Hi all,
Aged 37 and I've been addicted to porn without realising it for the past 8 years.
I began exploring masturbation when I was 15 and back in those days I'd use light stimulation, from Page 3 in the sun to swimsuit photos in weekend newspapers. This was enough to start a fantasy in my head a few times each week.
Things escalated once I headed to University with a few Playboy magazines here and there, which graduated to more hardcore magazines in due course. The internet still wasn't huge at this point and, with the old dial-up connection, access to videos was negligible so imagination and fantasy were still important when looking at mainly softcore photos and images. Likewise, porn was only available through a desktop machine at this point so I could only access it a couple of times each week when I had the house to myself.
I guess that I was about 22 when I could start downloading videos, but initially this was only a couple of times a week and probably only 10 second clips. This went on for a number of years until I relocated for work at 29, bought my first flat and started living alone. The temptation to go home, shut the door and immerse myself in porn became too great. I had no knowledge that this was an addiction - at the time it was just something I wanted to do. I didn't feel like I was missing out on a social life or relationships as I had a really busy job and was happy to just be at home after a 10 hour day. But over time a 'quick wank' turned into a 90 minute session with multiple videos on the go - I could no longer orgasm to one scene and needed multiple women to get any kind of kick. The arrival of an iPad and iPhone only made things worse.
About age 33 I had a few casual girlfriends and noticed that none of them were turning me on - I had 'dead dick' on several occasions and began questioning if I was gay, in spite of having never found a man attractive or ever having looked at any kind of gay porn. In the end I put it down to anxiety or alcohol and carried on as normal.
It wasn't until four weeks ago, when I met a girl that I adored and fancied the pants off, that I began researching my issues in more detail. As I laid there with her and experienced dead dick for an hour, she was incredibly upset and thought I didn't like her, but nothing could have been further from the truth. This gave me the push I needed to find out what the problem was and I came across the your brain on porn website. Suddenly everything clicked and I knew I had to make a change - I had PIED and I was utterly mortified. How had it come to this?
Since that last 'dead dick' experience four weeks ago I've had the 'porn is not an option' mentality and 30 days in I have no desire to go back to the way I was. That last traumatic experience really gave me the motivation I needed to admit I had a problem - an addiction. I feel like I've just woken from a bad dream and can't wait to overcome it and start living again.
Weeks one, two and three of no PMO all merged into a 21 day period of insomnia, brain fog and mild headaches with some cold and flu symptoms. I felt pretty awful throughout, but had zero desire to look at porn. As I said, I've had the 'porn is not an option' mentality from the start and tell myself that's not who I am anymore. I'm focusing on the person I want to be and throwing myself into nutrition and working out, two big interests of mine anyway. Thankfully porn didn't impact my career, which continues to progress well, and I've always worked out regularly and played sport. But I've avoided relationships for as long as I can remember, not realising that porn had warped my brain and outlook.
Week four begins and I suddenly feel amazing. No brain fog and a razor sharp clarity. It's almost New Year and there's so much I want to achieve - the world is my oyster. First day of this week I head to a major shopping centre for the sales. I usually hate this, but thoroughly enjoy interacting with all the sales assistants. I feel good and get checked out by four women looking in my direction, twirling their hair etc. At first I thought I was imagining it, but it's definitely happening. I've never, ever noticed this before and there are attractive, amazing women everywhere. I feel alive, more than I ever have.
I'm incredibly horny on days two and three of week four with a rock hard erection. No desire to look at porn or masturbate, but a real desire to be with a woman, to immerse myself in the taste, smell and overall experience of being with someone. This passes by gritting my teeth, listening to some music and going for a walk.
Not really any morning wood to speak of during week four, but I'd say that I'm waking with a 50% to 80% erection on a regular basis now. This is a big improvement as I never had any kind of stirrage down below on waking, at least not in the past 5 years. My flaccid penis also looks great. It's hanging longer and fuller and feels smoother. I feel more manly as a result. My voice has also dropped a couple of octaves which I didn't expect and is noticeably deeper.
I'll post again as things progress, but my advice after 30 days is to not focus on the number of days you've gone without PMO. I mean, what are you going to do when you hit 30, 60 or 90 days, go back to the way things were before? The danger with that kind of objective is that you give up when you hit it. Instead focus on living your life and being the person you want to be every single day and do it now. Throw yourself into your hobbies and interests, make time to cook, work out, go out and interact with people, speak to women and ask a few out. Look forwards not backwards and don't focus on the number.
I've always worked out and played sport, but without the PMO I'm hitting personal bests at the gym every week and making some amazing gains. I also want to start some other new hobbies now that I have so much extra free time on my hands.
The thought of looking at porn repulses me now as I've experienced first hand what it can do to relationships. It's not real and you can waste your life making love to your hand. Wake up now, start living and develop some real relationships.
