Author Topic: Just needed some good wishes and support  (Read 3160 times)

rohit6223

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Just needed some good wishes and support
« on: March 12, 2016, 08:36:42 AM »
Hey guys..!  :)
Actually this is my first post here... Well i am not gonna say a very long speech about everything in my life..well i have just made me it a mess..! :( Actually my exams are going on now days..and there recently one exam which i gave..and beleive me it went terrible..when i remember of just 2-3 years back i was so good at everything nd now it is all wrecked.. I feel so sad and unhappy that i can't tell.. ! Wel i am not accusing any one else cause all that happened was just because of me..! :(
I shouldn't have into porn...should have chosen life..! Well there situations and mistakes we make if we were given the chance we would not repeat it...but after knowing that's this is eating up my life..i make so little effort to change it is the most sad part of it..! I no longer look good, not at all healty , memory issues, no muscles , no strong bones nothing..! Just a addictive mind who is slave to the illusionary world of pornography..!

Times comes when i become very serious and try about it to change evrything and then another moment comes when i just give into it..! Aww this so miserable..! :(

Just wanted some support.. Would be glad to make new friends..well it feels so great to let your heart out here..!

pfree1805

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2016, 10:41:34 AM »
Well done for making it onto here, that's the first step.  :)
Regarding the hard times - I can relate, especially if you have exams and porn offers a way out of the stress. Just keep journalling and remembering why you are doing this.

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2016, 12:02:06 PM »
Thanks a lot brother..for giving your precious time and replying.

On the initial days i really remember why i am doing this and all that but when time passes by and i reach 20-25 days i forget in the first place why i started all this and become less bothered and ultimately relapse..! :(

Well this time i am more confident letz see what happens..!

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2016, 07:18:19 AM »
Day -7 update

Hey guys.. ;)
I am on my day  7th now i am feeling pretty confident actually throughout the day i have been reading others post's and success stories which really inspired me a lot..! :)

Actually, It really helped me because i relapse when like I would be just browsing like this and go to some erotic literature and boom..! System auto-pilot..! :p 

But when you are among people's post how they are talking the primerose path and actually getting it. It's wonderful and you don't wanna go back to be like a loser. Well actually i wanted to say that this community is really helping me to go for it. When there are so many people and they have a common intention to reach success it becomes so easy.! :)

I don't know today i felt really confident , i was little better at my guitar , and i memory little increased .

Don't be confused if you are just a beginner and don't see symptoms as me , i see these because i have been trying to quit porn for years.

But my greatest fault was trying to do it on all my own. Thanks people for all those posts..! Let's change for the better. Well now i know unity is strength.! :)

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #4 on: March 15, 2016, 03:13:03 AM »
Day-8 Update
Well actually yesterday was pretty cool..my exam went super well. No pmo is actually curing mah memory issues.
and there's buddy who is constantly irritating me..thinking that i should dot him once for sure. 
 ;D ;) 8)

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #5 on: March 16, 2016, 09:20:21 AM »
Day- 10 update
Well today waa also a fantastic day..!
I had a exam today also and it also went super cool..!
Well today i skipped exercise and really feeling its effects..!
But , guys meditation really helps...
So thank you...well keeping it really short because more 2 exams are there..well if u r gonna read and don't reply then don't be so rude guys..well uh can wish me a luck..nd if u need any support i am always there..! :)

pfree1805

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #6 on: March 16, 2016, 02:49:48 PM »
Good to hear everything is going well!

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2016, 12:08:42 AM »
Thanks Pfree You have been a constant inspiration..! :)

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #8 on: March 18, 2016, 03:06:57 AM »
Day- 11 Update...!
Yesterday , was really really hard foh me but though i didn't quit or it would be better if i say..God helped me he didn't want me to go to same hell that i have been for years..and after relapsing just beating out myself..God helped me in the right time..coz when i was going for some softcore stuff in YouTube at right that time only my wi-fi didn't respond..and i am so thankful that i didn't relapse. Well i actually happens with me that during reboot i many time i relapse on this particular day 11 i don't knw why but day 11 is really hardest day for me. But , well passed it now again running towards my destination. :) 

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #9 on: March 21, 2016, 08:40:35 AM »
Day -15 update
Wow today was awesome there was social science xam of mine and it really went well. Well being thinking about sex the all time and had the thought to fuck the neighbour also but then i thought what good can it do..but really had strong feelings of her..!
Lol me :p

Sorry guys i know i shouldn't have done that... Just Thinking about sex all the time is so immoral but couldn't help it.
I know love is important but i m not getting the lovely the romantic feeling that i was having it was really so cool that days. Well I don't if she luved me but i Loved her a lot. :)
But eventually she went away with another dude...and i was taking refugee in porno.

