Author Topic: Reboot round 2  (Read 3180 times)

madfranc

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Reboot round 2
« on: December 15, 2015, 08:01:39 AM »
Refresher course in rebooting - Day 0

Having done this before in the past, I have been somewhat successful and have noticed a lot of difference in myself when going through it. I stopped keeping track of how far I had gone a few months back, but things were going well. I was, in my mind, past it.

Since then, I have began to slip back into old PMO patterns. While I am no where near as bad as I was when I started out the first time, I have began to notice it getting worse. I don't know when I started to fall back into this routine, where I slipped up, how long it took me to get here. But I think it was a sliding scale of regret. One small slip leads to another and so on. An easy trap to fall into.

So here I am again. I need to get back to where I was, and stop the downward PMO spiral. Let this be a lesson. Don't become complaisant. It's when you let your guard down that it can crawl back into your life.

This is my refresher in rebooting. A new journal for a new journey.

For those interested in reading more about my previous endeavor, you can find it in my journal here:
http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=4780.0

recidivist

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2015, 09:33:29 AM »
Hello
It's sad to see you back, madfranc.  ;) I started my new journal a few days ago too. Got slowly back to this habit, almost the same story as yours. Good luck with your reboot.

madfranc

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2015, 04:38:52 PM »
Hey,
Great to hear from you. It seems like it's an easy trap to fall into. I'm thinking of this as a sort of tune up myself. Going for the hard 90, but we'll see how that goes.

First few days are usually OK, but then around day 3 it tends to hit if past experience is anything to go by. Fortunately, I've thought about this and started setting up things to keep me busy.

I think it is much easier to let yourself slip than to not, so coming back here to remind yourself every so often is probably a good thing. It's a preventative step and you're not going back to 0. I'll probably check into your journal when I get the chance to see how you're doing. In the mean time, keep at it!

recidivist

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2015, 02:03:58 PM »
Thanks, I am gonna do my best to be successful this time and you're right, staying busy is the way!

madfranc

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2015, 09:17:36 AM »
Day 3 - Not so bad... yet

So I'm at day 3, and I can say with confidence that there is no real urge apparent yet. This is a good sign, as the last time I stopped PMO I remember getting urges pretty soon after giving it up. This suggests that the effects of my previous reboot are still present to some extent, and that even by falling back into old patterns I have stopped myself before I got as deep into the addiction as before.

In comparison to the last time I rebooted I have a lot less free time. I was previously doing my master which meant I spent most days sitting around doing nothing, and PMO was easy. Now that I'm working I have a lot less free time for those thoughts to take hold. Keeping busy and distracted works.

I am feeling cautiously optimistic about this reboot. I have never successfully complete the Hard 90 before. Wish me luck  ;D

ironman2015

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2015, 10:01:14 AM »
good.
keep going.

madfranc

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #6 on: December 19, 2015, 01:03:15 PM »
Day 4 - About last night

I had a night out last night with a bunch of my colleagues. There was plenty I could go into about the night, but the craziest part was right at the end. Now I won't go into the details, because I honestly doubt you would believe me if I did; but it ended with me getting a BJ.

Still showing signs from my PMO days, I could not O. Which really sucks. Now, I was drunk, so it could have had something to do with it, but it is a problem I have had for a while now. It would be great to enjoy these things fully, but there is still some rewiring required before I get there. It was a potent reminder of why I am doing this. It just gave me more enthusiasm to stick to the Hard 90.

ironman2015

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #7 on: December 20, 2015, 12:19:53 PM »
keep mental focus and concentration on reboot.

Pinky

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #8 on: December 20, 2015, 02:11:18 PM »
Welcome back madfranc!
Does Hard 90 refer to no O or to no MO? In other words, is sex allowed?
Whichever way, best of luck with reaching the goal!
Every choice counts!

Journal


madfranc

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #9 on: December 21, 2015, 07:29:05 AM »
Thanks for all the encouragement.

Hard 90 is no O from anything but sex. The reason for that is simply because we want to rewire our brains to a more natural stimulus (sex) rather than artificial (porn). Therefore, sex is good.

While we do want to eliminate our need for PMO, we still aim for more natural relationships. By having sex with a human rather than a computer screen it actually helps with the process (at least according to anecdotal accounts from other people).

Also, I can't see myself ever passing up sex should the opportunity arise. I am only human after all  ;)

madfranc

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #10 on: December 21, 2015, 09:24:08 AM »
Day 6 - Boredom

The cravings have began to kick in, and I think they can mostly be attributed to boredom. Time off means that I have a lot of free time at home alone. A dangerous predicament to be in, and something that has hindered my attempts in the past. I am doing my best to keep busy, but it is not an easy thing to do when you are used to being busy all of the time. Still I am holding out somewhat successfully. Despite the cravings I have things mostly under control. Maybe I'll start a video game or something while I have little else to do. It may be useful in keeping me occupied.

