Author Topic: this shit it strong  (Read 1409 times)

balancewannabe

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this shit it strong
« on: October 26, 2015, 03:55:47 PM »
Heyyyyy bunch of heroes.

First of all.... I want to say, that everybody here are fucking heroes!
Will not tell my story here, as it's so similar to most of the stories, maybe the other day fortunately in "succes stories"

Found this site beginning of July 2015 and it opened my eyes..... so much!!!
Fucking heroes!! :)

To the point.
Was doing not to bad i think.
July and august I was fighting and failing randomly (decreased PMO drastically anyways)
Please be aware that I went soft mode and agreed to M only to sensation (if possibile) when I was really needing it,
to avoid P in the first place.
Also I got a GF that I'm having sex (not to often but i do), so O's happened also between my failures.
If I had an ED then it was propably not as severe as some others here. Could have sex, but mostly on hangover and in the morning.
Most certainly my attraction to my GF is week becouse of P! And that is for sure! So in fact I could have an ED paradoxally.

From 23rd Agugust till 18th Oct I did not watch P or PMO at all and I thought, Im on the other side already (quite fast) was happy bout that.
Had some flatline (3-4 weeks during my run from 23 Aug (and some minor ones before that)) some ups and downs etc. but I didn't want P.
Then I went for a week of hollis and all the girls (real ones) around hit me hard and triggered me.
Adding a lot of alcohol, I ended up with my mobile, doing this F#%#ed up sh*t.
a 3-4 times. (had a hard time with my GF having "moods", but there also was sex.
Im back from hollies, and couldnt resist POM ahhhhhh. so hard.

I know tomorrow I'll have a hard time but I have to resist and get to the point I was, before - then continue.
If I could go like 50 days, I can do it again.
But anyway...Some waist of time happened, I know.

Wonder If anyone here had strikes like 1-2 months then failed and then could go to the point when It was really better nad on the other side 100%??? (or just easy to continue the journey)

Need some help and consulting on this, any word will do.
Thanks
bwb











































TheNewMe

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Re: this shit it strong
« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2015, 04:54:46 AM »
Hi and welcome to the club of heroes!  :D

Realizing that porn is a problem and deciding to do something about it is the first step so congratulation on that! You're in for a tough ride but it'll be worth it.

You write that you can go 1-2 months without PMO and then relapse. To me, that's a clear sign of someone who's abstaining, not recovering. Long story short, abstaining means your focus is on staying away from porn. As long as your focus is on staying away from porn, you're still focused on porn. You see what I mean? Porn is still a big part of your life; it's just something you try to stay away from but it's still takes up your time and energy. It's exhausting using all your willpower on staying away from porn and that's most likely why you can only go a month or two before a relapse.

Recovering means you're done with porn forever. You choose to live your life and not giving porn a single thought. You focus on living as a normal human being, not a porn addict who's abstaining. You fill your life with friends, hobbies, work, interests so that porn doesn't get another minute of your time.

My philosophy of how to live a new life to the full and overcoming my addiction is based on TheUnderdog's post 'My thoughts on Rebooting' over at YBR so I recommend you give that a read. It's a long post so make sure you set aside some time to read it, but for me it was a life changer.

Anyway, sorry about the long response. If you have any questions just ask–send me a message if you want–there are a lot of wise people on this forum.

balancewannabe

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Re: this shit it strong
« Reply #2 on: October 27, 2015, 07:35:08 AM »
Ahhhhhhhh Yesss.

exactly

Thanks TheNewMe!!!

You got the point!!!!
I didnt want a counter (as I've red it's pointless) but I have an xls, so i tought I'm just recording my progress, not counting days, what in fact was still focusing on thinking:
"in 2 weeks - mont - 2 months it should be fine" and I'll "reach" my "destination".

And now after reading Your post it's clear to me how much of my effort energy and brain power im using (I WAS!) using for thinking
about "how am i doing?", "am I doing good?, planing strategies of what I should feel nex days and imagining what it's gonna be, when its gonna "happend".
It was taking basically.....all my time and energy. If not consciously thinking about it, then constantly litten up in a background of my mind.

