Author Topic: Kicking my porn addiction  (Read 3719 times)

obeyandevolve

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Kicking my porn addiction
« on: December 28, 2015, 03:42:14 PM »
I start this journal on my 11th day w/o  P and my 9th day w/o O.

I'll dedicate this first post to personal background info:

English is not my native language. If my English is funny some times you are free to laugh - I'm laughing with you.

I'm 47 y/o and have been using porn for ages - I was an early adapter of internet and straight away I started to jerk off to it :P. Before that, I had been using paper porn and VHS, but I must say that during the analog era, I could still use only my fantasy every now and then when M (but not since internet, as far as I can remember).

I'm single, straight and have no kids. I used to be in relationships on and off or have me some occasional one night stands even though I've never been any sort of a Casanova.
Now, I haven't had a single sexual encounter in over 13 years (I crunched the numbers the other night)!

I've been pretty OK with this sex-less life and have felt like I haven't been "up to it". Perhaps all the PMO helped me staying like that for all these years?

I'm quite handsome, well educated, well mannered and have a nice job - can't really see why I should be single or "not up to it" when it comes to sexual relations unless I'm asexual.
I'm pretty sure that I'm not asexual - can't imagine anyone asexual would be PMO:ing as much as I normally do ::)

I had not given a single thought to heavy porn use being able to reprogram my brain until I stumbled upon YBOP while researching new ways of expanding my PMO experiences (more on that in my next post).
After reading and watching some clarifying info on the subject, I'm now planning on staying away from porn for a long while and I'm expecting some good things to come from that.
I do have some fears about losing my sex-drive and libido if I don't keep the mojo going. I hear how stupid it sounds, but I do. As I stopped using porn (only11 days so far) I have had a really hard time to get a decent boner other than while sleeping.

Some of the positive outcomes I'm hoping for are:
  • Freeing up the loads of time that I normally use for PMO
  • Less procrastination (Sitting at the computer masturbating has been my favorite way to procrastinate)
  • More socializing - might get me back on the love/sex play-field/track again?
  • Any porn induced ED to go away - more interest in the real deal!

So, here we go - journal started, more posts to follow!

Muddy

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Re: Kicking my porn addiction
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2015, 12:21:11 AM »
Good luck I will follow your progress!
Reboot 1/13/16 - no porn or paid sex or M multiple days in a row

B+

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Re: Kicking my porn addiction
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2015, 12:24:22 AM »
Good luck, your English seems great.

obeyandevolve

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Re: Kicking my porn addiction
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2015, 07:38:51 PM »
Thanks Muddy and B+!
Today, I've been very busy so staying away from P has been easy.

In my previous post I promised to tell about how I stumbled on the idea of quitting porn. It was a bit silly, since I was actually looking for a way to improve my POM! My initial Idea was to avoid O for a few days but continue the PM and be edging and have better O:s than ever when finally allowing myself to O.
However, I had problems avoiding O when edging - think 2 days w/o O was my record stint!

So, I turned to Internet to see If I could find some good ideas on how to edge properly. I found that some people are in to chastity, locking their member up in different kinds of chastity devices. For many this is part of a Dominant/submissive relationship, where the locked up one is the sub and the keyholder is the dominant. I then learned that quite a few people lock them selves up and makes the key unavailable for a number of days/weeks/months in some kind of solo play.

-"Well, having one of those devices would certainly stop me from O", I thought, even though there wouldn't be any M with the P. So I ordered a simple device and after test driving it for a couple of days, I set out for my first 8 day absence period.  It all went well (some pain when getting hard in my sleep though) and I was thinking of the up coming reward.
I thought, -"If I'm to be my own dominant key holder, I should take that role just as seriously as the locked up, submissive role".
I decided that I, to earn my reward, must have completed a couple of tasks in addition to wearing the device.

I made a list of things I would like to have done around the house and used a dice to select chores.
I had only selected chores that were easily doable, but still; if not done by the reward day, there would be no O and 5 days added to the stint!
The dice decided that I was to finally organize my bedroom and that it should be squeaky clean and that the bed linen should be mangled (something I never take the time to do).

Next, I made a list of different ways to O. The dice was to be used on the reward day to decide.
( Doing this, I couldn't help thinking of the '70s classic book "the dice man" by Luke Reinhart)

The O-day finally arrived and I had done my chores. The dice decided that my reward was to be traditional MO ( no P).
I found that I struggled to get hard.... I managed to O without ever getting more than semi hard but this had me worried. (This was 12 days ago today)

Once again, I went online to see if anyone else had this problem related to chastity. It was then that I happened upon the "My Brain On Porn web site.

After reading about the problems with massive PMO, I realized that I could do with a reboot.
New plans!
I've decided to allow myself to MO every second week since I have no partner and I believe that O every now and then is good for your prostate.
I'm tossing the silly chastity device (never found it any fun or kinky any way).
I will, however, stick to the regime with earning my O by doing chores.
 All chores should be good for me, helping me get things done, such as exercise, cleaning, and different activities to develop my life situation.

Hence my screen name: Obey & Evolve!


maddscottm

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Re: Kicking my porn addiction
« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2015, 11:13:33 PM »
hey man....great start.  I will follow this journal and i am sure u will do great

obeyandevolve

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Re: Kicking my porn addiction
« Reply #5 on: December 30, 2015, 03:51:57 AM »
Thanks maddscottm!

obeyandevolve

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Update Jan10
« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2016, 11:16:49 AM »
Hi guys, here's an update on my progress.

