Author Topic: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)  (Read 18568 times)

Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #50 on: May 06, 2016, 06:31:36 PM »
 Thanks for your kind words Phil.  I'm going to try and get my post in the success story forum this weekend
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Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #51 on: May 07, 2016, 08:41:47 AM »
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Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #52 on: May 20, 2016, 08:35:49 PM »
 A new thing I noticed about myself  is people are paying attention to me without me seeking attention where as before they would not notice me as much. People seem to want to talk to me where as before they really didn't want nothing to do with me.  There's a bunch a little things that I noticed about myself being over 100 days. I'm just dealing with life better and it's funner to be around people. In my addictive life  I was always shy and didn't really want nothing to do with anybody else. I'm enjoying being around people more.  The more I experience life without porn The less I ever want to go back to it.
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Boo

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #53 on: May 20, 2016, 09:55:06 PM »
Way to go Jon. Enjoying life on it's own terms and seeing that there's a lot of goodness to be gleaned from just everyday living. It's a great thing to be able to step out from the shadows. I am TRULY happy for you. This place needs success stories.

Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #54 on: May 21, 2016, 05:35:09 AM »
 Thanks boo. It makes me feel good to hear that my posts could be helping somebody plus it helps me to keep posting. To be honest I'm not the best poster in the world as far as dialoguing with other people but I do want to post here  and  let others know my progress just so there's a chance it could help somebody.  The benefits of getting free from your life of porn  far outweigh being trapped in the addiction. Sometimes I think to myself that I don't notice a whole lot of difference but next thing you know you see all these different things that are different about yourself.  Mainly these differences are how I interact with other people. It is so worth quitting and freeing yourself
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Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #55 on: May 26, 2016, 04:51:24 PM »
 Well today is 110 days for me. All is going well and life without porn is fantastic. I am dealing with people on a far better level than ever before.  I am doing better in my relationships with people at work. I  have actually developed a really good sense of humor and laugh a lot more. My life's problems are still there but it's so much easier to deal with them now. I'm learning more and more about myself every day and I'm liking myself more and more each day.  Please guys do yourself a favor and just make the commitment to the hard  90 days and beat this addiction once and for all. Right now I can see how much damage it did to me over the years. I am enjoying life more and more each day.  I also had a bad habit of nailbiting all my life and I could never quit. Right now I haven't done this habit and quite some time and my nails have grown in. I have also  made great strides in my spiritual life. I am more focused and I make less mistakes. Please do yourself a favor and follow the prescription outlined on this site by many of the successful  members here.  I was a chronic relapser  before I came here. I have been trying to quit for years. When I came here and read the winning formula I knew I was done for good. I still have lustful  thoughts enter my head every so often but they are so weak and baseless  that I just don't engage them and they lose their power and drift away. They are even less frequent now.  My physical withdrawals are no longer here with me now. They pretty much diminished before the 90 days. They were rough but necessary. Embrace them  and view them as progress. Do yourself a favor and make the commitment and free yourself. Good luck to all of you and I will keep report again   Every so often and let you know what a free life is like because being addicted to porn is slavery.
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ssp1663

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #56 on: May 26, 2016, 08:40:23 PM »
Hello!
Just heard about this website from the Chelsea Handler show on Netflix.  Decided to give it a try.  I have been dealing with this for prob 35 years, if not longer.  (let's say it's been that long that I had a name for it).  There are very few people that I have been able to talk to about this, that can open their mind and realize:  this is drug addiction, straight up.  I am addicted to the dopamine/chemistry that is produced when I watch porn.  It has ruined all aspects of my life.  I see the website mentioning "E.D" caused by pornography
.I don't see it so much as that as I see it as complete and total desensitization:  when you have watched so many hours of such hard core porn, that it really doesn't do anything for you anymore.  that being with another human being simply isn't enough.


