Author Topic: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control  (Read 4010 times)

Thabang

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 13
    • View Profile
I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« on: February 11, 2016, 05:41:07 PM »
I always that I will stop and I am in control, everytime when a new month start I just tell me myself that I'll start being clean with it but I always fail. I have never thought that I'll be addicted to pornography but I'm now deep in it and there is nothing that I have never tried in terms of trying to stop masturbating. I tried talking to people about it but its normal for other guys it doesn't bother them, I am a person who hardly dates because I think I have low self esteem and I'm not good at maintaining conversations with people so that's where I fail with connecting with people. Porn is starting to change the way I live myself I can't go a week without watching it or even two days since I started trying to quit it,I am suffering emotionally and psychologically pleasw help guys thank you in advance.

north62

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 9
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2016, 09:12:54 AM »
Hi  :)


I was the shy'est kid in the world. couldn't have any conversation with people at all, like, even when i was with my family i felt i couldn't say what i wanted to.... I've found out that porn was a big factor in that. *Anyways, what you should try to do is see that the life is ahead, and if you can stop porn, you will change your life.

And if you haven't read the book "Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction" you should, not only is it great  information about how porn affects the brain but also how you can reboot, showing what to do for every situation..

Also, a book that i found helped me allot personally is   "From Shy to Social: The Shy Man's Guide to Personal & Dating Success" Great about social anxiety and how to deal with it, and after that get over it. It also has some great thing about getting girls... this book litterally changed my life.

And!
Added bonus. Reading helps with getting over the cravings.

Take your life in your own hands and stop feeling sorry for yourself, and get your life in the direction you want it to go... shy to social covers the topic ;)

Thabang

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 13
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2016, 05:15:37 PM »
thank you north I'll look in those books I am already feeling positive, its so good to learn from someone who is going through the same problem,at least I get it that I am not alone.

Hablablos

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 393
  • Personal Text
    First we make our habits, then our habits make us.
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2016, 10:43:23 AM »
Hello Thabang,

I'd like to ask you, what hobbies and activies are you doing in your free time?

Because one of the best things you can do is to focus on other areas of your life and improve them. That will also improve your self esteem as well.
"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"

Learn from mistakes of others, life is too short to do them all by yourself

Porn addiction is the best thing that has happened to me

Thabang

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 13
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2016, 03:33:42 AM »
Well at most times I watch movies and downloaded tv series on my pc

user43457

  • Guest
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2016, 03:54:27 AM »
Hello, it's great that you're becoming aware of porn addiction and trying to change. I used to think the same thing that I can stop whenever I want and it's not a real addiction. But research shows that this is an addiction just like alcohol addiction or nicotine addiction. As others have said "Your Brain On Porn" helps a lot. Good luck!

Thabang

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 13
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2016, 07:05:04 AM »
Thank you very much for your words of encouragement :)

Hablablos

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 393
  • Personal Text
    First we make our habits, then our habits make us.
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2016, 12:13:20 PM »
Well it's not bad, but what you really need to start doing some activities. For inspiration read this: http://www.kratosguide.com/16-habits-you-should-do-every-day/

Because by watching series you won't train your self esteem much. You will be in your comfortable zone. You need to start doing the uncomfortable things like working out, cold showers and so on. In these moments you are building up your confidence and self esteem. But it is just my observation, what will take from it is up to you.
"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"

Learn from mistakes of others, life is too short to do them all by yourself

Porn addiction is the best thing that has happened to me

Hylden

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 33
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2016, 01:55:57 PM »
The realization of the addiction can be scary at first. But don't be afraid, my friend. I've been there and it seemed like an impossible thing to beat. Thing is stopping cold-turkey is almost impossible. Just get a counter and use that as a stepping stone for longer and longer periods without PMO.

If you feel like PMO'ing, think about how it's not worth it and how sucky and weak you feel afterwards. Try to practice soms sports (working out at a local fitness if picking up a team sport is too difficult).

Slowly you'll feel your confidence building and you'll feel happier and realize that you're becoming more social and feeling more connections with people. Once you're there, your motivation will start to build and build, trust me. You can do this.

Thabang

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 13
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #9 on: February 16, 2016, 08:57:26 AM »
Thank you guys I don't want to lie the thought of doing something beside sitting on a computer did come by but the problem is with starting to do something new, like a new activity I don't know where to start with that but Habablos thank you for the link I think it will help me a lot. It is so nice for your response guys especially coming from the people who are in the same journey, It is here where I feel freely to talk about my addiction. I really appreciate your support and suggestions.

user43457

  • Guest
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #10 on: February 16, 2016, 09:47:56 AM »
Hey man boredom can lead directly to porn. If you're on your laptop or computer, know what you're gonna use it for before turning it on. And there are really a million thing to do other than porn that are satisfying, healthy, and informative as well.

Trenton

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 6
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #11 on: February 16, 2016, 01:02:36 PM »
You will go through some withdrawals just like any addiction so just press through. Replace that activity with something else. Since you are  in college, check out what kind of campus activities there are. Even if you aren't socializing right away, continue and you can make new friends or just find the activities something to be doing. Working out is also a good idea. Most campuses have a gym you can use. Make a routine and a schedule. You can also check out any clubs or activities going on in the community. You need to find healthy substitutes.

Thabang

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 13
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #12 on: February 17, 2016, 10:00:22 AM »
I am making progress guys :) , since talking to you guys my cravings have decreased and I am feeling positive. with you guys on my side I am going to find new habits that are going to make me forget PMO.

