Author Topic: Freedom and hapiness or sick  (Read 51466 times)

Berens

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Freedom and hapiness or sick
« on: June 10, 2014, 04:59:35 PM »
Hi. I hope you will understand me, i have never talked about it with anyone. I'am 20 years old. I began to MO at 14 and watching P at 15. I was always shy as a kid but now I feel like i would like to grow up and live the life the way i would like to. I dont want to be controlled by my addiction. I decided to stop PMO more than 1 year ago, i noticed that when i PMO i have less energy and feel like isolate from people. The problem is i am relapsing again, again and again and after relapse i tell my self that i will never do it again. I use web filter. My biggest problem are sexual fantasies and impulses i have sometimes. I can just stop doing what i am doing and MO. When read that cold showers help i masturbated under cold shower. I dont have any other addiction and feel like its destroying me. I tried so many times to reboot but i cant do it alone, need your help. I relapse every 3 or 4 days. I see on the street beautiful girls and i would talk to them and meet them, i read that Alan's Roger Currie ebook "Mode one", but i get paralised by fear. I dont have any friendship with girls. My problem is not that i am alone, my problem is that i cant control my life and my urges to PMO.

tift14

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2014, 06:58:22 PM »
I want to respectfully (and hopefully motivate you by doing so) correct you on one thing: you CAN do this man. Sounds like we basically started at the same age and have the same issues interacting with women. Hell, I'm 24 and still a virgin. But the reboot has taught me that all that is perfectly ok and it's never too late to make a change. Don't panic over not having friendships with girls. That'll come in time.

Biggest thing that's helped me with urges is distractions. Go for a run, call a friend, whatever you have to do to get your mind on something else. It won't be easy, and there's no shame in the relapses. But we have faith in you!

Berens

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2014, 04:50:30 AM »
Thank you for the answer. Today is my first day of rebooting with your help. I feel like if there is someone supporting me i can archive everything. When the urges comes i will think about people that support me. Thank you for the motivation and power.

tryinghard

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #3 on: June 11, 2014, 10:12:05 AM »
Hey ! Don't give up ! I kinda understand the feeling of being *possessed* by your lustful side and relapse, but don't worry you are not alone.  At least you have the courage to try and stop your addiction, so it's a good start.  :D

Maybe you can try keeping yourself busy by hanging out outside or in school,etc.

Imagine the sense of achievement when you reached your goal. You can do it, it just takes time.


FallenMan

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #4 on: June 11, 2014, 12:04:25 PM »
i agree with tift14...

i noticed that if i'm busy with work or something that preocupies me and tires me i don't have that big urge to start masturbating. also when i go days without PMO i feel more confident and energetic. try it... find something that you like and let it tire you so you forget about PMO... you'll see

in a week or two you'll want to hump a tree and that can make wonders when aproching girls :D

tift14

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #5 on: June 11, 2014, 03:11:11 PM »
Haha, at the risk of encouraging a trigger.......

FallenMan's last statement is correct.  You'll notice a difference for sure.  I started to about a week in but it really hit about two weeks in.

Berens

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #6 on: June 11, 2014, 05:54:14 PM »
 When i imagine the sense of archivement i think about times when i was a kid playing with my friend, about how happy i was. Right now i am happy about writing this and i am sure i will not relapse, archive my goal, control my sexuality and do not be controlled by addiction and also by able to talk with girls without shame. I dont remember when last time i was feeling like that but i feel like this forum is giving me wings. :D thank you for answers and support i will not fail you.

reclaim

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #7 on: June 11, 2014, 07:35:29 PM »
hey Berens. the first thing i wanted to tell u is that im pretty sure 99% of the people in this website have relapsed at some point. i know i have in the past. dont beat yourself over it, everybody goes through it. in a way its a way to make you even more pissed and motivated to actually stick to it and reboot all the day.

dont get caught up on the negative, its all a process. if you get to a tough time when you think you might not be able to resist, think of who you want to be and how many times you have already been able to resist the urges. you have done it many times, you have been successful many days, clearly you can do it, so its just a matter of not doing it today, take it one day at a time. soon youll find the pride of having been able to resist is great motivation

best of luck and remember youre not alone!!

