Author Topic: My Journal: The Neuro-Chemical Autopilot (Read 53644 times)

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #50 on:** March 26, 2016, 12:26:37 AM »

I just had a recovery growth spurt this evening. For the first time in 22 years of working on this PMO thing, it dawned on me what a pathetically stupid idea it was to substitute PMO with eating sweets. How remarkably ignorant of me. Eating sweets only fuels PMO addiction. Duh!

Gabriel

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #51 on:** March 26, 2016, 08:05:06 AM »

I just realized last night, after going to AA for twenty-two years, that although eating sweets, as a substitute for booze is a GREAT idea while detoxing, eating sweets - if I'm feeling particularly compulsive - is a STUPID idea. If I'm feeling compulsive, eating candy is like throwing GASOLINE on a FIRE.

At least I know I now!

Woo-hoo!

Gabriel

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #52 on:** March 26, 2016, 08:45:51 AM »

Just took my first NoFap cold shower.

I didn't scream like a girl. What I heard come out of me was the blood-curdling scream of a 55 year old woman being brutally murdered.

I survived.

Gabriel

harry · « **Reply #53 on:** March 26, 2016, 09:18:22 AM »

Good for you, Gabriel!

You've joined the Cold Shower Brigade.

Feetfirst · « **Reply #54 on:** March 27, 2016, 06:49:52 AM »

Hey Gabriel, just dropping in to say well done! You are doing great! 30 days under the belt. Great progress. Cold showers. Not sure I am up for that but I'm sure it works. Enjoy. Yes I am with you on the sweeties. One of my downfalls. As I don't drink or smoke sweeties is my remaining indulgence. Tough one to break but as you say. It is only fuel to the fire of addiction. Keep going!! FF

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #55 on:** March 27, 2016, 09:23:23 AM »

I grew up in a household where we would celebrate weight loss by having an ice cream sundae. No joke.

Why not celebrate one month of freedom from PMO by engaging in PMO? That's my sick mind for you. I've actually been on hard mode this past week because my spouse has been in Florida this week visiting relatives. It goes back to the old Airplane! movie joke: "I guess I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!"

I'll be OK today. One day, one hour, sometimes one minute at a time.

Gabriel

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #56 on:** March 28, 2016, 07:19:57 PM »

Had a rough day today.

Gabriel

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #57 on:** March 31, 2016, 06:28:33 PM »

Feeling a little better. Had a rough week. Am going through the phase I always have encountered where I don't remember ever having a problem with PMO, and I can't imagine why I ever thought I did.

This thought pattern used to frighten me, because I knew that it implied that I was experiencing a sort of denial. But today, I know I have a solution when I encounter my next test.

Gabriel

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #58 on:** April 02, 2016, 05:06:16 PM »

Comfortably settling in to my new life, post detox, without PMO. One day at a time. Have to constantly be on the lookout for denial, which tells me I don't have a problem.

Gabriel

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #59 on:** April 03, 2016, 09:50:47 AM »

I've discovered that desserts work like Viagra on me. It's not necessary for me to consume sugar to PMO, but the two were/are always connected.

Twenty years ago, when I first attempted to stop the PMO, I was, coincidentally, also encouraged to see a nutritionist. Both I and the nutritionist were shocked at the level of my dessert consumption. It was off the charts. I had no idea.

I then got off sweets for about a year back then, and was also off PMO for about the same time. I never made the connection, though, between my dessert consumption and how difficult it made it to avoid PMO.

I am hereby dis-abused of that ignorance.

Thanks for helping me come to this realization.

Gabriel

now-man · « **Reply #60 on:** April 03, 2016, 11:45:48 AM »

Hey Gabriel,

Your last couple of posts are very perceptive. It's great how you're realizing some of the patterns that in the past have lead you back to PMO, even while you're going through some rough days. If you have more rough days, walking through them like you are, with your eyes open, is exactly what reboot is all about.

If you can make it through times like this, you're headed towards a healthier more centered life. Wishing you well. Keep going!

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #61 on:** April 04, 2016, 09:12:53 PM »

Just checking in. Saw my therapist today. We're pretty pleased with my progress.

I'm very pleased with my progress.

Gabriel

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #62 on:** April 06, 2016, 07:18:29 PM »

With regard to denial....today I just live with it, kind of like how a person lives with a physical deformity, or handicap. I try to make allowances for it. Acknowledging denial definitely robs it of power.

As of today I have 19 years of freedom from alcohol and drugs.

Gabriel

Feetfirst · « **Reply #63 on:** April 07, 2016, 01:48:10 AM »

Hey Gabriel! Just wanted to come over to you and say another massive congratulations on 19 years drink and drug sobriety. So much trsnsferrable wisdom for your current journey. And ours! Truly inspiring. Well done. FF

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #64 on:** April 09, 2016, 08:13:58 AM »

Just checking in. Feeling somewhat cocky, which is part of the problem. Need to get real and get humble.

I think I'll spend an extra five minutes in meditation.

Gabriel

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #65 on:** April 10, 2016, 02:57:59 AM »

Just checking in. Things are going well.

Gabriel

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #66 on:** April 11, 2016, 06:13:42 AM »

Monday check in. Nothing to report.

Gabriel

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #67 on:** April 11, 2016, 09:28:52 PM »

Just checking in again. Nothing to report.

Gabriel

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #68 on:** April 12, 2016, 06:12:28 AM »

I'm reading YBOP very slowly. Only two pages a day. Right now only I'm on page 28.

I'm convinced that the slower I go through this process, without interruption, the lower my chances of a relapse.

This might just be a "turtle versus hare" thing.

Gabriel

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #69 on:** April 12, 2016, 10:06:01 PM »

Christians who don't have a problem with porn mean well, but sometimes, they raise more obstacles to solving the PMO problem, then they remove.

Gabriel

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #70 on:** April 14, 2016, 06:23:36 PM »

The last several days have been pretty rough. I sure am glad I'm clean! I'm also glad that we have all of these resources now.

Thanks, humanity!

Gabriel

fyg · « **Reply #71 on:** April 14, 2016, 06:29:36 PM »

HI Gabriel,

I just wanted to say 'Hi' as you posted in my journal last week. I've been reading parts of your journal, and well done on the 48 days man.

Cheers!

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #72 on:** April 16, 2016, 05:59:59 AM »

I had a rough week. *Not* made rougher by PMO.

Hooray!

I graduating from college in early May, which will give me a chance to blog more. That will help.

Gabriel

Boo · « **Reply #73 on:** April 16, 2016, 06:42:10 AM »

Congrats on school. Also, 50 days is awesome. You've got a nice streak going here. Rough weeks will come and go. Stay the course brother. My best streak was 53 days. I'm sure you'll blow past that and add many more. I hope your on your way to a new way of life. That's my hope for all of us.

Gabriel1960 · « **Reply #74 on:** April 17, 2016, 06:06:31 AM »

Having a great day. Glad I'm clean.

Gabriel

Author Topic: My Journal: The Neuro-Chemical Autopilot (Read 53644 times)

Feetfirst

Feetfirst

Boo