the top of my lungs the sentence : GET OUT OF MY HEAD!  insane thing to do but it banishes the thought
- If this does not help. Turn your Device off immediatly. If you need to.. go out.
- Start concentrating on your breath like you are meditating it will lead the thoughts away and let your mind become clear.
- Also if you have someone to turn to and feel safe with telling him/her  about the addiction. Call/text that person. Better is if you call because who knows when they will read a msg.



You could have been free, years ago.