Author Topic: Keiffers Journal  (Read 2307 times)

Keiffer

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Keiffers Journal
« on: February 22, 2016, 05:14:21 PM »
Hello all, I guess this is my journal. Im 31 years old, I work with my father, we are otr truck drivers. Im always on the move. I have a porn addiction, i have been fighting it for about a year now. I started my second attempt at a reboot at the beginning of the year. So far i have relapsed about 5 times, Im having alot of difficulty making it over the 10 day pmo free hump. I play video games and have a GF, but it's kinda a long distance relationship unless im close to where she lives, as im on the road all the time.  I have started walking and working back up to jogging, and cut pop from my diet as well as im a bit overweight. My doctor said that reboot and getting in shape is way to go. I have porn induced ed which is extremely frustrating, my goals are to give up porn and get back to how i was when i was a teen and could go all night with a woman lol. Im sick of doing artificial stuff then not being able to perform well in the bedroom downstairs atleast, i still can still show my partner a good time but dont want this to become a problem that sabotages future relationships. I Started watching porn and pmo when i was in my early teens. and have since, My main reason as i said before for wanting to get off porn is so i can perform normally in the bedroom, I love sex with women and not being able to perform intercourse is why im wanting to reboot.

        So far my main strategies have been to play games and listen to audio books more, I have been spending on steam a little more than usual to ensure i have fresh games when i get bored. Im a big gamer. And i like to read/listen to audio books and write poetry/song lyrics and short stories. although i may need to give up the short stories cause they tend to the erotic, and i write them just for fun and only my gf and a few other women i know read them.  Im not 100% sure on this point if writing these is a bad thing to do or not for the reboot but i am going to stop writing them for the length of my reboot. My goal is to go 90 days pmo free.

I guess i will say this is day one. We are doing a 2 day hour reset so i have the day off. Got up, did an hour of fast walking. Im trying to build back up to jogging. Made some brunch. watched a very interesting video on physics on netflix, got on here and read a few posts. Now writing this journal. My plans for the rest of the day are to play fallout 4, maybe some League of Legends with my brother later if his newborn permits. Then a shower and talk with my gf for awhile before bed.

        I guess i wanted to add im also a recovering heroine addict and kicking porn is proving to be just as hard if not harder than that. I have struggled with anxiety issues ever since getting clean from heroine, Im about 8 years clean from  that. I know it kicking an addiction can be done, This ones giving me hell but i plan to beat it in the near future.


     Ok day 2. i almost forgot to update, did not pmo today, had a pretty good day, my dad and i drove from tucumcari nm to kansas city, i did an hour fast walk, im finally getting use to no soda, we stayed at harrahs, i dont gamble but my dad likes to and we get free food, ate a big salad and tacos, then played my fb games for about 2 hours and fallout for 2 hours, then i talked to my gf for an hour on the phone, now im plugging into an audiobook by raymond e. fiest and going to bed. I hope im doing this journal right and any readers pls forgive my grammer and
 punctuation or lack there of lol

Day 3. Went from Kansas city mo, to redwing, loaded a load of lumber. Made it to Albert Lea for the night, Did my hour of walking, Feeling pretty good today. Walked over to the petro travel center with my laptop and put in some good gaming time. Thats what im doing now. Did not pmo. going strong, Still on my no pop kick. Doing good on just water and coffee. Talking to my girlfriend for an hour or 2 then shower time and then bed.
« Last Edit: February 25, 2016, 12:57:06 AM by Keiffer »

akpal2

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    I will beat this monster, I will get my life back
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Re: Keiffers Journal
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2016, 10:00:42 PM »
welcome to the forum keiffer. You're in the right place. The fact that you have kicked off heroine addiction in the past is really motivating and quite revelatory when you say that leaving porn is almost as hard as leaving heroine. Do keep writing here and sharing your situation. We're all trying to leave PMO behind so we can do well in the bedroom.



Keiffer

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Re: Keiffers Journal
« Reply #2 on: February 25, 2016, 01:04:34 AM »
Day 3. Went from Kansas city mo, to redwing, loaded a load of lumber. Made it to Albert Lea for the night, Did my hour of walking, Feeling pretty good today. Walked over to the petro travel center with my laptop and put in some good gaming time. Thats what im doing now. Did not pmo. going strong, Still on my no pop kick. Doing good on just water and coffee. Talking to my girlfriend for an hour or 2 then shower time and then bed.


Keiffer

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Re: Keiffers Journal
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2016, 11:36:44 PM »
  Day 4. Ok day 4 and going good, Feel good, Was typical day, drove, Did my exercise, game time, about to hit the shower and then listen to an audio book and pass out, Did not pmo today. Was a little upset over my moms passing last year out of the blue, but i did well in handling it. Pick up a load tomorrow then out to so cal. should be fun.