Berens

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #8 on: June 12, 2014, 01:08:58 AM »
Tonight i had wet dream and orgasm. I dont know how to react at this, i do not PMO or fantasy. This was not under my control. Should i reset my PMO counter? Now i feel like after PMO session, but it is not demotivating me, i will not relapse and archieve my goals. With all that positive energy from your answers i know i can archive all my goals. Thank you a lot.

Berens

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #9 on: June 12, 2014, 04:59:44 AM »
I am reading some stories on that forum and i am happy that there is a hope. I never was watching strange things but i remember when one time i was watching 4 diferent porn videos at the time to get my d*#k hard. Always when PMO i musted sleep 2 or 3 hours more and wake up as a zombie. When going to school i couldnt concentrate on anything i dont remember what i was learning. I couldnt pass exams and repeat one year of education. It was a year ago. Also when i MO i get sad and do not eat. I am skinny. When getting depressed the solution was get dopamine with PMO. I had so low energy. I couldnt talk to people. I am isolating my self and loosing time on stupid things becouse i have no energy to do productive things. I know i am going to be depressed while rebooting but i want to quit this for one time and end this episode of my life. Just reset and begin from zero. Today is my second day of rebooting but i know i will get it. I failed so many times to reboot that i have to find any solution. This journal is it, find people who understand and help. This is it. I will visit rebootnation to talk with you many times.

tift14

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #10 on: June 12, 2014, 05:47:55 AM »
To answer your question, do not worry about wet dreams. While they may be annoying, they're perfectly normal and outside your control. No need to reset if you had one.

fnatk

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #11 on: June 12, 2014, 10:20:30 AM »
I agree with tift14, don't worry about the wet dreams, I've had 2 in under a week and yes, they are annoying but its kind of natural to have them. Get out of bed and grab a cold shower when you wake up from one! Keep fighting the addiction, you can do it :)

Berens

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2014, 07:20:39 AM »
Today I am feeling fine, no urges to MO and little morning wood. I am busy today so i think i will no even think about PMO. I began to make to do list and plan my time to FAP ??? I mean do something fun, active and productive like Gabe said on his video.

Berens

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #13 on: June 14, 2014, 03:20:43 PM »
It is 4th day since i relapsed, right now i feel an urge to look at P, strange feeling in my balls. I feel strong and i know i can resist it. I have got a lot of respect to people who rebooted succesfully and for anyone that is trying to reboot. Getting out from this addiction is hard, i know that the hardest part of rebooting will come soon.

Berens

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #14 on: June 15, 2014, 10:13:34 AM »
Dizzines, headache, problems with sleep i couldnt get up (no motivation and energy), feeling weak all day. I read that people have insomnia when rebooting, so i am not worrying. Emotionally i am not depressed, i feel fine. I dont feel an urge to PMO or even look for dopamine. This was my 5th day of rebooting.

Berens

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #15 on: June 17, 2014, 04:33:55 AM »
Today iw will be first week  ;D . Sometimes i have urges but i dont have any problem to control myself. My concentration is better, today i had a dream where i have seen a scene from a P video but i had no wet dream, it was different becouse i have not concentreted at erotic part but emotional and in that dream i have seen that those people was unhappy. Everyday P makes me more disguested while a week ago i was enjoying this sh*t. Fantasies hits sometimes but i resist and  i dont let them make me pleasure or give dopamine, think about other things. I still having problems with sleeping but i am more energetic and motivated. I am going to fight other bad habits but without any pression for now. Now i feel i have got more power. Its too early about saying how positive is rebooting working for me but i notice changes. Let see how it is going to be in second week of abstinance.

Berens

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #16 on: June 18, 2014, 09:05:49 AM »
Day8 Tonight i had wet dream two times, two O. I slept only 5 hours becouse i culdnt sleep yesterday becouse before go to bed i had a lot of energy, i dont remember when i had so much energy. So i began to read in the bed then decided to go to sleeo when it was very late. I had yesterday so many energy and power, that was amazing. After wet dreams i dont have energy, feel like after PMO,but without any moral negative feelings. I realised that resistance urges and wet dreams (when you have one you wake up very horny) make you stronger. Its like working out on the gym, and an urge to PMO is additional weight. When have energy you think about realize ideas, do the work and realize your dreams, i am not going to relapse again only becouse i want to create and realize ideas i have in my head, in my imagination.

rival21

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #17 on: June 18, 2014, 11:59:07 PM »
I wonder if the wet dream is natural process of rebooting because I almost had one this morning. I think it is as it happens alot to adolescence. It may be a sign that things are getting better! :)