When I am done with one of my "sessions"  my orgasms are so severe, there are no words to describe:  if a regular intense orgasm is "fireworks" ,  for me, it is like a nuclear bomb went off in my head.  I often think the chemical explosion is so massive, that I am actually going to stroke out or die from the pleasure.  and then the terror mixes with the sex high, creating something totally different:  a super-duper out of this universe orgasm.  So far, there is nothing that has helped, except for one medication that I am currently on, which was like a light switch:  all of a sudden it was gone.  the first relief from this I have had in decades.  but then it lost it's efficacy.  I could write a book myself about dealing with this.  I will be honest:  when I am acting out, I cannot imagine my life without it.  It generally takes me an hour to recover from the high of an orgasm.  I just lay there in a state of indescribable euphoria.

I will check this site out, and see what's here.  any contact is welcome



Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #57 on: May 26, 2016, 09:09:50 PM »
ssp check out this topic here. This is what got me going. Read Williams posts, he has the winning formula.

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=1256.0
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Gumby1965

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #58 on: May 26, 2016, 10:10:39 PM »
If I were to write my first entry into this journal, it would say exactly what you wrote. This is my first post and my first step to making the second half of my life the best it can be. Best of luck to you! You can do it.

Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #59 on: May 27, 2016, 08:41:36 PM »
 Gumby thanks for getting me to reread my first post. It seems like I did it along time ago which it was. If you go to the  thread that I posted just before your post and follow the instructions there you can't go wrong. It's the winning formula. Good luck and do the hard 90 you can't go wrong.
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Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #60 on: May 29, 2016, 05:00:46 AM »
 I think that in order to quit this addiction you have to have a real strong desire to finally quit. I know everybody on here has a strong desire to quit but the desire I am referring to is a little more than the desire to quit. I don't know how to explain it but it's that desire where this is it. This is the most important thing in my life and nothing else matters. That kind of desire. How you get that way I don't know for sure but I think it happened to me this time after all the years I put in trying to quit. I have to leave now but I will add to this when I get home.
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Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #61 on: May 29, 2016, 10:20:40 AM »
I'm back now. Maybe to explain what I'm getting at by my previous post is maybe there is a switch in our brains that gets triggered and are will becomes stronger than ever.  I've had this happen with different things over my life like when I quit smoking at two different times that I just said enough is enough and my resolve was stronger than ever.  There has been a couple of times when I have lost a lot of weight  and at that time I tapped into the same strong desire that I have tapped into this time quitting my addiction. I wish I could figure out how you could go that extra mile and have that extra strong desire. I mean there was times when I wanted to quit smoking or lose weight and had the desire  but I kept failing.  Then there's that time where you just know in your brain that this is it and I'm gonna do it this time. I think that's what happened to me this time because I've been trying to quit my porn addiction for years and had a strong desire.  I wish I could figure out what I tapped into this time to do this and let other people know how to do it but I'm not sure exactly why from the get go I knew I was done with porn  for good. Sorry to ramble on but this is just something that's been in my head for the past couple of days. I wish I could tell people but it's still a mystery to me.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2016, 10:22:28 AM by Jon64 »
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alamar365