Keiffer

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Re: Keiffers Journal
« Reply #4 on: February 27, 2016, 12:05:04 AM »
Day 5. Was a typical day, we loaded this am and made it to missiouri, did hour walk, Still doing good on no soda. Feel kinda spacy but good today. Wish i was in dayton. Did not pmo today. Had a wierd dream Had a couple of baked potato's for breakfast. Had spaghetti with sausage for dinner. Plan on getting a pint of ben and jerrys coffee toffee bar crunch since it friday night, and listen to audio book for a while after i get off the phone with my gf. Would really like to see her right now but on the road.

Keiffer

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Re: Keiffers Journal
« Reply #5 on: February 27, 2016, 11:52:18 PM »
Ok, Day 6. Another typicla day, drove, did my hour walk then ate lunch, drove more, feeling ok today, Ended up staying in liberal ks for the night. I MO'd last night, but did not watch any porn or think about it when i did, only thought about my gf. It just kinda happened, and alot easier than it use to be without watching porn, Already almost 2 months in on very very little pmo so think im starting to see a little bit of results, still trying to make the 90 days porn free and doing well on that. Really miss my GF and want to see her, hopefully next week. Still doing good on no pop although im dying for one tonight lol. Taking a break from walking, Played my Battle pirates and Wartune games on fb for awhile, and fallout 4, About to call my gf for awhile and then prob listen to servent of the empire audio book by raymand e fiest for few hours then bed, It's getting really good. may start lifting weights in a couple weeks, dont want to start making too many big changes with the reboot going on all at once or afraid i may get overwhelmed and fail again.

Midnight Rider

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Re: Keiffers Journal
« Reply #6 on: February 28, 2016, 07:44:34 AM »
Hello Keiffer.

Grats for your 6 days without PMO. And also grats for your 2 months with very little P.

It's a nice journal you're keeping here. You seem to have a good match plan to fight this addiction. I also note that you fought another big addiction before, and won! I'm sure you can win this fight to.

Keep strong !
Keep strong folks !


Keiffer

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Re: Keiffers Journal
« Reply #7 on: February 29, 2016, 03:58:03 AM »
Thank you midnight rider, i appriciate the support, its very tough to beat this mainly cause of how easily avalible it is. keep strong as well. and good luck to you in your fight!

Keiffer

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Re: Keiffers Journal
« Reply #8 on: February 29, 2016, 04:07:18 AM »
  day 7. Ok almost forgot to put an entry in today. about to hit the sack. was a typical day, did see a few road runners when i did my walk earlier. may have to take tomorrow off from walking as my left foot is getting a cramp or some sort of pain, think ive been overdiing it. walked about 25-30 miles this week after not walking for the winter. cheated on my no pop and had a 20 oz a and w rootbeer, it was very good. sticking to no water cause i want to lose weight and get in good shape this year. im in holbrook az tonight on the way to otay mesa cali. have to do a 32 hour reset tomorrow so should vet some good game time in. Wish i was back in dayton so i could see my gf. feel good other than that, caught myself looking at somewhat naughty pics on facebook. notheing pornographic but borderline, stopped myself. played wartune for awhile, starting to get hooke on that game lol. and played fallout 4. then i took a shower and talked to my gf for awhile. now its bed time.

Keiffer

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Re: Keiffers Journal
« Reply #9 on: March 03, 2016, 06:42:30 PM »
OK, i missed a few days of entering because i didnt have net, but this will be days 8, 9 and 10, Ok, Going good, still no pmo, have mo'd once but did not look or think of the P. Kinda having rough time today out of the blue and want to watch but trying to stay strong, dont know why, just got frustrated out of no where and that seems like the solution but not going too, past few days we did a32 hour reset, Ate a buffet at harrahs casino in pheonix, it was good. Guess im gonna play some games to try to keep my mind off of wanting to look at P.

Keiffer

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Re: Keiffers Journal
« Reply #10 on: March 05, 2016, 02:41:49 AM »
well this is day 11 and 12. blah, totally failed tonight, had plans fall through i was counting on and was very dissapointed and pmo'd a few times, yesterday was ok little urge all day but beat it, i need to work on triggers, will reset my counter, getting over 2 weeks is proving to be very difficult, i have been hoping to make it to flatline and hoping that helps but i havent made it to flatline yet, i am noticing that im becoming much more responsive to things, poping boners over just thoughts and flirty talk with gf, where that use to not even stir my guy not saying im cured just saying ive noticed some improvements. not  beating myself up but am frustrated. may have to ask my gal if we can just completly stop all flirty or sex talk for a month, was gonna be able to see her this weekend but they took 7 hours to unload at our stop earlier wich in turn made us unable to deliver today at next stop and next stop doesnt accept weekend delivery so wont be p there now till her work week starts. may go out and play the horse races tomorrow as im at the louisiana downs till saturday, blow off some steam. im still doing good on my no pop and just water or coffee, had to take a couple days off walking cause i did something to my food, strained a mucle or somethng. gonna put an audio book on and go to bed and start over tomorrow on getting to 90 days
« Last Edit: March 05, 2016, 02:55:32 AM by Keiffer »