Berens

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #18 on: June 19, 2014, 07:32:26 AM »
Yes, i think its normal to have wet dreams when rebooting, our brain is doing everything to keep the old path and have an O by fantasy or images. Today i had a nice morning wood. I realised that when i read everyday journals and articles about P addiction my subconciousnes begin to perceive P as something wrong, i mean some time ago i known that P is destroying me but i was still PMO. Now i am concious about that. Its like smoking, everyone know that it can give you cancer and kill you but people still smoking. The key to get out from addiction is not know about nevative aspects but be conciuos of them. Do we need to get depression, loose job, friends, girlfriend, wife to realise that? I mean we do so many to avoid a pain but at the end its a pain what wake up us.

tift14

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #19 on: June 19, 2014, 07:53:25 AM »
Wanted to make one quick comment since you mentioned wet dreams.  Yes, those are perfectly normal.  I would be hesitant to use them as an indicator for exactly how close to "recovery" you are, but they are a sign of improvement to be certain.  So if they happen, don't worry at all.  In fact, welcome them.

As for the pain, I agree that while it's terrible, sometimes we really do have to hit rock bottom to realize how bad something is.

Anders

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #20 on: June 20, 2014, 03:50:52 AM »
Quote
Its like smoking, everyone know that it can give you cancer and kill you but people still smoking.

I gave up smoking successfully in the same way I am trying to give up PMO - cold turkey. Like PMO there is a large mental component to it. With smoking you find you have a cigarette at certain times out of habit more than cravings. Waiting for a bus? Smoke. Having a coffee? Smoke. With PMO it is habitual too. You are reaching for your phone with one hand and your fly with the other as soon as you lie on the bed. I think being aware of triggers really helps.

You are doing really well man. I am inspired!


"It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen."
Muhammad Ali

Berens

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #21 on: June 20, 2014, 08:50:57 PM »
You are so right Anders, those stupid habits, they can be your best friends or the worst enemies. Thank you for support, in reality the only reason why i am rebooting so many days without relapsing is becouse here on this forum i can interacte with amazing people who understand and help, impossible to do it on my own. Btw today is my day 10, today i had some weak moment becouse i began to fantasy about having sex with women, it wasnt pornographical but you know, making love. O get erection from thinking about that what i think it is wrong becouse its not a real and it is a trigger. Conclusions by 10 day abstinence from PMO:
- i dont have paranoias about what other people thinks (what a freedom  :D) , my problem #1 in my life i think is being unable to interacte with other people, not only girls. That makes me hard to have good friends, get a job, girlfriend, solve some stressful problems, etc. Now i dont stress, i am very calm. When PMO'ing regularly i was being nervous only about thinking about some situation where i had to begin an interaction, now it is different i takes what comes witch calm. Today i was talking with stranger and i had no problem with saying my opinion, i was focusing on what he will answer and not what he will think about what i said. Before starting a reboot i was reading poeple's stories about how they was socializing more and dont be a shy person any more, i couldnt imagine how it is, now i am beggining to feel this. Shame is loosing his power over me everyday and i begin to perceive all that addiction as an episode of my life that has ended and musted to happen to make me stronger and show me that i can get control over everything, also over my sexuality. God, its only ten days. My life was shit, thats why i notice so many difference when rebooting hahaha, its still is but now i am beggining to live a life i always wanted, without limits. Sorry for writing so much, i can not sleep. Thank you for reading this, i hope it will inspire or motivate someone and help. Cheers

Berens

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #22 on: June 21, 2014, 02:24:08 PM »
I am feeling sad, angry, depressive. My brain needs a dopamine. Its a trigger i must resist. My leg shakes becouse of stress.

rival21

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #23 on: June 21, 2014, 02:51:25 PM »
What helped me with my urges was to do something else that gave me a "dopamine rush." For me, it was eating a bag of doritos or having a small slice of cake. I know that stuff is bad too, but it works for me. Every three days I go without PMO, I reward myself with one or the other. Try your best not to give in! YOU CAN DO IT! You will feel terrible afterwards, find something else to do quick!  :o

Berens

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Re: Freedom and hapiness or sick
« Reply #24 on: June 21, 2014, 03:15:36 PM »
Thank you for answer. Reward for no PMO is very good idea, i will try to eat something that i like a lot and do something fun.