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #62 on: June 02, 2016, 04:52:32 AM »
Jon: Thank you for your posts. They have been very inspirational for me as I try to get this monkey off my back once and for all. I am 58 years old and have been masturbating to porn for about 45 years and trying to quit almost as long. Yesterday was 30 days PMO free for me and it feels good. I've been at this stage many times before so I am not prepared to declare victory but I am more hopeful than I have been in a long time. At your suggestion I've been reading William's posts every day for those 30 days and plan to continue to do so for at least 60 more. The difference for me this time is fully understanding the dopamine spike not just from porn but from anything sexually stimulating. It's the visual stimulation that causes an unwanted chemical reaction in my brain. For most of my life I wanted that chemical reaction in my brain. Now, I am avoiding ALL porn substitutes. No pictures of girls/women of any age, even fully clothed. No clicking on a sidebar to see some celebrity's new swimsuit. No ogling real life females either. I don't want to be the 58-year-old letch looking at the teenage girl, or the 20-something girl, or any girl. Like we used to say in AA, "the first drink will get you drunk." For me, any time I consciously seek a dopamine hit from any sexually-related visual stimulus, or allow myself to stay focused on one that just popped into my vision or my head, I'm taking the first drink and I know where that leads. I've even listened to audio of "sex sounds" thinking if I can't see it, it isn't porn. Yes, it is. It creates the same dopamine high and leads to PMO just like a visual stimulus. Yesterday was also 19 years since I've had a drink. I quit smoking 34 years ago at 24 after having been a smoker for 10 years. This is by far the hardest thing I've ever tried to quit. But, as I said, this time I am hopeful that I will make it. Once again, thank you for your posts. They've helped me a lot.

Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #63 on: June 02, 2016, 04:55:23 PM »
Hey Alamar. Thank you for your kind words. I still read Williams posts all the time just to refresh myself on how I got where I'm at.  You're doing the right thing avoiding the porn substitutes. I still do that to this day. I don't watch anything on TV that has anything that could trigger me. I don't watch any movies or go to any websites and I'm very conscious of my eyes In public. I live near a college town and it's very difficult but just don't take that first look and you'll be fine.  I don't  MO either. I just don't see anyway I could do that without using my imagination.When I first came here and read Williams winning formula for beating this I knew I was done for good after I had the knowledge.  Every morning when I'm in my car before work I take a couple minutes and read  Williams posts and other material from this site just to remind me of what I have to do. Our stories seem a little bit similar especially for the length of time  we've been addicted. I'm closing in on for months this weekend and that's my high watermark. Life without porn is fantastic and I don't ever want to go back. All of the benefits  of being porn free  are just too good to pass up. Good luck in your journey and it sounds like you're doing all the right things. Smart move on getting rid of the substitutes.  You're at just over 30 days now and just remember when those withdrawals start kicking in heavy just embrace them and know that they are a sign of Progress and are necessary to win.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2016, 05:00:23 PM by Jon64 »
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alamar365

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #64 on: June 03, 2016, 04:23:45 AM »
Hi Jon: I've read through most of your posts again and although you mention having to go through the withdrawals I don't think you mention exactly what kind of withdrawals you faced. Could you let us know what kind of withdrawals you had and if you had any particular method of fending them off or just letting them pass? It's good to feel that I am, in William's words, "a man quitting porn." Thanks and have a great day!

Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #65 on: June 03, 2016, 06:14:19 AM »
Hey Alamar,  if you read through the posts you'll see every so often I mention  The withdrawals I'm going through and if you want to see a report on my story go to the success story forum and you'll see my story there. The main  with drawls that I really struggled with were bad headaches,  Extreme anxiety, nailbiting, heart beat skipping,  Extreme shortness of breath and panic attacks, and many times of feeling like I'm dying, I was over eating constantly, and there was also the feelings of depression and loss. Another thing I went through was what is called flatlining, I didn't mind this is much as other guys did because I had  absolutely no interest in sex at all during this period which lasted about two weeks or so. To me it was like cruise control and time burning off so I didn't mind that. The main thing is just embrace the with drawls because they are definitely progress and they're only with you for a couple months tops and then they start to weaken.  Right now I still have the temptations come into my head every so often but they are so easy to battle off. The biggest thing I'll say is just do it because it is so worth it, good luck.
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Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #66 on: June 05, 2016, 09:44:16 AM »
Today is day 120 for me. It not only marks four months since I started this journey. It is what I believe to be my high watermark as far as length of time for quitting this addiction.  About eight years ago when I first decided I wanted to quit doing PMO for mainly religious purposes I made it four months before I relapsed. I've been thinking about what is the difference between now and the last time I made four months. The answer is knowledge. When I made four months The first time I didn't know if I even had an addiction. I didn't know anything about it as far as dopamine and why I even did it. I just knew I wanted to quit.  Right now I am so much better educated from what I learned here and from William and from this site I learned that if you could make the 90 days and go through all the withdrawals That it will be easier the further along you go. I didn't know that eight years ago. I just fell into the temptation  and the only thing I learned was that I had an addiction.  Now I'm doing the " If  I only knew  then what I know now" I would have been done with this addiction  years ago.  Anyway I am very happy right now and I know I am done for good. Even when I get a small temtation  it's almost like a fly landed on me and I brush it off. The physical withdrawals are done. Right now the main thing I really fight off is thoughts that come in my head and I'm so better prepared to handle those now than I ever was.   So in review in the past four months I have not viewed porn, I have not had sex, and I have not masturbated.   I am so strong right now that I don't even feel the need to ever masturbate. I don't want to ever do that for the main reason it's against my religion and I don't think I could do  masturbation without fantasizing and having hyper sexualized thoughts. So I just want to avoid that. It's not as hard as you think either. Well enough of my rant and good luck to all of you.
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Boo

