Author Topic: Front 90 done! No inspo, no must read, just my thoughts...  (Read 1693 times)

garby

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Front 90 done! No inspo, no must read, just my thoughts...
« on: February 12, 2016, 08:34:43 AM »
DAY 90!!! So, this is it the last day, day 90!

--WHAT IT'S NOT--
I won't post a MUST READ 5 SHORTCUTS TO SUCCESS story here. I think I'm gonna be more lowkey and questioning. My only recommendation for your process will be this: get active, do stuff, exercise and find meaning. I'll refer to the large amount of self improvement books other members/journals are recommending. Some of them can be, at the very least, very interesting.

--MY PREFACE--
After a few days reading through other journals I decided I wasn't a severe case. Didn't have serious addiction. But i was abusing PMO. I saw this mostly as a challenge, and to become a better me. To become better at sex (including food and sleep one of our favourite things to do :) I used to PMO between 1-4 x/week. Maybe above 7x/week at times. Other times I unintentionally abstained from it for up to a month. Probably started PMO around the age of 14, maybe earlier, and its been going on for over 10 years now. These are just estimates. Might have had some PIED going on as well but the times I've not managed to get it up I think it has to do more with me being nervous/drunk to be honest :)

--INTRO--
It's been a great journey... NO seriously it hasn't, it hasn't been anything special. Just a commitment that I saw through. I'm happy I did but I haven't become happier, more successful or felt an inner change or any other improvements during this process. But I do hope and think something has happened, something I don't notice now. Other journals/forum members made me believe I would see big change. Maybe I'll notice a change in the bedroom, this period of no PMO has been kind of 'dry' unfortunately :) Anyways, this is my 'success story' and I will post the same text in my journal as well. 

I haven't tried noFap before. I did this thing in one try. I think a reasons for me not relapsing is that I was easily convinced of the idea that PMO is bad for me, I'm an honest person (both towards myself and others) and the fact that I wasn't a severe case (as mentioned earlier) and that I like a challenge, especially when it's all about me :)

--SOME THOUGHTS--
These 90 days have had their ups and downs. The biggest frustration (except for those PMO urges popping up now and then) has been the fact that you must relate to the process at all time. If you're not allowed to eat candy, all you want to do is to eat candy, right? This first part of the journey has been like that for me. It has taken up an unproportional amount of my mental energy. 'No PMO' has been hard at times, but I've become to self aware in a weird way. I hope, and think that it will become a lot better with the initial 90 days behind me and that I will have a more neutral/not so hardcore approach toward this way of life form now on.

--THE COUNTER--
If you've read my journal before you've might have noticed my opinion about how stigmatizing I think this community is regarding the PMO/no PMO, there no grey zones in between. An you've probably noticed my opinions about The Counter. A blessing in disguise as I would refer to it :) No, seriously. It definitely has its pros, but I've seen to many members acting like slaves to the counter, feeling really depressed during a relapse/reset. I don't like that. I noticed how I myself started to log in just to see my counter, even though I was online the day before posting in my journal that I've come another 5 days closer to my goal or so. So from now on I will try to not put emphasis on my counter on this continued process. It will trust in me :)

--WHAT NOW?--
Initially 60 more days, for sure. I'll call them back 60, like in golf. That makes a total of 150, that's 5 months. I think It's a good second phase. Regarding the letters:
The letter O: I will orgasm. I did orgasm a couple of times during my front 90. Both in my sleep and during intercourse.
The letter M: I will masturbate. Didn't do it during front 90. Why you might ask? I have a genuine interest in sex. I like it. I want to learn new stuff. Becoming multi-orgasmic is one of those things, and it will require a lot of practice. Heard some stories from an acquaintance of mine. This guy had to masturbate 3x a day for 3 months until he learned how to separate his orgasm from his ejaculation and was able to have full body orgasms. I don't plan to M to reach ejaculation but it will happen. I will not be frightened by the idea of it. (OK, that's not true, the first time will be weird. Definitely.)
The letter P: I will not watch porn. Simple as that. I've said to myself that I won't commit to no PMO for the rest of my life Ill just try it for a while. But it's to early to go back. The idea of watching porn is not nice at the moment.

Regarding my forum activity. I need to cut down on it. Don't need to log in here as often now. I think that will help me as well. Don't know when I'll be back again. Probably after a big milestone or a rough patch. Absolutely after my first MO session :) So my counter will be untouched until further notice despite M and O sessions. Won't care to much about it.

--THE GOODBYE--
So, before leaving you I'd like to thank the forum, all the people who write journals and especially profiles Numez and vamp2613 who commented on mine a few times :)

Until next time,
Garby.

rainman

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Re: Front 90 done! No inspo, no must read, just my thoughts...
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2016, 12:27:53 PM »
Hi Garby,
In case you do ever log back in, I had a couple of thoughts

I think a problem for a lot of people trying for sobriety is the lack of how awesome sobriety is. Sure, in a way you can feel fresh and good and pure, but it can depend on your mood. A lot of the time it is a bit 'dry' and grey. PMO gave me the huge highs and huge lows (an unbelievable chemical hit, then a numb empty feeling after, as well as guilt and having to deal with the consequences of doing nothing that related to my real life). So life without PMO is tough, dry and grey, for many – hence all these relapses. PMO for me had been a mood balancer, a distraction from dryness and boredom, and even seemed to help when when i wasn't feeling well physically. So sobriety for me is a bit dry, sometimes i’m really tempted by the thought of the high, but i have to remind myself of the lows (pre-emptively/ daily actually). Life can be dry, but for someone who’s been addicted to PMO for so long, i can say, at least i’m living it now.

And as for the 'no PMO life commitment' – sure, 'no PMO for life' is an intimidating commitment, much better to focus on the now and not too distant future.

Also, i only just read yesterday actually, 'addiction comes from our inability to connect'. That made so much sense to me. I’ve neglected family, with my freinds i’m often thought of as the acerbic one , and i’ve not been a good listener in my life; so realising and changing that’s been a great part of the journey.

Best of luck to you!