Your explanation is so simple, and probably unable to see from my own perspective, hidden behind addiction and rationalisation and tricky untrue explanation mechanisms.
And the secret its to just let it go, focus 100% on life and shit and let it dissapear without even nothicing (easier to say than do probably, but is it a correct way of thinking?) Hope that is and this second i write this word It's implemented.

hey dude!
What is this forum about?

High 5! and thanks again!!

TheNewMe

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Re: this shit it strong
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2015, 05:48:34 AM »

And the secret its to just let it go, focus 100% on life and shit and let it dissapear without even nothicing (easier to say than do probably, but is it a correct way of thinking?) Hope that is and this second i write this word It's implemented.


Yes, exactly! That's the point I've been trying to make but you found the right words :D Start living your life, fill your life with positive things and don't let porn take up another minute of your time. I think that's true recovery and you've got it!

Of course, it's not THAT easy but when you focus on that as your goal, to live a normal life where living takes up your time and thoughts rather than "must not look at porn!", that's when you can be truly free of this addiction. And when you have that goal in front of you, even a relapse won't bother you; you'll just dust yourself off, learn from your mistake and use that lesson learned from that point on.

I think you're on the right path, brother, so keep going strong!

balancewannabe

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Re: this shit it strong
« Reply #4 on: November 12, 2015, 06:05:54 AM »
To all the peeps out there (mainly the ones that are struggling)

I'm on the journey since beginning of july.
Since then I was M or POM ruffly about 14 times through 4 months till the end of October.
Also had almost a 60 days streak within that period, of no PMO (but did masturbate a few times)

Lets do the math!
If during 4 months (thats about 120 days) i was M or POMing about 14 times, that means that compering to
probably 120 + PMO's I would normally do, I decreased my artificial, brain damaging, dopamine release about 1000%

ONE FUCKING THOUSAND PERCENT

Thats 1000% (#onefuckingthousand%) healthier (natural) frontal cortex - reward system comunication.
So dont be hard on Your self if You relapse, on Your way. Just work on not doing it again.

But now!!! after that period of fighting for 4 months (when phisicaly my brain was significantly drying from dopamine anyways)
I went HARDMODE and changed attitude from abstaining / avoiding , to just living like porn do not exist (Thanks TheNewMe!!!!! :))
It's not that simple of course and it requires focus and determination, but!
I feel It does better job after 2,5 weeks HARDMODE now, than 4 months of fighting with an "abstaining" mindset on.
(probably that 1000% decrease within first 4 months helped as well)
And I did have sex (once) with my GF during last 2,5 weeks. Will try to avoid to not to do it to often in first months though... :)

Got a feeling that magic is gonna happen if I stick to it.
Good luck to You all
And thanks for support!!! :)
bwb

PS.
POMing everyday during 4 months of life, that is 120 + (probably 140-160)PMOs, AND! is at least for me!!! 120 hours- 140 hours.
That is a whole week of work. Not even not dedicated to do work or whatever important. WORSE!!
Dedicated to Harm Yourself. To demage our own brain.

Think bout it.
I do!! :)
Keep it up!
bwb
« Last Edit: December 04, 2015, 05:19:31 AM by balancewannabe »

balancewannabe

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Re: this shit it strong
« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2015, 05:15:41 AM »
Heyyyy Comunity :)

Just wanted You to know, that I'm going strong.
After 4 months of fluttering, I'm now on week 6th of hard mode.
And its different now. Much easier, focus and determination required, but thinking about porn and videos is not recalling
same reactions anymore. I feel like its drifting somewhere else where Im not goin at all and starting to be blurry and INERT/INDIFFERENT. (Its shimering so i will be carefull of course)
So now I feel Im somewhere in the middle of process and my brain significantly rebuilt within last 5 months nad last 5 weeks particularly.
So "this shit" is NOT so strong anymore :)
It feels really good. Feels like I'm building a fundament for my new self. My new self that is going to exploit full potencial eventually.

All the best to all of You, especially those ones that helped with sharing their own experiances and knowledge with me.
Speek to You soon.
Stay strong!

« Last Edit: December 04, 2015, 08:00:50 AM by balancewannabe »

TheNewMe

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Re: this shit it strong
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2016, 11:50:26 AM »
Hi!

I've been away for a while so apologies for that, but it sounds like you're doing really well and I'm so glad to hear that! Now YOU are strong, not this shit :D