Well i gotta be free..caused i have promised my buddies here on reboot nation...nothing will stop me just gotta do it.

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #10 on: March 22, 2016, 04:41:11 AM »
Sorry guys i relapsed.
i really didn't want to do it..plzzz forgive me..
i am so ashamed of my self..it would be wrong if i said it happened accidentally  cause i know i did it i am so sorry my friends to let you down like this i am so very sorry please forgive me. :( :(

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #11 on: April 30, 2016, 10:17:19 AM »
i  am back again guys..with a new level of confidence..! Trust me..! ;)

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #12 on: May 04, 2018, 03:03:09 PM »
you can never control your addiction.

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #13 on: May 06, 2018, 05:30:43 AM »
after 2 years...

So here my proper update after maybe 2 years...haha..! well recently i have completed more than 120 days which feels me with immense pleasure but after that i have relapsed 7 times or so. Now I have multiple 90 days or so + but i seriously dont think that 90 days is any parameter nothing gets any better after 90 days as if they sell the lie superpowers and superhuman stuff. but you seriously feel better about your body life and general things.

RELAPSE AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT
well what i count as relapse as no of times i masturbated and ejaculated while watching p*** so earlier i  remember when i started this journey i remember i did it one..and then as things progressed i did it twice then 3 now i am 7. i mean whenever i relapse it is really more than 7 times after which i stop .which i think is the only bad thing. because i read it that real recovery is when you have long streaks and short relapses. but after relapses i am not that much unhappy about anything. i am confident but a little sad.because i thought that i would complete this in 2018 but unfortunately it was an insta gram pic.

FUTURE PLANS
I think i should once again start my journey and this time give up all smart phone,tv,laptop, internet everything as next year i have my entrance but really dont know how i am going to do that. AS i have so much going side to side in my smart phone i play guitar and stuff so for that smart phone is really needed. and yoga which really helped me come this far was all possible because of phone. also one more big prob is i gave in too much time into youtube i think was a prob.

CONCLUSION

I dont really know if whatever i am doing is right but thanks to my friends and family i am getting the help and support that i really needed. from a lot of time....i hope i will just have to go forever without any sexual activity into total monk mode because at first it feels so good but as time passes i feel so hooked into it and trust me its hell. i think omegle is another think that you should refrain from. The pleasure that porn promises is not real ladies and gentle man. its a lie. no matter how hard compulsive you feel just remember this. this will pass away. i love you all and make a wonderful day. Do lots of exercises, yoga, socialize in real, make good friends. Pursue whatever you wanted to do.

If I post feels too unorganized i am really just relapsed so you can excuse me for that. If you want to ask me anything i am open. :) . cheers

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #14 on: February 27, 2019, 08:04:45 AM »
Hey there everyone! How are you?
So yeah its been a very long time here haha. I have been actively trying to stop pmo from last 4 years.
Really very depressed right now and feeling suicidal. Well earlier the relapses were happening once or twice now as time progress things are escalating to more and more. in all this while my brain says if this addiction is actually real, this is really horrible.

I have exams in just a few days but all i am doing is getting into this deep and deep. this is the most important exam of my life but right now it feels like i am gonna fail. I actually took so wrong turns that i am now into 18 relapses in one day.i really do not know why has god kept me alive. Everytime i promise myself i wont do it but still i am into it deeper and deeper.

Well i have tried every trick on the book but feels like all this is in vain. i exercised ,pursued different kinds of hobbies,went into meditation,yoga, kept busy,even got succesfull with more than 100 days of streak 3 times , got with real girls made friends but now when i am back to myself all this is falling apart.

i made all kinds of routines about what i was going to do how ,kept journaling but everthing is failing. i even got a really nice very beautiful girl whom i felt for everything was running good until i relapsed . i hurt her and now she is no longer there. when things were running really well and we could have went into a relationship.

