Author Topic: Stopped watching porn for over a year BUT cannot stop masturbation ...  (Read 3858 times)

Bes

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Hello Reboot-Community!

(For all details to my story please check my journal) In brief: Porn-addicted for over 10 years, I stopped watching porn more than one year ago. One thing has always been clear for me: I wanted to stop masturbation too (while masturbating, I think of old porn movies: Brains cannot distinguish very well between reality and Imagination).

Now to my problem: As I said, since I stopped watching porn I tried to stop masturbating too. There have been very successful periods (once I stopped masturbating for 5 weeks). However, overall, since today I am not able to considerably reduce the frequency of masturbation (I do it at least once per week on average). For me, to stop watching porn was so much easier since I just had to lock my internet access (I used K9Web) and had no access to porn sites anymore. But with masturbation it is way more difficult.

I know very well my risky situations: Loneliness, fatigue, boredom (…). But even If I know exactly what I should do in such a situation, I often end up masturbating.

Is this normal? For those who also want to stop masturbation: do you succeed? Does it have something to do with the fact that I masturbated regularly as a teen (this was long before I started watching porn)? Is there any chance that masturbation will be less in the future?

To not understand me wrong. I don’t want to banish masturbation at all (I really respect those who only want to stop watching porn). But I fell that (in my case) it’s part of my porn induced problem and I want to decide on my own when I masturbate and when not (at the moment it’s more an addictive fight which I lose often).

Thank you all for reading!

Much love.
Bes



deadend

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I have the same problem. I havent watched porn for 6 months but i still struggle to not masturbate. My longest time PMO free was maybe 2 months and after that I have had a lot of trouble quitting masturbating again.

I think it is normal. If u were porn addicted for 10 years and also masturbated to porn, its not that easy to quit after doing it for that long. I had a habit of masturbating in the morning as soon as I woke up, and it was so hard for me to stop doing that after doing it for few years.

Sadly there is no fast and easy way to stop masturbating. It takes willpower like any other addiction. Overtime it starts to be easier to avoid it. I think same advices will work for this as for porn addiction ( keep urself busy etc..)

Good luck!



Bes

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Hi deadend !

thanks for responding to my post. It feels good not being alone with this problem. You're right, it takes much willpower! I think the problem is that to overcome an addiction, willpower is not sufficient. That's why we install tools like K9Web etc to block our internet access. When it comes to porn it works but with masturbation it's just so difficult not to do it. Let's think of an alcoholic. He's tired and bored and he really wants to drink something. But he has not alcohol at home ('cause he's smart and knows what will happen). Same is true for cigaret consume. For us its much more difficult: We have everything we need always with us. When we have a bone, its like an alcoholic already has the glass of wine in front of him.

I'm thinking to negative, I know. We can do it!

Best.



Nomorepornfromtoday

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I'm curious, have any of you guys developed a problem with masturbating in your sleep since starting this?
In particular during Rem.
I as the op has done decided to tackle both my porn addiction AND masturbation at the same time and as with all of you guys have found that the porn side of things has been a doddle, but masturbating, despite keeping myself extremely busy and working out harder than ever before having helped me refrain from masturbating whilst i am awake and fully conscious, i'm finding that i'm waking up masturbating, sometimes full on fapping and i have no idea how the hell i'm supposed to stop something i have no control over, it's as if my brain is controlling my hands in my sleep and i'm powerless to stop it, crazy, any of you guys had this?

motai63

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I don't really believe that masturbation is the problem unless it is porn induced masturbation. If you are fantasizing about someone that you have a real interest in and you sometimes have actual contact with them, then it's natural to masturbate. But if you are doing it daily or multiple times per week then you may need to work harder to control it.

Diesel driver

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Same here. Quitting porn wasn't that hard for me but masturbation alone is still a tough one.

Had these morning fap ritual as well and was the hardest thing to get rid of. Got some good advice from a fellow member I want to share for the mornings.
You can pick clothes for the next day and lay them somewhere close to your bed so you can get dressed quickly. Or you could place an object like a book or a computer or workout gear somewhere near your bed. This will help you by drawing something you like to your attention versus urges or sorrows. Makes getting up a bit sweeter.

