Reboot Nation Forum > Partners of Rebooters and Addicts

Am I being fair?

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tj:
Is it fair of me to ask for sex with my wife while in reboot or do I need to accept with holding as part of the rebooting process? I announced I was rebooting and was now part of a support group.  I don't want to beg or relapse but it's sure hard!

tj:
I asked a tough one to answer without all the facts, let rescind this question, sorry!

Rainiegirl:
For a wife, pornography addiction can feel like an affair. You dont want to be physical with someone who has been giving himself to someone else. It can feel like you are being used if you think he might be thinking of someone else while he's with you. Even if you don't feel like this you still have trust issues. It's hard to be intamate with someone you can't trust.
It might still be too soon for her. Be very open and honest with her about everything and check up on how she is feeling often. Hug and kiss her and show your affection for her in a non sexual manner every night and every morning.  Most of all give it time. It might take weeks or it could take months. Everyone handles their emotions at a different pace.

tj:
Rainiegirl, I have a feeling you are correct here, sadly patience is not my best characteristic but I keep reminding myself that I brought all it on myself!  In matters of the heart and soul such as this I know there is no set path to recovery. :-(  HE is the Great Physician, I know her pain will be healed but in HIS time, not mine sadly.  Gives me something to look forward to, hopefully we won't be too old to enjoy that great day.  Thank you for your reply

Rainiegirl:
Based on your other posts it sounds like you two have the love there, you just lost the connection somewhere along the way. I find that the more technology we bring into our lives the more distance we put between ourselves. I've seen this in my own family. I raised my children for 10 years without Internet and cable. They did fine without it. Now that we have had Internet and cable for over a year they come home from school and want to be alone with a screen. I'm going to take it away for the summer so they can reboot themselves. You might want to try something like this. The two of you could agree on a time limit for Internet use or limit it to certain hours of the day. If you have a filter program on your computer they often have a time restriction option.
I just feel like you two aren't getting enough time together without outside distractions. You need more intamacy, then I think a lot of your problems will fix themselves.
Best wishes!!

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