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #67 on: June 05, 2016, 10:09:50 AM »
Great update Jon. What you say shows how not giving up is the key. Very few people can reboot with "one and done". That's one of the most important lessons to learn and it took me a long time to learn it. It takes more humility than most of us want to exhibit. I humbly accept now that I could relapse, but now view it as part of the process that must be accepted while continuing to move forward. Kudos to you brother.

Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #68 on: June 05, 2016, 01:24:33 PM »
 Thanks Boo. Very well put. Maybe it would've been just too easy to do a one and done.  I agree with you 100% that this addiction does make us more humble. It most certainly has brought me to my knees many times. It's also made me a very persistent person who does  not to give up very easily. Maybe that's what God wanted me to learn.
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Franklinj6

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #69 on: June 05, 2016, 04:20:09 PM »
Good luck.
« Last Edit: December 04, 2017, 01:15:54 PM by Franklinj6 »

Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #70 on: June 05, 2016, 06:10:57 PM »
 Hey Franklin, wow I am honored that you took the time to read my topic front to back. Thank you for your kind words. I'm going to give you a link to another topic on here by a guy name William who  I owe  A lot of my success to. I highly suggest you read his topic front to back. It is the winning formula.   Link posted below. Good luck and God bless

http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=1256.0
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fyg

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #71 on: June 06, 2016, 08:24:26 AM »
Same here Jon, only saw your journal very recently. Thanks for sharing, also.
H.A.L.T - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired
Wherever water flows it creates ruts. Where is your mental water flowing?
PMO increases DeltaFosB in your brain, which in turn makes you crave the next PMO even more. DON'T DO IT! Your future self will thank you :)
PMO & excessive MO fux up your Prefrontal Cortex

Jon64

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #72 on: June 06, 2016, 03:14:36 PM »
 Wow thanks guys,  it's really great to hear that people are reading it. Basically the only reason I'm still posting here is I really want to help others beat this addiction. I also have a post up in the success stories too.  My basic message is do the hard 90 days and beat this damn addiction. It is so worth it. Good luck
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blanchot

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #73 on: August 07, 2016, 12:43:12 PM »
Hi Jon,

I typed 'panic attacks' into the search box and it led me here. It's coming up to 1.40am and I've just woken up thinking i was going to die. I couldn't breathe, was literally gasping for breath, and now, after 20 minutes I feel calmer but a little nervous about going back to sleep.
Did this kind of thing happen to you too?

Cheers

RuntoSpirit

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Re: 40 years of addiction (My Journal)
« Reply #74 on: August 08, 2016, 05:47:38 PM »
Hi Blanchot,

Hard to say if the attacks are a specific withdrawl from pmo or from something else.   However I am coinfident that as you stick with the program you will expereince greater freedom.  Hang in there.  We are with you.