This feels so bad when you cannot tell about this addiction to anyone and within you it eats you makes you hollow slowly and slowly.........................


i donot know what will happen to my parents when i fail in this exams they gave me everything they could and work for me days and night but i am being completely unresponsible and falling in pmo.

is pmo really a addiction? just this once ...........it wont hurt etc.........like this i keep on rationalizing things now and i am no longer to consciously stop even if i want to just feels like death would be easier ather than faces of the people near me with broken trust and tears.


pruthukkc

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #15 on: February 27, 2019, 10:30:27 AM »
Hey bud i read your complete journal and it really inspired me. Bro dont lose hope i also joined this community past 2 years ago and still i relapsing, i also lost my gf because of shame and insecurity and after that i badly addicted to porn. So many guys were going through this experiences as yours so dont be depressed and think bad about yourself be ready for this challenge and complete it. If you search on google how many peoples are watching porn? you will shocked because 80% of internet is  pornography sites and now you will realize that at least you are trying to escape from this. Life is really short for regret and feeling bad about ourself man!
When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on.

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #16 on: February 27, 2019, 10:08:35 PM »
Thank you very much man!
For your kind words..It is just like success freaks me out..unfortunately. Whenever i get a little better i resort to pmo and old tricks in the book. Sometimes it feels like that is not also your fault when you go beyond day 60 or something you have wet dreams and in the morning you wake up and have stupid thoughts and you are helpless... YESTERDAY WAS LITTLE DEPRESSED.

LETS TRY ONE MORE TIME!  ;D


rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #17 on: March 01, 2019, 06:50:28 AM »
Day:-1

Starting over once again! Wish me luck guys once and for all this would be the last ever..I have come to this consensus that its been a pretty long time I have been committing to myself but to vain.

But , This time i will make it happen.I can't play with fire forever yesterday  i was reading an article which said there comes a time in your recovery when you reach the end point where either you have to go forward completely leaving that..or stay in it.You will have to exercise a choice and there begins real recovery. Some irreversible damage has already been done but no more..Its time to change the mindset. :)

P.S:- The weather is really great today!!

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #18 on: March 06, 2019, 12:44:21 PM »
Day:-7 Update..
I am very very happy today. Well yesterday was really a very difficult day for me...but i pushed through and today i am writing this post.

When times were bad yesterday all i could think of was coming here and writing this..thank you everyone i was so much motivated for the promise i did here. This time for sure i will conquer it. My life has been one hell of a ride and this really made  me depressed everything that i valued deeply is of no where today all my friends her everything. just going through that internal shame all the time being bad at school sports really depressing things..

Well i have very important engagements in days or so..but i chose to not give up and focused on not giving up..
It is so important that my life depends upon it and these really put you through horrible stress. but i chose to not give up and even that day was wasted but still..this is important to me..and i will be healthy again maybe today i lose..and few friends tommorow laugh at me for what i have done..I am betting my life upon it this time..maybe in doing this i may not do much signifant in my life and really hurt my parents..but this is all that i got to do..maybe later when i am out of this..I will do wonders..

Usually the headache and depression that i went through yesterday i usually went through that level of withdrawals in 30-40 days but feeling that in day 6 was really shocking for me but neverthless i conquered it just had a chat with some really old friends(girls) felt so good..with that deeper lever talk.

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #19 on: March 13, 2019, 03:03:26 PM »
Day:- 14 Update
Heya!!
Guys I am so happy today... :) :) :) :) :) :)
Not that i did anything great in my life or succeeded in anything but it 's just that coming and sharing this here makes me feel so good. We as a community so many people are here and being proactive to change is really a great thing.

This was just an awesome and fantastic week.Well I would say that i am proud of myself atleast 85%. because the remaining 15%.... I was actually pretty tired yesterday..and wanted to refesh myself a little bit with some story or something on youtube i was wandering as a vagabond haaha. Then i found out gta 5. Its not like i dont know what gta 5 is..but yesterday i just watched some game plays of it and pubg...this led to that..and pretty much wasted it without doing anything to better myself and living in a virtual reality . I had really a pro gaming mentality until yesterday.

The thing is just that i felt like these video games pretty much trigger the same receptors and chemicals in our brain dont know what you people would say. But really didnt feel good binge watching them and played  some shooting games even today. haha...

yesterday i saw that amanda and tracey didnt know gta 5 had such indirect directives to sex and bullshit and i was triggered..i didnot really go into it it for that..it was pretty much of a accident but i didnot lose hope because i read somewhere back..It is almost impossible to saty away from porn..in the culture that we live today of high speed internet...at least once when the time comes you will meet porn and...you will have to make a choice at that time. You cant forever be a cry baby and hide someday you may have to face it head on..and what you do that day will make all the difference. Irrespective of all the days you have gone without pmoing.

Well people laugh at me they cannot understand what i am doing..how the hell i have so much self confidence..but we addicts have really that little something..one step at a time..and never give up attitude.  ;) ;)  We will conquer this in no time.

