Author Topic: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish  (Read 7555 times)

neonbluedanny

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47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« on: January 20, 2016, 11:30:48 PM »
A couple weeks ago I saw my first reboot nation video and have been thinking about it a lot.  I've known for quite some time that I have a very serious issue with Porn and that I cannot go more than a few days without masturbating but more than that, for years (well over a decade) now I have been unable to get or keep an erection for more than a few seconds even with porn.

Today is day one for me. I have just hit the delete button on my porn collection folder.  Instead of sitting here all evening suffering and white knuckling my way through the evening I went to my woodshop and did about two hours of sanding on a vintage table saw I am restoring.

Why is today day one for me? Simply because I have met someone who I am very much attracted to and who is attracted to me and yet I could not get even slightly hard last night with him. It was humiliating!
Danny



"Lord, give me enough coffee to change the things that need to change; and enough spare change to make that coffee as large as it can possibly be."

harry

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2016, 12:46:30 AM »
Welcome neonbluedanny,

I just joined a few weeks ago myself and have found this is a great place to get educated about our problem(s). Plus, I get a lot of support from reading and commenting on what others post; especially, the success stories. There is so much information available here and on YBOP.com.

I've just started watching some youtube videos recommended by another member, unchained. I have found them very helpful -  https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL877EF00A55F0545D

Stay strong - you're in the right place at the right time!


neonbluedanny

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2016, 09:49:41 PM »
Thanks Harry

2 days clean. Still cleaning house. Realized today I need to go through my movie collection and delete or toss a bunch. Ran out of day but about to tackle the DVDs before I go to bed.
Danny



"Lord, give me enough coffee to change the things that need to change; and enough spare change to make that coffee as large as it can possibly be."

now-man

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #3 on: January 21, 2016, 10:29:20 PM »
Welcome Danny, There's great support available here. I highly recommend downloading and reading Gary Wilson's book "Your Brain On Porn." Wishing you well!

lyon03

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2016, 04:28:52 AM »
Welcome Danny. Thanks for sharing brother and I look forward to following your journey. You'll find a lot of support in this community. I found that sharing daily and encouraging others on their threads helped a lot with my own reboot. I won't lie, reboot is hell but it's so worth it. Be well. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.

mike25r

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2016, 05:47:40 AM »
Hey Danny,

What kind of table saw are you restoring?  I found a really old Craftsman (60s era?) rusting under a tarp, purchased it and brought it home and restored it...was a great project and I still use it all the time.

Well I'm just starting my journey too.  I had a similar experience with a woman friend of mine that I've known for quite a while.  We used to work together, and I had a crush and became very good friends with her, but I was married, and she had a BF. We would spend a lot of time together, and she was someone I could really open up to....I've told her things I would never think of telling anyone else, including my wife. I've known her through 4 different boyfriends now...each time it was painful for me when she got a new BF, but being married, I had no business thinking it should be me.

She has since moved to another town, but after her most recent break up, we started texting and calling a lot..every day.  I happened to be travelling to her town for work, and decided to visit her for a couple days.  I'm never 100% sure, but I think she was hoping we would hook up...our conversations leading up to the visit hinted at it a bit, and definitely left that option open.  We had fun little dinner dates, ect. and afterwards she made some references to being sore and needing a massage, and even let me sleep in her bed (with the dog between us, though).  I felt so awkward and couldn't get myself to make a move, and was also afraid that I might not be able to get it up.  I wrote if off to "sex would probably ruin our friendship, anyway, so its probably for the best that I didn't"...    She thanked me profusely for the visit and said she had a great time, and it was just what she needed-ect., but I had this pit in my stomach that something was different. On my way home, I had this horrible feeling of humiliation and failure that I couldn't shake. She pretty much stopped contacting me after that, and what contact we did have was friendly but abrupt. 