Thabang

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 13
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #13 on: March 02, 2016, 06:33:59 PM »
I have relapsed,I have been quiet because I am ashamed and couldn't control my cravings lately. I feel like my addiction is something I can't overcome and its slowly devouring me. Hablablos to be honest I have been lazy to read about that 16 habits on that link. my mind is messed up I have no idea what to do about my addiction.

calavera

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 4
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #14 on: March 02, 2016, 08:50:36 PM »
Don't give up, man. You know what you have to do. The information is available everywhere on the net. Be positive and follow the plan!

Also, when you start getting bored or having cravings IMMEDIATELY get up from your computer and just MOVE. Walk around the house, go for a walk, go for a run, do some exercises, ANYTHING. Movement is life, movement is action and action will get your mind of the porn.

Keep walking, my friend.
"The future is ours to decide!" ~Shulk


Hablablos

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 393
  • Personal Text
    First we make our habits, then our habits make us.
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #15 on: March 03, 2016, 12:16:14 PM »
Here, something to think about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgmVOuLgFB0
"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"

Learn from mistakes of others, life is too short to do them all by yourself

Porn addiction is the best thing that has happened to me

Thabang

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 13
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #16 on: March 07, 2016, 04:20:47 AM »
Thank you guys , Habablos that is such an inspiring video I am now going to focus in building my future . There is so much to do with the time that I waste sitting on my computer, step by step I will be free from this addiction .

Hablablos

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 393
  • Personal Text
    First we make our habits, then our habits make us.
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #17 on: March 18, 2016, 03:41:45 PM »
How is going building your future? Any small progress you are aware of?
"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"

Learn from mistakes of others, life is too short to do them all by yourself

Porn addiction is the best thing that has happened to me

Thabang

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 13
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #18 on: April 01, 2016, 06:30:43 AM »
Eish it hasn't been easy  :-[ , there have been times where I felt like I should just give in into my addiction because I think that it has consumed me , I think I have no self control. I sometimes wish that I can go to a solitary confinement just for three months so that I can recover, with all these gadgets and being online just makes it difficult to focus on being clean because there are many triggers that leads me to my relapses and right now I just feel like I am blaming those things its just that I have no self control.

Hablablos

  • Member

  • Offline
  • ****

  • 393
  • Personal Text
    First we make our habits, then our habits make us.
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #19 on: April 01, 2016, 12:13:34 PM »
Quote
there have been times where I felt like I should just give in into my addiction because I think that it has consumed me , I think I have no self control.

That would be easy way, but where is the fun in that? On topic of giving up I like this one:

I already know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens if I don't. - Darebee

Then it's a good time to work on your self control. What I can recommend is to start doing something differently. Below are a few habits I developed, which greatly helped me with the process of rebooting and in life as well:

1. Plan your day - take a notebook and start planning your next day. Decide what will go first, what will follow. And also write a specific time when you want to start. Because when you write it down, you will feel more commited to do it. When you finish the activity, check it. By that you will see you completed it. Repeat this process every day, because this one is very crucial!

2. Read 10 pages of a book - for me personally this is a must. Even if I don't do any other activity, I do not dare to cross this one out. In my journal I made a list of books which I recommend to read, because they opened my eyes in many ways.

3. Start working out - it doesn't have to be anything drastic. Just do 10 push up every day. After a month you can go for more. When you will see physical changes, you will feel better as well.

4. Eat a piece of a fruit - apple, orange doesn't matter. A simple act of doing it also helps a lot.

5. Take cold showers - this is actually a great shock therapy and great method how to start a day. Because doing that you will learn how to deal with uncomfortable situations more likely. I would recommend doing it in the morning.

It may seems like it is not much. But from my own experience I know these not much habits repeated every day makes all the difference. Start doing these thing every day for a month. Write it down if you did them or not. Simple excel table will work. Don't trust your memory in this! Last but not least appreciate yourself for every completed day when you did all of these things.
"The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new"

Learn from mistakes of others, life is too short to do them all by yourself

Porn addiction is the best thing that has happened to me

Thabang

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 13
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #20 on: April 02, 2016, 01:23:54 AM »
I got a problem following things like in a timetable but I will try and change my habits

Thabang

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 13
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #21 on: April 07, 2016, 04:05:46 PM »
damn!!!  as much as I hate relapses, I have no other choices but to come here and write and get advice from you guys. I think I am weak I have no commitment well that is what I have realised lately. I fail at everything I try doing ,well recently I wanted to lose weight but I stopped along the way because I thought I would see results soon but that didn't happen so I gave up. This attitude of mine also affects my recovery because everytime I am online I fall to being a victim of internet porn addiction and the reason I keep falling is because of being constantly being online and also categorizing myself with people who find it normal to PMO. I want to be offline for a while and see if this will work because on the social platforms there are many triggers that lead me to PMO. I have seen this pattern in my recovery,even though I keep telling myself that I'll overcome my addiction without being offline but I have realised that it is never going to workout. solidarity from most things is what I need right now and see if this will workout.

Thabang

  • Member

  • Offline
  • *

  • 13
    • View Profile
Re: I always thought that I will stop and I am in control
« Reply #22 on: April 07, 2016, 04:13:16 PM »
I think my addiction has taken over my emotions,I can't cry even if I want to, I easily get annoyed by the presence of people in my room and I'm always angry as if I'm heartless and it surprises me sometimes.  I no longer feel my sadness as I used to,the only thing I can feel is misery and being shameful.