It is reassuring that the cravings have taken longer to emerge. On the other hand, they are still there, which shows this reboot is definitely something I am in need of. I always find it surprising how strong the cravings can be, despite having gone through it before. They are a reminder that this is an addiction. It is something that we will all likely experience at some point during a reboot, and something that we must all overcome. It could be a rough couple of days until I find something to do again.


ironman2015

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #11 on: December 21, 2015, 11:20:11 AM »
madfranc,
keep going buddy.
you will be good.
some bad days with boredom will be replaced with good days of fun and good mood.

recidivist

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #12 on: December 23, 2015, 09:10:22 AM »
Great to see you're doing good fighting the cravings, keep it up and they will subside.

Battle

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #13 on: December 23, 2015, 10:00:09 AM »
Good luck man!
Journey starts from 1.12.2017

madfranc

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #14 on: December 28, 2015, 06:16:13 PM »
Day 0 - Festive F**k up

Firstly, I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday. I know I certainly am.

But I am unfortunately checking in to reset my counter. Hungover and bored, I gave into temptation. Not too much to say about it really, except that I went on a bit of a bender. A hangover is my greatest weakness in my reboot. I seem to lose all willpower to stop myself. Next time I think I'll stop in here instead to give myself a bit of a gentle reminder.

The 90 day target is back on the clock, and this time I intend to hit it.

mtaha2015

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #15 on: December 28, 2015, 07:17:38 PM »
good luck
wish you successful next 90 days.

madfranc

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #16 on: January 07, 2016, 04:24:30 PM »
Day 3 - First post of the year

So as you may notice I have changed the colour of my count again since I slipped up a few days ago. I haven't had any real cravings since then and I primarily attribute that to being busy all the time. I'm back to work, so my days are mostly filled up leaving little time to worry about things.

This week I've also been at a conference. Not much to say about the conference that would particularly interest anyone, except there is a girl there that I find myself unbearably drawn to. This hasn't happened in a long time for me, and often I go in and out of meaningless relationships. But every morning, first thing, she is in the cafe waiting for her friends to arrive. I have never spoken to her, as I was previously worried that she would be in a seminar with me later in the week (which might have made things a bit awkward). If anything, by not speaking to her I've built her up in my mind to the point where I actually get butterflies thinking about her. I honestly thought I wasn't capable of feeling that.

So, as tomorrow is the last day and I will likely never see her again, it is about time I made a move. Now as I have said, I have never spoken to this girl, I have no idea how this will go. While it is possible she will turn me down or we just won't click, it could also lead to something much more exciting that far out ways the risk of awkwardness. By posting here I aim to push myself into doing this. Can't back down now. I have nothing to lose here and much  to gain. I will let you know how it goes, good or bad.

Remember gentlemen, fortune favors the bold!
« Last Edit: January 07, 2016, 04:26:51 PM by madfranc »

mtaha2015

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #17 on: January 07, 2016, 06:53:51 PM »
so true.
and you can't be bold with porn use.
you have to leave porn to get confidence and boldness.

great post.
thanks.

madfranc

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Re: Reboot round 2
« Reply #18 on: January 30, 2016, 05:24:55 PM »
Day26 - Back online

I've been away from the internet for a while, and up until now it has helped me avoid any strong porn cravings. Yes I have had cravings, but with being disconnected from the internet it has been easier to keep them suppressed. I've even been through a bit of a flatline in the middle. But now it has reached a sufficient number of days where I feel I will do anything just to keep up my streak, and so I'm back online (though still avoiding certain websites).

That said, recently my cravings have been pretty intense. But the cravings are not just for porn, but also real life stimulation. I am seeing this as a good thing because I am now stimulated by more than just porn. I guess that's what happens after almost a month of no O.

Because of this, my associations have started to change, and I don't see the cravings as bad things anymore and actually welcome them. It shows that I am making progress. Yes they still tempt me, but I've come too far to throw it all away now.

I am now of a mindset that I will not O unless I can find a girl to be with. It is much more meaningful and you get so much more from it. With porn you are left empty and guilty. They are two separate ends of the spectrum. When I find a girl to share that with it will be that much more special.

NB. as for an update on my last post, in a rather anticlimactic end the girl was not there. Bit of a letdown but I got another girl's number. We went on a date. It was depressingly dull. She was mega in to crossfit to the point where that is all she talked about. Really pretty girl, but after two hours of that I'd have swallowed a bottle of pills just to get it to stop. Though if I had she'd have probably told me about how crossfit could help me ;D