She texted me the other day, and wanted to tell me that she went out on a date (no sex)...I think she needed to talk to somebody about it.   Again, it hurt, but what am I supposed to expect?  Then I told her that I think I have an addiction...and I opened up about the porn.  She knows that I watched it and that my wife had caught me with it, and was pissed, but I never told her how much i watched it.   I think me opening up to her like that got her all excited, and we had a great conversation, and she offered to be my accountability partner.  She's also really into yoga and meditation, and says that those practices could help redirect my sexual energy.  When I told her I was worried about my upcoming trip to Hawaii (bikinis, ect), she said I should just masturbate to the bikinis, as long as i'm not watching porn.  Some accountability partner, huh?  LOL.

neonbluedanny

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2016, 12:21:19 PM »
Hello Mike,  It is a 1950s 101 series. I finished restoring the top last night as well as cleaning everything. It is ready for service right now. Perhaps in the spring I might look at repainting it but then again I like the old worn look of vintage tools.
Danny



"Lord, give me enough coffee to change the things that need to change; and enough spare change to make that coffee as large as it can possibly be."

neonbluedanny

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #7 on: January 22, 2016, 12:26:12 PM »
Last night before bed I went through my movie/video collection on my computer and went through my DVD stash. Wow I had a lot of trigger movies and videos collected. I have the bag of DVD's setting beside me here on the desk. I'm not sure how to dispose of them or if I should donate them. It's probably about $2000 worth of DVDs. Scary!

Three days P&M free.  I do find that the thoughts try to creep in and the hands tend to wander out of habit. I've been trying not to sit around but getting into the wood shop or running errands after work. Oddly in three days I have got a lot done around the house and work.
Danny



"Lord, give me enough coffee to change the things that need to change; and enough spare change to make that coffee as large as it can possibly be."

neonbluedanny

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #8 on: January 22, 2016, 09:42:48 PM »
I suffer from S.A.D. and I find myself sitting here (been struggling all evening) wondering what I was thinking choosing NOW to reboot. Then again if I had waited until next spring/summer I'd find an excuse to delay that too. It's going to be tough going through winter.
Danny



"Lord, give me enough coffee to change the things that need to change; and enough spare change to make that coffee as large as it can possibly be."

harry

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #9 on: January 23, 2016, 02:45:18 AM »
Hey Danny,

It helps me when I play out the whole scenario, especially focusing on how I will feel after I'm done. I never like myself when it's over, and most often, the relief I felt was transitory. I find myself saying, "was that really worth it?", and the suffering continues.

It's rarely easy to change. I just try to keep my mind on all the positives that lie ahead, and the freedom from this damn addiction's stranglehold.

Stay strong!


neonbluedanny

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #10 on: January 23, 2016, 01:08:25 PM »
It was a bad night. The sexy dreams have begun and nearly all night I was waking up with wood.  I did not give in to the desires but I did take some comfort in realizing that in less than a week something that hasn't happened in years and years is already returning.
Danny



"Lord, give me enough coffee to change the things that need to change; and enough spare change to make that coffee as large as it can possibly be."

neonbluedanny

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #11 on: January 23, 2016, 08:06:47 PM »
I just watched  http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series and took some notes for myself. At the end I have posted my question(s)

There was a quote in the video...

"I always opened several windows in my browser, each one with many, many tabs. The main thing that arouses me is the novelty. New faces, new bodies, new choices. I very rarely even watched a whole porn scene, and can't remember when I saw an entire movie. Too Boring. I've always wanted NEW stuff."

That is me! A pic of vid might get me excited on Monday night but on Tuesday night I needed to spend hours finding something else to get off to.


* "With time a porn user's brain can mistake feelings of anxiety with feelings of sexual arousal thus leading to more forbidden porn."

* Chronic over consumption of Dopamine causes DeltaFosB protein accumulation which hangs around in the brain for about 8 weeks. DeltaFosB rewires the brain to want "IT" which then drives the person to seek Dopamine surges so that more DeltaFosB accumulates and continues the cycle.

* Long after DeltaFosB levels have returned to normal, Triggers in the brain are still present and can remain for a lifetime.