I've kept myself busy most of the time, and I'm convinced it has helped making it as easy as it has been to stay away from the P.
I did earn my scheduled MO on January 2:nd, and even though I did have to struggle a bit to get hard w/o P, I stayed away from the P and still had a good O. Next O is scheduled for January 16.

I think that I'm flat-lining at the moment – thinking less and less of P/PMO or even longing for the Jan 16 O. For the first 2 weeks w/o P, I woke up every night from M in my sleep (not to an O) – that doesn’t happen anymore.
This lack of interest for MO might become a problem for my “Obey and Evolve” –plan; if I don’t crave O, there’s not the extra motivation for completing my chores! Of cause, I will still have my will to better myself to motivate me…

I’m also experiencing a dull pain in my testicles that I’m guessing is what people call “blue balls”. Reading up on it, it seems like an O would take care of that, while others say it goes away eventually. I’ll try and endure it till the scheduled O-day of Jan 16.

One of my chores for the 16th is to ride my bicycle to work at least 2 days every week (hopefully turning it into a habit). It’s a 9 mile ride each way so for someone like me, normally not getting any exercise at all, it’s a good work out!
Last week was a short week; only worked Thursday and Friday and I did indeed ride my bicycle both days!
Thursday, the temperature was only 3F and icy. Friday was warmer, 19F, but it was windy and snowing. With studded tires and proper clothing it was doable but never the less a tough start of a new routine!
As a bonus, there are more to motivate me to do this than just getting the exercise; each day I ride my bike, I actually save about $15 in fuel, parking and congestion charge costs!

To sum this update up:
+ Staying of P is working great.
+ My “O every 14 days” is on schedule.
+ I’m able to motivate me to get things done and add new routines
- I’m worried that I’m losing interest in sex, O
- I have a dull pain in my testicles

I'm confident that continuing this no P, 2xO per month isn't going to have me lose my libido permanently.
Even so, some worries are eating away in the back of my brain and I must admit that the thought of PMO:ing just to make sure everything is still working has occurred to me! At the moment, I'm not falling for it, though. But I guess that this kind of worries is what's going to be my biggest obstacle for the next few weeks. 


maddscottm

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Re: Kicking my porn addiction
« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2016, 03:29:37 PM »
Hi O&E, great to have u back.  I can't comment on your specific questions about pain or lack of interest.  Just wanted to say congrats on yr progress of being off P.  It will be an adjustment to your whole body I am sure but well worth it.  Keep up the good fight!

B+

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Re: Kicking my porn addiction
« Reply #8 on: January 19, 2016, 12:47:17 AM »
How a out Meditation? Working out is great but you don't want to have all of your eggs in one basket.

obeyandevolve

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Re: Kicking my porn addiction
« Reply #9 on: February 20, 2016, 04:12:29 AM »
Thanks MaddScott and B+ for your comments!

Meditation? Why not? You might be on to something there B+! January and February has been very busy for me and I have started to long for the relaxing effects of a good O. What if a similar effect could be achieved through meditation!
I know very little about meditation, but I think I'll look into it. Hopefully it won't become my new favorite procrastination tool, like PMO has been!
Today I'm on my 64th day w/o watching P and I have stuck to my "1 O every 2:nd week" plan.

I'm considering changing that to once a week eventually, since 2 weeks gets me well in to "blue ball territory " - but for now I'm sticking to 2 weeks.

Setting chores to be done for being allowed to O has sort of worked. However, I have not been very good at deciding what chores to do. I must get better at that and plan them a bit in advance.

Result so far is great. I get more done and I even get more sleep!
When it comes to getting hard w/o P, I had no problems at the last O-day, so I'm hoping that is improving and that l'm actually breaking free from the P!

I'll try to check in here more often for more frequent updates!

CrazyGopher

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Re: Kicking my porn addiction
« Reply #10 on: February 20, 2016, 05:45:57 PM »
Congrats on 65 days obeyandevolve! :) :)

Have you been doing the O every 14 days exactly? The same day of the week during every 2nd week?

obeyandevolve

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Re: Kicking my porn addiction
« Reply #11 on: March 04, 2016, 03:18:52 PM »
Hey CrazyGopher, thanks for the congratulations!

Before I reset my counter (first time - must find out how to do that) I better answer your question;
No, not really. My goal is one O every 2 weeks, preferably the same weekday, making it easy to remember if I would become totally reliable  :P . However, just one day after my last post, I woke up when cumming from jerking off in my sleep  ;D . It was good and I see no reason to feel bad or punish myself other than re-scheduling the next O to be two weeks from that O.

Now, to the resetting of my counter. I made it to 70 days w/o any porn and it was easy - being very busy helped big time!
Last weekend, I went to my country house since the weather allowed for some work to be done to the exterior of the house. Being winter, it soon got dark and I went indoors, lit a fire, had a good meal and got a little bored.

By my self, having nothing important to do and having a good internet connection, I hit the web. For some reason, I got the idea to check in on one of my favorite Tumblr blogs, even though I knew that the majority of the material on that blog is of a sexual nature. After a while I was surfing along well known trails, digesting P and edging. It didn't take long before I was unsuccessful in avoiding to cum  (I'm a terrible edger  ;) ) - I had now not only broken my 70 day streak w/o P but also allowed myself to PMO...

Over the last few days, I have been watching lots of P, even though I've been avoiding O. I'm really proud of my 70 successful days and now I have a documented personal best to beat!

I keep my old goal and reset my counter!

fanbrits

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Re: Kicking my porn addiction
« Reply #12 on: March 05, 2016, 08:16:53 AM »
yeah u should