Aged 37 and I've been addicted to porn without realising it for the past 8 years.
I began exploring masturbation when I was 15 and back in those days I'd use light stimulation, from Page 3 in the sun to swimsuit photos in weekend newspapers. This was enough to start a fantasy in my head a few times each week.
Things escalated once I headed to University with a few Playboy magazines here and there, which graduated to more hardcore magazines in due course. The internet still wasn't huge at this point and, with the old dial-up connection, access to videos was negligible so imagination and fantasy were still important when looking at mainly softcore photos and images. Likewise, porn was only available through a desktop machine at this point so I could only access it a couple of times each week when I had the house to myself.
I guess that I was about 22 when I could start downloading videos, but initially this was only a couple of times a week and probably only 10 second clips. This went on for a number of years until I relocated for work at 29, bought my first flat and started living alone. The temptation to go home, shut the door and immerse myself in porn became too great. I had no knowledge that this was an addiction - at the time it was just something I wanted to do. I didn't feel like I was missing out on a social life or relationships as I had a really busy job and was happy to just be at home after a 10 hour day. But over time a 'quick wank' turned into a 90 minute session with multiple videos on the go - I could no longer orgasm to one scene and needed multiple women to get any kind of kick. The arrival of an iPad and iPhone only made things worse.
About age 33 I had a few casual girlfriends and noticed that none of them were turning me on - I had 'dead dick' on several occasions and began questioning if I was gay, in spite of having never found a man attractive or ever having looked at any kind of gay porn. In the end I put it down to anxiety or alcohol and carried on as normal.
It wasn't until four weeks ago, when I met a girl that I adored and fancied the pants off, that I began researching my issues in more detail. As I laid there with her and experienced dead dick for an hour, she was incredibly upset and thought I didn't like her, but nothing could have been further from the truth. This gave me the push I needed to find out what the problem was and I came across the your brain on porn website. Suddenly everything clicked and I knew I had to make a change - I had PIED and I was utterly mortified. How had it come to this?
Since that last 'dead dick' experience four weeks ago I've had the 'porn is not an option' mentality and 30 days in I have no desire to go back to the way I was. That last traumatic experience really gave me the motivation I needed to admit I had a problem - an addiction. I feel like I've just woken from a bad dream and can't wait to overcome it and start living again.
Weeks one, two and three of no PMO all merged into a 21 day period of insomnia, brain fog and mild headaches with some cold and flu symptoms. I felt pretty awful throughout, but had zero desire to look at porn. As I said, I've had the 'porn is not an option' mentality from the start and tell myself that's not who I am anymore. I'm focusing on the person I want to be and throwing myself into nutrition and working out, two big interests of mine anyway. Thankfully porn didn't impact my career, which continues to progress well, and I've always worked out regularly and played sport. But I've avoided relationships for as long as I can remember, not realising that porn had warped my brain and outlook.
Week four begins and I suddenly feel amazing. No brain fog and a razor sharp clarity. It's almost New Year and there's so much I want to achieve - the world is my oyster. First day of this week I head to a major shopping centre for the sales. I usually hate this, but thoroughly enjoy interacting with all the sales assistants. I feel good and get checked out by four women looking in my direction, twirling their hair etc. At first I thought I was imagining it, but it's definitely happening. I've never, ever noticed this before and there are attractive, amazing women everywhere. I feel alive, more than I ever have.
I'm incredibly horny on days two and three of week four with a rock hard erection. No desire to look at porn or masturbate, but a real desire to be with a woman, to immerse myself in the taste, smell and overall experience of being with someone. This passes by gritting my teeth, listening to some music and going for a walk.
Not really any morning wood to speak of during week four, but I'd say that I'm waking with a 50% to 80% erection on a regular basis now. This is a big improvement as I never had any kind of stirrage down below on waking, at least not in the past 5 years. My flaccid penis also looks great. It's hanging longer and fuller and feels smoother. I feel more manly as a result. My voice has also dropped a couple of octaves which I didn't expect and is noticeably deeper.
I'll post again as things progress, but my advice after 30 days is to not focus on the number of days you've gone without PMO. I mean, what are you going to do when you hit 30, 60 or 90 days, go back to the way things were before? The danger with that kind of objective is that you give up when you hit it. Instead focus on living your life and being the person you want to be every single day and do it now. Throw yourself into your hobbies and interests, make time to cook, work out, go out and interact with people, speak to women and ask a few out. Look forwards not backwards and don't focus on the number.
I've always worked out and played sport, but without the PMO I'm hitting personal bests at the gym every week and making some amazing gains. I also want to start some other new hobbies now that I have so much extra free time on my hands.
The thought of looking at porn repulses me now as I've experienced first hand what it can do to relationships. It's not real and you can waste your life making love to your hand. Wake up now, start living and develop some real relationships.