* Addiction: The 4 C's
   1) Continued use in spite of negative consequences
   2) Compulsion to use
   3) Inability to Control use
   4) Craving: psychological or physical
   - Withdrawal symptoms: Not necessary but my occur with porn

* Porn: Withdrawal Symptoms
   Anxiety
   Restlessness
   Irritability
   Insomnia
   Fatigue
   Poor concentration
   Depression
   Mood swings
   Social isolation
   Headaches
   Severe loss of libido ("the flatline" can last from weeks to months)

* Addiction: Brain Changes
   1) Sensitization: Hyper-reactivity to addiction cues. Cravings for β€œIT”.
   2) Desensitization: Numbed pleasure response. Tolerance.
   3) Hypofrontality: Weakened impulse control. Inhibited frontal lobes.
   4) Altered (Dysfunctional) stress response: Minor stress leads to cravings/relapse.

Meditation is used and suggested for those trying to over come porn addiction. Meditation exercises the frontal lobe of the brain.

Effects of Addition include:
1) Stress activates sensitized addiction pathways. Causes cravings.
2) Withdrawal from addiction activates stress systems. Causes many of the withdrawal symptoms.

Together the four brain studies found:
   1. The 3 major addiction-related brain changes:  Sensitization,  Desensitization, and Hypofrontality
   2. More porn use correlates with less gray matter in the reward circuit.
   3. More porn use correlates with less reward circuit activation to sexual images.
   4. More porn use correlates with disrupted connections between the reward circuit and prefrontal cortex
   5. 60% of compulsive porn users had ED or low libido: all stated that porn use caused their ED/low libido.
   6. Enhanced attentional bias comparable to drug users. Indicates sensitization (a product of DeltaFosB).
   7. The younger the porn users the greater the cue-induced reactivity in the reward center.
   8. Higher EEG readings when exposed to porn cues.
   9. Greater wanting & craving, but not greater liking.

Link to 100 Internet addiction BRAIN studies (3/2015) – http://yourbrainonporn.com/list-internet-video-game-brain-studies


Questions:
1) My takeaway from watching this video is that by abstaining from P&M I can regain my normal ability to achieve an erection. Would this be correct?

2) Another takeaway I have from the video is that Medication can strengthen the frontal lobe and rebuild gray mater. What sort of Meditation is suggested for exercising the frontal lobe?
 
Danny



"Lord, give me enough coffee to change the things that need to change; and enough spare change to make that coffee as large as it can possibly be."

neonbluedanny

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #12 on: January 27, 2016, 12:35:02 PM »
Although I haven't logged in for a few days, I am doing well here! Still M&P free but not thought free. My dream-life has taken on a life of its own. Crazy and sometimes sexy dreams every night and all night!

Work has been incredibly busy which is good! Idle hands.... etc.

« Last Edit: January 27, 2016, 01:11:05 PM by neonbluedanny »
Danny



"Lord, give me enough coffee to change the things that need to change; and enough spare change to make that coffee as large as it can possibly be."

now-man

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #13 on: January 27, 2016, 03:23:13 PM »
Great to hear that you're doing well Danny! Thoughts come and go, what's important is being P & M free.

I liked your well written notes on the 'Your Brain On Porn' series. To respond to a question you asked earlier:

1) My takeaway from watching this video is that by abstaining from P&M I can regain my normal ability to achieve an erection. Would this be correct?

My answer is yes, that is correct. There's a lot of evidence for that in these Forums. My own experience is confirming it. I just passed 90 days and I have had some solid erections with my partner, without pills, that I wasn't having before. Also, in some ways more importantly, I feel attracted to and turned on by him in a way that I had thought was over for me. That's a really nice surprise! I don't think I'm 100% rebooted, so I'm happily carrying on.

For your second question, I definitely think meditation is helpful, I can't personally speak to it's effect on the frontal lobes. I've seen techniques described in people's posts, and links to meditations. Sorry I don't have the links for you, but if you look around you may find some. Or perhaps someone else can offer a suggestion about meditation?

Keep going Danny!

unchained

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #14 on: January 27, 2016, 06:11:56 PM »
2) Another takeaway I have from the video is that Medication can strengthen the frontal lobe and rebuild gray mater. What sort of Meditation is suggested for exercising the frontal lobe?

