Author Topic: Can my partner slow down my process or speed it up?  (Read 5010 times)

MStep95

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Can my partner slow down my process or speed it up?
« on: June 14, 2014, 10:47:32 PM »
So I'm about 7 days into my reboot. It would be about a month but I relapsed at 20 days.

Around 2 months ago, I had sexual intercourse with my partner. It was very brief but I orgasmed. The day after, I couldn't stop thinking about it and replaying it in my head, I started masturbating and orgasmed. Then I went back to porn and kept relapsing.

Now, yesterday, we had sex again (was brief again but I lasted longer than before) and when I got home after I once again couldn't stop thinking about it and replayed it in my head.

Now my question is, will this slow down my process? Is it okay to have sex with a partner during reboot? Is it okay to masturbate to thoughts of sex with partner?  Will sex with partner help speed up the process or slow it down?

dc6

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Re: Can my partner slow down my process or speed it up?
« Reply #1 on: June 14, 2014, 11:31:58 PM »
What you keep having is called the "chaser effect" (http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-chaser). If you can handle it, it's not as big a deal. But it already got you once so be careful.

It's is generally encouraged that you avoid orgasm altogether for some time - at least at the beginning of your reboot. It tends to speed up the healing process.

That said, sexual contact need not be avoided entirely. Cuddling, kissing, massaging, manual and oral sex, and even gentle intercourse (avoiding orgasm - aka karezza) can help rewire the brain to a real partner.

As far as fantasy is concerned, the general breakdown is like this:
a) porn fantasy is bad
b) fantasy about real partner in porn-type scenes is bad
c) remembering (e.g., not really fantasy) a sexual experience may be ok - meaning some say bad and some say not bad

I didn't have much choice in my abstinence when I started my reboot as I didn't even start dating for a couple months, but if I was still with my ex when my reboot started, the first thing I'd have done is sat her down, explained everything and told her I still wanted to be intimate but I was going to avoid orgasm for a while. Your partner should not only be understanding but somewhat excited to see how this can benefit you.

Bibbity

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Re: Can my partner slow down my process or speed it up?
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2014, 06:46:29 AM »
My question to you would be why do you need to masturbate if you are aroused?  Just because you are feeling sexually charged does not mean you HAVE to do something about it.  Why not use that energy or harness it in a way to do other things?  Get rid of all artificial stimulus including thoughts and wait for real experiences to release your sexual energy.  One thing that guys are taught is that you must never ever feel sexual arousal without doing something about it.  The thoughts and feelings will pass.  Just enjoy your sexual energy as a man and be in control of it.
In order to rise from its own ashes, a Phoenix first must burn.”
― Octavia E. Butler

Viper

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Re: Can my partner slow down my process or speed it up?
« Reply #3 on: June 17, 2014, 10:40:48 PM »
Based on what you wrote, it seems like you're slowing down the process.
I too came real fast when i was able to have intercourse again with a relative normal erection.

But if you're going through your reboot, any intimacy with a partner are aces in my book.
I can only tell you from personal experience. But between sex sessions, I still kept my
hand off my pecker and avoided porn. You have to do the same.

Charlie Marcotte

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Re: Can my partner slow down my process or speed it up?
« Reply #4 on: June 17, 2014, 10:54:19 PM »
Now my question is, will this slow down my process? Is it okay to have sex with a partner during reboot? Is it okay to masturbate to thoughts of sex with partner?  Will sex with partner help speed up the process or slow it down?

Most people find that orgasming (whether it be from a partner or masturbation) slows down a person's reboot until they are fully recovered. While I have seen some success stories where orgasm from partners and masturbation were included in their successful reboots, the majority of pornography addicts are finding that long instance of no orgasm + rewiring with a partner are needed to be successfully rebooted and cured from erectile dysfunction. Honestly, feel it out for your self - either style could potentially work for you! Personally, I found that orgasms with my partner severely hold back my progress with erectile dysfunction and it's best for me to avoid them. Here is a success story on a different website where the guy did the complete opposite - he even said he couldn't fathom completely rebooting without having orgasms! http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=11691.0

So, honestly, it's different for everyone. I would say, though, that there's a good chance you will need to completely abstain from orgasms until you are rebooted...and then probably abstain a little more to hammer it home. If this is the case, the best advice I can give is start abstaining from orgasms and really work towards a long streak. Definitely 4+ weeks, and 50-60 days is a really good goal. If you have an orgasm with your partner and fall into a flatline, hop on the train again and shoot for another 60 days. The cumulative effect of all those instances of no orgasm will CERTAINLY reboot you. Don't have any orgasms from masturbation or sex during these periods, but feel free to do plenty of kissing, cuddling, touching with your partner during this time (as long as you don't orgasm).

Hope this helped!
« Last Edit: June 17, 2014, 10:57:16 PM by fugu »
I've been totally PMO free for 1.5 years!

Also check out the YourBrainRebalanced RadioShow: https://soundcloud.com/yourbrainrebalancedshow

MStep95

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Re: Can my partner slow down my process or speed it up?
« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2014, 12:28:34 PM »
Thanks for all the answers guys.