Also it would be good to face your triggers and learn to overcome them fast. Fappers are the junkies with the endless syringe in their pants. Only our dedication can save us from the next hit.

Bes

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Hey guys! I cannot tell you how glad I am to listen to your stories and to realize that I am not alone with this problem! @Nomorepornfromtoday: I know exactly what you mean, I often have the same problem. I'm lying in my bed, I'm still very tired and I'm edging without really realizing what I'm doing there. I think there are several problems that make such a situation for us so difficult. First, I'm (of course) very tired in the morning (at least for me, fatigue is the worst of all situations. I want to sleep with every girl that come across, I phantasize etc.). Second, normally in the morning I have a morning wood (It's not so absurd to think of masturbation). Lastly, I'm a lightly dressed in my bed, its easy to touch the body..I think all three factors explain at least part of the puzzle why it is so damn difficult to stop masturbating in bed. Maybe thats the reason why you describe it as "the brain is controlling your hands independently". I really believe that fatigue plays a key role in all this and for other addictive behaviors it's much easier to deal with this I think @Dieseldriver: thank you so much for sharing the advices. This sounds really interesting, I will try it next time. Keep up fighting guys!  :)
« Last Edit: March 25, 2016, 01:36:50 PM by Bes »



Nomorepornfromtoday

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Hey man,
Reading your last post i have a feeling we've had a slight minor mix up lol,
On reading your original post for some reason i took for granted that you have been having the exact same problem that i have with actually fapping in your sleep but i'm now thinking you meant that you are fapping once you have awaken,
I have the problem in the reverse order whereby i am waking up already fapping until i actually am conscious enough to realise what i'm doing then i am actually able to stop and drag my arse out of bed instantly,
I have no idea how the hell i'm supposed to stop myself from doing it in my sleep because i'm unconscious :(
For you mate, i think installing an instant alarm clock in your mind would help,
The moment you actually realise what you're doing, drag your arse out of bed straight away no matter what, after a few days/weeks you'll probably end up doing it in your sleep like me so don't take that as a sure fire method but it's a step forward from where you're at :)

Bes

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Hey man, thanks for responding :) Yes, indeed I am fapping once I am awaken. But how do you know that you have been fapping since you were unconscious at that moment? I think one problem is, that its difficult to draw a clear line between "I am sleeping" and "I am awake". When I am fapping in the morning it's more in the middle of these two periods when the brain is still very foggy and you don't really realize what's going on. Best.



motai63

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I want to retract my previous response to this thread. I was very new to this whole process and was trying to justify my behavior. The practice of masturbation for me has always been about fantasy. I sometimes fantasize about my wife but mostly, throughout my life I was fantasizing about other random women that I didn't have the confidence to approach. I used to watch girls out of my window that were minding their own business at the pool and then masturbate. Looking back at the time I spent doing this and the perception of it all, I know that I have been addicted to the thrill of masturbating for my entire adult life. I will sometimes do it even after making love to my wife the night before. I am so relieved to have realized this problem and I am actively seeing a counselor weekly to discuss my experiences and feelings. I highly recommend counseling, it is working for me!

lookingforafix

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Re: Stopped watching porn for over a year BUT cannot stop masturbation ...
« Reply #10 on: April 07, 2016, 04:31:06 PM »
hey question about counseling.  you say its working for you,  cab you elaborate ? in what way? are you dling cognitive behavioral therapy CBT

i have been thinking of trying it out

motai63

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Re: Stopped watching porn for over a year BUT cannot stop masturbation ...
« Reply #11 on: April 09, 2016, 11:58:50 AM »
I am simply sitting down with a sociological counselor once a week and openly talking about my experiences in my life. He is a former drug addict that understands the whole dopamine addiction syndrome. He actually suggested this website to me. The interaction between he and I sometimes goes off subject to just everyday ordinary life. This is not the first time I have sought counseling though. About 6 years ago I went to a different person, a female, but it was not the best idea. I found myself lying to her, myself and my family. I actually fantasized that she would want to have sex with me and found myself masturbating after my visits. I strongly recommend that you see someone of the same sex. This counselor doesn't set a timer, if we are having a good session, he likes to let me relax and keep talking. Sometimes I have found myself there for as long as 2 hours. I usually go home feeling much better and share my feelings with my wife. I highly recommend counseling.