We will do this, We will do this, We will do this,We will do this,We will do this, We will do this, We will do this, We will do this,We will do this,We will do this,We will do this, We will do this, We will do this, We will do this, We will do this, We will do this, We will do this, We will do this!!

I hope everyone is going strong and have not given up..if you have..then commit to yourself and first and foremost throw up that bull shit atttitude of playing the victim card..first going there and wasting your precious life energies..and then crying and complaing not gonna work lyk that brothers. Do put a full stop to it..its now or never..and most importantly beleive in yourself that this time would definitely pass away and that if you do not give up  now you willl not die..infact you would die sooner giving up.

And as always if you read this till the end here do write to me anything you want..Really makes me more motivated!!

Thank you!
Byeeeeeeeeeee!!

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #20 on: March 20, 2019, 01:07:20 PM »
Day 21:- Update
Aren't the days going a bit fast? ;)
Well,what i was afraid of the most happened at the last. I probably will fail in one of the exams and this is really a horrifying experience.I may have to repeat a year.Two years of hardwork all going straight to the gutter.But no worries if i have myself aligned i can tackle all the probs. Just having a proper mindset aand getting ready for the world.Haha

Well i would also like to urge some people here on rebootnation to please change the captions of your journal. I mean dude you are here for the recovery and you're still baiting people into catchy headings which can and are potential triggers.Please stop that if you want any real recovery!

Well well..One day at a time.. one step at a time. Let's achieve success together!

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #21 on: March 28, 2019, 01:30:25 PM »
Update:-
Day 28

Not got much to say..Just going really strong..really did well this week didnot get swayed away with shitty emotions and just going one step at a time, one day at a time!

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #22 on: March 28, 2019, 11:01:02 PM »
Damn you've been at it for a long time
Unlike you I actually gave up for a whole year and a half and binged
But I got depressed and suicidal and now I'm back

My dick is so fucked that its been 34 days since I stopped and didn't get horny since
But my emergency plan of if I get really horny and what I'd advise you to do too is to jack off without porn like in the old days
You will feel less shitty after doing it and its less damaging to you

I wish you strength on your reboot
Keep up the good work man
You'll find a girl you love some day and you'll be glad you can get hard for her

rohit6223

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #23 on: March 31, 2019, 12:48:21 PM »
Damn you've been at it for a long time
Unlike you I actually gave up for a whole year and a half and binged
But I got depressed and suicidal and now I'm back

My dick is so fucked that its been 34 days since I stopped and didn't get horny since
But my emergency plan of if I get really horny and what I'd advise you to do too is to jack off without porn like in the old days
You will feel less shitty after doing it and its less damaging to you

I wish you strength on your reboot
Keep up the good work man
You'll find a girl you love some day and you'll be glad you can get hard for her



Thank you so much brother!  :)

Yes brother it's been pretty long  ;D
Six fucking years...and my whole life is pretty much destroyed and ruined i just hope things could have happened the other way round..like all my friends who have pretty successful careers and life. I fully do not think i am responsible for it you know. As i am going forward in this journey slowly i am beginning to realize the hidden truth.

I just hope someday i will find a girl who loves deeply enough as i do..i am not bad at heart or anything. It's just that whenever i found a girl or something...things were like pretty good at the beginning the girl would be really attracted to me like hell. Everything between us would be like a fairy tell and made in heaven! (just happened 3 times like this)

And someday latter i would relapse leading to colossal chaos in my life and suddenly the girl would go on their life.  It is so depressing you know. I really loved the last one but she just chose a better life for herself. I don't blame her anything. i just hope life was better or in reality i was better!

I also pray for your speedy recovery brother!  :)

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Re: Just needed some good wishes and support
« Reply #24 on: March 31, 2019, 09:26:43 PM »
Hey at least you've managed to get a girlfriend 3 times so when you have your things together I'm sure it will be easy for you.
I've never been with a girl in my life so at least you have that
Things get rough when you think you will die alone and you're depressed and suicidal
I'm good now but things have been pretty rough and trust me things could be worse for you

I'm sure this is a good opportunity for you to get your shit together and grow stronger as a man and you will be glad of this problem one day
Challenges are what pushes you to evolve and to be a better stronger man, be glad for them
You're still long and you have plenty of time to fix your life
Take time off from sex and women and you will enjoy it way more after

I'm sure you see your friends as being successfull and happy but you don't know how they really feel inside
Everyone has challenges of their own and I'm sure they have their struggles too, everyone does
Try to stop looking at other people and stop thinking about the past
Just focus on building your life and everything will end up fine