Reboot Nation Forum > Partners of Rebooters and Addicts

Hello Again/Questions/ Relationships..


So, I wanted to ask people on this site?? I have been able to have sex with someone I am interested in for 4 times now and only once couldn't get it fully "aroused." Does it ever get easier?? Sometimes I find myself not focusing on the feeling and just focusing on if I'll be able to stay aroused or if my interest is liking it or not..... So, I tend to go really fast because I get nervous that i'll get unaroused and it'll be over too soon... I'm just hoping it gets easier and hoping that maybe I can be able to go more than once?? I hope this isn't trigging anything for people.. But right after I do "end" sometimes it felt mechanical or numb n then i just want to quit.. but i want to get my interest to "end" as well... I've only been off of "P" for four weeks now... or at least close to that.. So, I'm sure it'll get better over time and i'll have more urges to do things with a real person.. But i really do care about this individual... I've known this individual for 5 years... But he has issues too cause of pills. Anways.. any encouraging words that might ease my anxiety a little.. I'll probably read more articles later when i am not spending time with him.. 

You really need to enjoy sex and not be focused on the O part of it for either of you. Enjoy him when you are in the moment.  Talk to him about how you feel, tell him you are worried about lasting and are preoccupied with this thought.  This will help you a lot.

If I was you, and I have those kind of thoughts or problems, I would completely avoid sex until I felt like I was ready again. If the girl (or guy, as the case may be) was someone about whom I cared, I would sit her down and have a conversation with her about it so she understood that this was a problem I had and that it in no way reflected my interest in her.

I would continue having sexual contact with her. For example, kissing, petting, cuddling, massaging, and stimulating her orally and manually. My penis, however, would not be a part of the equation. Truthfully, I may even direct her to ignore it entirely and not feel bad in any way doing so. I would assure her that I felt this would help me recover. Then, when I felt I was ready, I would give it a try.

If the girl was a friend with benefits, I would tell her I was going through a tough time personally and that I wanted to take a break from the arrangement for a short time. Again, I'd assure her I was attracted to her but that I had things to work out. In that case, however, I would not continue to see her to cuddle and things like that because you're not being honest with her.

In short, be honest with yourself and be respectful of the women in your life - or of everyone in your life for that matter.


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