I do a type of meditation that was suggested in the InnerGold program by Gordon Bruin.  Actually, he is adamant that it is not a program but rather a way of life.  You may want to check it out.  It was helpful to me.

Anyway, the meditation he suggests is this.  You memorize a favorite quote, poem, bible verse, words to a song, etc.  It is preferable that it is something positive, inspirational or motivating.  Sit somewhere that you won't be disturbed and is relatively quiet.  Sit comfortably.  Close your eyes, take a few slow breaths focussing on your breath and then begin to very slowly and deliberately say your quote out loud.  When you are done, take a few breaths and then do it over.  I say two prayers, a favorite poem & an inspirational quote, but you could just do one long or short memorization over and over.  As your mind wanders (and it will), calmly and gently bring your focus back to your words.

I started at 5 minutes, then 10 and then 15 minutes.  If I don't have a full 15 minutes of time available, I shoot for at least 10 minutes.

Over time you will learn a couple of things from this type of meditation.  First you will become more aware of your own thoughts as they enter your consciousness.  This is beneficial in that the earlier you can spot a triggering thought, the better.  The second is that you will get better and better at focusing your attention where you want it.  In the end, that is the true benefit.  We are all going to get triggered, either from outside influences or thoughts that just pop into our heads.  The ability to consciously choose to direct our thoughts elsewhere is a HUGE key in becoming the master of our actions.

I wish I embraced meditation earlier on.  Like too many other folks, I thought the answer was to fight the invasive thoughts...to kill, crush, erase, defeat and conquer them.  I wanted to rip them from my brain.  In the end, it just simply doesn't work that way.  They key to overcoming the thought is to not give them any of your focus.  Meditation can be a very powerful tool in helping you get to a place where your prefrontal cortex is directing what you pay attention to rather than your reward system calling the shots.

Remember this as well.  The part of the brain that is suggesting porn over and over isn't the enemy.  As a matter of fact it is trying to protect you...to make you feel better by taking you to a happy place.  When the thoughts arise, acknowledge them and simply choose not to act on them...focus you attention somewhere else.  Thank your brain for the suggestion and say "I think we'll do something else".  You don't have to fight the thoughts....doing so only keeps them in your focus.  If you try to smash them it becomes like a game of Whack-A-Mole.  They just keep coming and coming.

neonbluedanny

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #15 on: January 28, 2016, 11:26:39 PM »
Thanks so much for the information. I'm looking into the Meditation options available. I found a few meditation groups locally that I want to look into.
Danny



"Lord, give me enough coffee to change the things that need to change; and enough spare change to make that coffee as large as it can possibly be."

neonbluedanny

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #16 on: January 30, 2016, 01:57:49 PM »
Still carrying on here and still P&M free but to be honest I am bored out of my skull. I have always enjoyed listening to Audiobooks and/or watching movies but my interests always had/have an element that turned me on in some form. Without that element I'm finding nothing that sparks my interest and keeps me entertained. I'm dying (not litterally) for a really good audiobook series to listen too while working in my woodshop or while working on the car.
Danny



"Lord, give me enough coffee to change the things that need to change; and enough spare change to make that coffee as large as it can possibly be."

harry

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #17 on: January 30, 2016, 02:32:54 PM »
Hey Danny,

Congrats on Day 9.

I experienced a real low point during the reboot when nothing seemed exciting at all. It was depressing. In fact, I still find myself getting anxious over life, but it is improving slowly. Lots of feelings I haven't felt for a long time have been surfacing; feeling I kept tamped down by my addiction. It can be whirlwind of emotions. I found it helpful to walk through them, to accept them.

You are likely experiencing withdrawal symptoms. Everything seems blah. You're not hitting your brain with huge rewards anymore, and your brain is letting you know, it is not happy.

I find it helpful to be busy and to distract myself when desires to use arise. When I have nothing to do, I dive into the forum. Going to the forum is like going to an AA meeting for me. I do it multiple times during the day to check in and read the new posts. It helps keep recovery in the forefront of my mind.

Stay strong!


neonbluedanny

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #18 on: January 31, 2016, 03:02:56 PM »
I suspect you are correct Larry. I hadn't put my finger on it until I saw your message but I've been rather short tempered and easily irritated by people for the past couple days. I think I have started the withdraw... I'm a bit scared about how bad it might get.
Danny



"Lord, give me enough coffee to change the things that need to change; and enough spare change to make that coffee as large as it can possibly be."

neonbluedanny

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #19 on: January 31, 2016, 04:00:59 PM »
A hobby I have/had was writing erotic fiction. It was fantastic therapy for me. If I had a bad day or something made me mad, I would pour those feelings out in my writing (someone typically got hurt or died in my fiction). I've wrote about a dozen novel length fictions over the past 15 years but when I started this reboot I closed down all my accounts to keep from being tempted to go back to those writings.

With that in mind, I've been wondering if I could go back to writing again only not erotica. I wonder if my interests will be engaged enough without the erotic element or if writing at all would be a trigger for me. With my back bothering me, writing would be something to keep me busy while sitting on the heating pad, but I thought I would seek some input from y'all here.  If you feel it would be a bad idea than I'll steer clear of writing.
Danny



"Lord, give me enough coffee to change the things that need to change; and enough spare change to make that coffee as large as it can possibly be."

Harry Molaski

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #20 on: January 31, 2016, 04:54:20 PM »
Hi neonbluedanny,

There's many software programs and apps for 'distraction free writing'. That might be a solution when you need to work in a cloud based environment. I use a program called Scrivener, see link below. It's a stand alone application that's excellent for research and writing fiction. I'd just simply switch off Wifi on the laptop and write away. How about a (semi)autobiographical story?

http://lifehacker.com/5689579/five-best-distraction-free-writing-tools
https://www.literatureandlatte.com/scrivener.php

Hope this is useful,

Harry

neonbluedanny

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #21 on: February 04, 2016, 08:30:00 AM »
Two whole weeks P&M free. I'm pretty sure that's some kind of personal record since discovering M when I was 12 or 13. The temptation seems to be growing with each passing day as does the boredom with EVERYTHING else.
Danny



"Lord, give me enough coffee to change the things that need to change; and enough spare change to make that coffee as large as it can possibly be."

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #22 on: February 04, 2016, 10:08:11 AM »
Keep going brother! It's normal to feel a certain void in your life when we give up porn/masturbation. Try to do things offline. (Believe me the irony of writing this little nugget of advice in an online forum isn't lost on me.) Doing porn-free things may feel strange at first but you'll eventually get used to it. If you do feel yourself being drawn online, post everything you're feeling here. And most importantly post encouraging messages on other's threads. We're all rooting for you brother. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION. 

unchained

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #23 on: February 04, 2016, 10:58:33 AM »
The temptation seems to be growing with each passing day as does the boredom with EVERYTHING else.

Two weeks is good.

What you are experiencing is normal.  First week pretty smooth...triggers and anxiety get strong in week two or so.  I've found from going through withdrawal more than once that it peaks around the end of the second week or so and stays there for about a month.  After that things start to get much better.

Bored or not, finding things to occupy your mind will help immensely.  Make a hobby out of learning about your addiction.  Read all you can.  The more you understand the science behind what is going on in your brain the more you will see it as a fixable problem.

Good luck.

neonbluedanny

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Re: 47yo, addicted to Porn and Masturbation since 13ish
« Reply #24 on: February 05, 2016, 10:29:07 AM »
Thanks for the support!

I'm still P&M free however last night was the worst night I have had so far.  Finally just went to sleep to keep from falling off the wagon.  I've been working way too many hours this week, have not been getting enough sleep and not keeping up on my fluids like I'm supposed too. I know that is partly why I've been struggling more. I'm going to make sure I get lots of fluids and put myself on a regular sleep schedule again.

I'm also making a list of "TO DOs" at home (little maintenance things that have been neglected) that won't take long but will give me something to do when temptations are high.
Danny



"Lord, give me enough coffee to change the things that need to change; and enough spare change to make that coffee as large as it can possibly be."